[{GRaViTY}]

new found hate for water…

Posted in blessings, G-D, phunni moments, prayer by Tanae' A. on May 30, 2008
personal shout out to Jesus, who is just awesome, for bringing my lil old self thru yet again. ii can never ever repay Him for all the miraculous things He does but while im down here ii might as well praise Him…
now…today, on the last friday of this month…ii was forced to drink so much water that my heart is literally swimming around inside of me lol. everyone knows that ii really dont like water. ii dont drink anymore than a few cups a day and even then it just disgusts me. but, today ii was forced to drink so much of it so ii could get my physical done for the new position at work. so, why did ii have to drink so much water?? BECAUSE NO ONE AT THE OFFICE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE A TWO HOUR WAIT BEFORE II WAS SEEN. so for two hours im drinking water and running to the bathroom like crazy waiting patiently for them to call my name. if ii would have known that the wait was so long ii would have started drinking that water around 10 minutes to 12 rather than at 9:30 this morning. ii do not want to see no water, taste no water, get in no water…ii dont even wanna take a shower til next week lol… ii promise, ii thought ii disliked water then…oh, ii despise it now. uurrgghh [[talk to you guys later, ii have to go pee now lmao]]

.just.so.tired.

Posted in choir, church, dancing, FOOD!!, friends, getaway, help me!!, im so over it, prayer, Shiloh, tired, [[o8 aint 4 me]] by Tanae' A. on April 22, 2008
im tired yall. really tired. just of the day to day ritual. tired of the everyday people, the everyday headache…the everyday bullshit. tired. tired of trying, tired of helping, tired of being used. tired. just. plain. old. tired. no if ands buts on the end of it…maybe a yarn or two.
yesterday i had to cut off a real cool chick cause being friends with her was keeping me tied to someone else that i didnt want to continue being stuck to in any kind of way. we talked about it and she was cool with it, understood the situation and after that i felt free to walk away. im no longer tied to someone and now that chapter is over with. thank God.
now. i tried the same thing with JHW II but there is no way to be free from that. everywhere i turn there is some way that i am connected to him. i mean, we go to the same church for Christ’s sake and even tho he is hardly ever there….uummm HELLO do you not see his fam and friends surrounding me?? thats a book that has no ending so i guess ill be stuck to him forever…its draining.
i call myself trying to be a friend. i try to be nice, i really do. i let someone who called me their best friend borrow money. the first time i aint think twice about it. she was about to start a new job and just needed gas money. of course ima give it to her especially since she gave me a ride home that day. she claimed she was going to give it back to me and i wasn’t really worried about it… what is ten dollars?? nothing. so two weeks later she had lost that job and was about to start a new job [[did i mention that this chick cant keep a job to save her life??]] and of course was broke and needed money. so, after thinking about i figured id give her some money cause at least she is TRYING to get a job and do something positive. mind you, this wasnt no chumo  change…this was some serious dough, no joke. so, about a week later she loses that job, outrageous yes. so i decides im not going to say anything about the money for a minute cause she needed a chance to get back on her feet. so about three weeks later i asked her when she would have the money and told her i wasnt expecting it all at once. she says that she would have it all on the following friday. by the time the next wednesday came she asked me if she could wait two weeks til the 26th. of course, i said yeah. at least she came at me and asked if i could hold out and i really didnt even need the money. so the 26th rolls around and you would think that she would call me, txt me, im me, hit me up on the space…something. nope. didnt hear from this chick at all. so two days later she texted my phone like she aint owe me nothing…just talking bout nothing. ok, wait a minute, something aint right. i let her go a week just to see if she would mention the money at all. nope. silence. no money talk round here. so by that point i was irritated…not even mad fa’real. i called her and asked when she was going to have the money and after that she been ducking me out ever since. not answering my phone calls or nothing. she was supposed to bring it last week but of course something happened and two days later she magically lost her bank card. so you know what i did?? i went to every single bank website that i could think of and checked to see how long it takes to send a new bank card thru the mail. THE LONGEST THAT IT TAKES TO GET A NEW BANK CARD IS THREE TO FIVE BUSINESS DAYS. ok, she lost the card on saturday so that means it should be in the mail by monday morning and at her house by wednesday or friday.  that means, ill be knocking at her door on saturday evening and if my money aint in my hand my fist will be in her face. sorry but im tired.
pastor’s anniversary is in two weeks. am i excited?? yes and no. excited because first…FREE DINNER!!! i know, i know, the first reason should be because i just love my pastor so much [[which i do]] but…i love food just so much more and you know FREE food is the best food ever invented. so second reason i am excited is because i love my bishop oh so much. third reason…we have three wonderful great menses of GOD preaching and i know that it is going to be a holy ghost filled day. reasons why i am not excited…first, three services, from 7:30 am to around 6:30 pm i will be in Shiloh, around church going people and in church clothes that i do not want to be in for more than two hours max. reason number two, i just got a text message two minutes ago saying that ALL choirs must sing. that means, i have to go to rehearsal and on top of that i have to dance. singing and dancing all day long is not going to work for me so i am going to go to both rehearsals and then decide which one i want to be bothered with because the changing and stresses of both will not be working. reason number three… who in their right mind decided that it was ok to tell Tanae’ that pastors anniversary was coming up two weeks before it comes…ok, allow me to get my head together please. thank you.
im tired. just tired and worn out. tired. i just want to go somewhere far far away and sleep for two days straight and pray for eternity and then come back to try it again. sometimes we just need to get away from the world and just spend some alone time with us and God… until i get to get away ill just be tired and hopefully you will keep praying.

a place princesses go

Posted in cancer sucks, events, G-D, prayer by Tanae' A. on April 21, 2008
ii am so happy to announce that Talia is going to Disney World…ii dont know when, ii dont know howbbut ii know Who. God is making a way and ii know that she just cant wait to go to Disney World.

 

He really does answer prayers

Cinderella awaits…

Posted in be the change, blessings, cancer sucks, Faith In Action, family, G-D, Outreach, prayer by Tanae' A. on April 15, 2008
one day ii was on the space, not doing anything important and ii saw this lil gurl on Heb’s page. me in all of my curiosity, ii wanted to know who she was. ii automatically went to his blog and there was her story. links…more of her story. pictures, slide shows of this lil girl, beautiful as can be with the most precious smile i’ve ever seen. her eyes are so full of life and as ii sat there reading her story my eyes were full of tears. from that point on ii was amazed by this little gurl. her strength, her courage but more than anything God’s favor on her lil life. it must be something special in her for her to go thru all that she has endured and still smile that pretty smile.
today ii read some bad news. Talia cannot have surgery and right now that is the only cure for her cancer. her parents are faced with a problem….does she go thru treatment or not?? while ii am praying for her parents, family and friends ii am also praying for this young girl whose only wish is to go see Cinderella’s castle. well Talia, Cinderella’s castle is for princesses so ii think you would fit right in. ii wanna help, and ii dont know how to do that. ii know that there are fund raisers for the treatment and things like that but ii wanna give Talia a wish. maybe it wont bring a limo to take her an airport and maybe it wont put her up in a fancy hotel for a week but Talia wants to go to Cinderella’s Castle and the way ii see it….if she cant get there, Cinderella needs to come to her. pray for Talia Marie Pleasant and all those impacted by her life.
read Talia’s story

well…ii wanna make a wish too!!

if ii could make a wish, ii would wish that the stupid Make A Wish Foundation would not be taking away my sister and bestie for a whole FIVE DAYS!! if ii could make a wish, ii would wish that somehow they could have a different wish so ii could somehow be near them during this exciting time. if ii could make a wish, ii would not be staying in BALTIMORE while they go all the way across seven seas and twenty four rivers to the BAHAMAS!! maybe they should be staying IN THE COUNTRY so that ii can feel a little bit connected. but tomorrow morning EARLY AS CRAP they will be going BY LIMO to the airport to venture off to foreign lands for a very long time. actually, ii am a lil happy cause ii get some time without them and PEACE && QUIET is greatly appreciated but ii dont think ii need five days away from them. nope, five days is way too long. but, Jazzzie deserves this. she’s been thru hell and she survived so im glad that her wish came true. Big Mama and Daddy Dearest deserve this because they have been thru this with her the entire time and this is a great way to reward them for staying strong thru everything. now, shink, ii dont really know if she deserves this lol… i mean, she might deserve a great best friend award. maybe even a trip to the ocean or something like that. BUT A TRIP TO THE BAHAMAS FOR FIVE DAYS AND FOUR NIGHTS…um ii dont know if that is sufficient lmao. ii am hoping and praying that they enjoy every single second of their trip and that they return safely home with lots of gifts for me!!! lol. but um, anyways…im going on my own private trip on saturday. where to?? THE AQUARIUM!!! and of course its better than the bahamas…ii get to look at the fish, no one wants to swim with them.DuH!! lol. and ii get to sleep in my own lil bed because that is so much better than a five star hotel suite. and, my mother makes the best pancakes and id take that over free room service anyday!!! hahaha… ok. ii wont have as much fun as them but perhaps a few days with just me and the wifee is exactly what ii need so altho ii am missing them terribly already, ii know that ii am going to have fun this weekend as well. and ii get to do the honors of making the next scrap book!!
so be in prayer for them that they have loads of fun and that they remain safe this whole trip. and pray for me because ii have to drag myself out of bed at 4 am tomorrow morning just to see them off and take pix in the limo….they are lucky ii love them cause at 4 in the morning ii be just rolling over!! ii heart my besties.

a long post

this weekend was expected to be a fairly good one. happy to say, ii wasnt disappointed at all. friday ii ended up being home which was okay with me because ii needed the peace and quiet. ii thought ii would be able to sleep in on saturday but people in america think that seven thirty is a good time to txt me. by the time ten o clock hit breakfast was ready and ii was so thankful to mommy for being such a good chef lolzz. ii got a shower and prepared for my day out. [[notice ii said out and not in]] anyways, it was raining by the time my bae came over so we decided to chill out until it stopped. what do you know…it stops around four o clock so we get ourselves together to go to the movies. next thing we know the wind picks up top speed and we are stuck in the house again. so needless to say, we miss the movie and we are sitting here trying to figure out what we are going to do. then ii get a txt message saying that ii better find something to wear for church because ii had to sing. so me corey and shay decide to go to dots to find something to wear. we come back and decide to just stay in, play spades and order pizza. meek came over and we sat around until around ten thirty having a ball. meek and corey left and ii headed straight to the bed. ii didnt want to wake up sunday morning but ii knew that we had to. of course we are always late because we just wouldnt be us if we were on time lolzz. anyways, shany was to lead the first song of the day and ii was floored when she did a cross over strut around the front of the church. this girl did a dip, a few spins and ii was waiting patiently for her to rock a shoobalou but ii was disappointed lolzz. after church ii drove home and treated mommy to dinner [[understand the two verbs in that sentence… ii DROVE and ii TREATED…now you know it was a good day lol]] ii went home, took a nap and then chilled with in and the baby for a long long time lolzz. ii eventually went to sleep and woke up this morning ready for work.

ii also talked to one of my favorite people this weekend and ii was happy about that. ever since ii can remember my uncle gerald has been down for me and shay. of course, we are his favorite nieces and ii owe part of that to mommy who is his favorite sister. yeah, its good to be associated lolzz. but seriously tho, this dude has been there since day one and he is like the only male role model in my life as far as family is concerned. but, he holds a special place in my heart and ii dont really talk to him as often as ii would like to but when ii can talk to him its like a breath of fresh air. ii plan to go to go visit him in boston very soon but until ii know that he is only a phone call away. this is my heart right here…

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ok, and someone please explain to me why some Tyler Perry tickets is damn near fifty bucks. ii dont understand that at all. ii was trying to be nice and so ii told my mommy that ii would treat her to go see the Marriage Counselor but when ii looked today at the prices the numbers almost blew me away. $45.50…are they serious?? ii wish ii didnt have to pay for her to go but ii already said ii would and im a lil pissed about it especially since ii just bought them Katt Williams’ tickets. but ii aint tripin over it, ii gots the money so might as well stop complaining lol.
and ii have a slight problem…nothing huge, i said slight.  ready?? okay… WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO FOR MY TWENTY FIRST BIRTHDAY?? ii already know that im going to spend a weekend with my uncle for a weekend around that time but other than that ii want to go out somewhere. ii dont want a party or nothing like that but ii do want to have fun and enjoy myself. most likely there will be a dinner for my fam and close friends so ii can celebrate with them but i dunno about the rest of the stuff. im trying to get up out of bmore so if anyone has any ideas that you wanna toss around, let me know. this is crucial and we must start planning now so that ii can start saving up.
and…i am thanking God for my mommy’s friends because one of her peoples just opened up a shop and he is going to hook a sister up with a car in a few weeks and it already passed inspection so ii am so excited about that. everything is working itself out and now all ii have to do is pass my driving  test in two weeks and im good to go. please please please be in prayer for me. and pray that my sis gets approved for her townhouse tomorrow. im ready to make the big move~DOWNSTAIRS lmao!! haha!!

happy monday to yah!!

P.S. ii lovezz my church!!!

why is that gurl so excited??

Posted in Indi*poo, moving on, people I love, prayer, the [[OUTZZ]] of my life... by Tanae' A. on February 29, 2008
Hello everyone!! First of all let me say happy Friday… you all made it thru an entire week in one piece, good bad or indifferent…it is now over so you have a reason to smile. I have two and a half reasons to smile right now and the fact that it is Friday is only the half lolzz…
As most of you know… I have no life. My entire existence is wrapped around work, church and besties and other than that there is nothing else lol. Anyways, on saturday me Shay and LeyLey are going to Mal’s house for a lil get together and I am so excited. I am happy just to be able to chill and hang with new people and play cards all night long. Maybe no one knows how exciting it is to just be in a new environment but I am so super excited about it and thats one of my smiles. Second smile is cut in half so the first half is because I get to spend time with my LeyLey on Saturday and I haven’t seen my darling friend in a while. Second part is because I get to hang with my bae next week. We are going out next Saturday with some other peoples and I am so excited because both our schedules been crazy hectic and I aint had time to hang with him lately.
Prayer Request:: everyone please pray for my big sis Indi*Poo and lil BingBing. He is going to his first day of daycare on Monday and I am happy for him but all of me is so scared cause we wont be there. I hope he likes it and has fun, we’ll see how he does. Indi is going to moving soon and I am so excited but I am also a lil sad cause I am going to miss her and my nephew so much when they are no longer there. I guess I can go visit them and everything but ish wont be the same in the house. Just pray that everything works out okay.

Be Anxious for Nothing…

Posted in Bible, G-D, prayer by Tanae' A. on February 27, 2008
Those are the words that I have been continuously hearing for the past two weeks. Be anxious for nothing, be anxious for nothing, be anxious for nothing… but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known unto God. Funny thing is that up until today, I didn’t take time out to think about the rest of the verse. Someone just kept telling me be anxious for nothing and thats what I kept feeding my spirit but I didnt realize that I was only eating half a meal. but in EVERYTHING by PRAYER and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING make your requests known unto God. So, I’m sitting here trying to wait for God to give me this that and the other but I aint making my requests known. But even before that the thing that grabbed my attention was the supplication with thanskgiving. To supplicate is to go to God humbly in prayer. Its not just to pray, “Oh God, I need this, this and this. Ame.” No, it’s going to God with nothing, its coming before Him even at your lowest and saying “Look God, here I am. I have nothing if I dont have You.” That small part of the scripture reminds me that sometimes I cant go to God as I would anybody else. When I go to God, sometimes I gotta take off the mask, drop the weight on my shoulders, let go of my pride and just kneel before Him just like I am. Sometimes, I gotta go to Him as just plain old Tanae’, and just thank Him just for plain old Tanae’. It’s amazing because so many times I go to God and I’m going as all this other stuff without really realizing it, I’m going to Him with all this stuff that’s clouding who I am but God is like, I want you as you are and not what this world tries to make you be. That really struck a nerve with me fa’real…. it’s time to start going to Him as humbly as humble can get and thanking Him for everything that I already have and then making my requests known unto him. But EVERYTHING in prayer in supplication, with thanksgiving make your requests known unto Him. I was so stuck on the be anxious for nothing part without really knowing my reasons for believing the first part of that scripture. And now its like, once I think about it and what it is that I am thankful for and what it is that I am requesting I’m realizing that the first part of that falls right into place. When you go to God humbly, with thanksgiving and praises on your lips and you let Him know what it is that you requesting THAN you will see that there is nothing to be anxious about. because when you going humbly you are at a point where you taking time out to listen because you actually want to HEAR what it is that He is saying in response to your requests. When you listen you realize that sometimes you shouldn’t be anxious because the very thing that you are asking for has already been made available to you. So dont waste too much time being anxious for nothing… I wish I could re-write that verse…
Do everything in prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, making your requests known unto God and you will have no reason to be anxious for anything

never felt hurt like this before

The worst pain is the kind that you cant smile thru… You ever had a splinter so deep in your finger that no matter which way you tried to move it it still hurt?? Some plinters I used to get would stick out a lil bit so I knew that if I pushed it in the direction that it was going it would feel a lil better because it was slowly making its way out. But, there are some that you can push and push and push but the pain only seems to get worse. There are some that try to move this way and that but it doesn’t subside and its those kinda splinters you know are gonn hurt like hell to get rid of. Well, I have a splinter like that in my heart, making its way to my soul and diminishing my faith. I try to move forward and backwards and this way and that but no matter where I try to move to, this pain is still there. A lot of times I complain and say that there is so much going on. A lot of times a little can look like a lot to me, I know this. But you ever been going thru so much stuff at one time that you cant even figure out in your own mind where to begin the healing process?? My faith isn’t completely gone, I still have a lil bit of something there that I’m trying to hold onto for dear life because I know that as soon as I lose my faith I’m as good as gone. But its hard. The hardest part really, is not having anyone to talk to or listen or care but even more than that its me admitting to myself that I need someone to talk to, to listen and to care. I get so used to doing everything on my own that when I actually need someone it takes a whole lot out of me to admit that but I am coming to realize that I need someone… anyone to be there. The problem is, however, that I dont have anyone because slowly but surely im realizing that I dont have friends that I can go and sit down with and talk to. It sucks because I try and try to be strong but I cant get thru on my own. I cant get thru on my own strength but I know that if I have a few faithful people praying me thru than maybe I can make it to see a brighter day. I know that everything that I am going thru is not in vain. I know that my tears are here for a reason and in the end God is only doing a work in me but I also know that I cant handle it all on my own. I know that if someone would just get on their knees and pray then maybe I can have the strength required to get out of bed in the morning. I know that if some people would just go to God on my behalf than at least I can gain enough strength and faith to get thru this tough time. because quiet as its kept, I dont have the necessary strength needed to get thru. I dont have what it takes to make it thru and I really dont even know that I’ll make it see next week if I have to rely on myself but I know that if I take the lil bit of faith that I have and a few prayers than I can at least find the strength to go to God on my own. I cant talk to anybody, I cant tell nobody bout what im going thru cause wont nobody understand but if a few people would mention my name to God before they go to sleep at night than maybe I can make it through the night. This is a pain never before felt. A hurt that is cuttin me so deep on the inside that its sometimes too much to keep going. I thought about so many things I could do to numb myself but I cant do that. I could easily go out and smoke something or pop a few pills. I could grab a pint of henney and flush out all the pain with every sip. I could even call someone for a quick lay but what would it do?? Start me on a downward path back to the place that i’ve fought so hard to come from. You dont know how bad I want to go back to that but I refuse to compromise my growth in order to feel some type of temporary relief. So Satan, hit me with ya hardest punch but im not giving up. If I gotta get people everyday to pray me thru than thats what I’ll do. If I gotta cry all day long then thats what I’ll do. If I gotta be on my knees all day long praying to God for some kinda strength than thats what I do but I refuse to go back… I just need yall to pray, real talk. Just pray that I make it thru this in one piece, I know its gonna get worse before it gets any better so I just need some praying people to remember my name. I’m getting thru this no matter what.

Faith In Action

Posted in actions, celebrations, community, events, faith, Faith In Action, men, ministry, prayer by Tanae' A. on February 6, 2008

A few years back one of my favorite people, HebHeb, became a radio personality lol. He was on 88.9fm every sunday morning from 5-9 and I would purpose to set my alarm to make sure that I didnt miss a second of the show. For while he was on the air with Phil Deal and then he partnered up with Joi Thomas. Sooner than later he was right on track with Myisha Cherry doing the very talked about talk show entitled Faith In Action. I loved it. Right when they almost hit a year the talk show was off the air. It’s been some time now since Faith In Action graced my Sunday mornings but HebHeb has not been quiet at all. The voice of Rev. Heber M. Brown III has been heard loud and clear and now the time has come again for him to be heard thru my radio. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, Faith In Action is back on the air!!! On Sunday February 10, 2008 my HebHeb will be doing his thang on spirit 1400. The time has not yet been confirmed but as soon as I get word I will put it out there for all to see!! Please, listen in, be a support and keep him in your prayers. If you wanna know more about Heb’s impact on the community you can check him out at faithinactiononline.com. I am so super excited about this and I am so proud of my HebHeb…he is a great man and I call him MINISTRY…