[{GRaViTY}]

towards the end

Posted in decisions, family, friends, G-D, life, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on July 24, 2008
There are certain people in my life whose opinion I really kinda value. Not necessarily because of the positions that they hold but moreso because of the role that they have played in my life and continue to play. I tend to take a lot of people’s feelings into consideration when it comes to doing things in my life even if it means completely going against what it is that I want to do. Needless to say, usually I end up wondering what would have or could have happened if I would have just went with my heart. So that’s what I’m doing now. I’m going with my heart. I’m looking to God for guidance and I’m doing what’s right for me. Right now I’m on a journey to be something better. A journey that will open doors for me in the long run. It’s hard and every day I think about backing out but what is the alternative. Why continue to stay in the position that you are on because of fear or uncertainty?? While I’m scared and uncertain about whats to come I’m more excited about anything. I’m excited that I have a new life ahead of me. I’m excited that I am going on to do great and wonderful things and if no one else is proud of me I know that I am proud of me. I’m proud of the step that I have chosen to take and I am proud of the things that I have yet to accomplish. The closer that I get to the end of the countdown, the more excited I get. The more confident I become. The more sure of my decision I am. I am praying more now than EVER and truely making sure that God is in my corner but for now I’m just taking things one day at a time. There’s a lot going on in my life right now but it’s all good things that will benefit me in the long run. I’m finding stability in every single aspect of my life and it feels really good. I have something there. Something guaranteed. Something to fall back on and I love it. I love this life. I love the people in my life. And more that anything I love the discomfort because when you are too comfortable that means that something is not right. I’m moving forward and doing great things. Eventually, probably towards the end of this journey, I will let you all know what exactly is going on but for now…just keep me in your prayers.
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happy.sad.kinda glad.

Posted in decisions, family, friends, frustrations, issues, life, love, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on July 18, 2008
today muh almost favorite goonie, KRiS, is coming down and ii am so so so excited. ii havent seen her in too long and we can finally have a REAL gurls night with ALL the chix. and muh goonies, JesSA, is celebrating her birthday on tuesday. ii know its so unethical to party on a tuesday night but we are going to p a R T y ! ! ! !
my lil cuzzo Sedi and their fam is going thru. the next few days are going to be hard for them but more hard on her than anyone. she’ll be okay tho. she just has to remember to trust GoD thru it all. ii know how much Jasmine meant to her. she was more than just a pet, she was a part of their family and she will be missed. Love You Miss Moo Moo lol.
my lil sis Dre is going thru right now too. she’s tryin to put on her gangsta face but ii know she’s afraid of what the outcome is going to be. ii think she feels okay knowing that she has us there to support her no matter what. she’s gonna be alright…ii believe that.
there’s a chik that ii lovezz with ALL my heart. her name is Crystal. a few years ago we became really close thru a ministry that we were trying to start. Crystal is strong. she can make it thru anything even when she thinks she cant. im praying for her. not that she gets thru, because ii know that God is already bringing her thru, but im praying that she holds on to that strength and more than that im praying that ii may be a help to her during this time.
TroyBoy ::sigh:: ii wish ii could just leave it at that. TroyBoy is leaving me. he is going to VA for a job and part of me is happy. part of me is sad. part of me just doesn’t care. happy:: because its something good for him. a new start and a clean get-away from all the craziness here. sad:: because he’s not here in b-more. so its not that simple on days that ii want to see him to just say come over lets chill. indifferent:: because we are both at a point in our lives where we are pretty much going our own seperate ways. if he were to stay in b-more ii would be leaving him behind and if ii were to stay where ii am he would be leaving me. but we both are moving forward with life and maybe one day shit will follow thru but for now we just trying to live life the best way that we can. the other day he pretty much poured his heart out to me. i’ve known how hes felt about me for some time now but when you hear the words its somehow different. ii didnt know how to tell him that ii love him too. ii didnt know how to tell him that somewhere in my heart is a space for him. maybe one day ill be able to tell him that but for now im okay with how things are.
ii talked to LeyLey the other day….so how did that go?? fairly well. how do ii feel about it?? okay ii suppose. will it happen again?? no. ii told her that she can call me before ii leave and that ii would answer just for her but if she just so happens not to call… ii wont be seeing her or talking to her EVER again and honestly…thats a relief to me. it hurts of course but ii feel good about it. ii feel that same relief for that one other person whose name ii refuse to speak out loud. ii feel like for so long ii was the one being left behind but now im not. now im the one doing the leaving and sooner or later that is going to sink in. and when it does. ill be long gone. damn.that feels super good lmao.
last thing and then im done. Nas has a new cd out as of last week. DO NOT SLEEP ON NAS. seriously. that dude is dope boy fresh. he is hottness. straight up…NAS IS A BEAST!!! cop his cd. you have got to hear it. put the carter three to the side for just a minute and let that Nas just rotate a lil bit. see if it aint realness.

we live here…you & me.

Posted in death, family, friends, im so over it, lost one, people I love by Tanae' A. on July 15, 2008
right now ii am upset. enraged. mad. because of the world that we live in. can we really not go outside in the street without being scared for our lives?? can we really not step into a club or party without getting shot up or beat down?? is this really our reality?? we live here. this is where we call home. some friends of mine lost their cousin on sunday night. he was at a party. enjoying his self. having fun. at the end of the night he wasn’t breathing. ii didnt know him. i’ve seen him before but ii couldn’t point him out in a crowd if someone paid me. but ii know his family. ii know his cousins and his friends. ii know the people that are hurt over his death. ii know that this is not a place that ii want to live. ii know that ii dont want to call this home if people are losing their lives ridiculously. ii know that this is not the place that ii want to have children because im scared that their lives will be in danger every time they walk out of the door.
Tyrelle, Kashay, Ryeisha and family…keep yall heads up. everything happens for a reason and God wont give you more than you can handle. you too Te and Jon, im here if you need me
Rest In Peace Tariq Alston 07/13/08

fat.thumb.issues

Posted in church, decisions, family, friends, frustrations, issues, life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 23, 2008
yesterday was probably the FUNNIEST most ANNOYING day EVER!!! after early service we decided to take a trip to Burger King to get some breakfast. there was only two cars in front of us so we were thinking that the wait wouldnt be long at all…NOT. first off, the manager was so damn disrespectful it was ridiculous. ii was tryna piss her off so ii ordered a whole bunch of food that nobody really wanted. it really worked too cause she was heated by the time we drove around to the second window lmao. but ii guess karma is a big headed b. cause we ended up waiting for 40 minutes just to get our food. thanks to the lady with the family van who decided to order eight hundred meals for all her kids. but. by the time 10:30 hit we knew we had to get back to the church in 15 minutes or else SOMEONE would be in trouble. we got our food at 10:30 and ii literally sped up North Point just to get there in time. needless to say that there are people that actually drive the speed limit and those people slowed me down so we didnt get there til 10:47 and that was two minutes too late. anyways…ii ate ALL THE FOOD like a big fattie and it was delicious lolzz.
 then. after second service me and Shay goes home to eat some crabs. we eating them and ii get to the second to last one and then the inevitable happens… fricking claw clawed me. stuck me right in my damn thumb. im telling ya.it hurt like crap. and the seasoning only made it burn more but ii kept eating my crabs lol. ii didnt really realize until last night that it really is swollen a little bit and now ii have a fat thumb that really starts to hurt when ii squeeze it lmao.
ii am actually irritated for a number of reasons. at first ii was upset with my mother but then ii talked to someone who could better explain things so now im cool with her. ii understand her for like once in life and im gonna allow her to sulk for a while. she’ll come around eventually. now….the REAL reason for my irritation is money… well of course it is. thats the only thing that irritates me. well. ii am going to be really honest right now about the plans that got crushed. this weekend is our annual PCIF conference. of course.last year ii was so not excited about this but this year it is what it is. BUT.ii called myself trying to beat the system and get around paying but FOR SOME REASON they aren’t doing things the same as last year so I HAVE TO PAY THE REGISTRATION FEE and do you know what this means?? ii refuse to stay in a hotel room. that would be 200 dollars out of my pocket that ii could spend on like THE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR GAS or something like that. so.this weekend ii am going to be taking Chelley to the banquet on Friday night and ill prob shill out by the bool or something until that is over with. then ill drive ALL THE WAY home to get a good nights sleep. then on saturday ill DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK for whatever is going on that day. ii figured that an extra round trip is not going to cost me 129 dollars in gas…maybe around 40 tops. so ii am actually SAVING MONEY…hey.it feels damn good lmao. so…thats my issue for this weekend. oh.and ii have three days until Thursday gets here and ii am ssoo excited. you’ll find out sooner or later whats going on but for now just know that ii am excited about it. and EVERYONE knows that ii HATE thursdays with a passion but this Thursday is going to be a good effin day. lmao. ii hope so at least. keep praying for me and all my issues lmao.
other than all the fat.thumb.issues muh life is great. ii am realizing more and more each day that ii gots the best friends.fam.support that ANYONE could EVER ask for so ii know that ii am blessed and ii wouldnt trade ANY of them in for the world.

uugghh:: exhaustion

Posted in family, friends, life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 20, 2008
it has been a very long. fun. interesting. great week. im glad that it is almost over. ii am tired and sleepy and just plain exhausted and right now im really irritated. why?? ii dont have my credit card on me and ii need it to pay this stupid stupid bill. uugghh. the stresses. then. stupid sister of mines decides to call me to babysit this morning. ii asked her for a few dollars and she said she didnt have it. ii dont really need it but thats not the point at all. FIVE MINUTES LATER…she says she wants to get crabs. but yet you dont have money. something aint right with that. but ii aint bugging cause ii wasn’t gonna watch him anyways. today:: grlzz night. so excited lolzz. ii was hoping that my papa got off work early so we could chill over there later but we’ll see what happens. ii just really want to hang out and chill or something. nothing big. spades would be awesome tonight…we can save all the fun for tomorrow lol. ok. how bout. ii am soo fricking pissed that ii have to register for this stupid stupid conference and its not even like ii can just not go cause ii have stuff to do there. idk. ima find a way around paying cause ii aint tryna pay for no registration and a hotel room. yes. im being cheap right now. but just the thought of this long weekend is making me tired. ::yawn::.. and someone tell me why ii am continuously losing weight…idk whats wrong with that picture but my doctor suggested that ii work out just so ii can be sure that ii am in shape. ii figured ill prob start working out in the next few weeks. ii was gonna do a gym membership but ii aint tryna pay for that so ii might just start running or something in the morning. that should be good for me. we’ll see how that goes lol. well. im bout to go get breakfast and then start on this work…uugghh…going to starbucks too so you know im happy lmao. ii want a passion tea lemonade..hhmmm delicious. haha buh-bye and have a GREAT weekend. 

second best

Posted in decisions, FOOD!!, friends, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 19, 2008
everyone knows how ii feel about Papa Johns… its my all time favorite pizza EVER. get me some and ill love you for life.honestly. so.of course no one can ever top them but someone was kinda close last night. guess who?? none other than Pizza Johns on Back River Neck. now.understand.this is nothing new at all. ii have always liked their pizza but. for some reason last night it was just extra extra good. perhaps it was the fact that ii was dying of starvation or maybe even the fact that ii went with the most important people. or maybe just because ii haven’t been in like forever. but whatever the reason.the pizza was ssoo good. of course they could never top Papa Johns but they can surely be second best.

wow. thats all ii can say

Posted in acceptance, actions, friends, life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 12, 2008
the past week or so has been very eventful and tiring but ii cannot complain because it has been excellent. tomorrow is friday and ii am soo excited even tho ii know that nothing spectacular will happen lol [[or atleast ii think it wont]] ii am extremely tired from being out doing NOTHING last night. we rode back and forth with Jones-Z while he recruited people. oh, sorry. Jones is a recruiter for the marines and a very good friend. for some weird reason unknown to man we were at his office ALL day yesterday and then had to ride with him to go pick up the new kids. in the midst of all that there was car trouble so we were out like later than normal and now ii am sleepy as hell. something has to be done about this. either starbucks or sleep and since sleep aint coming til tonight ii def need a caramel frapp like right now. anyways. everyone. ii am officially a red hed!!! YaY!! ii just want you all to know and be as excited as me because ii am loving it. it is super hott lolzz. but, it is prob going to be sweated out by tomorrow cause ii have so much work to do when ii get home. scrubbing floors, washing clothes, moving furniture and all that good stuff. tell me why…last night while Jones-Z was tryna figure out how to get home after his car died we were in that joint cleaning up. like serious. we ate some pizza and started to wash our dishes and realized that this dude is never home long enough to clean the damn house. and you would think that since his g/f is living there with him there would be some type of balance but nope, her shit is dirtier than his. we started in the kitchen. washing and putting away dishes, cleaned the stove, scrubbed the floor. got all his crap up out the living room, dusted the tables and vacuumed in there. made his bed. put all his dirty clothes away, took out the trash, cleaned UNDER his bed. put all her crap in the closet. then there was the bathroom. oh sweet mother of Jesus was it nasty. there’s a his and hers side…luckily. ii know guys are not clean creatures by nature but his stuff was actually clean. his sink was clean and everything. we just had to kinda straighten out his stuff and wipe off his mirror. now, this chick. she is just a grimey trick. rust stains all in the sink. hair dye, shaving cream, dirt, grime and rust all in the shower. but why tho?? he was forced to take showers in the other bathroom because she just left everything a mess. it was nasty. ii wasnt going to do it but we figured that he shouldnt have to live in that just because she left it that way. so we went to work. scrubbing floors and showers. lysoled EVERYTHING up. lit candles. sprayed some febreze in the couches and finally we were done. needless to say, he came in their shocked as hell but he was happy that someone had cleaned it up and ii had to let him know that shes a dirty gurl. ii think that for once he felt like royalty lol. came home to a clean house, food cooked and three hott chicks haha. too bad it wasnt that type of party lol. payback is:: dinner tomorrow night. fried chicken, mac and cheese, corn on the cob, stuffing [for honey] and a bunch of biscuits. and of course he prob dont know the first thing to do since he currently lives off of tombstone pizza. so we’ll end up cooking for ourselves and cleaning up too lol. but, oh well. as long as he is buying the food.
yesterday, ii was thinking about a certain someone and ii remembered that sometimes things change. it took me a minute to kinda come to grips with that but if ever she choses to stop by my blog ii hope she reads this post because ii want her to know that ii appreciate her. in my life she has taught me so much, given so much and instilled so much in me and a few days ago ii was disappointed by her actions but ii really do appreciate and love her dearly. ii guess its really true what folk say, some people only meant to be in your life for a season. hopefully she’ll always be there kinda but ii know that even after everything that we have gotten thru together, things will never go back to how they used to be and ii can respect and accept that. ii guess things are also the same for that one other person as well. ii can always count on her to pray me thru but things are never going to go back to how they used to be. really if ii be honest with myself, things were never that great to begin with, ii just put in a lil too much effort. but oh, well. there are so many people that were in my life and are not anymore and ii want them all to know that ii love them dearly and ii wouldnt trade them for the world because they all impacted my life in some kinda way. they were just meant to be here for a season…its gravy tho.
p.s. tila tequila is the shiz-nit….lmao

healer….thats what HE is

Posted in family, friends, frustrations, issues, life, love, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 6, 2008
for some reason right now, ALL my gurliezz are going thru their own struggles. they all need someone to lean on, someone to understand, and some God to heal. all their issues are different, all their needs are diverse, but their hurt is all the same. and here ii am, sitting here trying to be strong for all them because reality is, im just on chills. everything is going great on my end. im getting blessings galore and maybe that lil thing a week ago that seemed so weird at the time was just God preparing me for this week’s problems. today im trying my hardest to be there for all of them and most would find that to be impossible but ii can do it. things work themselves out. and just like ii told them all, God heals all broken hearts, all wounded spirits and all troubled minds. ii pray for each of their situations, ii pray that they keep the faith and ii pray that God does a work even now. ii dont know what tomorrow is going to bring but ii know that those girls have each other to lean on… they got some chix that are there for them no matter what. and even if all we have to offer is a shoulder to cry on then so be it. ii trust Him to heal all hurt, calm all spirits and bring peace to every mind. ii trust Him. He’s gonna do it, He’s gonna have His way and He’s gonna have each and every one of them stronger because of what they have had to endure. pray for my gurlzz…pray for their families…pray for every single person that they come in contact with in the days to come. pray that they remain strong through it all and when all else fails, pray that they have what it takes to call on the name of JESUS when they have no one else to call. ii love those gurls, all of them…from the bestie all the way down to the cunt…ii love them all and ii know that they’ll ALL  be okay.

heart.life.

Posted in cancer sucks, death, friends, life, life && death, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on May 27, 2008
ii was thinking the other day about the turn that my life has taken. some things are not good and some things are frickin awesome. either way, ii chose not to complain. this weekend has probably been the best in a long time. actually these past few weeks have been awesome. there has been so much stuff going on but seriously, at the end of the day ii have not a care in the world. the past week or so has been rather hectic but all is well. a few people have stepped out of line and we were forced to put them back in place. a few people have tested me in the worst way. a few people have even lied to me and then had the audacity to come to me for help when shit hit the fan. but on top of all that, ii have had more fun than anything. things ar slowly falling into place in my life. things are working the way that they should and ii am happy. some exciting things are coming up in the very near future and hopefully i’ll be around to tell of more great days but even if not, everything is awesome in my life so ii have no complaints. ii heart life. ii heart the L. ii heart my bestie. ii heart my goone. ii heart my shink. ii heart honey. ii heart life and everything in it…and that, my friends, IS THE BONUS!!! lmao
Rest In Peace Talia Marie Pleasant:: you are finally free from all pain hurt and sickness. ii know that you are up in heaven with God. you are a beautiful princess.

dont be consumed

Posted in friends, life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on May 21, 2008
in the wonderful world of Loserville sits :yang::yang: being consumed. the funny thing is that we are both in the same situation but on opposite sides of the spectrum. the only difference is, he’s wishing she was more like me and im wishing that the other dummy was more like him. crazy right?? same exact situation and somehow we manage to pull each other thru with our disrespectful words and ridiculous tactics. it works tho. well anyways, rather than being consumed by the reality that ii cant change ii have chosen to enjoy my time and have as much fun as possible in order to not think about the truth that has somehow landed right before my eyes. but, he decides to sulk and be sad and distraught over what he cant change. he claims he needs to do something so that he wont be consumed but sitting in a house ALL SUMMER LONG will not help you. DuH. so come with me, lets go out, party, drink, make memories and forget about everything that is going on bad. let us act as if we have no cares in the world, at least until winter threatens to knock on our doors. why be consumed?? ii say, forget reality for a lil while and lets HAVE FUN because thinking about what could have and should have been is not fun. im giving him his time, a week tops, to get it together and then after that he is going to be right by my side living it up… i mean we are :yang::yang: for goodness sake. lol