Posted in family, friends, issues, life, move on, people I love, so Un*D*Sided by Tanae' A. on April 27, 2007

This weekend is going to be ridiculously hard and I know it… well not really hard, just a lot emotional. Its is officially time to do some spring cleaning and I am not too excited about it. Some people have to get the boot. For a while now I’ve been very nicely just kicking people out of my life that I just dont want there and so far everyone that I didn’t want was just taking up space anyway. But why does it always seem like the people that you do want in your life are the ones that are doing nothing but bringing you down. A lot of times we have to put boundaries on our relationships and say okay this person is here for this reason so that means they cant be anything more. It’s hard to let friends go when you thought yall would grow old together. It’s hard to keep somebody at a certain distance and mark where your relationship stops at… but at the same time, when you dont put up boundaries for yourself you end up falling back into the same thing you trying to grow out of. Most times, the life long friends will not be there for an entire lifetime and you have to learn how to accept that and come to grips with it. So this weekend I have to apply the boundaries to a few people and do what I can to prevent myself from giving in. At the same time I have to embrace the people that are lifelong and appreciate them for who and what they are. I realized the other day that outside of family I have 2 lifelong friends and I am so happy about that cause I know that they are the best of the best even tho they are a lil retarded.  So i’m well prepared for the weekend ahead of me and I’m focused on everything that I have to do tonight and tomorrow and I’m excited to see where I’ll be at on monday morning… Check me out homiez!!!

Posted in family, friends, life, love, people I love by Tanae' A. on April 23, 2007

There are a lot of people in my life that I may not talk to as much as I probably should but I love these people with everything that I have. I know that there are some people that are in our lives for seasons and some for lifetimes but I think that there are also those few people that are there on the sidelines just to remind you how important life really is. You never know when God is gonna step in and do something to make you just open your eyes and look around at all that you have. You never know when something is going to happen to make you see how much people really mean to you, and I guess you dont really appreciate people and the small things that they do or the role that they play in your life until you are so close to losing them. I really need to thank God for the people in my life who are not there every second of everyday but they stand on the sidelines cheering you on the entire way. The people that call just to see how you’ve been. The people that you know are there when you really really need someone. The people that are as true as true can get… and looking back you know that they have a lot of times been the only ones there. I really appreciate the ones that do so much by doing so little… those people are blessings, not only to me, but to everyone that they come in contact with. I’m praying that they would be blessed beyond abundance and strengthened for the journey.


Appreciate the people in your life no matter how big of a role they play cause you never realize how much they mean until they are gone….

V. Tech Confusion

Posted in V.Tech: Today we are all Hokies by Tanae' A. on April 19, 2007

I think now, for once in my life, I really dont know how i’m supposed to feel. It’s hard. I try to clear my mind and forget that all this has even happened but it’s everywhere. On every tv channel, every radio station, every website. That’s all I see. For some reason nothing else matters right now. I read [and posted] an article about the kids in Darfur and it kinda struck a nerve, but I dont think anything could make me feel worse than I do now. The video just made it all seem so real… and the pictures of everyone that died.. it’s so sad. I try to think back to Columbine to remember what my reaction was but I was so young back then I dont even remember the day. I dont think April 16th is one that I’ll soon forget. I wonder how this could have been prevented, how many “Cho’s” do we have on our campuses… in our schools. How many ‘troubled’ kids are going to look at the news and decide to follow in this guys footsteps? It scares me. It seems like to me that everyone pushed him aside or tossed him over to the next availabe person and no one did anything to help. And now we all sit helpless can noone can undo what has been done. We cant go back and bring those students and teachers back to life. This is like a nightmare that we cant wake up from and everyone is suffering. A lot of people ignore it and that frustrates me so much cause this could very well be happening in our community, in our town, at our schools, with our kids. This tragedy could happen anywhere. I keep thinking… what if this happened at a Baltimore School… Coppin or Morgan or Towson… then would people actually care?? Now we all see the signs… now we notice that he was so ‘troubled’ and that he was picked on. Now we notice that he was an outcaste.. and maybe if someone would’ve payed attention on April 15th… maybe we wouldn’t have 33 people dead. I cant point fingers… and I cant blame anyone… cause there’s no one to blame. Blaming someone wont undo deaths and it wont mend broken hearts. They say hindsite is always 20/20 and it’s so true. Everybody is thinking of something they should’ve done differently. I’m thinking of who will be affected next… who else is in the same mind set as Cho was in? And what are we doing about it? How do you feel after a school gets shot up and 33 people die? Do you feel happy cause you dont go there or because no one that you know was directly affected? Do you get angry with the one who was responsible for all this. Do you sympathize with the families and bear some of their pain? Do you get mad because the warnings cam e a little bit too late and only if emails were sent an hour earlier they wouldn’t have died. How are you supposed to feel?? What are you supposed to do? How do the remaining students feel? They have to walk back onto that campus after this tragedy. How do his roommates feel knowing that it could’ve been them? I’m still praying that these families can bounce back after everything that has happened and I pray that we dont ever forget V. Tech…. lets spread the Hokie Love. 

Do Something About Darfur

Posted in change the world, freedom, Genocide in Darfur, pain, war, when everything goes wrong by Tanae' A. on April 19, 2007

By Evelyn Leopold

Thu Apr 19, 5:13 AM ET

Children in Sudan are press-ganged, coerced to join armed groups, raped and used as forced labor or sex slaves, according to a new report by humanitarian groups.

The report, Sudan’s Children at a Crossroads, concentrates mainly on Darfur, where a conflict has been raging for four years, and southern Sudan, emerging from 20 years of war.

“Children in Sudan continue to endure some of the most inhumane treatment found anywhere in the world,” said Kathleen Hunt, chair of the Watchlist on Children and Armed Conflict, on Wednesday.

“Despite the end of the war in the south and recent signs of hope for a strengthened peacekeeping force in Darfur, many Sudanese children are not faring any better than they were four years ago,” Hunt told a news conference on the report, compiled by six humanitarian organizations.

While Sudan’s military continues to deny the presence of children in its ranks, the report said its representatives have acknowledged that youth from other armed groups have recently been incorporated into the government armed forces.

In Darfur, most rebel and militia groups recruit children, including the pro-government Arab militias known as the Janjaweed, the rebel Justice and Equality Movement and the Sudan Liberation Army.

While reports of rape and maiming are prevalent in Darfur, Sudanese girls from other areas have been forced into prostitution or into domestic service in and out of Sudan.

Boys as young as 4 or 5 years old “have been trafficked to Arab Gulf countries to work as camel jockeys and beggars,” Watchlist said.

Education is also a horror in many parts of the country, with the south having the lowest rate in the world of only 25 percent of young people in school.

An entire generation in southern Sudan has missed out on education, said Jeannie Pearlman Robinson of the Women’s Commission for Refugee Women and Children. She cited examples of children walking for two hours to school and untrained teachers working for low or no pay.

“Education cannot wait until the fighting is over,” she said.

Francis Mading Deng, a former Sudanese foreign minister, U.N. envoy for displaced people, author and now a professor at Johns Hopkins University, said that children and civilians could only be spared through a political solution.

“The need for a political solution is the only way we can find peace,” he said.

The six groups on the Watchlist steering committee are Care International, the Coalition to Stop the Use of Child Soldiers, the Norwegian Refugee Council, International Save the Children Alliance, Women’s Commission for Refugee Women and Children, and World Vision Canada.

My thoughts

Posted in V.Tech: Today we are all Hokies, when everything goes wrong by Tanae' A. on April 18, 2007

I’m sad, hurt, confused, scared, angry, upset and even sympathetic.. all because of this tragedy that no one can overlook. How can something like this happen?? Why would something like this happen?? What was going through this dude’s head and why didn’t somebody do something if they knew the condition his mind was in?? It makes me grateful… I’m somewhat relieved because I didnt know anyone at V. Tech but those people that lost their lives are leaving behind family and friends and classmates. A man who survived holocaust couldn’t survive a kid and his messed up mind. It hurts my heart to see this type of thing happening in this place we call home. My prayers go out to everyone affected by this tragedy…. we’re fighting a war right here in America.

Virginia Tech

Posted in community, events, family, issues, life, lost one, school by Tanae' A. on April 17, 2007

12:30pm:At least 22 deceased, at least 28 injured
3:30pm:At least 32 deceased, at least 29 injured
4:46pm:At least 33 deceased, at least 29 injured

Fatalities of the Campus Massacre:
Ryan Clark RA
Emily Jane Hilscher
Mary Read
Henry Lee
Leslie Sherman
Reema Samaha
Maxine Turner
Jarrett Lane
Dr. Liviu Librescu
Dr. Kevin P. Granata
Juan Ortiz
Professor Jamie Bishop
Matt La Porte
Brian Bluhm
Daniel Perez
Ross Alameddine
Mike Pohle
Matthew Gwantley
Caitlin Hammaren
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak

 [please keep these people’s family and friends in prayer and pray for the students of V. Tech who must continue on with their lives after this tragedy]


the past 6 months [not a poem]

Posted in back to the past, celebrations, clothes, events, family, issues, karma, life, love, move on, school by Tanae' A. on April 13, 2007

they always say

life is what you make it

and so i try to make it

the best that i possibly can

i’m blessed

no doubt about it

i try not to complain

cause everyday i see people

sleeping on sidewalks

i’ve met a lot of wonderful people

in the past 6 months

some i will remember

but most i’ll probably forget

but i think more than anything

i got something from them

that i wouldn’t trade for anything

i have talked to people

who love life so much

and just live so freely

i’ve talked to people

that value life too much

i’ve been around people

who give with all they’ve got

and never expect anything in return

i learned over the past 6 months

that one day can change your entire life

on person can change your mood

and a simple thought

can make a bad day great

i’ve learned that people value sex

and money

and clothes

and cars

and any other material thing

that really amounts to nothing

i’ve learned that true love never dies

and that love comes in many forms

i’ve learned that the people that really love you

will always be there for you


i’ve given of myself

to a lot of people

i’ve said yes without complaining

and sometimes i have complained

but said yes anyway

i’ve given more than i have recieved

i’ve spent more than i’ve saved

i’ve realized that life is to short

and altho money may not have any value to me

it means a lot in the world that we live in

i’ve taken risks

and made choices

that i’m very proud of

i’ve challenged myself

and pushed myself

and no matter what people think

or dont think

i am proud of myself

and the accomplishments

that i have made

because a year ago today

i didnt think i would be here

i’ve had some fun moments

with some good friends

i’ve laughed my way thru

when i wanted to cry

i’ve cried from laughing so hard

i’ve played enough pool

to last me a lifetime

i’ve eaten out so much

and tried so many different types of smoothies

and i liked none of them

i’ve reconciled relationships

and gained friendships

that i wouldnt trade in for the world

i’ve smiled more than ever before

and in the past 6 months

i think the greatest thing

that i’ve done

was fall in love

with a Man that loved me inspite of

He makes everyday a little easier

and every smile a little brighter

and every dance a lil funner

And the only question is

what will I do in the next 6 months

well i’ll go bungee jumping

and sky diving

and rope climbing

i might even go skiing

or sledding… who knows

but i do know

that ill prolly meet

some more people

and i’ll learn a lil more

and i’ll laugh a lil more

and everyday i’ll grow to love life a lil more!!


Tired of Trying

I guess after a while people and their egotistical ways can really do some damage. And if I be really honest about it… there’s only so much that people can take before they get tired. I try a lot, now, to kinda bite my tongue when it comes to certain things because there’s a time and place for everything and a lot of times I feel like I’m in no position to even speak up about certain things, therefore I keep my mouth shut. But I am really silently praying that sooner rather than later a few people get together to take care of some business. I just think that at this point in my life I really am not in the mood to deal with people and their issues… maybe this is just a phase… but I’m really just kinda fed-up. Too many people are egotistical, young, petty, phony, and in it for all the wrong reasons. I watched Crash last weekend and I remember at the end when the rookie cop stopped being partners with the racist cop and the racist said something to him like: Wait til you’ve been in it a lil longer, you think you know who you are now, but wait til you been in it a lil longer, than you’ll see. [end quote LoL] Thats how I think some people are today… sad to say… even in the church. People get so caught up in the titles… they get wrapped around the position and they take their status to a whole other level. They show up for all the wrong reasons, they use their authority in all the wrong ways, and they think the show is all about them when reality is… it aint even got a thing to do with them. And the thing that pisses me off the most is the simple fact that no body who can really do something about it actually sees whats really going on and the people who are tired of it wont stand up to say anything. And God knows… me and my mouth wont even get in it cause that would be in violation of the 36th amendment…. you know, the one that says that under no circumstances what-so-ever should Shay or Tae’ stand up and say anything worth saying… especially when they have attitudes!! LoL!! But… I know how to work in the backgrounds and I know how to get what I want done without doing anything… so right now I’m really working on getting a certain someone to ride the bench for a whole and get their priorities in order. Cause quit frankly… I aint the only one thats tired of trying to deal with the stank attitudes and egotistical ways… I’ve been watching what I say for a long time… and “check ya flesh” done wore out in this situation… so like they say “pray bout it”



Posted in back to the past, be the change, events, family, him, issues, karma, life, lost one, love, move on by Tanae' A. on April 10, 2007

>This is beautiful. Read it to the end…the message is awesome!!!
>Let it go for 2007..
>By T. D. Jakes
>There are people who can walk away from you.
>And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from
>you: let them walk.
>I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with
>you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
>staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
>When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is
>never tied to anybody that left.
>The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
>manifest that they were not for
>us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with
>us. [1 John 2:19]
>People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are
>not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
>Let them go.
>And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that
>their part in the story is over. And you’ve got
>to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t
>keep trying to raise the dead.
>You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
>You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve
>got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe
>in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and
>I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if
>it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to
>Let them go!!
>If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and
>was never intended for your life,
>then you need to……
>If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ……
>If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and
>see your worth…..
>If someone has angered you .
>If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge……
>If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction……
>If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
>If you! u have a bad attitude…….
>If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……
>If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
>level in Him……
>If you are struggling with the healing of a broken
>If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help
>If you’re feeling depressed and stressed ………
>If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
>yourself and God is saying “take your hands off of it,” then you
>need to……
>Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a
>new thing for 2007!!!
>Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then .
>”The Battle is the Lord’s!”
>During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take
>this opportunity.
>(Literally it is only ONE minute!)
>All you have to do is the following:
>You simply say “The Lords Prayer” for the person that sent you this
>The Lords Prayer
>Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom
>Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this
>day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive
>those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but
>deliver us from evil.
>For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.
>Next, send this message to everyone you know. In a while, more
>people will have prayed for you and you would have obtained a lot of
>people praying for others!
>Next, stop and think and appreciate God’s power in your life, for
>doing what you know is pleasing to Him.
>If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the instructions!
>Jesus said, If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you
>before My Father”
>If you are not ashamed, send this message… only if you believe.
>”Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior.
>He Keeps me going day and night. Without Him, I am no one. But
>with Him, I can do everything,
>Christ is my strength.” This is a simple test.
>If you love God and you are not ashamed of all the great things that
>He has done for you, send this to everyone you know, and the person
>that sent it to you!
>God loves you and watches over you everyday.

not your ‘average’ thursday

Posted in be the change, church, clothes, community, family, issues, life by Tanae' A. on April 5, 2007

Today is not an ‘average’ thursday. I woke up like I usually do at 6:45… showered and got dressed. I rushed to get to the bus on time after packing lunch and eating breakfast [im on a budget!] I got to work… and the same people were there… the same duties still applied and the same work had to be completed by the end of the day.  But there was something different about this thursday. I’ll leave at the same time… go home and rest. I’ll watch an hour of tv tonight and go to bed by 10:30 only to do it all again tomorrow… but today is still not an ‘average’ thursday and I dont really think that’s a bad thing. You ever get tired of doing the everyday thing and never really doing anything?? I think that’s what was different when I woke up this morning… I didn’t want to just wake up. I wanted to really do something. Have you ever had a day that you just said to yourself “wow, yesterday was great?” Well that’s what I wanna say everyday when I wake up… or I at least want to know that I did something yesterday that will benefit my tomorrow. I’m tired of just waking up and doing the same thing. When I really think about… my day to day activities aren’t really contributing to my future. I got up this morning… put my poems in an envelope, put a new stamp on it, and wrote the address too. I’m stoppin by the mailbox when I get home to drop it in. They have been sitting in my house in the same spot for three months now when I all I had to do was drop them in. Thats the first thing that I’ll do. I’ve made a vow to myself that in addition to paying my tithes every two weeks I am going to committ to a certain amount for my church’s capital campaign and I’m also trying to put at least $200 a month in my savings… for now [that amount will increase very soon] There’s a PCIF Conference going on this summer and half the youth at my church probably cant afford to go… I’ve decided to put in anything extra that I have even if that means I cant eat carryout until then. [gosh that is a sacrifice!] But when I really think about it… thats all there is to life… doing the things that matter. Doing the things that either I or someone else can benefit from. Thats it and thats all. So instead of having ‘average’ days and ‘average’ weeks… i wanna have something that means just a little bit more… I wanna leave here knowing that I did something… and it may not change the world but if I can just have an impact on a few people around me then I’ll say I did a pretty good job. Maybe I wont pave the way for the next generation but if I can leave something for my kids to look up to… I’ll be able to know that something I did on this Earth was well worth it. No more ‘average’ thursdays!!


somebody once said… be the change you want to see…