[{GRaViTY}]

saying goodbye early

Posted in life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on July 25, 2008

it just hit me…just now. goodbye is probably the worst thing that you could say to anyone but behind every goodbye there’s a hello. for so long I was so caught up in the goodbye that I never got the chance to reach my hello. I dont know where this road is going to lead…all I know is where I’ve been and what I’ve been thru. I’m scared. I really am. But this is my early goodbye. I’m saying goodbye to this part of my life so that I can say hello to what ever is going to come. So, goodbye to all of my wonderful readers…until Nov. and I hope to have a bunch of birthday comments when I return lol. Yes, my twenty first birthday is November 16 and I will not be blogging that day either. Just keep me in your prayers as always. Thank you for always reading and for commenting and emailing me and for praying for me.

Rest In Peace::
Tawana
Brielle
Ms. Sarah
Uncle Warren
Khia “K-Swift” Edgerton
Cornell:: a promise is a promise Cornie…I know that. thanks for helping me thru this.
Bishop:: you used to always tell me that I can do whatever…well, whatever is here and I kinda need you to keep telling me that I really can do this.
Rest In Peace Tee:: I miss you baby girl but I know you watching over me and making sure that I’m doing right. Things aint been the same without you and I want you to know that I’ll never forget you. You are my heart and I wish you were here. I LOVE YOU!!

towards the end

Posted in decisions, family, friends, G-D, life, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on July 24, 2008
There are certain people in my life whose opinion I really kinda value. Not necessarily because of the positions that they hold but moreso because of the role that they have played in my life and continue to play. I tend to take a lot of people’s feelings into consideration when it comes to doing things in my life even if it means completely going against what it is that I want to do. Needless to say, usually I end up wondering what would have or could have happened if I would have just went with my heart. So that’s what I’m doing now. I’m going with my heart. I’m looking to God for guidance and I’m doing what’s right for me. Right now I’m on a journey to be something better. A journey that will open doors for me in the long run. It’s hard and every day I think about backing out but what is the alternative. Why continue to stay in the position that you are on because of fear or uncertainty?? While I’m scared and uncertain about whats to come I’m more excited about anything. I’m excited that I have a new life ahead of me. I’m excited that I am going on to do great and wonderful things and if no one else is proud of me I know that I am proud of me. I’m proud of the step that I have chosen to take and I am proud of the things that I have yet to accomplish. The closer that I get to the end of the countdown, the more excited I get. The more confident I become. The more sure of my decision I am. I am praying more now than EVER and truely making sure that God is in my corner but for now I’m just taking things one day at a time. There’s a lot going on in my life right now but it’s all good things that will benefit me in the long run. I’m finding stability in every single aspect of my life and it feels really good. I have something there. Something guaranteed. Something to fall back on and I love it. I love this life. I love the people in my life. And more that anything I love the discomfort because when you are too comfortable that means that something is not right. I’m moving forward and doing great things. Eventually, probably towards the end of this journey, I will let you all know what exactly is going on but for now…just keep me in your prayers.

a Queen she was

Posted in Baltimore, death, life, music by Tanae' A. on July 22, 2008
They say the good die young. I guess thats true but at 29 I suppose it was her time to go because GOD doesnt make mistakes. She was B-More’s club queen, 92Q’s baby gurl, this city’s example. She was more than just a club queen…she was a role model. She broke barriers that NO OTHER FEMALE was able to break. She had a heart for children and the Q-munity as a whole. Khia Edgerton aka K-Swift will NEVER be forgotten because her mixes will live on forever. Her memory will live on. Her influence will live on.
My prayers go out to her family as well as the Q family. B-More is hurting right now but we gotta celebrate her life. We gotta celebrate the person that she was. She was the reason for so many of our late night dance off’s in the middle of the street. She was the reason for our battle wins between club and gogo back in them dorm rooms lol. She was a true queen and her memory lives on.
Rest In Peace K-Swift… Baltimore’s one and only CLUB QUEEN

happy.sad.kinda glad.

Posted in decisions, family, friends, frustrations, issues, life, love, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on July 18, 2008
today muh almost favorite goonie, KRiS, is coming down and ii am so so so excited. ii havent seen her in too long and we can finally have a REAL gurls night with ALL the chix. and muh goonies, JesSA, is celebrating her birthday on tuesday. ii know its so unethical to party on a tuesday night but we are going to p a R T y ! ! ! !
my lil cuzzo Sedi and their fam is going thru. the next few days are going to be hard for them but more hard on her than anyone. she’ll be okay tho. she just has to remember to trust GoD thru it all. ii know how much Jasmine meant to her. she was more than just a pet, she was a part of their family and she will be missed. Love You Miss Moo Moo lol.
my lil sis Dre is going thru right now too. she’s tryin to put on her gangsta face but ii know she’s afraid of what the outcome is going to be. ii think she feels okay knowing that she has us there to support her no matter what. she’s gonna be alright…ii believe that.
there’s a chik that ii lovezz with ALL my heart. her name is Crystal. a few years ago we became really close thru a ministry that we were trying to start. Crystal is strong. she can make it thru anything even when she thinks she cant. im praying for her. not that she gets thru, because ii know that God is already bringing her thru, but im praying that she holds on to that strength and more than that im praying that ii may be a help to her during this time.
TroyBoy ::sigh:: ii wish ii could just leave it at that. TroyBoy is leaving me. he is going to VA for a job and part of me is happy. part of me is sad. part of me just doesn’t care. happy:: because its something good for him. a new start and a clean get-away from all the craziness here. sad:: because he’s not here in b-more. so its not that simple on days that ii want to see him to just say come over lets chill. indifferent:: because we are both at a point in our lives where we are pretty much going our own seperate ways. if he were to stay in b-more ii would be leaving him behind and if ii were to stay where ii am he would be leaving me. but we both are moving forward with life and maybe one day shit will follow thru but for now we just trying to live life the best way that we can. the other day he pretty much poured his heart out to me. i’ve known how hes felt about me for some time now but when you hear the words its somehow different. ii didnt know how to tell him that ii love him too. ii didnt know how to tell him that somewhere in my heart is a space for him. maybe one day ill be able to tell him that but for now im okay with how things are.
ii talked to LeyLey the other day….so how did that go?? fairly well. how do ii feel about it?? okay ii suppose. will it happen again?? no. ii told her that she can call me before ii leave and that ii would answer just for her but if she just so happens not to call… ii wont be seeing her or talking to her EVER again and honestly…thats a relief to me. it hurts of course but ii feel good about it. ii feel that same relief for that one other person whose name ii refuse to speak out loud. ii feel like for so long ii was the one being left behind but now im not. now im the one doing the leaving and sooner or later that is going to sink in. and when it does. ill be long gone. damn.that feels super good lmao.
last thing and then im done. Nas has a new cd out as of last week. DO NOT SLEEP ON NAS. seriously. that dude is dope boy fresh. he is hottness. straight up…NAS IS A BEAST!!! cop his cd. you have got to hear it. put the carter three to the side for just a minute and let that Nas just rotate a lil bit. see if it aint realness.

we live here…you & me.

Posted in death, family, friends, im so over it, lost one, people I love by Tanae' A. on July 15, 2008
right now ii am upset. enraged. mad. because of the world that we live in. can we really not go outside in the street without being scared for our lives?? can we really not step into a club or party without getting shot up or beat down?? is this really our reality?? we live here. this is where we call home. some friends of mine lost their cousin on sunday night. he was at a party. enjoying his self. having fun. at the end of the night he wasn’t breathing. ii didnt know him. i’ve seen him before but ii couldn’t point him out in a crowd if someone paid me. but ii know his family. ii know his cousins and his friends. ii know the people that are hurt over his death. ii know that this is not a place that ii want to live. ii know that ii dont want to call this home if people are losing their lives ridiculously. ii know that this is not the place that ii want to have children because im scared that their lives will be in danger every time they walk out of the door.
Tyrelle, Kashay, Ryeisha and family…keep yall heads up. everything happens for a reason and God wont give you more than you can handle. you too Te and Jon, im here if you need me
Rest In Peace Tariq Alston 07/13/08

Genocide in Darfur

Posted in Genocide in Darfur, issues, life by Tanae' A. on July 14, 2008

[[story from:: yahoo news]]

THE HAGUE, Netherlands – The prosecutor of the International Criminal Court filed genocide charges Monday against Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir, accusing him of masterminding attempts to wipe out African tribes in Darfur with a campaign of murder, rape and deportation.

The filing marked the first time prosecutors at the world’s first permanent, global war crimes court have issued charges against a sitting head of state, but al-Bashir is unlikely to be sent to The Hague any time soon. Sudan rejects the court’s jurisdiction, and senior Sudanese officials said the prosecutor was politically motivated to file the charges.

Luis Moreno-Ocampo asked a three-judge panel at the International Criminal Court to issue an arrest warrant for al-Bashir to prevent the slow deaths of some 2.5 million people forced from their homes in Darfur and still under attack from government-backed janjaweed militia.

“Genocide is a crime of intention — we don’t need to wait until these 2.5 million die,” he told The Associated Press.

“The genocide is ongoing,” he added, saying systematic rape was a key element of the campaign. “Seventy-year-old women, 6-year-old girls are raped,” he said.

Moreno-Ocampo was undeterred by concern that his indictment against al-Bashir might ignite a storm of vengeance against Darfur refugees and spur Sudan to shut out relief agencies and possibly peacekeeping troops.

“I am a prosecutor doing a judicial case,” he said. Moreno-Ocampo filed 10 charges: three counts of genocide, five of crimes against humanity and two of murder. Judges are expected to take months to study the evidence before deciding whether to order al-Bashir’s arrest.

Al-Bashir “wants to end the history of the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa people. I don’t have the luxury to look away. I have evidence,” the prosecutor said in a statement after submitting his case to the judges.

One victim cited by prosecutors said rapes are woven into the fabric of life in Darfur.

“Maybe around 20 men rape one woman. These things are normal for us here in Darfur,” she said. “I have seen rapes too. It does not matter who sees them raping the women — they don’t care. They rape girls in front of their mothers and fathers.”

Moreno-Ocampo said the rapes were producing a generation of so-called “janjaweed babies” and “an explosion of infanticide” by victims.

The head of Sudan’s Bar Association and ruling party stalwart, Fathi Khalil told The Associated Press that Sudan was not a member of the International Criminal Court and was not bound by Moreno-Ocampo’s decision.

“The prosecutor of the International Criminal Court with his announcement demanding the arrest of President al-Bashir has proved that he is playing a political role, not a legal one,” Khalil said.

Khalil said the decision came after international pressure on the court, undermining its reputation and independence. He said neither the ICC nor the U.N. Security Council have the right to refer a country that is not a member to the ICC to the court.

The Sudanese Liberation Movement-Unity, a rebel group in Darfur, offered to help arrest and extradite any war criminals from Sudan.

If judges issue an arrest warrant, they will effectively turn al-Bashir into a prisoner in his own country. In the past, Interpol has issued so-called Red Notices for fugitives wanted by the court, meaning they should be arrested any time they attempt to cross an international border.

Moreno-Ocampo said most members of the three targeted ethnic African groups were driven from their homes by Sudanese forces and the janjaweed in 2004. Since then, the janjaweed have been targeting the camps aiming to starve the refugees.

“These 2.5 million people are in camps. They (al-Bashir’s forces) don’t need gas chambers because the desert will kill them,” Moreno-Ocampo said, drawing comparison’s with Nazi Germany’s most notorious method of mass murder during the Holocaust.

The refugees “have no more water, no more food, no more cattle. They have lost everything. They live because international humanitarian organizations are providing food for them,” he added.

An estimated 300,000 people have died in Darfur since conflict erupted there in 2003 when local tribes took up arms against al-Bashir’s Arab-dominated government in the capital, Khartoum, accusing authorities of years of neglect.

Moreno-Ocampo said the international community needs to act.

“We are dealing with a genocide. Is it easy to stop? No. Do we need to stop? Yes,” he told AP.

“The international community failed in the past, failed to stop Rwanda genocide, failed to stop Balkans crimes,” he added.

Al-Bashir’s ruling National Congress Party on Sunday warned of “more violence and blood” in the vast western region if an arrest warrant is issued against the president, state TV reported.

There are also fears that the fresh Darfur case could spark a backlash against the 9,000-strong U.N.-African Union peacekeeping force in Darfur.

The prosecutor said it was up to the U.N. Security Council, which asked Moreno-Ocampo in 2005 to investigate crimes in Darfur, to “ensure compliance with the court’s decision.” Achieving unanimous backing for any action will be fraught with problems since two of the council’s members, China and Russia, are Sudan’s allies.

A spokeswoman for the force said it had not suspended any military operations.

“All essential peacekeeping operations are being carried-out by troops,” Shereen Zorba told The Associated Press in an e-mail from Khartoum.

However, she said: “a limited number of operations that carry security risk to civilian staff are temporarily restricted.”

New York-based Human Rights Watch welcomed the charges.

“Charging President al-Bashir for the hideous crimes in Darfur shows that no one is above the law,” said Richard Dicker, director of the group’s International Justice Program. “It is the prosecutor’s job to follow the evidence wherever it leads, regardless of official position.”

Other international courts previously have indicted Serb leader Slobodan Milosevic and Charles Taylor of Liberia while they were in office. Milosevic died in custody in The Hague in 2006 shortly before the end of his trial, while Taylor is on trial in a courtroom just four stories above the room where Moreno-Ocampo made his announcement Monday for orchestrating atrocities in Sierra Leone.

the things GOD does…

ii know ii dont even really have the time to blog but ii just had to get this out. it’ll come back to bite me on tomorrow but ii had to take a few minutes just to say that GOD is awesome.
i’ll say to all you B-more ppl…if you missed Kickin It With the King on this past Friday night you truely missed a treat. it was a complete blessing in so many ways. now, as you all know ii was super excited to be going because AJB and Ap were going to be in the house and ii knew that they were going to shut the place down. we were in there enjoying the occasion…having a good hallelujah time and in the back of my mind im wondering when are they gonna bring out the fam. well…second to last.here they come. their name was called and after that God took over. okay…ii know AJB. see him quite often…talk to him…interact with him. ii know AP…talk to them too. just regular ordinary people with some SERIOUS talent. like super ridiculous talent. that is known…nothing new about it. ii know AJB is anointed in so many ways…no doubt about that. BUT WHAT II SAW FRIDAY NOT WAS BEYOND THIS WORLD.
the word says that many are called but few are chosen. this dude is chosen… ii know the talent but WWAAYY beyond that aspect of it ii was blown. ii honestly left out of there and in the back of my mind im thinking “God, how did you do that??” like seriously. it is truely unbelievable the anointing that is on this group of people. the anointing that is on this dude… its ridiculous. the crowd was hype and the second they walked onto the stage you could just feel the entire atmosphere change. ii told Jay yesterday that with each one of them that walked onto that stage more Jesus filled the sanctuary. ii was blown. completely. im still blown. ii dont know  how God can work thru someone in that way but it is amazing to me. and finally ii see what Nik was saying a few weeks ago. you talk to this dude and he’s just another one of them crazy regular retarded Brown brothers lol. but something happens when GOD begins to work thru him. and its not just in the singing or in the music…there’s something so JESUS about him. i’ve seen this dude minister without hitting a note…i’ve seen him speak words that couldnt have come from no one but God. it just blows my mind.
So ii say to you all reading this…find AP..google them. hit them up on the space. figure out when they are going to be in your area…do whatever it takes to be impacted by their ministry. and even beyond all of that. dont be afraid to let GOD use you. dont run from whatever it is that HE has in store for your life. most times we run from God because we are so afraid of what He has in store but the Bible says “seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God” dont be afraid of whatever it is that he has for your life because you never know how you can minister to someone else. you never know how your ministry can save someone’s life. so when it comes to doing the will of God…please dont hesitate. ii dont care if its the craziest thing that you could ever think…if its in the will of God.do it. In order to live for God or to be used by God you have to be able to submit. give up who you are in order to become who He wants you to be. You will be surprised how God can use you. He will do some miraculous things in your life if you just allow Him to work thru you.

www.myspace.com/ajb1981

ii think ii just fell in love all over again :)

Posted in back to the past, back track, church, memories, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on July 11, 2008
you know how you have that one thing from when you were little that just makes you smile all over just thinking about it because for two seconds when you get to relive that memory you feel like you were ten all over again?? well thats how ii felt a few minutes ago when ii spotted someone with penny candy. oh.dear.Jesus. it was as if ii had seen the light and went to my own personal heaven for all of two minutes. ii haven’t had penny candy in ssooossooossoossoo long. and it took me back to them good ol friendship days when we would ALL walk from my grandmothers house to sunday school and on the way we would all stop at Speed’s just to get two dollars in penny candy.a piece. it was the only way we could stay woke during the service lol. by the time we got back in the house we would be emptying out pockets and purses that were stuffed to the max with wrappers and we would all get yelled at for eating all that candy in church. after while our parents just stopped fussing about it. right now. ii got me a whole bag of penny candy. no, ii cant eat it all in two hours…ill prob die if ii tried. but by the end of two days im sure ill be cleaning my purse of all the wrappers that ii will be sure to leave behind. ii feel like a kid again and it feels damn good. see what penny candy will do to?? lmao.

fam[ily]

Posted in family, life, people I love by Tanae' A. on July 11, 2008
there’s a lot of ppl in my family that im not really close with. the family that is close is tighter than spandex but everyone else is kinda just…there. one of my uncles lives in atlanta and ii lovezz him to death but ii cant even remember the last time ii saw him. he was raised by my great uncle so he has always been kinda like over there to me. but, ii look forward to the days ii can see him which is not too often. one thing that ii realized…no matter where ppl are, how close you are to them or what role they play in your life…family is family. whether they are in atlanta, ohio or south carolina…they are family. whether ii saw them when ii was eight or eighteen…they are still family. and right now family is hurt. this morning we lost my great uncle [[the one who raised the uncle in atlanta]]…he had been sick for a while and ii never really was affected by his illness. ii knew that he was sick and the main reason why ii cared was simply because ii knew that my uncle and grandmother would be heartbroken if anything ever happened to him. well…right now ii feel like being around family just because you never know when its gonna be someone’s time to go. and although ii didnt know my great uncle very well ii have tremendous love for him because he came thru for my grandmother in her time of need. family is love…appreciate them while they’re here.
Rest In Peace Uncle Warren 07-11-08

can you kick it? cause ii KICKS it…

Posted in AJB & AP, Baltimore, lets have CHURCH!!, the [[OUTZZ]] of my life..., work by Tanae' A. on July 9, 2008
the past week has been a very interesting one. ii have realized a lot of things but the one that sticks out the most right now is that ii really really really do not like my job. ii love the people here. ii love being in this office but ii hate the work that ii do. never thought ii would say that. but ii guess its true what they say: to whome much is given, much is required. so now im being worked to death and part of me cant handle it but part of me knows that ii must master the task at hand in order to get the next level. im on my way to the top and kicking down every closed door that stands in my way.
this coming friday is a day that ii am looking forward to. ii am going to Kicking it with The KING at New Psalmist and ii am ssoo ssoo excited about it. being out on a friday night, party starts at 12 and its all JESUS…ii gotta feel good about that. but ii am even more excited because the best group in B-More is going to be performing. yup.you guessed it right. AJB and Answered Prayers are you going to be in the house. like my mans T.B. says:: if you dont show up, ya mam obviously didnt raise you right. lolzz. but everyone who is anyone ought to be in the place. ima be there at 9:30. doors open at 10 and the party starts at MIDNIGHT. its going to be a llloooonnnggg night and this chick plans on sleeping in on saturday lol.
hope you all have a great wonderful blessed week and weekend.