it’s called karma, baby

Somethings I just dont wish on anybody… whether we cool or not. Thats why this morning I ended up having to say a short little prayer of forgiveness because for two seconds i laughed when I shouldn’t have. Everyone always tells me that whats meant to be will be.. but I guess this [for her] wasn’t meant to be. And I kinda knew that it wasn’t. But reality of it is… when you dish something out… you have to know how to take it in. My prayers go out to her, mainly because I kinda know what she’s going thru, but at the same time I cant even sympathize with her because this whole time she been flat out wrong. Hopefully she has learned a leasson… and my prayer is that he has learned a lesson as well. Like they say… what goes around comes back around… so watch what you do.

[right is so wrong]

right now…. i kinda in a weird way need but dont need someone’s opinion about something. I want an opinion because I really dont know what to do about something but at the same time I dont really wanna have to hear what someone has to say because I dont know if they’ll see things from my point of view. So… i just dont know.

I must admit

back in the day

I did some things

and made some mistakes

but out of them all

theres always one

that you just cant shake

stands out like a sore thumb

and what if doing whats right

turns out to be wrong

but either way it’s crazy

cause im still stringin people along

and nothing really ends

unless there’s something in its way

but if I end it

something else starts the same day

and no matter what the outcome

I’m still not right

and I hate the past

that keeps me up every night

cause if there was one thing

that I wish I could take back

it would be this one thing

that wont cut me any slack

and im not even the type

to live in regret

because life is what it is

and what you give is what you get

and one thing i’ve learned

is that i’ve gotten this far

and mistakes build character

so they make you who you are

thats why for the most part

i’m content with who I am

but this one thing I wanna let go of

I just dont know if I can

because there could possibly be

a  lot more damage done

and then yet again

i’ll be the wrong one

and all i’m tryin to do

is make things right

cause I dont know how much longer

I can live in this lie.

Free Shaquanda Cotton

Why is Shaquanda Cotton in Prison?

Shaquanda Cotton, 15, of Paris Texas, is entering the second year of a 7-year prison term for pushing a hall monitor at her high school 2005. Reportedly, there were no serious injuries in the incident and this was her first arrest. Cotton is black. The same judge had recently sentenced a white teenager to probation for arson.

During her imprisonment, Cotton has tried to seriously hurt herself three times. She says she is depressed and afraid of the other girls, most of whom have prior criminal records and serious felony convictions. She told Chicago Sun-Times reporter Howard Witt:

“I get paranoid when I get around some of these girls,” Shaquanda said. “Sometimes I feel like I just can’t do this no more–that I can’t survive this.”

A guard at the prison where she is being held is accused of molesting four girls. The board responsible for overseeing the Texas juvenile justice system amid charges that they covered up sex abuse scandals in several of the facilities it oversees.

Cotton’s supporters say that her case reflects a long-standing pattern of racist treatment in a town whose best-known landmark is the public fairgrounds where black men were routinely lynched as white spectators cheered. The court and prosecutors reportedly denied a Chicago Tribune reporter’s request for comment.

Cotton’s mother said her daughter was singled out because she accused the school district of racism on several occasions. In fact, 12 discrimination complaints have been filed against the school district in recent years. School district officials dispute the charges, but the US Department of Education, which is still investigating, has reportedly asked the US Department of Justice to investigate.

Meanwhile, Mother at Chittlins and Chopsticks has issued a call to action:

“Mothers Unite!
(fathers, brothers, sisters,uncles, aunties, cousins, too)

I can’t stand to see this child suffer like this. She’s already been in that hell hole a year. We must do something…”

Here’s what’s being done:

1. Messages of support are being solicited at Shaquanda’s blog.

2. She also receive mail here:
Ron Jackson Correctional Complex,
Unit 2, Dorm 4
P.O. Box 872
Brownwood, Texas 76804
1125308

3. A Facebook group has been created. In addition to the news and discussion generated there, the group has held a networked prayer vigil for Shaquanda.

4. Paula Mooney is urging that protest letters be sent to Judge Chuck Superville, who handed down the sentence:

Honorable M.C. (Chuck) Superville, Jr., Judge
Lamar County Courthouse
119 North Main
Paris, TX 75460
Phone # 903-737-2410
Fax # 903-785-3858

5. Letters can also be sent to Texas Gov. Rick Perry through his website.

Cross-posted at Professor Kim’s News Notes

so Un*D*Sided

Where is my life taking me? Or where am I taking my life?? Who really knows… I prolly have at least 72 and a half people ask me when I’m going back to school [in one week!!] It’s that I’m lost because that is totally not the case… I dont know what it is… I keep saying that i’ll go next semester but I dont think that I really want to go… but at the same time I know that I kinda have to go. I really wanna get into social work and a lot of people tell me that Morgan is the best for that but I just dont know… I know I can go to school and finish if I really wanted to… the problem is getting there and getting in the groove of things. I just dont know what school I want to go to or what time I wanna take the classes or what days would be best… I dont really know too much of anything… LoL!! ButI do know that I’m making up every excuse not to go when I should ultimately have about 510 reasons why I should go. It’s my life right… and if I want the best out of my life then I’ll go to school… and I’ll do it soon… Just keep praying people!! Thanks.

no more sanmiches!!

yesterday morning… I woke up read for church… and not just the usual every sunday church… but I wanted to have CHURCH!! Well early sunday morning I didnt really get the church that I was hopin for but I got a sermon that was on point… [thank you Bishop!] Anyways… right around offering time my stomach got to growling and I knew that I was ready for some samiches!! But, then the announcement came… loud and clear through out the sanctuary… after this sunday there will be NO MORE SANWICHES… and at that moment I wanted to cry. What do they mean no more sanmiches?? Are they serious?? Oh God!! So today I am a lil upset because now I have to put $3 to the side for a McGriddle on sunday morning. Lawd Jesus… please give these good church folk a change of heart!

A Boring World

I think it’s quite sad really that at the age of 19… I have no life!! It’s friday and I have no idea what I’m doing tonight. I hang with the same two people every friday and we do the same thing… go play pool!! Every once in a while we’ll throw some excitement in by going to eat or going to a movie… but come on man… It’s boring! These day I ask people what they’re doing and they’re going here there and everywhere… but we do the same thing every weekend… it’s like a routine. Quit simple… stress free.. cause God knows the only stress I need is figuring out what movie I want to see and what time I wanna go… now that is what you call STRESS!! Or more importantly… what jeans am I gonna put on with this sweater… I’ve been tryin to figure that out all dag on day and I still dont know… I am also stressing because I need a new phone… bills have to be paid… and today is not a pay week so I cant play for money tonight… [now how sucky is that!!] I think my life is just getting so boring…. what do you think?? I think this is what happens when you get a 9-5… no one warned me!! LoL!! Everyday its the same thing.. I go to work go home and watch tv except on mondays and fridays when I go to dance rehearsal or out to play pool. Saturdays… I stay in… watch tv and dont even attempt to put on clothes unless of course… someone is treating!!! LoL!! [I’m always down for a treat!] Well… I think I should do something more with my life cause now I feel like one of those people who drink coffee every morning and read the newspaper on a daily basis… [i read the Examiner this morning on the way to work… now that is boring!] But its all good because even tho this way of life is like totally boring… its also kinda stress free… If all I have to worry about is what movie I wanna see on a friday than I guess this is the good life and I’m actually loving it right…. Please remind me to go to 7:30 service on sunday.. I need some ‘samiches’ and sunday school!! LoL!! Welcome to my boring world!!

broken washing machine

I…have…a….problem

My washing machine is broke!

And to the average person

it would be a shrug of the shoulders

but to me

THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH PEOPLE

I hate washing clothes

and I know that hate is a strong word

but I think that the entire concept of washing clothes

is a tad-bit ubsurd

and only God knows

how aggravated I get

when my hamper begins spilling over

Uuuurrrggghhhh!!!!

So this week.. guess what happened

I went to put a pair of work pants in the hamper

and they would not fit

so now

I must reserve an entire day

to wash clothes

and yes, it does take me a full

24 hours

just to wash three loads

and I still haven’t put away

the two loads that I was forced to wash

in the beginning of this month

but my sister

had to break the washing machine

and I want so bad for my clothes to get clean

but if I even attemp to wash them

there would be a flood in my basement

that I would have to clean up.

and so now

I have two bags of dirty clothing

sitting in my room

because I absolutely refuse

to go to anybody’s laundromat

and so we wait

patiently

and we go to Walmart to stock up

on underclothes and socks

and I’ll buy shirts to go with pants

that I wear only when

a tragedy like this

really does occur

and I wish upon every single

bright yellow star that I see in the sky

that some God sent person

would come and fix this thing

because my only fear is that

by the time it gets fixed

I’ll have 6 loads to wash instead of three.

time to rethink some things

Dear You,

I never understood how you could love me so much

Now I think I do

becausenow I find myself

loving you just as much

Now I ask myself

How can you fall out of love with me

and I dont think

I’ll ever find the answer

Cause I dont think

that I could ever make my heart forget you

And as much as I try to hate you

I can never stop loving you

long enough

to be mad or angry

So I settle for just being hurt

cause that’s one thing I cant deny

And I’ll never ask if you still love me

cause I think I know the answer

and I dont think my hears would bear to hear

what the truth really holds

so I’ll settle for nothing

Nothing is good.

It’s better than knowing that I no longer

have a place in your heart

and I wish we could go back to the days

when you loved me with everything you had

back to the days when you wouldn’t even try to hurt me

but now it seems like

causing me pain

is just some hobby

that you tend to do

at every free moment of every day

you said you didnt know you hurt me

but I think it’s not the truth

cause your eyes lie

everytime you look at me

they hold emotions

that i’ve never even tried to feel

and I know that somewhere in your heart

you feel the hurt that I feel

but you wont let me in long enough

to make that hurt go away

you walk in the opposite direction

and im forced to think back to the day

that I wondered how was it possible

for you to love me so much

now I ask… how can you just stop?

Tae’

i jus need to vent

Right now I am so stressed and I feel stupid cause I’m letting this one [worthless] person get me all worked up for nothing. I’m tryin to push all this nonsense out of my head and it’s not working. Now he’s tellin me that he wants to talk to me… this idiot aint called me since january… now he wanna talk. TWO MONTHS LATER. And me being the stupid person that I am I’m probably gonna listen to every single thing that he has to say and probably fall right back into the trap. Everybody keeps tellin me that I’m stronger than this but it’s times like this that I feel so weak… he does that to me. He makes me wanna scream in frustration… they all tell me not to talk to him… not even to answer the phone but they dont really understand where I’m coming from. Part of me knows that I’m just being stupid but part of me is just so tired of being this damn frustrated. I dont know what to do. I dont know if I wanna cry or laugh. I’m hurt and I cant tell no one cause they all tell me to get over it but for some reason I cant. I cant erase the pain and I cant undo whats been done and that make even more upset. I wanna laugh because if I was strong I could say that he was stupid for thinking that he would have any opportunity what-so-ever to even get a simple hello out of me. But I’m not strong… im gullible… vulnerable (gosh… I hate that word)… so i cant laugh at him. If anything he can laugh at me… after all I am writing an entire blog about him. He’s taking over my thoughts. And I honestly just wish that there was no such thing as a spring break cause then none of this would be going on. i wish someone would just tell me what to do. Tell me how I should react to everything thats going on around me. Tell me to do something other than just get over him. SOMEBODY TELL ME SOMETHING!!! Cause right now I’m so lost…. I just need help.

Tae’

sundai mo’ning

Yesterday was a happy sad kinda day. I had to make my way to 7:30 service cause we had to dance and I guess I realized how much I really love being up there with them… cause ultimately it doesn’t matter how many times we mess up, we laugh the whole way thru and have fun. Half way thru service my smile was stolen from me as soon as my idiot of an ex walked thru the door. It took me about ten minutes to regroup and eventually I kinda convinced myself that he wasnt worth it. The guest preacher did a good job… I still dont know that lady’s name… (how said is that??) But anyways… The good ppl of the church decided to feed us ‘sanmiches’ between services and although I didnt eat any I put my good ol $3 in the little basket just cause I was so excited to see ‘sanmiches’ ‘tatters’ and some warm apple sauce! Then it was off to sunday school. It was a good lesson and it felt good to sit in there cause its been a minute since I been in that setting. 10:45 service was GREAT!!! I was syked cause HebHeb preached bout disengaged youth but I was a lil bummed cause we had to leave early so i missed the end of a good sermon… i just might have to get the tape! LoL… seriously. We met my nephews god parents at Cactus Willies and ate some great food… LoL (I’m so fat!) Ate some great cake and then went to church LATE so the baby can get Christianed. So over all one would suspect that it was a good day… SO TOTALLY WRONG. People are so phony it’s ridiculous. It’s not like I didnt know but gosh… So I’m pretty much to the point that if people is tellin me one thing and doind the complete opposite then they completely written off. I dont have time for phony people and I def dont have time for nobody to be stabbin me in the back. So everybody that I even suspect is being phony is totally cut off. But I’m happy today cause it’s monday and a good monday…. and a new day!!

Tae’