[{GRaViTY}]

saying goodbye early

Posted in life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on July 25, 2008

it just hit me…just now. goodbye is probably the worst thing that you could say to anyone but behind every goodbye there’s a hello. for so long I was so caught up in the goodbye that I never got the chance to reach my hello. I dont know where this road is going to lead…all I know is where I’ve been and what I’ve been thru. I’m scared. I really am. But this is my early goodbye. I’m saying goodbye to this part of my life so that I can say hello to what ever is going to come. So, goodbye to all of my wonderful readers…until Nov. and I hope to have a bunch of birthday comments when I return lol. Yes, my twenty first birthday is November 16 and I will not be blogging that day either. Just keep me in your prayers as always. Thank you for always reading and for commenting and emailing me and for praying for me.

Rest In Peace::
Tawana
Brielle
Ms. Sarah
Uncle Warren
Khia “K-Swift” Edgerton
Cornell:: a promise is a promise Cornie…I know that. thanks for helping me thru this.
Bishop:: you used to always tell me that I can do whatever…well, whatever is here and I kinda need you to keep telling me that I really can do this.
Rest In Peace Tee:: I miss you baby girl but I know you watching over me and making sure that I’m doing right. Things aint been the same without you and I want you to know that I’ll never forget you. You are my heart and I wish you were here. I LOVE YOU!!
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happy.sad.kinda glad.

Posted in decisions, family, friends, frustrations, issues, life, love, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on July 18, 2008
today muh almost favorite goonie, KRiS, is coming down and ii am so so so excited. ii havent seen her in too long and we can finally have a REAL gurls night with ALL the chix. and muh goonies, JesSA, is celebrating her birthday on tuesday. ii know its so unethical to party on a tuesday night but we are going to p a R T y ! ! ! !
my lil cuzzo Sedi and their fam is going thru. the next few days are going to be hard for them but more hard on her than anyone. she’ll be okay tho. she just has to remember to trust GoD thru it all. ii know how much Jasmine meant to her. she was more than just a pet, she was a part of their family and she will be missed. Love You Miss Moo Moo lol.
my lil sis Dre is going thru right now too. she’s tryin to put on her gangsta face but ii know she’s afraid of what the outcome is going to be. ii think she feels okay knowing that she has us there to support her no matter what. she’s gonna be alright…ii believe that.
there’s a chik that ii lovezz with ALL my heart. her name is Crystal. a few years ago we became really close thru a ministry that we were trying to start. Crystal is strong. she can make it thru anything even when she thinks she cant. im praying for her. not that she gets thru, because ii know that God is already bringing her thru, but im praying that she holds on to that strength and more than that im praying that ii may be a help to her during this time.
TroyBoy ::sigh:: ii wish ii could just leave it at that. TroyBoy is leaving me. he is going to VA for a job and part of me is happy. part of me is sad. part of me just doesn’t care. happy:: because its something good for him. a new start and a clean get-away from all the craziness here. sad:: because he’s not here in b-more. so its not that simple on days that ii want to see him to just say come over lets chill. indifferent:: because we are both at a point in our lives where we are pretty much going our own seperate ways. if he were to stay in b-more ii would be leaving him behind and if ii were to stay where ii am he would be leaving me. but we both are moving forward with life and maybe one day shit will follow thru but for now we just trying to live life the best way that we can. the other day he pretty much poured his heart out to me. i’ve known how hes felt about me for some time now but when you hear the words its somehow different. ii didnt know how to tell him that ii love him too. ii didnt know how to tell him that somewhere in my heart is a space for him. maybe one day ill be able to tell him that but for now im okay with how things are.
ii talked to LeyLey the other day….so how did that go?? fairly well. how do ii feel about it?? okay ii suppose. will it happen again?? no. ii told her that she can call me before ii leave and that ii would answer just for her but if she just so happens not to call… ii wont be seeing her or talking to her EVER again and honestly…thats a relief to me. it hurts of course but ii feel good about it. ii feel that same relief for that one other person whose name ii refuse to speak out loud. ii feel like for so long ii was the one being left behind but now im not. now im the one doing the leaving and sooner or later that is going to sink in. and when it does. ill be long gone. damn.that feels super good lmao.
last thing and then im done. Nas has a new cd out as of last week. DO NOT SLEEP ON NAS. seriously. that dude is dope boy fresh. he is hottness. straight up…NAS IS A BEAST!!! cop his cd. you have got to hear it. put the carter three to the side for just a minute and let that Nas just rotate a lil bit. see if it aint realness.

we live here…you & me.

Posted in death, family, friends, im so over it, lost one, people I love by Tanae' A. on July 15, 2008
right now ii am upset. enraged. mad. because of the world that we live in. can we really not go outside in the street without being scared for our lives?? can we really not step into a club or party without getting shot up or beat down?? is this really our reality?? we live here. this is where we call home. some friends of mine lost their cousin on sunday night. he was at a party. enjoying his self. having fun. at the end of the night he wasn’t breathing. ii didnt know him. i’ve seen him before but ii couldn’t point him out in a crowd if someone paid me. but ii know his family. ii know his cousins and his friends. ii know the people that are hurt over his death. ii know that this is not a place that ii want to live. ii know that ii dont want to call this home if people are losing their lives ridiculously. ii know that this is not the place that ii want to have children because im scared that their lives will be in danger every time they walk out of the door.
Tyrelle, Kashay, Ryeisha and family…keep yall heads up. everything happens for a reason and God wont give you more than you can handle. you too Te and Jon, im here if you need me
Rest In Peace Tariq Alston 07/13/08

the things GOD does…

ii know ii dont even really have the time to blog but ii just had to get this out. it’ll come back to bite me on tomorrow but ii had to take a few minutes just to say that GOD is awesome.
i’ll say to all you B-more ppl…if you missed Kickin It With the King on this past Friday night you truely missed a treat. it was a complete blessing in so many ways. now, as you all know ii was super excited to be going because AJB and Ap were going to be in the house and ii knew that they were going to shut the place down. we were in there enjoying the occasion…having a good hallelujah time and in the back of my mind im wondering when are they gonna bring out the fam. well…second to last.here they come. their name was called and after that God took over. okay…ii know AJB. see him quite often…talk to him…interact with him. ii know AP…talk to them too. just regular ordinary people with some SERIOUS talent. like super ridiculous talent. that is known…nothing new about it. ii know AJB is anointed in so many ways…no doubt about that. BUT WHAT II SAW FRIDAY NOT WAS BEYOND THIS WORLD.
the word says that many are called but few are chosen. this dude is chosen… ii know the talent but WWAAYY beyond that aspect of it ii was blown. ii honestly left out of there and in the back of my mind im thinking “God, how did you do that??” like seriously. it is truely unbelievable the anointing that is on this group of people. the anointing that is on this dude… its ridiculous. the crowd was hype and the second they walked onto the stage you could just feel the entire atmosphere change. ii told Jay yesterday that with each one of them that walked onto that stage more Jesus filled the sanctuary. ii was blown. completely. im still blown. ii dont know  how God can work thru someone in that way but it is amazing to me. and finally ii see what Nik was saying a few weeks ago. you talk to this dude and he’s just another one of them crazy regular retarded Brown brothers lol. but something happens when GOD begins to work thru him. and its not just in the singing or in the music…there’s something so JESUS about him. i’ve seen this dude minister without hitting a note…i’ve seen him speak words that couldnt have come from no one but God. it just blows my mind.
So ii say to you all reading this…find AP..google them. hit them up on the space. figure out when they are going to be in your area…do whatever it takes to be impacted by their ministry. and even beyond all of that. dont be afraid to let GOD use you. dont run from whatever it is that HE has in store for your life. most times we run from God because we are so afraid of what He has in store but the Bible says “seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God” dont be afraid of whatever it is that he has for your life because you never know how you can minister to someone else. you never know how your ministry can save someone’s life. so when it comes to doing the will of God…please dont hesitate. ii dont care if its the craziest thing that you could ever think…if its in the will of God.do it. In order to live for God or to be used by God you have to be able to submit. give up who you are in order to become who He wants you to be. You will be surprised how God can use you. He will do some miraculous things in your life if you just allow Him to work thru you.

www.myspace.com/ajb1981

fam[ily]

Posted in family, life, people I love by Tanae' A. on July 11, 2008
there’s a lot of ppl in my family that im not really close with. the family that is close is tighter than spandex but everyone else is kinda just…there. one of my uncles lives in atlanta and ii lovezz him to death but ii cant even remember the last time ii saw him. he was raised by my great uncle so he has always been kinda like over there to me. but, ii look forward to the days ii can see him which is not too often. one thing that ii realized…no matter where ppl are, how close you are to them or what role they play in your life…family is family. whether they are in atlanta, ohio or south carolina…they are family. whether ii saw them when ii was eight or eighteen…they are still family. and right now family is hurt. this morning we lost my great uncle [[the one who raised the uncle in atlanta]]…he had been sick for a while and ii never really was affected by his illness. ii knew that he was sick and the main reason why ii cared was simply because ii knew that my uncle and grandmother would be heartbroken if anything ever happened to him. well…right now ii feel like being around family just because you never know when its gonna be someone’s time to go. and although ii didnt know my great uncle very well ii have tremendous love for him because he came thru for my grandmother in her time of need. family is love…appreciate them while they’re here.
Rest In Peace Uncle Warren 07-11-08

fat.thumb.issues

Posted in church, decisions, family, friends, frustrations, issues, life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 23, 2008
yesterday was probably the FUNNIEST most ANNOYING day EVER!!! after early service we decided to take a trip to Burger King to get some breakfast. there was only two cars in front of us so we were thinking that the wait wouldnt be long at all…NOT. first off, the manager was so damn disrespectful it was ridiculous. ii was tryna piss her off so ii ordered a whole bunch of food that nobody really wanted. it really worked too cause she was heated by the time we drove around to the second window lmao. but ii guess karma is a big headed b. cause we ended up waiting for 40 minutes just to get our food. thanks to the lady with the family van who decided to order eight hundred meals for all her kids. but. by the time 10:30 hit we knew we had to get back to the church in 15 minutes or else SOMEONE would be in trouble. we got our food at 10:30 and ii literally sped up North Point just to get there in time. needless to say that there are people that actually drive the speed limit and those people slowed me down so we didnt get there til 10:47 and that was two minutes too late. anyways…ii ate ALL THE FOOD like a big fattie and it was delicious lolzz.
 then. after second service me and Shay goes home to eat some crabs. we eating them and ii get to the second to last one and then the inevitable happens… fricking claw clawed me. stuck me right in my damn thumb. im telling ya.it hurt like crap. and the seasoning only made it burn more but ii kept eating my crabs lol. ii didnt really realize until last night that it really is swollen a little bit and now ii have a fat thumb that really starts to hurt when ii squeeze it lmao.
ii am actually irritated for a number of reasons. at first ii was upset with my mother but then ii talked to someone who could better explain things so now im cool with her. ii understand her for like once in life and im gonna allow her to sulk for a while. she’ll come around eventually. now….the REAL reason for my irritation is money… well of course it is. thats the only thing that irritates me. well. ii am going to be really honest right now about the plans that got crushed. this weekend is our annual PCIF conference. of course.last year ii was so not excited about this but this year it is what it is. BUT.ii called myself trying to beat the system and get around paying but FOR SOME REASON they aren’t doing things the same as last year so I HAVE TO PAY THE REGISTRATION FEE and do you know what this means?? ii refuse to stay in a hotel room. that would be 200 dollars out of my pocket that ii could spend on like THE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR GAS or something like that. so.this weekend ii am going to be taking Chelley to the banquet on Friday night and ill prob shill out by the bool or something until that is over with. then ill drive ALL THE WAY home to get a good nights sleep. then on saturday ill DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK for whatever is going on that day. ii figured that an extra round trip is not going to cost me 129 dollars in gas…maybe around 40 tops. so ii am actually SAVING MONEY…hey.it feels damn good lmao. so…thats my issue for this weekend. oh.and ii have three days until Thursday gets here and ii am ssoo excited. you’ll find out sooner or later whats going on but for now just know that ii am excited about it. and EVERYONE knows that ii HATE thursdays with a passion but this Thursday is going to be a good effin day. lmao. ii hope so at least. keep praying for me and all my issues lmao.
other than all the fat.thumb.issues muh life is great. ii am realizing more and more each day that ii gots the best friends.fam.support that ANYONE could EVER ask for so ii know that ii am blessed and ii wouldnt trade ANY of them in for the world.

uugghh:: exhaustion

Posted in family, friends, life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 20, 2008
it has been a very long. fun. interesting. great week. im glad that it is almost over. ii am tired and sleepy and just plain exhausted and right now im really irritated. why?? ii dont have my credit card on me and ii need it to pay this stupid stupid bill. uugghh. the stresses. then. stupid sister of mines decides to call me to babysit this morning. ii asked her for a few dollars and she said she didnt have it. ii dont really need it but thats not the point at all. FIVE MINUTES LATER…she says she wants to get crabs. but yet you dont have money. something aint right with that. but ii aint bugging cause ii wasn’t gonna watch him anyways. today:: grlzz night. so excited lolzz. ii was hoping that my papa got off work early so we could chill over there later but we’ll see what happens. ii just really want to hang out and chill or something. nothing big. spades would be awesome tonight…we can save all the fun for tomorrow lol. ok. how bout. ii am soo fricking pissed that ii have to register for this stupid stupid conference and its not even like ii can just not go cause ii have stuff to do there. idk. ima find a way around paying cause ii aint tryna pay for no registration and a hotel room. yes. im being cheap right now. but just the thought of this long weekend is making me tired. ::yawn::.. and someone tell me why ii am continuously losing weight…idk whats wrong with that picture but my doctor suggested that ii work out just so ii can be sure that ii am in shape. ii figured ill prob start working out in the next few weeks. ii was gonna do a gym membership but ii aint tryna pay for that so ii might just start running or something in the morning. that should be good for me. we’ll see how that goes lol. well. im bout to go get breakfast and then start on this work…uugghh…going to starbucks too so you know im happy lmao. ii want a passion tea lemonade..hhmmm delicious. haha buh-bye and have a GREAT weekend. 

wow. thats all ii can say

Posted in acceptance, actions, friends, life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 12, 2008
the past week or so has been very eventful and tiring but ii cannot complain because it has been excellent. tomorrow is friday and ii am soo excited even tho ii know that nothing spectacular will happen lol [[or atleast ii think it wont]] ii am extremely tired from being out doing NOTHING last night. we rode back and forth with Jones-Z while he recruited people. oh, sorry. Jones is a recruiter for the marines and a very good friend. for some weird reason unknown to man we were at his office ALL day yesterday and then had to ride with him to go pick up the new kids. in the midst of all that there was car trouble so we were out like later than normal and now ii am sleepy as hell. something has to be done about this. either starbucks or sleep and since sleep aint coming til tonight ii def need a caramel frapp like right now. anyways. everyone. ii am officially a red hed!!! YaY!! ii just want you all to know and be as excited as me because ii am loving it. it is super hott lolzz. but, it is prob going to be sweated out by tomorrow cause ii have so much work to do when ii get home. scrubbing floors, washing clothes, moving furniture and all that good stuff. tell me why…last night while Jones-Z was tryna figure out how to get home after his car died we were in that joint cleaning up. like serious. we ate some pizza and started to wash our dishes and realized that this dude is never home long enough to clean the damn house. and you would think that since his g/f is living there with him there would be some type of balance but nope, her shit is dirtier than his. we started in the kitchen. washing and putting away dishes, cleaned the stove, scrubbed the floor. got all his crap up out the living room, dusted the tables and vacuumed in there. made his bed. put all his dirty clothes away, took out the trash, cleaned UNDER his bed. put all her crap in the closet. then there was the bathroom. oh sweet mother of Jesus was it nasty. there’s a his and hers side…luckily. ii know guys are not clean creatures by nature but his stuff was actually clean. his sink was clean and everything. we just had to kinda straighten out his stuff and wipe off his mirror. now, this chick. she is just a grimey trick. rust stains all in the sink. hair dye, shaving cream, dirt, grime and rust all in the shower. but why tho?? he was forced to take showers in the other bathroom because she just left everything a mess. it was nasty. ii wasnt going to do it but we figured that he shouldnt have to live in that just because she left it that way. so we went to work. scrubbing floors and showers. lysoled EVERYTHING up. lit candles. sprayed some febreze in the couches and finally we were done. needless to say, he came in their shocked as hell but he was happy that someone had cleaned it up and ii had to let him know that shes a dirty gurl. ii think that for once he felt like royalty lol. came home to a clean house, food cooked and three hott chicks haha. too bad it wasnt that type of party lol. payback is:: dinner tomorrow night. fried chicken, mac and cheese, corn on the cob, stuffing [for honey] and a bunch of biscuits. and of course he prob dont know the first thing to do since he currently lives off of tombstone pizza. so we’ll end up cooking for ourselves and cleaning up too lol. but, oh well. as long as he is buying the food.
yesterday, ii was thinking about a certain someone and ii remembered that sometimes things change. it took me a minute to kinda come to grips with that but if ever she choses to stop by my blog ii hope she reads this post because ii want her to know that ii appreciate her. in my life she has taught me so much, given so much and instilled so much in me and a few days ago ii was disappointed by her actions but ii really do appreciate and love her dearly. ii guess its really true what folk say, some people only meant to be in your life for a season. hopefully she’ll always be there kinda but ii know that even after everything that we have gotten thru together, things will never go back to how they used to be and ii can respect and accept that. ii guess things are also the same for that one other person as well. ii can always count on her to pray me thru but things are never going to go back to how they used to be. really if ii be honest with myself, things were never that great to begin with, ii just put in a lil too much effort. but oh, well. there are so many people that were in my life and are not anymore and ii want them all to know that ii love them dearly and ii wouldnt trade them for the world because they all impacted my life in some kinda way. they were just meant to be here for a season…its gravy tho.
p.s. tila tequila is the shiz-nit….lmao

Rest In Peace

Posted in love, people I love, R.I.P Askew, R.I.P Brielle, R.I.P Cornell, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 10, 2008
in four days we will get together to celebrate the birthday of Brielle C. Newland. unfortunately this angel will not be here to celebrate with us but we all know that she is in our hearts forever. and ii know that she would want Rye enjoy their birthdays just like they would if she was here. Happy Birthday Bre. You are loved and missed beyond belief.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tawana:: ii was looking at the pic of you that Brandy had and ii couldnt help but laugh. ii remembered one of the last days we spent together was at the birthday cookout and ii had on my shades… you tried so hard to pull my card in front of mommy. ii threatened you so many times that night but ii would give anything to go back to that day. ill never forget that last night before you went home and you was just talking about life and Sherry on the way to the lion. ii never thought that would be our last night together but ii know that everything happens for a reason and ii know that ii will always remember that weekend. you were the best and ii miss ya crazy self. ii promise, every time ii sit at that computer ii think about you struggling tryin to put it together lmao. love those memories. love you. Rest In Peace, we’re gonna make this a good summer.
Cornie and Bishop:: thank you so much for being with us on sunday. we had so much fun and everything turned out wonderfully. ii know you guys played a part in that. ii know yall are watching over me so yall know everything that is going on down here. just help me to keep praying because im not really sure whats gonna come next and every time ii think about it ii think about the promise ii made you guys. ii kinda know that it wasnt just abouto the choir. love you guys to death and ii wish you were here but ii know that you are in a better place. you guys are the best ever.
 

yes.ii love it.

Posted in church, family, life, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on June 9, 2008
so.as you can see. ii made thru this slave heat weekend in one piece.and ii must say that it was pretty good too. youth day was a super success and altho ii was stressed all day running around between dances and choir stands ii was very much pleased. everything went so super well and ii am happy. ii must say for the record that french fry lady is off the hook.ii only call her french fry lady because ii dont know her name and she preached about french fries at our youth day last year. ii guess now im gonna have to start calling her pearl gurl.lmao. that lady can preach her tail off.
about the whipped cream.lmao. saturday we were watching movies and ii went to find a soda in the fridge and BEHOLD there goes whipped cream.lol.sorry.it just made me happy. ii dropped the soda ii was so excited.right there next to the orange soda was the hi-light of my evening and ii was super excited today cause ii got a frapp with EXTRA whipped cream and caramel sauce…how hott is that?? yes.ii lovezz me some whipped cream.ii think ii might have to buy myself some for safe keeping.lol
ii misses muh best friend…it is senior week and my bestie and goone are in o.c. living it up. they are not coming back til sunday and ii need her to be here cause ii have so much to tell her. omg.yes ii need her this week lol. but good thing is that after this week is over everything will go back to normal and ii will FINALLY have my goone with me.now, im looking forward to that.
tryna be in the Zone. yes.ii am being a lil bit greedy but ii figured that deep down inside this is called rational thinking.lmao. ii want more money. being as tho ii just got promoted ii have more money but still, ii want more money than that.lol. so, what do we do?? we get a pt job. yes.ii know ive tried this before and it didnt work too well for me but understand the determination. ii cannot continue to have my afternoons free because then ii end up getting into trouble. ii know that summer is all about money and fun but the more busy ii am the less mess ii can get into and then ill have even more fun online SHOPPING when that cool check come in. naw.but seriously. ive put a lot of thought into it and im tryna be in there so im keeping my fingers crossed so that ii can occupy my time a lil better. and ii def have to get the finances together so that ii can get my stuff together for school in the fall…so looking forward to that. so everyone pray that ii get this pt and you may can even squeeze a dollar or two outta me lmao.
last but not least.the hi-light of my whole weekend. ok.let me not lie. it really wasnt the hi-light but it meant a lot to me. ii talked to my best friend.brudder.cousin phil. yes.he called me. of course, it has been forever since we’ve talked because of all the number switches and what not but the other night he called me and ii was secretly happy cause ii misses him so much. ii am kinda sad tho because things arent the same with so much space between us.he aint the same phil that he was when he was here and ii wish he would come back so that ii can keep tabs on him and make sure he aint being dumb. but oh well.ii still lovezz him to death and thats the only dude that ii bangs wit heavy.
hope your weekends.were as good as mine.even in all this heat.oh yeah.shout out to my big cousin:: PASTOR james e. lemon jones. proud of you baby.