happy.sad.kinda glad.

today muh almost favorite goonie, KRiS, is coming down and ii am so so so excited. ii havent seen her in too long and we can finally have a REAL gurls night with ALL the chix. and muh goonies, JesSA, is celebrating her birthday on tuesday. ii know its so unethical to party on a tuesday night but we are going to p a R T y ! ! ! !

my lil cuzzo Sedi and their fam is going thru. the next few days are going to be hard for them but more hard on her than anyone. she’ll be okay tho. she just has to remember to trust GoD thru it all. ii know how much Jasmine meant to her. she was more than just a pet, she was a part of their family and she will be missed. Love You Miss Moo Moo lol.

my lil sis Dre is going thru right now too. she’s tryin to put on her gangsta face but ii know she’s afraid of what the outcome is going to be. ii think she feels okay knowing that she has us there to support her no matter what. she’s gonna be alright…ii believe that.

there’s a chik that ii lovezz with ALL my heart. her name is Crystal. a few years ago we became really close thru a ministry that we were trying to start. Crystal is strong. she can make it thru anything even when she thinks she cant. im praying for her. not that she gets thru, because ii know that God is already bringing her thru, but im praying that she holds on to that strength and more than that im praying that ii may be a help to her during this time.

TroyBoy ::sigh:: ii wish ii could just leave it at that. TroyBoy is leaving me. he is going to VA for a job and part of me is happy. part of me is sad. part of me just doesn’t care. happy:: because its something good for him. a new start and a clean get-away from all the craziness here. sad:: because he’s not here in b-more. so its not that simple on days that ii want to see him to just say come over lets chill. indifferent:: because we are both at a point in our lives where we are pretty much going our own seperate ways. if he were to stay in b-more ii would be leaving him behind and if ii were to stay where ii am he would be leaving me. but we both are moving forward with life and maybe one day shit will follow thru but for now we just trying to live life the best way that we can. the other day he pretty much poured his heart out to me. i’ve known how hes felt about me for some time now but when you hear the words its somehow different. ii didnt know how to tell him that ii love him too. ii didnt know how to tell him that somewhere in my heart is a space for him. maybe one day ill be able to tell him that but for now im okay with how things are.

ii talked to LeyLey the other day….so how did that go?? fairly well. how do ii feel about it?? okay ii suppose. will it happen again?? no. ii told her that she can call me before ii leave and that ii would answer just for her but if she just so happens not to call… ii wont be seeing her or talking to her EVER again and honestly…thats a relief to me. it hurts of course but ii feel good about it. ii feel that same relief for that one other person whose name ii refuse to speak out loud. ii feel like for so long ii was the one being left behind but now im not. now im the one doing the leaving and sooner or later that is going to sink in. and when it does. ill be long gone. damn.that feels super good lmao.

last thing and then im done. Nas has a new cd out as of last week. DO NOT SLEEP ON NAS. seriously. that dude is dope boy fresh. he is hottness. straight up…NAS IS A BEAST!!! cop his cd. you have got to hear it. put the carter three to the side for just a minute and let that Nas just rotate a lil bit. see if it aint realness.

Genocide in Darfur

[[story from:: yahoo news]]

THE HAGUE, Netherlands – The prosecutor of the International Criminal Court filed genocide charges Monday against Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir, accusing him of masterminding attempts to wipe out African tribes in Darfur with a campaign of murder, rape and deportation.

The filing marked the first time prosecutors at the world’s first permanent, global war crimes court have issued charges against a sitting head of state, but al-Bashir is unlikely to be sent to The Hague any time soon. Sudan rejects the court’s jurisdiction, and senior Sudanese officials said the prosecutor was politically motivated to file the charges.

Luis Moreno-Ocampo asked a three-judge panel at the International Criminal Court to issue an arrest warrant for al-Bashir to prevent the slow deaths of some 2.5 million people forced from their homes in Darfur and still under attack from government-backed janjaweed militia.

“Genocide is a crime of intention — we don’t need to wait until these 2.5 million die,” he told The Associated Press.

“The genocide is ongoing,” he added, saying systematic rape was a key element of the campaign. “Seventy-year-old women, 6-year-old girls are raped,” he said.

Moreno-Ocampo was undeterred by concern that his indictment against al-Bashir might ignite a storm of vengeance against Darfur refugees and spur Sudan to shut out relief agencies and possibly peacekeeping troops.

“I am a prosecutor doing a judicial case,” he said. Moreno-Ocampo filed 10 charges: three counts of genocide, five of crimes against humanity and two of murder. Judges are expected to take months to study the evidence before deciding whether to order al-Bashir’s arrest.

Al-Bashir “wants to end the history of the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa people. I don’t have the luxury to look away. I have evidence,” the prosecutor said in a statement after submitting his case to the judges.

One victim cited by prosecutors said rapes are woven into the fabric of life in Darfur.

“Maybe around 20 men rape one woman. These things are normal for us here in Darfur,” she said. “I have seen rapes too. It does not matter who sees them raping the women — they don’t care. They rape girls in front of their mothers and fathers.”

Moreno-Ocampo said the rapes were producing a generation of so-called “janjaweed babies” and “an explosion of infanticide” by victims.

The head of Sudan’s Bar Association and ruling party stalwart, Fathi Khalil told The Associated Press that Sudan was not a member of the International Criminal Court and was not bound by Moreno-Ocampo’s decision.

“The prosecutor of the International Criminal Court with his announcement demanding the arrest of President al-Bashir has proved that he is playing a political role, not a legal one,” Khalil said.

Khalil said the decision came after international pressure on the court, undermining its reputation and independence. He said neither the ICC nor the U.N. Security Council have the right to refer a country that is not a member to the ICC to the court.

The Sudanese Liberation Movement-Unity, a rebel group in Darfur, offered to help arrest and extradite any war criminals from Sudan.

If judges issue an arrest warrant, they will effectively turn al-Bashir into a prisoner in his own country. In the past, Interpol has issued so-called Red Notices for fugitives wanted by the court, meaning they should be arrested any time they attempt to cross an international border.

Moreno-Ocampo said most members of the three targeted ethnic African groups were driven from their homes by Sudanese forces and the janjaweed in 2004. Since then, the janjaweed have been targeting the camps aiming to starve the refugees.

“These 2.5 million people are in camps. They (al-Bashir’s forces) don’t need gas chambers because the desert will kill them,” Moreno-Ocampo said, drawing comparison’s with Nazi Germany’s most notorious method of mass murder during the Holocaust.

The refugees “have no more water, no more food, no more cattle. They have lost everything. They live because international humanitarian organizations are providing food for them,” he added.

An estimated 300,000 people have died in Darfur since conflict erupted there in 2003 when local tribes took up arms against al-Bashir’s Arab-dominated government in the capital, Khartoum, accusing authorities of years of neglect.

Moreno-Ocampo said the international community needs to act.

“We are dealing with a genocide. Is it easy to stop? No. Do we need to stop? Yes,” he told AP.

“The international community failed in the past, failed to stop Rwanda genocide, failed to stop Balkans crimes,” he added.

Al-Bashir’s ruling National Congress Party on Sunday warned of “more violence and blood” in the vast western region if an arrest warrant is issued against the president, state TV reported.

There are also fears that the fresh Darfur case could spark a backlash against the 9,000-strong U.N.-African Union peacekeeping force in Darfur.

The prosecutor said it was up to the U.N. Security Council, which asked Moreno-Ocampo in 2005 to investigate crimes in Darfur, to “ensure compliance with the court’s decision.” Achieving unanimous backing for any action will be fraught with problems since two of the council’s members, China and Russia, are Sudan’s allies.

A spokeswoman for the force said it had not suspended any military operations.

“All essential peacekeeping operations are being carried-out by troops,” Shereen Zorba told The Associated Press in an e-mail from Khartoum.

However, she said: “a limited number of operations that carry security risk to civilian staff are temporarily restricted.”

New York-based Human Rights Watch welcomed the charges.

“Charging President al-Bashir for the hideous crimes in Darfur shows that no one is above the law,” said Richard Dicker, director of the group’s International Justice Program. “It is the prosecutor’s job to follow the evidence wherever it leads, regardless of official position.”

Other international courts previously have indicted Serb leader Slobodan Milosevic and Charles Taylor of Liberia while they were in office. Milosevic died in custody in The Hague in 2006 shortly before the end of his trial, while Taylor is on trial in a courtroom just four stories above the room where Moreno-Ocampo made his announcement Monday for orchestrating atrocities in Sierra Leone.

fat.thumb.issues

yesterday was probably the FUNNIEST most ANNOYING day EVER!!! after early service we decided to take a trip to Burger King to get some breakfast. there was only two cars in front of us so we were thinking that the wait wouldnt be long at all…NOT. first off, the manager was so damn disrespectful it was ridiculous. ii was tryna piss her off so ii ordered a whole bunch of food that nobody really wanted. it really worked too cause she was heated by the time we drove around to the second window lmao. but ii guess karma is a big headed b. cause we ended up waiting for 40 minutes just to get our food. thanks to the lady with the family van who decided to order eight hundred meals for all her kids. but. by the time 10:30 hit we knew we had to get back to the church in 15 minutes or else SOMEONE would be in trouble. we got our food at 10:30 and ii literally sped up North Point just to get there in time. needless to say that there are people that actually drive the speed limit and those people slowed me down so we didnt get there til 10:47 and that was two minutes too late. anyways…ii ate ALL THE FOOD like a big fattie and it was delicious lolzz.

 then. after second service me and Shay goes home to eat some crabs. we eating them and ii get to the second to last one and then the inevitable happens… fricking claw clawed me. stuck me right in my damn thumb. im telling ya.it hurt like crap. and the seasoning only made it burn more but ii kept eating my crabs lol. ii didnt really realize until last night that it really is swollen a little bit and now ii have a fat thumb that really starts to hurt when ii squeeze it lmao.

ii am actually irritated for a number of reasons. at first ii was upset with my mother but then ii talked to someone who could better explain things so now im cool with her. ii understand her for like once in life and im gonna allow her to sulk for a while. she’ll come around eventually. now….the REAL reason for my irritation is money… well of course it is. thats the only thing that irritates me. well. ii am going to be really honest right now about the plans that got crushed. this weekend is our annual PCIF conference. of course.last year ii was so not excited about this but this year it is what it is. BUT.ii called myself trying to beat the system and get around paying but FOR SOME REASON they aren’t doing things the same as last year so I HAVE TO PAY THE REGISTRATION FEE and do you know what this means?? ii refuse to stay in a hotel room. that would be 200 dollars out of my pocket that ii could spend on like THE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR GAS or something like that. so.this weekend ii am going to be taking Chelley to the banquet on Friday night and ill prob shill out by the bool or something until that is over with. then ill drive ALL THE WAY home to get a good nights sleep. then on saturday ill DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK for whatever is going on that day. ii figured that an extra round trip is not going to cost me 129 dollars in gas…maybe around 40 tops. so ii am actually SAVING MONEY…hey.it feels damn good lmao. so…thats my issue for this weekend. oh.and ii have three days until Thursday gets here and ii am ssoo excited. you’ll find out sooner or later whats going on but for now just know that ii am excited about it. and EVERYONE knows that ii HATE thursdays with a passion but this Thursday is going to be a good effin day. lmao. ii hope so at least. keep praying for me and all my issues lmao.

other than all the fat.thumb.issues muh life is great. ii am realizing more and more each day that ii gots the best friends.fam.support that ANYONE could EVER ask for so ii know that ii am blessed and ii wouldnt trade ANY of them in for the world.

healer….thats what HE is

for some reason right now, ALL my gurliezz are going thru their own struggles. they all need someone to lean on, someone to understand, and some God to heal. all their issues are different, all their needs are diverse, but their hurt is all the same. and here ii am, sitting here trying to be strong for all them because reality is, im just on chills. everything is going great on my end. im getting blessings galore and maybe that lil thing a week ago that seemed so weird at the time was just God preparing me for this week’s problems. today im trying my hardest to be there for all of them and most would find that to be impossible but ii can do it. things work themselves out. and just like ii told them all, God heals all broken hearts, all wounded spirits and all troubled minds. ii pray for each of their situations, ii pray that they keep the faith and ii pray that God does a work even now. ii dont know what tomorrow is going to bring but ii know that those girls have each other to lean on… they got some chix that are there for them no matter what. and even if all we have to offer is a shoulder to cry on then so be it. ii trust Him to heal all hurt, calm all spirits and bring peace to every mind. ii trust Him. He’s gonna do it, He’s gonna have His way and He’s gonna have each and every one of them stronger because of what they have had to endure. pray for my gurlzz…pray for their families…pray for every single person that they come in contact with in the days to come. pray that they remain strong through it all and when all else fails, pray that they have what it takes to call on the name of JESUS when they have no one else to call. ii love those gurls, all of them…from the bestie all the way down to the cunt…ii love them all and ii know that they’ll ALL  be okay.

IF YOU BELIEVE IN PRAYER…

First off, let me start by saying this…ii love God, He is frickin awesome and ii am forever grateful for every single thing that He has brought me thru in my short life. there have been times when ii have KNOWINGLY got myself into some deep crap and He was there to bail me out in a second. looking back, ii know that if He doesn’t do anything else for me ever again…i’m here today, alive and well and that’s the reason for my smile. that’s the reason for my praise. every time God blesses me, brings me thru something or simply helps me out ii am absolutely amazed because ii know that it could be the other way around. that is why, right now, ii cant complain. ii love Him and ii thank Him for EVERYTHING…

however, today ii am running to Him for help and im not sure if He is going to help me out of this one. dont doubt my faith, ii have plenty of that. but ii also know that sometimes my plan is wwaayy different than Gods plan, today ii pray its the same. ii need Him to give me a break once again, bring me out of this. ii cant make any promises, ii cant promise Him that im going to change my ways, ii cant give my word for anything, ii cant even bargain anything…ii just need HELP. ii just need Him to see me thru this one because right now…MY EVERYTHING IS ON THE LINE AND II HAVE NOTHING TO FALL BACK ON EXCEPT HIM. if He decides that He does not want me to be in the position that ii want to be in ii will try my absolute hardest to remain faithful and continue to trust in Him. if He brings me thru this ii will greatly benefit.

IF AND ONLY IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER…pray…pray…pray. dont stop praying. ii need you to go to God on my behalf. not that He would do anything special for me, because He is going to have His way regardless. but pray that no matter what the outcome may be that ii remain faithful and humble. pray that ii keep the strength for what lies ahead. pray that ii grow more and continue to be the person that HE desires me to be. no matter what the outcome. pray for me. not for my situation…He’s going to take care of that, ii believe that by faith. but pray for me, that no matter what happens ii can still come to Him thanking Him for what he choses to do.

ii want things to work out, ii want that more than anything…but theres a slight chance that it wont work out. im trying not to dwell on that fact, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. but im praying in advance that when He comes thru to bring me thru…i’ll be ready and willing to give more of myself to Him. ii cant promise anything, im far from perfect and a lot of the things ii do are not like Him at all but im still working on bettering me and all ii can offer Him is some effort.

please just pray…only if you believe

i’ll be ready

right now in my life, im all about two things… making money and having fun. that’s it, plain and simple. everything else is on the back burner. if it dont fit into those two categories than im not feeling it at all. im twenty years old and really, ii wanna do me. perhaps thats why im so annoyed right now. in a few weeks ima be on top of my game fareal…doing what ii gotta do to get to where ii need to be. ii aint focusing on the petty shit fa’real. ii aint tryna deal with nobody bugging non-stop bout no stupid stuff. for all that ii can go my own way since thats what people waiting for anyway. people keep thinking that ii cant do this crap on my own but when the shit hits the fan they all gonna be amazed tryna figure out how ii stayed on top. im waiting patiently, cause ii know its only a matter of time before things get hectic and when that happens ii refuse to fall flat on my ass so im taking the necessary steps now so that when things get crazy ii can just pick up the pieces and move on…ii just dont have time for people to be interrupting my money or my fun, ya digg?? im doing what ii gots to do.NOW!!

it’s called cause and effect people

when gas goes up

people start stealing it

when gas prices sky rocket

people break into gas stations

so, whats the solution?? just rob the gas stations instead of the banks lmao. seriously, im in desperate need of a full tank and every time i go i get depressed.

you pay to party

so…this [[summer]] we are making HUGE plans to do EVERYTHING and be EVERYWHERE!! things like this cost money…or did no one tell you that?? ii am secretly upset because the Lil Wayne tickets went on sale yesterday morning and after paying bills ii didnt have any money to buy the tickets…ii am hoping that ii can get some good seats before he actually comes cause if we not up in there ii will be upset but oh well. thats not that serious. more pressing irritation…Silk’s Bday. ok, the 31st of this month is my homegurl Silk Rayon’s 21st birthday and we are going to LIVE IT UP!! this means that ii have to buy a dress, shoes, accessories and have enough money to eat and buy me and the bday gurl some drinks…we already got VIP on lock so ii aint gotta worry about that. ok, so whats the problem?? ii have to finish paying off my car and ii have to pay car insurance next pay so that means ii am officially BROKE!! of course, ii always find ways to salvage money out of somewhere so perhaps everything will work out okay. i’ll keep you posted on that event in the days to come.

im just saying…ii need to get on top of my A game cause ii cant be having all these plans with no money but its straight tho because after this pay the car is payed off and all ii gotta worry bout is insurance and a phone….can someone, anyone say hallelujah!! this [[summer]] is about to be right!!

uurrgghh…the pressure

ok…i’m Tanae’. plain and simple. ii do what ii want, when ii want and if ii dont want to do something then ii wont do it. so why in the world are there people that continue to force me to do shit that ii dont want to do…YES II AM TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL. okay, okay…this is the point where you sigh and hang your head. ii know what the plan was, ii created it. ii know what the goal was, ii made it up. ii know what everyone was expecting….but oh.well. this is whats happening. first of all…gas is exactly three dollars and fifty seven cents as of 7:45 this morning. therefore driving to work everyday would force me to put gas in my tank at least three times a week. now lets average this out and weigh the options. as far as im concerned, a half tank in Bobby is like E so ii never let it get past that middle mark. if im exactly on a half tank it takes twenty to get me filled up. right now, i fill up ONCE A WEEK and that gets me every where ii need to go after work hours. ii also pay for a weekly bus pass which runs me 16.50…we can round that to twenty if you would like. so thats forty dollars of transportation in one week if i take the bus to work everyday. now, with the whole gas thing in mind, if ii fill up three times a week thats already sixty dollars in one week…plus parking. everyone knows that parking is not cheap in the city. so now, take that sixty and add a good ten to twenty dollars to it depending on where ii park at and that is 70 to 80 bucks out of my pocket every week…JUST TO DRIVE TO WORK!! i’ll take MTA. now, what does this have to do with school at all?? the original plan was to go to Sojourner Douglass College, of course that plan was put into motion before ii got my car and the plan was to drive. well, at that time ii wasn’t thinking of the financial aspect of it. anyways, if ii were to go to SDC which is two seconds from my job ii would have to drive to work everyday. so, ii started thinking a lil more reasonably. if ii go back to CCBC ii would only have to drive right up the street from my house to go to class…so after ii get off the bus ii can walk to my house, eat then get in my car and drive three minutes up the street. ok, so whats the problem. really there is none. ii want to go to CCBC and thats where ill go in the fall and everyone is okay with that except for the well-educated older cousin. sorry honey, im doing things my way. ii actually owe CCBC a couple [[hundred]] dollars but that should be in the clear by the time registration gets here. that just means that ii have to start saving up some money so that ii can have enough money to cover books if ii dont get the financial aid that ii am desperately praying for. ii just dont like feeling pressured to do something that ii dont want to do. ii want to go to CCBC and ii am well aware of the fact that it is not a four year college but its a start and if im going back then ii might as well start somewhere that im comfortable. it may not be what you prefer but im going the way ii want to go because thats the road im going to stay on. if ii try to do everyone elses way ii wont finish like ii should so everyone who dont like it can fall back…oh.boo.you this is MY life.

un~complicate my life

Since the beginning of time, TKM has been down for this chick. SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING!!! I met this dude three years ago and thru it all he has been there. But, you all know this already. So what’s so complicated now?? Well, last night he hit my phone up telling me how he is in love with me and all this other stuff…ok, slow ya role playa. what?? I didn’t know what to say cause everything I had to say would sound so rude to him so I didnt say anything. The goonie says that I should drop him now because he’s only going to be stuck to me like a leech. I dont know what to do, he is the only constant thing in my life and I am really happy to have him as a friend but as far as anything else is concerned, I cant go there.

I just dont know.