confirmation…

wow. okk soo GoD is AMAZING!!! or did you already know that?? lol. last week was a FANTASTIC WEEK!!! wednesday night was awesome nd then we turned around nd got a Rhema word on Thursday nd GoD really moved!!! Saturday GoD decided to reveal some things to me nd THEN sunday morning Apostle straight walked all up nd down my street with confirmation. like, who does that?? haha. he confirmed EVERYTHING that GoD had shown me on Saturday nd then Pastor turned around nd BLEW MY MIND on sunday afternoon. im just thanking Jesus for placing ppl in my path that make themselves available to the work of GoD. there are plenty of ppl that are in the pulpit without a purpose but ii have been BLESSED to be under the leadership of WONDERFUL men nd women of GoD that come with TRUTH!!!! thanking GoD for revelation nd confirmation.

ii think ii just fell in love all over again :)

you know how you have that one thing from when you were little that just makes you smile all over just thinking about it because for two seconds when you get to relive that memory you feel like you were ten all over again?? well thats how ii felt a few minutes ago when ii spotted someone with penny candy. oh.dear.Jesus. it was as if ii had seen the light and went to my own personal heaven for all of two minutes. ii haven’t had penny candy in ssooossooossoossoo long. and it took me back to them good ol friendship days when we would ALL walk from my grandmothers house to sunday school and on the way we would all stop at Speed’s just to get two dollars in penny candy.a piece. it was the only way we could stay woke during the service lol. by the time we got back in the house we would be emptying out pockets and purses that were stuffed to the max with wrappers and we would all get yelled at for eating all that candy in church. after while our parents just stopped fussing about it. right now. ii got me a whole bag of penny candy. no, ii cant eat it all in two hours…ill prob die if ii tried. but by the end of two days im sure ill be cleaning my purse of all the wrappers that ii will be sure to leave behind. ii feel like a kid again and it feels damn good. see what penny candy will do to?? lmao.

fat.thumb.issues

yesterday was probably the FUNNIEST most ANNOYING day EVER!!! after early service we decided to take a trip to Burger King to get some breakfast. there was only two cars in front of us so we were thinking that the wait wouldnt be long at all…NOT. first off, the manager was so damn disrespectful it was ridiculous. ii was tryna piss her off so ii ordered a whole bunch of food that nobody really wanted. it really worked too cause she was heated by the time we drove around to the second window lmao. but ii guess karma is a big headed b. cause we ended up waiting for 40 minutes just to get our food. thanks to the lady with the family van who decided to order eight hundred meals for all her kids. but. by the time 10:30 hit we knew we had to get back to the church in 15 minutes or else SOMEONE would be in trouble. we got our food at 10:30 and ii literally sped up North Point just to get there in time. needless to say that there are people that actually drive the speed limit and those people slowed me down so we didnt get there til 10:47 and that was two minutes too late. anyways…ii ate ALL THE FOOD like a big fattie and it was delicious lolzz.

 then. after second service me and Shay goes home to eat some crabs. we eating them and ii get to the second to last one and then the inevitable happens… fricking claw clawed me. stuck me right in my damn thumb. im telling ya.it hurt like crap. and the seasoning only made it burn more but ii kept eating my crabs lol. ii didnt really realize until last night that it really is swollen a little bit and now ii have a fat thumb that really starts to hurt when ii squeeze it lmao.

ii am actually irritated for a number of reasons. at first ii was upset with my mother but then ii talked to someone who could better explain things so now im cool with her. ii understand her for like once in life and im gonna allow her to sulk for a while. she’ll come around eventually. now….the REAL reason for my irritation is money… well of course it is. thats the only thing that irritates me. well. ii am going to be really honest right now about the plans that got crushed. this weekend is our annual PCIF conference. of course.last year ii was so not excited about this but this year it is what it is. BUT.ii called myself trying to beat the system and get around paying but FOR SOME REASON they aren’t doing things the same as last year so I HAVE TO PAY THE REGISTRATION FEE and do you know what this means?? ii refuse to stay in a hotel room. that would be 200 dollars out of my pocket that ii could spend on like THE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR GAS or something like that. so.this weekend ii am going to be taking Chelley to the banquet on Friday night and ill prob shill out by the bool or something until that is over with. then ill drive ALL THE WAY home to get a good nights sleep. then on saturday ill DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK for whatever is going on that day. ii figured that an extra round trip is not going to cost me 129 dollars in gas…maybe around 40 tops. so ii am actually SAVING MONEY…hey.it feels damn good lmao. so…thats my issue for this weekend. oh.and ii have three days until Thursday gets here and ii am ssoo excited. you’ll find out sooner or later whats going on but for now just know that ii am excited about it. and EVERYONE knows that ii HATE thursdays with a passion but this Thursday is going to be a good effin day. lmao. ii hope so at least. keep praying for me and all my issues lmao.

other than all the fat.thumb.issues muh life is great. ii am realizing more and more each day that ii gots the best friends.fam.support that ANYONE could EVER ask for so ii know that ii am blessed and ii wouldnt trade ANY of them in for the world.

yes.ii love it.

so.as you can see. ii made thru this slave heat weekend in one piece.and ii must say that it was pretty good too. youth day was a super success and altho ii was stressed all day running around between dances and choir stands ii was very much pleased. everything went so super well and ii am happy. ii must say for the record that french fry lady is off the hook.ii only call her french fry lady because ii dont know her name and she preached about french fries at our youth day last year. ii guess now im gonna have to start calling her pearl gurl.lmao. that lady can preach her tail off.

about the whipped cream.lmao. saturday we were watching movies and ii went to find a soda in the fridge and BEHOLD there goes whipped cream.lol.sorry.it just made me happy. ii dropped the soda ii was so excited.right there next to the orange soda was the hi-light of my evening and ii was super excited today cause ii got a frapp with EXTRA whipped cream and caramel sauce…how hott is that?? yes.ii lovezz me some whipped cream.ii think ii might have to buy myself some for safe keeping.lol

ii misses muh best friend…it is senior week and my bestie and goone are in o.c. living it up. they are not coming back til sunday and ii need her to be here cause ii have so much to tell her. omg.yes ii need her this week lol. but good thing is that after this week is over everything will go back to normal and ii will FINALLY have my goone with me.now, im looking forward to that.

tryna be in the Zone. yes.ii am being a lil bit greedy but ii figured that deep down inside this is called rational thinking.lmao. ii want more money. being as tho ii just got promoted ii have more money but still, ii want more money than that.lol. so, what do we do?? we get a pt job. yes.ii know ive tried this before and it didnt work too well for me but understand the determination. ii cannot continue to have my afternoons free because then ii end up getting into trouble. ii know that summer is all about money and fun but the more busy ii am the less mess ii can get into and then ill have even more fun online SHOPPING when that cool check come in. naw.but seriously. ive put a lot of thought into it and im tryna be in there so im keeping my fingers crossed so that ii can occupy my time a lil better. and ii def have to get the finances together so that ii can get my stuff together for school in the fall…so looking forward to that. so everyone pray that ii get this pt and you may can even squeeze a dollar or two outta me lmao.

last but not least.the hi-light of my whole weekend. ok.let me not lie. it really wasnt the hi-light but it meant a lot to me. ii talked to my best friend.brudder.cousin phil. yes.he called me. of course, it has been forever since we’ve talked because of all the number switches and what not but the other night he called me and ii was secretly happy cause ii misses him so much. ii am kinda sad tho because things arent the same with so much space between us.he aint the same phil that he was when he was here and ii wish he would come back so that ii can keep tabs on him and make sure he aint being dumb. but oh well.ii still lovezz him to death and thats the only dude that ii bangs wit heavy.

hope your weekends.were as good as mine.even in all this heat.oh yeah.shout out to my big cousin:: PASTOR james e. lemon jones. proud of you baby.

something to look forward to

ii hate to admit that for once in like forever ii am looking forward to youth day o8. seriously, ii think ii was a lil too quick to bash the leaders on last week out of frustration but to my surprise, everything is coming together and some people are taking the extra initiative to do what needs to be done. this week is crunch time and we only have a few more days to get everything on point but ii know that it is going to work out. ii am soo excited and cant wait to see how things turn out. secretly, ii am wishing my HebHeb was gonna be there this year…he played such a crucial part in SBC youth ministry but ii know he better be somewhere praying us thru lolzz… we gonna make it do what it do. the dances are coming together nicely. they are finished and now all there is to do is practice Pratice PRACTICE. today ii have to go to choir practice and dance so ii know ima be tired but oh well it works.

if ii could send a letter to heaven…

Cornell and MY Bishop,

ii know you two are watching over us so you know everything that is going on. well, it’s that time of the year again and last year you guys pulled us thru in one piece. yeah, youth day o7 was a good day. sometimes, ii tend to forget that you guys are always there is spirit, ii know you will be with us on sunday. every once in a while ii feel like giving up, ya know, feel like walking away but then ii remember that you used to always tell me to keep on coming so thats what im doing. ii just wish that one day ii would walk into that sanctuary and see your smiling faces. but ii carry you in my heart forever. Cornell, ii listen to your solo every once in a while, it makes me smile. it kinda makes me feel close to you in a way. this year, youth day aint as big as it was last year. maybe it wont even be as exciting…but we gonna get up there and do our thang. ii was hoping to make you guys proud but ii know that just my showing up is causing you two to smile. ii miss y’all. so much. thank you for being there always, not just during your vacation on Earth but also for looking out from up there in heaven. aint no way ii would’ve stayed this long if it wasn’t for the influence that you guys have and the promise that ii made.

ii love you ssooo much, continue to be with me, with us, always especially next sunday. ii love you…

Tanae’

good, great…AWESOME!!!

ii called myself splurging on payday and so i did some online shopping. well, my clothes came in yesterday and the pants were TOO BIGG!!! ii am happy to know that ii can just take them to a local store and get a different size instead of sending them thru the mail again. and shink has to find something to wear for church so she’ll be tagging along. hopefully she’s in a better mood because she has to have her wisdom teeth pulled so she been acting kinda stank lately. oh well.

tomorrow is so not going to be the best of days. first off, i have to go an entire day away from Bobby Jack. gotta drop him off in the morning to get some reconstructive surgery. hopefully he only has to go back one more time but im not really worried about his bumper for now. after that is the anual turners station parade. ii am so NOT excited about this. every year its the same thing…chicks marching up the street in too short skirts and two dudes in the back tryna drop it like its hott. the same people walking around with 5 kids each trying to show off what they THINK they are doing with their lives….oh.boo.you and ya 4 baby daddies.

ii am, however, looking forward to sunday. PASTOR’S ANNOVERSARY!! ok. ii went to dance practice and choir rehearsal and ii want to do both. well really ii only want to sing one song with the choir but ii know that there is no way possible to do both and ii already have a part in the dance that ii cant turn down. so therefore, ii will be dancing and the choir will be on point and ii will be very very…not happy lol. FREE FOOD!!! that is the reason for my smile all day sunday because we all know that free food is the best food!! YaY!!

last week was some type of appreciation day…either assisstants or secretaries…something like that. whatever. anyways, we ended up having a luncheon. Pat Jessamy came by to drop off some pretty nice tokens of appreciation and someone even brought in some breakfast one morning. the best part of it all…we all have gotten two half days off work. of course, my first thought was…well two halves make a whole. but no. that thought was quickly shot down. we can only take TWO HALF DAYS and one of those will be used on Monday because ii know ii will be exhausted from sunday’s festivities.

great great great news… well the bad news is first. my bestest friend here in the office has just got another job in the division. she will be going to another district, another court house, another office. she is leaving me behind and my insides are crushed cause now ii have no one to eat lunch with every single day. but, good comes out of it. most of you know that for the past year and a half ii have been contractual. meaning, ii dont get benefits, no insurance, no pay on holidays…nothing. ii have been waiting patiently for a position to open up or for someone to move on and although she is the last person that ii want to leave ii am excited. because she is moving on ii automatically get her position and you know what that means?? BENEFITS!!! PAID HOLIDAYS!! INSURANCE!!! DID II MENTION THE PAID HOLIDAYS?? WELL, PAID HOLIDAYS!! AND VACATION TIME!!! PERSONAL DAYS!! SICK LEAVE!! BENEFITS!! you get it?? ok. good. but ii am happy. and altho ii am NOT excited about the work load, ii am excited about the PAID HOLIDAYS and the VACATION TIME [[just in time for summer]] and the SICK LEAVE… give me the docket if ii can get paid for Christmas lmao… but things do work themselves out ii suppose.

Happy Friday and have a great, wonderful and productive weekend!!

pay close attention…

this weekend ii learned three valuable lessons about dudes.

first, is that sometimes the good really does erase all the bad. there’s this guy that ii met a lil while ago and he is just the sweetest person ever. ii gues ii was being kinda shallow because ii was so wrapped up in something so small. now, im not too sure what exactly he has been thru, been too scared to ask but he has what looks like a burn on his face. its not grotesque, just a light spot. ii haven’t really seen too much of him because ii was focusing on that one minor thing but ii happened to run into him at the bank on saturday morning. ii saw him and at first ii wasnt going to speak but ii did and at the end of the day ii realized that if thats the only issue ii have im doing pretty good for myself. he’s a cool dude and ii could see me and him being friends.

second, the ones you think is cool are the ones you gotta watch. ok, there’s this guy ii talked to a lil while ago. his name is Avery. and when ii first met Avery ii thought he was nice. good church going boy, loved God, played drums there, good job, okay looking and pretty cool. we talked for a lil bit and then eventually ii stopped talking to him. dont ask me why, it was just something about him that ii didnt want to be associated with. although we didnt really talk or whatever ii would hit him up on aim every once in a while just to say hey and see how he was doing. friday night, it all fell to pieces. he was on aim and this time he sent me the message TELLING me that he was going to come to my house to see me. hold up. what?? uumm, first off, you dont TELL me that you are coming to see me, you ask. second, even if you did ask the answer would still be no. so he asked me why ii didnt want him to come see me and ii said very politely that we are friends…distant friends… and that means you will NOT be poppin up at my house under any circumstances. yall, when ii say this dude went off ii mean he went OFF. starts calling me every kinda hoe in america. cussing me out acting extra young and just flat out disrespecting me. off course ii was pissed but ii just politely signed out of mym s/n and said nothing else to him. he just happens to be the cousin of a chick ii went to school with and she hit my phone up saturday telling me that he was engaged to be married and all he was trying to do was hit… and im the hoe?? yeah ok. he was fake and that was another lesson learned. glad ii followed my instincts on that one and decided not to talk to him.

third, good friends are always good friends. everyone knows about TKM and ALL our drama lol. well, ii guess at the end of the day he is the only constant male in my life. yeah, we fight, we argue, half the time we cant stand one another but when push comes to shove we got a friendship that doesnt get a price tag. thats my dude and since day one, three years ago, he been down thru all the bullshit, sweat tears and everything else so at the end of the day ii got so much love and respect for that dude just because he is there thru all my craziness. and just like he said the other day, we gonna be friends for a long time to come…as long as he dont get on my nerves too bad lol.

 

in addition to those three valuable lessons ii also learned a whole lot on yesterday::

first lesson: poles run into cars named Bobby Jack!! lmao, ii refuse to go into detail but it has to be stated for the record that the one pole on the far side of the parking lot likes to abuse vehicles so stay far far away from that thing lol.

second lesson:: the ties that bind are stronger than those that can tear us apart. after the detrimental [[really not as serious as ii made it]] fight with the pole, ii went to the besties house. the plan was to go to breakfast before church and so Chelley got dressed to go. mind you, this entire time ii was talking to muh main goonie who was literally, right up the street 6 doors down. did ii ask her if she wanted to eat?? nope. why?? BECAUSE A FRICKIN POLE JUST HIT ME, IM PARANOID AND BOBBY JACK DOES NOT LIKE PEOPLE!!! but, of course Shay decides to text her AFTER WE GET TO THE DINER to tell her that we are eating and then she gets mad wondering why we didnt ask her to go. so of course, everyone blames me. so wrong. ii think she’s over it now cause ii told her we could cooko next saturday and ii would cut up her pancakes lol. that made her love me all over again… haha.

third lesson::  its never too late for change. of course we were late for church and we can blame it all on Laverne [[the besties mother]]. she decided to go to church with us [[praise Jesus]] but it took her eight years to put some clothes on. we sat there, as a family, me, Shay, mommy, Jazzie, Chelley, Brandy, Liz, Laverne, Dre, and Vicky. by the time we left Laverne already said she was coming back next sunday and she would be at the mother daughter tea. it made me think, all of us have been thru hell and high water but yet we were there all at once praising God just for what He is already doing… ii guess some people and things do change…one day at a time.

fourth and final lesson:: Laverne is the BIGGEST trash talker in the history of spades!! we sat down around 8:30 to play a hand of spades. ii promise we only lost because Laverne talked to much crap and it made Jazzie irritated. she couldn’t concentrate on her cards, couldnt think straight or nothing. ii thought it was funny but we are supposed to be having a rematch tonight. ii think ii need to take a rain check cause ii am taking my azz home after dance practice. sistah gurl is tired. we gonna get Jazzie some ear plugs so we can hurry up and womp on these chumps lmao.

.just.so.tired.

im tired yall. really tired. just of the day to day ritual. tired of the everyday people, the everyday headache…the everyday bullshit. tired. tired of trying, tired of helping, tired of being used. tired. just. plain. old. tired. no if ands buts on the end of it…maybe a yarn or two.

yesterday i had to cut off a real cool chick cause being friends with her was keeping me tied to someone else that i didnt want to continue being stuck to in any kind of way. we talked about it and she was cool with it, understood the situation and after that i felt free to walk away. im no longer tied to someone and now that chapter is over with. thank God.

now. i tried the same thing with JHW II but there is no way to be free from that. everywhere i turn there is some way that i am connected to him. i mean, we go to the same church for Christ’s sake and even tho he is hardly ever there….uummm HELLO do you not see his fam and friends surrounding me?? thats a book that has no ending so i guess ill be stuck to him forever…its draining.

i call myself trying to be a friend. i try to be nice, i really do. i let someone who called me their best friend borrow money. the first time i aint think twice about it. she was about to start a new job and just needed gas money. of course ima give it to her especially since she gave me a ride home that day. she claimed she was going to give it back to me and i wasn’t really worried about it… what is ten dollars?? nothing. so two weeks later she had lost that job and was about to start a new job [[did i mention that this chick cant keep a job to save her life??]] and of course was broke and needed money. so, after thinking about i figured id give her some money cause at least she is TRYING to get a job and do something positive. mind you, this wasnt no chumo  change…this was some serious dough, no joke. so, about a week later she loses that job, outrageous yes. so i decides im not going to say anything about the money for a minute cause she needed a chance to get back on her feet. so about three weeks later i asked her when she would have the money and told her i wasnt expecting it all at once. she says that she would have it all on the following friday. by the time the next wednesday came she asked me if she could wait two weeks til the 26th. of course, i said yeah. at least she came at me and asked if i could hold out and i really didnt even need the money. so the 26th rolls around and you would think that she would call me, txt me, im me, hit me up on the space…something. nope. didnt hear from this chick at all. so two days later she texted my phone like she aint owe me nothing…just talking bout nothing. ok, wait a minute, something aint right. i let her go a week just to see if she would mention the money at all. nope. silence. no money talk round here. so by that point i was irritated…not even mad fa’real. i called her and asked when she was going to have the money and after that she been ducking me out ever since. not answering my phone calls or nothing. she was supposed to bring it last week but of course something happened and two days later she magically lost her bank card. so you know what i did?? i went to every single bank website that i could think of and checked to see how long it takes to send a new bank card thru the mail. THE LONGEST THAT IT TAKES TO GET A NEW BANK CARD IS THREE TO FIVE BUSINESS DAYS. ok, she lost the card on saturday so that means it should be in the mail by monday morning and at her house by wednesday or friday.  that means, ill be knocking at her door on saturday evening and if my money aint in my hand my fist will be in her face. sorry but im tired.

pastor’s anniversary is in two weeks. am i excited?? yes and no. excited because first…FREE DINNER!!! i know, i know, the first reason should be because i just love my pastor so much [[which i do]] but…i love food just so much more and you know FREE food is the best food ever invented. so second reason i am excited is because i love my bishop oh so much. third reason…we have three wonderful great menses of GOD preaching and i know that it is going to be a holy ghost filled day. reasons why i am not excited…first, three services, from 7:30 am to around 6:30 pm i will be in Shiloh, around church going people and in church clothes that i do not want to be in for more than two hours max. reason number two, i just got a text message two minutes ago saying that ALL choirs must sing. that means, i have to go to rehearsal and on top of that i have to dance. singing and dancing all day long is not going to work for me so i am going to go to both rehearsals and then decide which one i want to be bothered with because the changing and stresses of both will not be working. reason number three… who in their right mind decided that it was ok to tell Tanae’ that pastors anniversary was coming up two weeks before it comes…ok, allow me to get my head together please. thank you.

im tired. just tired and worn out. tired. i just want to go somewhere far far away and sleep for two days straight and pray for eternity and then come back to try it again. sometimes we just need to get away from the world and just spend some alone time with us and God… until i get to get away ill just be tired and hopefully you will keep praying.

“ya gosta keep coming, baby girl”

the last conversations with Cornell and MY Bishop…

it was a second sunday and YYA were not in place. for some reason there had been a drought and everyone was on chills for the most part. after service ii decided to go speak to my two fav persons who were around the piano with K.Wellz. ii stood there for a minute waiting patiently for my opportunity to speak with them. by the time they had ended their conversation with Wellz, ii was talking to Big Brother Shawn so now they were waiting patiently to speak with me lol… ii turned around and bent down to give Cornell a hug then ii stepped around him laughing as Bishop said something so stupid lol. And there came the conversation that ii will forever remember

 

B: what happened to y’all today??

c: baby girl, what ii keep telling ya??

B. ya gosta keep coming baby girl [[while smackin that left hand on the piano lolzz]]…just keep coming

Me: but we aint having no practices, you know that. and when there are practices its only 4 of us up there

C: you gosta keep coming baby, you strut ya lil cute self in here and you sang!!

B: i dont care if its 2 of y’all up there. you keep coming!

Me: i know, yall keep telling me that

C: dont i keep coming?? huh??

Me: yeah you do ya thing Cornell

C: and dont he keep coming??

Me: yeah, my Bishop keep coming

B: alright then, you keep on coming…

Me: aight Bishop, ima come

C: [[giving me that eye]] now who you fooling?? you aint coming.

Me: ok, when they get it together ima come

B: now dont be talking just to be talking. you know im ya Bishop, i know that trick

Me: [[laughing]] when they get it together ima come

C: alright now, you done said it so it is

Me: promise. ima come

B: thats what i like to hear baby girl

C: ya gosta keep coming

~a few months later: January 11, 2007~

B: hey babygirl, you alright??

Me: yeah Bishop, im alright. you hanging in??

B: come on now baby girl you know im hanging!!

Me: yeah…i know you hanging. you gosta hang cause you my Bishop [[laughs]]… just cant believe this crap

B: yeah me either but we know he’s in glory… you just dont forget your promise baby girl

Me: when they get it straight Bishop, ima come. i promised i would. now its just you and us fa’real

B: you know he’s here…WE gonna get it straight. you got it in you baby girl. you and ms. diva over there.

Me: [[looking at Shay thru the doors]] she is kinda cute aint she… we gonna come Bishop, for Cornell, for you

B: for God baby girl…thats who its for

Me: and for God too…but really for Cornell

B: and ya Bishop?? [[huggin me]]

Me: and my Bishop!!

 

so, i made a promise and every time i get up on that choir stand im doing it for Cornell and MY Bishop. [[and for God of course]] but they are my motivation when i dont feel like it. when i wanna stay home on friday nights instead of going to rehearsal…i hear them in the back of my head saying “you gosta keep coming, baby girl” lolzz… I know they better be happy up there cause we doing pretty good for ourselves and i know that if it wasn’t for the promise that i made to them i wouldnt be up there every second sunday having a blast. so thank you Cornell and MY Bishop for pushing me and for them simple words of encouragement…and the big hugs didnt help none either lol. i miss yall like crazy but yall are forever in my heart.