you cant break me…im back on top

Posted in Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on March 27, 2009

ii tend to forget a lot of times who GoD is and when ii do that things get real rocky for me. its been a while since ii stepped foot in a church but thats only because…ii really didnt feel like going. me && Jesus was on two different pages for some time but then like yesterday ii realized.yet again.that my life dont really work without him. so im running back to him but first ii must share with you all… ii miss this place cause this is what keeps me grounded.

first is…and im thankful that this is over…but one of my homeboys was so close to death that its ridiculous. my husband fisher was jumped a few weeks coming from the club. seems like when people see someone on the come up they try to break him but my boy pulled through. he was in a coma for a few weeks and they even gave him 2 days to live but he is back up and running. yeah…its going to be a while before he comes back to his a game but he got his life and im so happy about that.

a few weeks ago…as you all know. me and troy ended our relationship. it was hard…really hard and no matter how much ii wantede to go back to him something kept pulling me back. now ii know that that was nothing but GoD doing His job. ii found out yesterday that this dummy got into a shitload of trouble that could possibly turn out really bad for him. bottom line is…ii dont wanna be a part of something like that and so im glad that ii seperated myself from him before it became too late. he was on the right track…got his life together and then he went right back to doing the stupid nonsense again. im not usually the one to down people because ii got my past just like everyone else but ii know im not that dumb to be that stupid. ii still do some crazii things but thats something ii would NEVER do no matter what. im focused on something better and this was the confirmation ii needed to know that me and him are too through. its over and it hurts but im ok with the way things turned out. im growing and it feels damn good.

as soon as ii got the bad news from the dummy ii got a vm from mommy saying she needed money to get our back porch done. she told me she needed a lot of money¬†and ii was just a lil stuck because ii wont have it until ii get my taxes back and she kinda needs it now. let me just say for the record that no matter what financial issue that my fam seems to have we always come through some kinda way. ii told her that ii didnt have it and my sis wasnt getting her check for a few more weeks so we were kinda at a stand still. apply for a loan…denied. what are we going to do?? today she tells me that her insurance is paying 1600 and she had her mortgage money just sitting by so she would use that. ii had credit card sitting around that she could use but when ii checked the balance they told me it was only 200 on their. what am ii gonna do what that?? mommy took my card to the atm this morning and behold there is 700 bucks on it. glory!! shay sent home 700 last night and now ii have enough to give my mommy what she needs and pay for a bus ticket home. GoD always comes thru for us. we might be far apart but we got one heart…and thru our love we always make it thru.

ii get my orders tomorrow and ii leave here in exactly one week. ill be home to see my family and friends soon and ii cant wait. ii wish ii could see my shink but she cant make it home this time. ii dont know when ill be able to see her again but all is well. ii am also excited to see my god-daughter and take her to take pictures with the easter bunny. ii cannot wait. she is two months already and ii havent seen her yet.uugghh.

goodnite all… love

my life be like…

Posted in Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on March 22, 2009

ok…ii am officially convinced that ii live a crazii life. ugh…yes so true. in the past two weeks EVERYTHING has been going GREAT which is so not normal for me. we got a whole new chain of command now so im loving the change and being here is a whole lot less stressful. this weekend was super fun which ii was doubting because the senior class graduated last week. but…we managed to make a lil fun of our own before the big blood explosion broke out. ok…by the time 1230 hit ii was way to drunk to really pay attention to the chik who was dancing on some dudes shoulders (literally) perhaps she was a lil more drunk than me but who knows. all ii know is that less than an hour after midnight the whole guru section of the club was being evacuated and there she layed on the floor in a massive amount of blood. me…ii wanted to stay and watch. everyone else…wanted to stay and take pictures. needless to say we headed over to the banquet room and continued on with our night and someone handed me about two more shots of hennesey which ii TURNED DOWN!! yes…ii am responsible sometimes.lol. yesterday was spent chillin all day. ii actually found the outfit for my party and now all ii have to do is get shoes to match which is harder than ii thought because im looking for the PERFECT shoes. uugghh…yes this is going to be a struggle. totally did not go to church this morning because.well.theres no real excuse. i’ve been to two different churches since i’ve been here and ii like one more than the other. its a small church && they remind me more of COGIC but ii love it. with that said…ii have no clue why ii haven’t had the desire to go back. its weird. me && Troy haven’t talked to one another in forever… he decided to ask me a few days ago a bunch of things about my feelings but at the end of the day ii have no answers. ii dont know what happened between us but now its to the point where we cant even stand talking to one another. maybe thats bad…maybe its good. idk. ii think we tried to hard to make something work that was never meant to be but reality is…and maybe ii should feel bad about this… but ii really dont care anymore. not about him or the situation. it is what it is really. ii kinda realized last night that one of my really good friends has been interested in me for some time now. yes…thats kinda weird to me because :yang::yang: decided to reveal all his feelings for me last week. why is this a problem?? because now ii have friends who want to be more than friends and that is why things ended with all my relationships. then it makes me question…is it really not possible to be JUST friends with guys without catching feelings or wanting something extra?? idk…im not going down that road again because it all ends in heartbreak but im curious to know why EVERYONE knew that he had feelings except for me. very well…me and him are just friends and ii wouldnt dare cross that line because of some things that have happened in the past. but we all know that at the end of the day thats my mans and we gonna be friends no matter where im going. uummm…. ii think thats all. oh…ii get my orders next week so ii find out where im going after this. YaY me!! lmao. going home in two weeks and ii cant wait. for some reason im not too worried about seeing everyone and fitting everyone into my schedule. the most social thing that im doing is having my party. after that its going to be straight chill mode. hanging with my nephew…taking my god-daughter out for a day…and going to an O’s game with Jess and Delley. other than that…im chillin and figuring out how to get ALL OF MY BELONGINGS to my next duty station. this is going to be a challenge. well…until next time. stay up…be blessed. Tae’

days go by

Posted in Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on March 14, 2009

wow…its been a while. things are G R E A T!!! ups and down as usual but im loving life right now. me and Troy are OFFICIALLY over. that¬† was a hard pill to swallow but sometimes you just have to let things go. im ok…we will always be friends but anything more than that will not work. ii love that dude with all my heart but its ok. please.please.please pray for my homeboy Fisher…he is doing a lot better but he was in a coma for some time because some chump niggas decided to jump him at the club. the doctors gave him 2 days to live but my boy pulled thru like ii knew he would. Shay is on her way to cali as we speak. dont know if she is going to be home for easter so it may be a while since ii get to see her again. ii may just have to take a trip over to the west coast just to pay my chik a visit. planning a party right before easter…that should be fun. havent really been doing too much going out tho. went out last night for my homeboy’s bday and had lots of fun but thats it. wanted to go to the movies today but prob pass on that one. what else is new?? uummm nothing. lol. nothing interesting or important to talk about. at all. oh… :yang: confessed his feelings for me last week. ii knew that he was digging ya girl but lets be real. ii dont know where im going from here and ii think ive ruined a lil too many friendships trying to make relationships work. was supposed to go out with Ness this weekend but thats my bust cause ii didnt call her at all this week. ii think ill prob call her wed so we can hang next saturday…thatd be cool. anyways…things are good but continue to keep me in your prayers. love you all…