yup thats right….im a United State’s MARINE!!!
it just hit me…just now. goodbye is probably the worst thing that you could say to anyone but behind every goodbye there’s a hello. for so long I was so caught up in the goodbye that I never got the chance to reach my hello. I dont know where this road is going to lead…all I know is where I’ve been and what I’ve been thru. I’m scared. I really am. But this is my early goodbye. I’m saying goodbye to this part of my life so that I can say hello to what ever is going to come. So, goodbye to all of my wonderful readers…until Nov. and I hope to have a bunch of birthday comments when I return lol. Yes, my twenty first birthday is November 16 and I will not be blogging that day either. Just keep me in your prayers as always. Thank you for always reading and for commenting and emailing me and for praying for me.
Rest In Peace::
Tawana
Brielle
Ms. Sarah
Uncle Warren
Khia “K-Swift” Edgerton
Cornell:: a promise is a promise Cornie…I know that. thanks for helping me thru this.
Bishop:: you used to always tell me that I can do whatever…well, whatever is here and I kinda need you to keep telling me that I really can do this.
Rest In Peace Tee:: I miss you baby girl but I know you watching over me and making sure that I’m doing right. Things aint been the same without you and I want you to know that I’ll never forget you. You are my heart and I wish you were here. I LOVE YOU!!
There are certain people in my life whose opinion I really kinda value. Not necessarily because of the positions that they hold but moreso because of the role that they have played in my life and continue to play. I tend to take a lot of people’s feelings into consideration when it comes to doing things in my life even if it means completely going against what it is that I want to do. Needless to say, usually I end up wondering what would have or could have happened if I would have just went with my heart. So that’s what I’m doing now. I’m going with my heart. I’m looking to God for guidance and I’m doing what’s right for me. Right now I’m on a journey to be something better. A journey that will open doors for me in the long run. It’s hard and every day I think about backing out but what is the alternative. Why continue to stay in the position that you are on because of fear or uncertainty?? While I’m scared and uncertain about whats to come I’m more excited about anything. I’m excited that I have a new life ahead of me. I’m excited that I am going on to do great and wonderful things and if no one else is proud of me I know that I am proud of me. I’m proud of the step that I have chosen to take and I am proud of the things that I have yet to accomplish. The closer that I get to the end of the countdown, the more excited I get. The more confident I become. The more sure of my decision I am. I am praying more now than EVER and truely making sure that God is in my corner but for now I’m just taking things one day at a time. There’s a lot going on in my life right now but it’s all good things that will benefit me in the long run. I’m finding stability in every single aspect of my life and it feels really good. I have something there. Something guaranteed. Something to fall back on and I love it. I love this life. I love the people in my life. And more that anything I love the discomfort because when you are too comfortable that means that something is not right. I’m moving forward and doing great things. Eventually, probably towards the end of this journey, I will let you all know what exactly is going on but for now…just keep me in your prayers.
today muh almost favorite goonie, KRiS, is coming down and ii am so so so excited. ii havent seen her in too long and we can finally have a REAL gurls night with ALL the chix. and muh goonies, JesSA, is celebrating her birthday on tuesday. ii know its so unethical to party on a tuesday night but we are going to p a R T y ! ! ! !
my lil cuzzo Sedi and their fam is going thru. the next few days are going to be hard for them but more hard on her than anyone. she’ll be okay tho. she just has to remember to trust GoD thru it all. ii know how much Jasmine meant to her. she was more than just a pet, she was a part of their family and she will be missed. Love You Miss Moo Moo lol.
my lil sis Dre is going thru right now too. she’s tryin to put on her gangsta face but ii know she’s afraid of what the outcome is going to be. ii think she feels okay knowing that she has us there to support her no matter what. she’s gonna be alright…ii believe that.
there’s a chik that ii lovezz with ALL my heart. her name is Crystal. a few years ago we became really close thru a ministry that we were trying to start. Crystal is strong. she can make it thru anything even when she thinks she cant. im praying for her. not that she gets thru, because ii know that God is already bringing her thru, but im praying that she holds on to that strength and more than that im praying that ii may be a help to her during this time.
TroyBoy ::sigh:: ii wish ii could just leave it at that. TroyBoy is leaving me. he is going to VA for a job and part of me is happy. part of me is sad. part of me just doesn’t care. happy:: because its something good for him. a new start and a clean get-away from all the craziness here. sad:: because he’s not here in b-more. so its not that simple on days that ii want to see him to just say come over lets chill. indifferent:: because we are both at a point in our lives where we are pretty much going our own seperate ways. if he were to stay in b-more ii would be leaving him behind and if ii were to stay where ii am he would be leaving me. but we both are moving forward with life and maybe one day shit will follow thru but for now we just trying to live life the best way that we can. the other day he pretty much poured his heart out to me. i’ve known how hes felt about me for some time now but when you hear the words its somehow different. ii didnt know how to tell him that ii love him too. ii didnt know how to tell him that somewhere in my heart is a space for him. maybe one day ill be able to tell him that but for now im okay with how things are.
ii talked to LeyLey the other day….so how did that go?? fairly well. how do ii feel about it?? okay ii suppose. will it happen again?? no. ii told her that she can call me before ii leave and that ii would answer just for her but if she just so happens not to call… ii wont be seeing her or talking to her EVER again and honestly…thats a relief to me. it hurts of course but ii feel good about it. ii feel that same relief for that one other person whose name ii refuse to speak out loud. ii feel like for so long ii was the one being left behind but now im not. now im the one doing the leaving and sooner or later that is going to sink in. and when it does. ill be long gone. damn.that feels super good lmao.
last thing and then im done. Nas has a new cd out as of last week. DO NOT SLEEP ON NAS. seriously. that dude is dope boy fresh. he is hottness. straight up…NAS IS A BEAST!!! cop his cd. you have got to hear it. put the carter three to the side for just a minute and let that Nas just rotate a lil bit. see if it aint realness.
ii know ii dont even really have the time to blog but ii just had to get this out. it’ll come back to bite me on tomorrow but ii had to take a few minutes just to say that GOD is awesome.
i’ll say to all you B-more ppl…if you missed Kickin It With the King on this past Friday night you truely missed a treat. it was a complete blessing in so many ways. now, as you all know ii was super excited to be going because AJB and Ap were going to be in the house and ii knew that they were going to shut the place down. we were in there enjoying the occasion…having a good hallelujah time and in the back of my mind im wondering when are they gonna bring out the fam. well…second to last.here they come. their name was called and after that God took over. okay…ii know AJB. see him quite often…talk to him…interact with him. ii know AP…talk to them too. just regular ordinary people with some SERIOUS talent. like super ridiculous talent. that is known…nothing new about it. ii know AJB is anointed in so many ways…no doubt about that. BUT WHAT II SAW FRIDAY NOT WAS BEYOND THIS WORLD.
the word says that many are called but few are chosen. this dude is chosen… ii know the talent but WWAAYY beyond that aspect of it ii was blown. ii honestly left out of there and in the back of my mind im thinking “God, how did you do that??” like seriously. it is truely unbelievable the anointing that is on this group of people. the anointing that is on this dude… its ridiculous. the crowd was hype and the second they walked onto the stage you could just feel the entire atmosphere change. ii told Jay yesterday that with each one of them that walked onto that stage more Jesus filled the sanctuary. ii was blown. completely. im still blown. ii dont know how God can work thru someone in that way but it is amazing to me. and finally ii see what Nik was saying a few weeks ago. you talk to this dude and he’s just another one of them crazy regular retarded Brown brothers lol. but something happens when GOD begins to work thru him. and its not just in the singing or in the music…there’s something so JESUS about him. i’ve seen this dude minister without hitting a note…i’ve seen him speak words that couldnt have come from no one but God. it just blows my mind.
So ii say to you all reading this…find AP..google them. hit them up on the space. figure out when they are going to be in your area…do whatever it takes to be impacted by their ministry. and even beyond all of that. dont be afraid to let GOD use you. dont run from whatever it is that HE has in store for your life. most times we run from God because we are so afraid of what He has in store but the Bible says “seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God” dont be afraid of whatever it is that he has for your life because you never know how you can minister to someone else. you never know how your ministry can save someone’s life. so when it comes to doing the will of God…please dont hesitate. ii dont care if its the craziest thing that you could ever think…if its in the will of God.do it. In order to live for God or to be used by God you have to be able to submit. give up who you are in order to become who He wants you to be. You will be surprised how God can use you. He will do some miraculous things in your life if you just allow Him to work thru you.
www.myspace.com/ajb1981
you know how you have that one thing from when you were little that just makes you smile all over just thinking about it because for two seconds when you get to relive that memory you feel like you were ten all over again?? well thats how ii felt a few minutes ago when ii spotted someone with penny candy. oh.dear.Jesus. it was as if ii had seen the light and went to my own personal heaven for all of two minutes. ii haven’t had penny candy in ssooossooossoossoo long. and it took me back to them good ol friendship days when we would ALL walk from my grandmothers house to sunday school and on the way we would all stop at Speed’s just to get two dollars in penny candy.a piece. it was the only way we could stay woke during the service lol. by the time we got back in the house we would be emptying out pockets and purses that were stuffed to the max with wrappers and we would all get yelled at for eating all that candy in church. after while our parents just stopped fussing about it. right now. ii got me a whole bag of penny candy. no, ii cant eat it all in two hours…ill prob die if ii tried. but by the end of two days im sure ill be cleaning my purse of all the wrappers that ii will be sure to leave behind. ii feel like a kid again and it feels damn good. see what penny candy will do to?? lmao.
im not going to be writting much after this post. right now im in the middle of a transition and ii am kinda trying to take time out to get my thoughts and plans in order. im not going to leave you guys high and dry til the end of the summer but dont expect too much out of me. ii plan on dropping by every now and then [[prayerfully once a week]] to keep you updated on my progress but dont really be on the lookout until the end of august.around the time school starts back up or something. but.in order to keep you well informed ii decided to let you all know what will be going on in my life up until august and even past that. well fourth of july is friday {thank Jesus} and that should be fun…no real plans tho. probably not doing anything since the aunt that cooks out is in florida. boo her. lol. uumm. July 11th is Kicking it with the King at Ne Psalmist. Oh so excited about that. dont know whos going to be there or anything but ii know im going to be in the building. July 19th is our church wide picnic and it was ssoo fun last year so im def going this year even tho its fifteen bucks {with the price of gas!!} august doesnt hold too many exciting things. hopefully my uncle will come visit or we will go see him. i dont know which one yet. but august is kinda a big month for me because im making transition in my job in the middle of that month. after that its all birthdays and holidays. sept 27.Dilly will be 21. oct 6.Lil Eric is turning two. oct 25.India is 22. nov 15.Shany is eighteen and she will be away at college celebrating. nov 16.me and Shay are 21. after that its thanksgiving and christmas. excited about that and know that its going to come super fast. oh thank Jesus lmbo.
but. please. keep me and my family in your prayers. pray for my friends as well. God is revealing a lot to me at this time and im just taking time to soak it all up. learning how to just sit still and listen to him. just keep praying for me and feel free to come by.leave me love. let me know you were thinking about me or something. dont be strangers cause even tho im not writing.im still stopping by and checking every one of your blogs out on a daily basis. ttyl. and be blessed.
yesterday was probably the FUNNIEST most ANNOYING day EVER!!! after early service we decided to take a trip to Burger King to get some breakfast. there was only two cars in front of us so we were thinking that the wait wouldnt be long at all…NOT. first off, the manager was so damn disrespectful it was ridiculous. ii was tryna piss her off so ii ordered a whole bunch of food that nobody really wanted. it really worked too cause she was heated by the time we drove around to the second window lmao. but ii guess karma is a big headed b. cause we ended up waiting for 40 minutes just to get our food. thanks to the lady with the family van who decided to order eight hundred meals for all her kids. but. by the time 10:30 hit we knew we had to get back to the church in 15 minutes or else SOMEONE would be in trouble. we got our food at 10:30 and ii literally sped up North Point just to get there in time. needless to say that there are people that actually drive the speed limit and those people slowed me down so we didnt get there til 10:47 and that was two minutes too late. anyways…ii ate ALL THE FOOD like a big fattie and it was delicious lolzz.
then. after second service me and Shay goes home to eat some crabs. we eating them and ii get to the second to last one and then the inevitable happens… fricking claw clawed me. stuck me right in my damn thumb. im telling ya.it hurt like crap. and the seasoning only made it burn more but ii kept eating my crabs lol. ii didnt really realize until last night that it really is swollen a little bit and now ii have a fat thumb that really starts to hurt when ii squeeze it lmao.
ii am actually irritated for a number of reasons. at first ii was upset with my mother but then ii talked to someone who could better explain things so now im cool with her. ii understand her for like once in life and im gonna allow her to sulk for a while. she’ll come around eventually. now….the REAL reason for my irritation is money… well of course it is. thats the only thing that irritates me. well. ii am going to be really honest right now about the plans that got crushed. this weekend is our annual PCIF conference. of course.last year ii was so not excited about this but this year it is what it is. BUT.ii called myself trying to beat the system and get around paying but FOR SOME REASON they aren’t doing things the same as last year so I HAVE TO PAY THE REGISTRATION FEE and do you know what this means?? ii refuse to stay in a hotel room. that would be 200 dollars out of my pocket that ii could spend on like THE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR GAS or something like that. so.this weekend ii am going to be taking Chelley to the banquet on Friday night and ill prob shill out by the bool or something until that is over with. then ill drive ALL THE WAY home to get a good nights sleep. then on saturday ill DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK for whatever is going on that day. ii figured that an extra round trip is not going to cost me 129 dollars in gas…maybe around 40 tops. so ii am actually SAVING MONEY…hey.it feels damn good lmao. so…thats my issue for this weekend. oh.and ii have three days until Thursday gets here and ii am ssoo excited. you’ll find out sooner or later whats going on but for now just know that ii am excited about it. and EVERYONE knows that ii HATE thursdays with a passion but this Thursday is going to be a good effin day. lmao. ii hope so at least. keep praying for me and all my issues lmao.
other than all the fat.thumb.issues muh life is great. ii am realizing more and more each day that ii gots the best friends.fam.support that ANYONE could EVER ask for so ii know that ii am blessed and ii wouldnt trade ANY of them in for the world.
it has been a very long. fun. interesting. great week. im glad that it is almost over. ii am tired and sleepy and just plain exhausted and right now im really irritated. why?? ii dont have my credit card on me and ii need it to pay this stupid stupid bill. uugghh. the stresses. then. stupid sister of mines decides to call me to babysit this morning. ii asked her for a few dollars and she said she didnt have it. ii dont really need it but thats not the point at all. FIVE MINUTES LATER…she says she wants to get crabs. but yet you dont have money. something aint right with that. but ii aint bugging cause ii wasn’t gonna watch him anyways. today:: grlzz night. so excited lolzz. ii was hoping that my papa got off work early so we could chill over there later but we’ll see what happens. ii just really want to hang out and chill or something. nothing big. spades would be awesome tonight…we can save all the fun for tomorrow lol. ok. how bout. ii am soo fricking pissed that ii have to register for this stupid stupid conference and its not even like ii can just not go cause ii have stuff to do there. idk. ima find a way around paying cause ii aint tryna pay for no registration and a hotel room. yes. im being cheap right now. but just the thought of this long weekend is making me tired. ::yawn::.. and someone tell me why ii am continuously losing weight…idk whats wrong with that picture but my doctor suggested that ii work out just so ii can be sure that ii am in shape. ii figured ill prob start working out in the next few weeks. ii was gonna do a gym membership but ii aint tryna pay for that so ii might just start running or something in the morning. that should be good for me. we’ll see how that goes lol. well. im bout to go get breakfast and then start on this work…uugghh…going to starbucks too so you know im happy lmao. ii want a passion tea lemonade..hhmmm delicious. haha buh-bye and have a GREAT weekend.
everyone knows how ii feel about Papa Johns… its my all time favorite pizza EVER. get me some and ill love you for life.honestly. so.of course no one can ever top them but someone was kinda close last night. guess who?? none other than Pizza Johns on Back River Neck. now.understand.this is nothing new at all. ii have always liked their pizza but. for some reason last night it was just extra extra good. perhaps it was the fact that ii was dying of starvation or maybe even the fact that ii went with the most important people. or maybe just because ii haven’t been in like forever. but whatever the reason.the pizza was ssoo good. of course they could never top Papa Johns but they can surely be second best.
[{GRaViTY}] 
leave a comment