y do i read my horoscope??

Posted in blessings, community, death, decisions, lost one, money, people I love, prayer, work by Tanae' A. on August 31, 2007

Last week, this is what my horoscope said… Do not over work yourself, everything that you need will come to you without the extra exhaustion.

so what did I do?? I started a part-time job!! Yesterday was my first and last day!!! Let me state for the record… before I even got hired everything in my mind was telling my not to take the job because I wouldn’t be able to do. But, me being me, I just had to go and do something dumb like actually try to work two jobs knowing that it was going to be too much to deal with.

Yesterday had to be the longest most annoying day of my entire life. The store didn’t close until 10… THE CLOSING TIME IS 9:30 but some Rafa’s had to come in there and buy the entire sales rack and then try on every single piece of clothing before they purchased it. The dumb girl that closed the registered couldn’t count money and by the time I got out of the store it was 10:30 and way past my bed time. I was sleepy and irritated because all day long I had been unlocking fitting rooms for people who insisted on trying on the same article of clothing in every style color and size. By the time I actually got to the bus stop it was almost 11 and I was beat. Two buses came a lil after the hour, but neither of them was the 4. So, I waited patiently and then I ended up having to call a cab that costed me 9 dollars that I did not have. I got home a lil after 11:30 and by the time I got myself together and got inthe bed it was 12:30. I was beat, tired, and had a headache that will last me until tomorrow. And by the time I fell asleep I had already made up my mind that I was never going to step foot in that store another day in my life… I dont even like the clothes well enough so the discount would do me no justice.

Right now, I want to go get in a bed and go to sleep but I had to press my way to work this morning and ignore the temptation to just stay home and sleep in. I have to wash clothes when I get home and I dont feel like it and I also have to wake up early in the morning to go to MVA… I dont want to do that either… but it will be alright.

I think that from now on I am going to take the advice of my horoscopes and even if not I am going to listen to the 50 people that told me not to get a part time job. Please just pray that my finances work themselves out which I believe they will… I’m beginning to see the light at the end of this tunnel that I have been in for way too long. Yesterday and today I was able to afford breakfast and lunch… now, that my friends, is a blessing. Cause only God knows how much I hate bring lunch to work and eating before I get here.

Let me thank Jesus publicly for keepin me safe last night while I sat on the corner waiting for the bus that never came… I really appreciate his protection!!



oh and guys, please pray for my big cousin Larry, he had a really bad asthma attack that left him in Intensive Care on a respirator. He’s coming along but he’s still got a long way to go before he gets better. So send up some prayers for him and also pray for the family of the young man that was shot by police officers yesterday morning. I dont know how much of what the Police Department has said is true but I know that his family is grieving. His aunt is a co-worker of mine… Just pray for everyone really… Pray for our communities.

just my thoughts

Posted in contentment, thoughts by Tanae' A. on August 30, 2007

these are my thoughts; they are neither right nor wrong but this is how i feel at the present moment. either you agree or you disagree but either way… it doesn’t matter:

what is it to be truely content?? in life we go in search of so many things and i think a lot of times our happiness is based upon those things that we strive to get ahold of. when we finally grab onto what it is that we have been searching our whole lives for, then we can finally sit back and be happy with what we have but most times that is not the case. most times we never find that one thing that we waste our entire lives looking for and if we do find it [whatever it may be] we get greedy so we go in search of something else, something bigger. our lives become this big chase, looking for things to fill voids that ultimately can never be filled by material or superficial things. so why do we search for things that will someday hold no value what-so-ever?? i read a quote the other day that said “men will go all over the world looking for what they need and will go home to find it” what does that mean?? does this one quote sum up our entire existence or are there some of us who live for something more than that?? contentment is accepting what you have and knowing that no matter what it is you truely could not wish for anything greater. contentment is something in you that makes up for everything outside of your physical being that is lacking… read that again. contentment is something in you that makes up for everything outside of your physical being that is lacking. [maybe you’ll understand it a lil later] this is deep guys.

this is something that we go through days, months, even years looking for but its really right in front of our faces. when are we gonna be truely satisfied with what we have. sure, there is plenty more in this world that i could have and even want to have but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter because nothing can take away from the okay feeling that i have inside of me. nothing can make me want something more than the peace that i have gained in the past year. no material thing in this world could ever amount to pure happiness. happiness that is not tainted in any way. i could go out and by the entire world today but it doesn’t amount to my nephew laying his head on me and going to sleep. i can shop and shop some more but its all meaningless if my sister doesn’t come in my room late and night and hops in the bed with me. money cant buy the world. material things dont mean nothing and feelings that are fleeting have no value in our lives. so why do we accept things that will only leave us down and hurt??

we are God’s creations… that means that we deserve only the finer things in life. we are children of a King, that tells me that i want the best of the best… and i’m sorry, but a night stand with some dude aint the best of the best. a fun night that leaves you with a regretful morning aint the best. there are so many better things out there. things that can give us so much more to be thankful for. i dont want a lil bit of money if it means that i have to sell my soul. i refuse to have some kind of temporary satisfaction just so that i can say i smiled for two minutes. i’m smiling cause im alive today, im smiling cause i got a love like no other, from my family, my honey, my friends. you take your instant gratification and your worldly nonsense and i’ll be just fine with the day to day things. I’ll be just as happy with knowing that i got a love that no money no where can buy me. i got love that cant be compromised.

i think thats why i get so frustrated sometimes. people walk around thinking that love got boundaries and it dont. love is love. family, husband, wife, relationships, friends… love is just love. so many people settle for conditional love… well, i’ll love you if… hell no. i want something more than that… i have something more than that. and even if everyone in my life that i love was taken from me today i know in my heart that the greatest thing in this life that we can gain besides salvation is love. so i’m blessed to say that i have loved and i’ve been loved and nothing nowhere can ever undo that.

i’m content… why cant we all just be content. what we have may not be worth much but when we are okay with it and we stop searching for so many tangible things than thats when we can really find true happiness. we cannot be content when we are still searching in void places for something that doesn’t exist.

can we all just be content. can we all just try to be happy with what we have because if we truely be honest with ourselves, nothing amounts to this.

i dont want to know

Posted in frustrations by Tanae' A. on August 29, 2007

i sometimes wish that things in life were way more simple. everything seems to be so complex to the point where nothing can just be… everything has a reason or a theory behind it or there is some type of justification needed. i hate explanations, they mean nothing. if everything just was the way it was because thats the way it wanted to be there would be no issues in this life. i dont want to know the reasoning behind every little thing… excuses do nothing but waste valuable time.

yesterday evening i was talking to a person who i dont know very well. turns out, he knows my honey and so he decided to introduce hisself since they were cool. in our conversation a lot of things came up that i really didn’t want to discuss with him or anyone else for that matter but it seemed like i really didn’t have a choice in the matter. he told me a lot of stuff that i didn’t really want to hear and the more i listened to more frustrated i became. i wanted to yell at him and punch him and tell him to stop telling me these things that i cant do anything about but he was only on the other end of the phone… too far out of my reach.

when the conversation was over i decided that the best thing to do would be not to call up my honey and ask him anything. i knew that there was some truth to what i was told and there was really no need for clarity. there is really no need for an explanation either. what’s done is done and what happens is what happens and there is really nothing that can be done to change that at all. i have learned to accept the fact that i will not approve of nor appreciate everything that happens between us but there is nothing that can be done to change any of it so why waste valuable time thinking about it or getting upset about it.

so i want it to be known that i could care less what happens at otterbein college. to all of his friends, his family, and those that talk to him way more than me, please keep your stories, i do not wish to be entertained. I do not prefer to know about things that i can do nothing about because all its going to do is piss me off. i dont want to talk to him and no, i dont want to visit. i dont want you to tell me if there are other girls because thats not going to change the situation any. im stuck here and he’s stuck there and at the end of the day nothing that either of does should matter. let him live his life without me knowing about what he does every second of every day… after all, i do have my own life to be concerned about. Thanks so much.

The Bible doesn’t have the answers… Do you??

Posted in Bible, church, death, decisions, frustrations, life && death, questions by Tanae' A. on August 28, 2007

Is it wrong to question things in the Bible??

There, to me, are so many things in the Word of God that cause people to question what it really is that we believe.

This weekend, I was up late with some friends and we began discussing other religions and who would go to heaven and who would go to hell. The Bible says in Romans that if you confess with your mouth “Jesus is Lord” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. But what happens to those people in other religions?? Do they all go to hell? What about the atheists who dont believe in any God but live right… are they going to hell?? In my opinion, it comes down to how you live. If you live right and you try to be the best that you can be I really dont think that you will go to hell. Over half of the world is a different religion and/or have different beliefs than what I do and thats why I really cannot believe that God, being as loving as He is, would cast them all to hell for believing something different, at least I dont think He would.

But then my friend proposed a question that got me really thinking. I made it known that I really dont think that people have to be completely saved and baptised in order to go to heaven. Then she asked me: Well why did you get baptised?? That really threw me and I started questioning my own faith. I got baptised because I believe in God and I believe that in order for me to go to heaven I have to believe in Him and live by His commandments. So if I believe that for myself why is it so hard to believe that for other people all across the world who have never heard about God?? I think that when you claim to be a Christian you should be walking in the likeness of God, we are striving to be more like him and therefore we follow in his footsteps. But can you really bash the people that are born in foreign countries who have never really heard one positive thing about God?? Can you say that someone is going to hell when they dont really know who God is or what He is really about??

I think it says somewhere in the Bible that before Jesus comes back everyone will hear and know about Him. But, my question is, what do we do about the people that never hear about Him before they die. What happens to the people that believe in a different God all their lives but live good and try to do everything right?? Do they go to heaven?? I think that most religion is all about the same thing, they may have their own beliefs and their own god but I think that it all comes down to living right and obtaining some type of purity and I dont think that is wrong at all. But the commandment says that there shall be no other gods before God. But there are so many peolple in the world that have never even heard of the ten commandments. So many people that have never even read a Bible and all they know is what they have been accustomed to. I wonder where their souls will go when they leave this earth.

I dont think that we have all the answers and thats where our faith kicks in. But I wonder what God thinks about the millions of people all across the world that have never really accepted Him as their personal saviour… I wonder where He will send them when their time on Earth has run out. I wonder if He will have mercy on their poor little souls or will they be punished forever for never hearing or believing in Him.

I would like to propose one more question that I have never gotten the answer to… If anyone reading this thinks that you may know the answer please let me know.

Before Jesus walked the earth and saved all of us, what happened to the people that died. Did everyone go straight to hell because there was no salvation available or did God decide about their eternity based on what they believed and how they lived their lives?? And if people were able to go to heaven before Jesus got here and gave all of us salvation then is it still possible for people to go to heaven based on how they live their lives??

I’m just wondering…

getting to know people

Posted in check ya flesh, church, decisions, determination, events, ministry, Shiloh, [Y.R.P] by Tanae' A. on August 27, 2007

Yesterday was our last summer service at church so, like always, we enjoyed a very hott outside service. I woke up a little early because I decided that I wanted to go to Sunday School and I was a bit discouraged to hear that it was cancelled because of a New Members Breakfast. I ended up just sitting around chatting with a few good folks as I waited very patiently for service to start but in the meantime I noticed a girl walking into the church. I had seen this girl before a few times but I didn’t really know who she was so I decided to introduce myself… I was not pleased with the way the conversation went down…

“Hello!” I said with a very bright smile… she didn’t respond she just looked at me like I was crazy and gave me one of those four finger waves.

“Um, I been seeing you around a lot lately so I just decided to introduce myself. I’m Tanae’, this is Shanaira, and the one in the blue shirt is Kayla.”


“So, whats your name?”

“Deanna…” with sarcasm drippin from every other syllable

“Oh Ok, and the boy that you be with is your brother??”

“Who? John?”

“Is that his name??”

“uuuhhh huh..”

“Ok, well I just wanted to introduce myself. I’ll be seeing you around.”

And yet again a rude reply… “Oook…”

Now, at first, I was completely turned off by this chicks attitude. I was being really nice to homegirl trying to introduce myself and some of the other youth and she just straight up threw sarcasm all in my face. But, despite my feelings about her, she is a new youth at my church I feel as tho it is my responsibility to get her and her brother affiliated with some other people their age. So, I am going to continue to speak to her and greet her with million dollar smiles. I am going to give her chance to get to know some people and get used to the atmosphere that is probably not accustomed to. Maybe in a few weeks she’ll have a change of attitude and actually get to know some of us and she may even want to become active in ministry.

Usually, I would never talk to this chick again after the conversation that we first had but I had to really think about it. I know back in the day, my first impression on a lot of people was probably horrific but most of those people continued to deal with my lil attitude and eventually realized that i’m not a bad chick. Actually, I can be nice, quirky and retarded most times. But, some people just take a lil longer to come around then others so maybe if she sees somebody thats continuously trying to make her feel apart of she’ll warm up a lil. I’m hoping and praying she does…

truely content

Posted in blessings, work by Tanae' A. on August 27, 2007

A few weeks ago, I applied for a position within my office. I wasn’t too sure if this is was something that I even wanted to attempt to jump at because of the simple fact that there are so many other people in this division that are way more qualified, but my co-worker insisted that it was worth a try. So I submitted my resume and a few days later I got a call to go on an interview.

One rainy thursday morning, I rushed over to the other courthouse to go to this interview. I walked up all five hundred and thirty two steps and I waited patiently for my name to be called. I sat in this interview and answered every question that was thrown at me to the best of my ability. I showed them that I knew how to do certain tasks in Microsoft Word that would be necessary. I felt confident in what I had done and the impression that I left on them and I was content as I made my way back to work.

In the past two weeks, I have been waiting on my phone to ring or an email to pop up just to let me know if I got the position or not and today the call finally came.

“Hi, Ms. Phillips. This is ____ _____ from the front office.”

“Oh, hello, how are you doing this morning?”

“I’m well, thank you for asking. I’m calling because Mrs. ___ in Victim Services would like to thank you for showing an interest in the position that was available. Unfortunately the position has already been filled but I want to thank you again for your interest in the position.”

Let me state for the record, I am absolutely completely blessed beyond abundance therefore I refuse to complain. Yes, I would have been overly excited if I would have gotten the position but I am not disappointed about not getting it. I knew when I applied that there were so many other well qualified persons who would apply and I was okay with that. When the time is right, I believe that I will progress. But I am completely content being here in this office at my lil desk with these great people. I am blessed to even have the priviledge to be where I am right now so I refuse to take anything, even the smallest thing, for granted.

I am still working my butt off to get ahead but I know that everything works in God’s time… so, I’ll be sitting here patiently waiting to see where we’re going next…

J.Bynum [why are people bashing her??]

Posted in check ya flesh, church, events, frustrations, marriage, ministry by Tanae' A. on August 24, 2007

I am really not understanding why there’s a story about Prophetess Juanita Bynum every where I turn. Most people are being sympathetic and prayerful but there are a few that are chosing to criticize and it’s really bothering me.

Marriage is supposed to be something sacred. Marriage is something ordained by God. Every one has problems, no doubt, but who in their right mind would want their marriage blasted all over the global world?? I dont care if everything is peachy cream or going terribly wrong, people need to mind their business!! Let’s pray for her and her husband rather than commenting negatively about what has happened.

Someone wrote on a blog that this was a setup used to cell more cd’s and Conference tickets… come one people!! I happen to like Junaita Bynum, I think she is a wonderful lady and more than that I think God has used her in a dynamic way to uplift women all over this country. She does not need to be beat down in a parking lot in order for people to buy her cd or go to hear her preach.

I guess this is what you get when you begin to make a name for yourself. I hope and pray that a few praying folk would go to God and just wish her well in everything that she does. But I also pray that the IGNORANT people in the world would take a look at what they are doing and who their words and actionas are affecting.

My prayers go out to Juanita… B.Blessed Sistah

can old friendships be revived??

Posted in back to the past, drama, friends by Tanae' A. on August 23, 2007

last week i got a message from an old friend and it made me smile. me and this chick have been through some pretty deep water together and i guess a lot of years of issues and drama we parted ways. trust me when i say… we invented drama! LoL!! every week it was something new… if we weren’t fighting each other we were somewhere getting into some kind of trouble, side by side. We’ve got our share of memories, some good, most bad but i guess thru everything that we have managed to go thru there has always been that love there that has never gone anywhere. over the past few years we’ve talked about 2 times, haven’t even really seen each other but recently she reached out. i’m kinda skeptical about becoming friends again but i know that over the years both of us have matured and grown so i guess its worth a shot. there will never come a time that we will be best friends again or even anything close to it but i know that maybe we can go back to being cool. maybe do brunch or something one saturday. who knows??

some people are only for a season but some are a lifetime… i wonder which category she will fall under.

a lil bit of this and that

why are there some people in this world that chose to never grow up?? i’m really having a difficult time understanding why this one person just wants to be so immature. what really does she get by acting like a five year old child, can we please move on to something better… ITS CALLED MATURITY!! i laugh at people like her because she is a prime example of what i dont want to be like when i grow up…i mean, my thirteen year old sister is more mature than she is and she is well into her 30’s. come on boo-boo, aint nothing in america that serious.

how bout i am so excited for the rest of the week to just come on and get here because i think i will enjoy my weekend for the most part. tomorrow right after work i have to go to my new part time job [congratulate me please] to fill out some paper work. i’m kinda excited because i desperately need to save money and pay bills at the same time. i am sooo super excited about friday night because i get to take my lil sister chelley to this pcif back to school night. i wasn’t going to go but i figured it would be something that she would enjoy so i’m trying to round up her and the kiddies to go ahead and have a good time.

the rest of my weekend will be spent in relaxation unless i get drafted to go somewhere or do something on saturday. i am going to church on sunday…[for all you 7:30 service people, i do go to church i just be sleep during early service and sunday school… maybe if you all went to 10:45 service you would see me there!!! LoL!!] i promise you, i have gotten at least 6 phone calls this week telling me that i better show up in early morning service on sunday. i do miss sunday school a tad bit so i might make an effort to actually wake up early just to go to service and get some breakfast… it’s just that everytime i go to early service i am tempted to leave and go to city for their 11:00 service. but i vow to try my hardest to get up in time to actually go to early service… will i make it?? who knows.

And also, let it be known for the record that I AM NOT A RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR!! so someone please tell me why everyone seems to be coming to me this week for advice about their relationships. I’M SINGLE!!  maybe that should tell you something… hahaha!! but its beginning to make me think that i am trying out for the wrong profession… maybe i should be a relationship counselor since i seem to be the only one that can solve these people’s problems…

lets do something to help free the Jena Six

yesterday, i was at work when my bestie called me with some information. she was tellin me about something that she had heard about 6 black teens getting charged with attempted murder for beating up a white boy after they were harrassed for weeks. i didn’t really understand what she was talking about because she had limited facts but i knew that this was something she wanted to do something. she told me that she wanted to contact HebHeb to see if there was anything that we could do.

well, since there wasn’t too much that i knew about this situation i looked it up online and when i read the story of what happened i wanted to do something as well. [in my own words] in a school in Jena LA, there were 2 black kids sitting under the ‘white’ tree on their campus and white students responded by hanging nooses on the tree. after quite a while of racial tension, and harrassment by white students, a few black kids beat up a lil white boy who was part of all nonsense that had been going on. Six boys got charged with second degree attempted murder. One of the kids already went to trial and was convicted, he will be sentenced with up to 22 years. Let it be known for the record, the lil white boy went to the hospital AND WAS RELEASED THAT SAME NIGHT.

this is ridiculous. there are six kids between the ages of 16 and 18 that are facing a ridiculous amount of years for something as simple as a school fight. i dont know what can be done but i do know that i want to do something to help these boys and their families to get past this craziness. there has to be something that we can do…