[{GRaViTY}]

un~complicate my life

Posted in friends, frustrations, issues, life, love, people I love by Tanae' A. on April 30, 2008
Since the beginning of time, TKM has been down for this chick. SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING!!! I met this dude three years ago and thru it all he has been there. But, you all know this already. So what’s so complicated now?? Well, last night he hit my phone up telling me how he is in love with me and all this other stuff…ok, slow ya role playa. what?? I didn’t know what to say cause everything I had to say would sound so rude to him so I didnt say anything. The goonie says that I should drop him now because he’s only going to be stuck to me like a leech. I dont know what to do, he is the only constant thing in my life and I am really happy to have him as a friend but as far as anything else is concerned, I cant go there.
I just dont know.
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loving him more && more each day…

Posted in car, love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on April 29, 2008
well…DuH…im referring to my lil hooptie Bobby Jack. we have done quite a bit of bonding over the past few days and right now ii just want to sit back and admire him in all of his excellence. ii do not wish to sit behind his wheel, ii have no desire to take him anywhere…he can sit in that parking lot and ii just want to look at him. seriously. you would think i’d be happy go lucky…wanting to drive every where the road can take me but nope. ii want to look at lil ol Bobby Jack and thats it. im tired of driving, tired of paying for gas and ii aint even been with him for a week yet. no, im not neglecting him at all, he’s there when ii need him but ii desperately want to hop in the back seat of my mom’s forenza and just ride. ii guess im gonna miss those days of being scauffered around lolzz. but, ii do lovezz my hoop…he is sexylicious. awesome and he’s MINE!! secret:: i think ii loved him more on saturday than ii do today but since its not raining ii love him more today than ii did yesterday!! lol… once we get him all pimped out ill have pic’s up but he is currently undergoing some reconstructive surgery

pay close attention…

Posted in church, family, friends, life, love, people I love, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on April 28, 2008
this weekend ii learned three valuable lessons about dudes.
first, is that sometimes the good really does erase all the bad. there’s this guy that ii met a lil while ago and he is just the sweetest person ever. ii gues ii was being kinda shallow because ii was so wrapped up in something so small. now, im not too sure what exactly he has been thru, been too scared to ask but he has what looks like a burn on his face. its not grotesque, just a light spot. ii haven’t really seen too much of him because ii was focusing on that one minor thing but ii happened to run into him at the bank on saturday morning. ii saw him and at first ii wasnt going to speak but ii did and at the end of the day ii realized that if thats the only issue ii have im doing pretty good for myself. he’s a cool dude and ii could see me and him being friends.
second, the ones you think is cool are the ones you gotta watch. ok, there’s this guy ii talked to a lil while ago. his name is Avery. and when ii first met Avery ii thought he was nice. good church going boy, loved God, played drums there, good job, okay looking and pretty cool. we talked for a lil bit and then eventually ii stopped talking to him. dont ask me why, it was just something about him that ii didnt want to be associated with. although we didnt really talk or whatever ii would hit him up on aim every once in a while just to say hey and see how he was doing. friday night, it all fell to pieces. he was on aim and this time he sent me the message TELLING me that he was going to come to my house to see me. hold up. what?? uumm, first off, you dont TELL me that you are coming to see me, you ask. second, even if you did ask the answer would still be no. so he asked me why ii didnt want him to come see me and ii said very politely that we are friends…distant friends… and that means you will NOT be poppin up at my house under any circumstances. yall, when ii say this dude went off ii mean he went OFF. starts calling me every kinda hoe in america. cussing me out acting extra young and just flat out disrespecting me. off course ii was pissed but ii just politely signed out of mym s/n and said nothing else to him. he just happens to be the cousin of a chick ii went to school with and she hit my phone up saturday telling me that he was engaged to be married and all he was trying to do was hit… and im the hoe?? yeah ok. he was fake and that was another lesson learned. glad ii followed my instincts on that one and decided not to talk to him.
third, good friends are always good friends. everyone knows about TKM and ALL our drama lol. well, ii guess at the end of the day he is the only constant male in my life. yeah, we fight, we argue, half the time we cant stand one another but when push comes to shove we got a friendship that doesnt get a price tag. thats my dude and since day one, three years ago, he been down thru all the bullshit, sweat tears and everything else so at the end of the day ii got so much love and respect for that dude just because he is there thru all my craziness. and just like he said the other day, we gonna be friends for a long time to come…as long as he dont get on my nerves too bad lol.

 

in addition to those three valuable lessons ii also learned a whole lot on yesterday::
first lesson: poles run into cars named Bobby Jack!! lmao, ii refuse to go into detail but it has to be stated for the record that the one pole on the far side of the parking lot likes to abuse vehicles so stay far far away from that thing lol.
second lesson:: the ties that bind are stronger than those that can tear us apart. after the detrimental [[really not as serious as ii made it]] fight with the pole, ii went to the besties house. the plan was to go to breakfast before church and so Chelley got dressed to go. mind you, this entire time ii was talking to muh main goonie who was literally, right up the street 6 doors down. did ii ask her if she wanted to eat?? nope. why?? BECAUSE A FRICKIN POLE JUST HIT ME, IM PARANOID AND BOBBY JACK DOES NOT LIKE PEOPLE!!! but, of course Shay decides to text her AFTER WE GET TO THE DINER to tell her that we are eating and then she gets mad wondering why we didnt ask her to go. so of course, everyone blames me. so wrong. ii think she’s over it now cause ii told her we could cooko next saturday and ii would cut up her pancakes lol. that made her love me all over again… haha.
third lesson::  its never too late for change. of course we were late for church and we can blame it all on Laverne [[the besties mother]]. she decided to go to church with us [[praise Jesus]] but it took her eight years to put some clothes on. we sat there, as a family, me, Shay, mommy, Jazzie, Chelley, Brandy, Liz, Laverne, Dre, and Vicky. by the time we left Laverne already said she was coming back next sunday and she would be at the mother daughter tea. it made me think, all of us have been thru hell and high water but yet we were there all at once praising God just for what He is already doing… ii guess some people and things do change…one day at a time.
fourth and final lesson:: Laverne is the BIGGEST trash talker in the history of spades!! we sat down around 8:30 to play a hand of spades. ii promise we only lost because Laverne talked to much crap and it made Jazzie irritated. she couldn’t concentrate on her cards, couldnt think straight or nothing. ii thought it was funny but we are supposed to be having a rematch tonight. ii think ii need to take a rain check cause ii am taking my azz home after dance practice. sistah gurl is tired. we gonna get Jazzie some ear plugs so we can hurry up and womp on these chumps lmao.

up on cloud nine…

Posted in life, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on April 25, 2008
ii usually do what ii want when ii want to… ii usually get my way no matter what and usually ill do anything to get what ii want.  but for some reason the things that ii want are just falling on my lap so nicely. im on cloud nine and good thing is, im smiling ear to ear. ii guess my new motto is somewhat true:: expect nothing and you may walk away with everything. right ow, ii feel like ii have everything and ii aint taking nothing back lol. ii hope that everyone enjoys their weekend as much as ii plan to enjoy mine. hopefully i’ll still be on this high come monday morning but who knows. maybe ii can find something to get into tomorrow…who knows?? Happy Friday and have a safe, productive and blessed weekend.

 

oh, and im going to pick up Bobby Jack tomorrow!! YaY!!

things really do get better…i guess

Posted in friends, healing, moving on, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on April 24, 2008
yesterday I was talking to Silk Rayon and I told her that every day gets worse. for a while that was true. but, today its not. today is better. today I woke up at 6:30…just because I wanted to. I was at work on time which shocked EVERYBODY lol. the sun is shining bright… the bus was on time… it wasn’t too hot. it is just a better ok day. im smiling, laughing, talking to my friends, making jokes and loving it. yes, today is an okay today. secret:: I have a friend. like a friend friend. ok, dont shake your head just yet. we were friends before this entire fiasco even began but I brushed him off because of the idiot in ohio. he’s…nice. we are JUST FRIENDS for all of you concerned individuals. no dating, no late night rendezvous, no extreme crushing yet…just a nice guy to talk to a few days out of the week. and I’m not even totally comfy with that because I dont want to use him as a crutch or a rebound. but, I’m slowly moving FORWARD with my life and leaving JHW II in the past so once I get over that its nice to know that I’ll have someone there. tomorrow marks the weekend and I’m acting out for a while. not totally, completely acting out…im still holding on to my save I just need to let off some steam. so, me and the goone’s are hanging and I’m gonna let all my cares go for just one night. should be fun. I’m feeling good today, feeling better today. maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe not but for right now I’m ok. it’ll get better with time I suppose, my heart is slowly healing and I’m moving on…for good. no lie this time lolzz.

i am a liar ~ yes me, a big ol’ fat LIAR!!!

Posted in lies, love, moving on, people I love, Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on April 23, 2008
in the past two years and some change, I have said that I do not care about James Harrison Wells II about five hundred and thirty seven THOUSAND times. well, I’m a liar!! I say that things dont affect me, I’m over him, his stupid lil girlfriend doesnt bother me, he doesn’t even matter to me anymore…LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE. I figured that maybe if I tell myself that I dont care, eventually I’ll really stop caring. well, that hasnt happened yet. I know, I know, you all are tired of reading about him and honestly im tired of thinking about him but i just cant help it. I cant get this fool out of my system. Bottom line, I love that idiot. and maybe that makes me a fool. Go ahead, shake your head, tell me how stupid I am. I DO NOT CARE!! I LOVE HIM!! Thru all the bullshit, the betrayal, the lies, the cheating, the fights, the bad times…yes, I still love him. And its not even about the good times fareal, I barely even think about that anymore, it was what it was I just cant get him out of my fricking heart. Its like…sickening. really it is. ok, I am no fan of LOVE…HATE IT!!! seriously. you can keep your story book romance, keep your mushy tears and your little fairy tale ending but its like all that doesnt matter when I see his face. I can be pissed, cause God knows that right now I could kill him but everytime I see his face and that stupid lil smile something in my heart melts, I get butterflies and junk all up in my stomach lol. So for everytime that I have ever said that I dont care or that I am walking away, I was lying. I love him way too much to ever walk away from him. But this time…I think im a lil bit serious. Right now, at this very moment, i’m gonna walk away. There’s no telling what will happen tomorrow or next week but for right now, today, im saying goodbye to him. Maybe he will gain some sense in the very near future and pay attention to WHAT THE HELL HE IS DOING but until then im walking away and this is my final goodbye. Go ahead and call my bluff right now if you chose to…yes, Jesus knows im lying. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO WALK AWAY FROM HIM WHEN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH MORE THAN I COULD EVER HATE HIM?? They say hate is love in its very worst form… I would hate him forever if it meant that i have some type of love for him somewhere in my heart. But, i’ll leave this earth with his name engraved on my soul… and THAT is not a lie. Truth is: I’ll NEVER stop loving that dude…EVER

.just.so.tired.

Posted in choir, church, dancing, FOOD!!, friends, getaway, help me!!, im so over it, prayer, Shiloh, tired, [[o8 aint 4 me]] by Tanae' A. on April 22, 2008
im tired yall. really tired. just of the day to day ritual. tired of the everyday people, the everyday headache…the everyday bullshit. tired. tired of trying, tired of helping, tired of being used. tired. just. plain. old. tired. no if ands buts on the end of it…maybe a yarn or two.
yesterday i had to cut off a real cool chick cause being friends with her was keeping me tied to someone else that i didnt want to continue being stuck to in any kind of way. we talked about it and she was cool with it, understood the situation and after that i felt free to walk away. im no longer tied to someone and now that chapter is over with. thank God.
now. i tried the same thing with JHW II but there is no way to be free from that. everywhere i turn there is some way that i am connected to him. i mean, we go to the same church for Christ’s sake and even tho he is hardly ever there….uummm HELLO do you not see his fam and friends surrounding me?? thats a book that has no ending so i guess ill be stuck to him forever…its draining.
i call myself trying to be a friend. i try to be nice, i really do. i let someone who called me their best friend borrow money. the first time i aint think twice about it. she was about to start a new job and just needed gas money. of course ima give it to her especially since she gave me a ride home that day. she claimed she was going to give it back to me and i wasn’t really worried about it… what is ten dollars?? nothing. so two weeks later she had lost that job and was about to start a new job [[did i mention that this chick cant keep a job to save her life??]] and of course was broke and needed money. so, after thinking about i figured id give her some money cause at least she is TRYING to get a job and do something positive. mind you, this wasnt no chumo  change…this was some serious dough, no joke. so, about a week later she loses that job, outrageous yes. so i decides im not going to say anything about the money for a minute cause she needed a chance to get back on her feet. so about three weeks later i asked her when she would have the money and told her i wasnt expecting it all at once. she says that she would have it all on the following friday. by the time the next wednesday came she asked me if she could wait two weeks til the 26th. of course, i said yeah. at least she came at me and asked if i could hold out and i really didnt even need the money. so the 26th rolls around and you would think that she would call me, txt me, im me, hit me up on the space…something. nope. didnt hear from this chick at all. so two days later she texted my phone like she aint owe me nothing…just talking bout nothing. ok, wait a minute, something aint right. i let her go a week just to see if she would mention the money at all. nope. silence. no money talk round here. so by that point i was irritated…not even mad fa’real. i called her and asked when she was going to have the money and after that she been ducking me out ever since. not answering my phone calls or nothing. she was supposed to bring it last week but of course something happened and two days later she magically lost her bank card. so you know what i did?? i went to every single bank website that i could think of and checked to see how long it takes to send a new bank card thru the mail. THE LONGEST THAT IT TAKES TO GET A NEW BANK CARD IS THREE TO FIVE BUSINESS DAYS. ok, she lost the card on saturday so that means it should be in the mail by monday morning and at her house by wednesday or friday.  that means, ill be knocking at her door on saturday evening and if my money aint in my hand my fist will be in her face. sorry but im tired.
pastor’s anniversary is in two weeks. am i excited?? yes and no. excited because first…FREE DINNER!!! i know, i know, the first reason should be because i just love my pastor so much [[which i do]] but…i love food just so much more and you know FREE food is the best food ever invented. so second reason i am excited is because i love my bishop oh so much. third reason…we have three wonderful great menses of GOD preaching and i know that it is going to be a holy ghost filled day. reasons why i am not excited…first, three services, from 7:30 am to around 6:30 pm i will be in Shiloh, around church going people and in church clothes that i do not want to be in for more than two hours max. reason number two, i just got a text message two minutes ago saying that ALL choirs must sing. that means, i have to go to rehearsal and on top of that i have to dance. singing and dancing all day long is not going to work for me so i am going to go to both rehearsals and then decide which one i want to be bothered with because the changing and stresses of both will not be working. reason number three… who in their right mind decided that it was ok to tell Tanae’ that pastors anniversary was coming up two weeks before it comes…ok, allow me to get my head together please. thank you.
im tired. just tired and worn out. tired. i just want to go somewhere far far away and sleep for two days straight and pray for eternity and then come back to try it again. sometimes we just need to get away from the world and just spend some alone time with us and God… until i get to get away ill just be tired and hopefully you will keep praying.

slowly dying

Posted in death, health, help me!!, him by Tanae' A. on April 21, 2008
ii think everyday that ii go thru this shit hurts worse. how can he chose her over me?? what is so special about her?? nothing. there cant be anything so wonderful about her. she cant be right for him so why is he with her?? it didn’t bother me when ii first found out, ii was okay. but now, ii dont know what the problem is. ii guess everyday that he spends with her is another step he’s taking away from me. ii no longer have his heart. im no longer the one that he wants and as much as it kills me to admit that to myself i have to do it. ii dont know where to go from here, there is no one else in this entire world that ii would rather be with so what else is there to do??

 

and to add insult to injury my frickin head will not stop hurting. there’s this pressure in the back of my head that wont go away. at first it just appeared after some type of exercise or activity but its been there now for two days and will not budge. it doesn’t really hurt and if ii dont pay any attention to it ii even forget its there but its annoying. whatever it is thats wrong is making me tired, ii feel sluggish and dont feel like doing anything. ii was going to call my doctor today but ii decided not to. ii hate going to doctors. if it gets any worse i’ll make an appointment but if not ii suppose ill be okay.

 

ii just dont feel like dealing with whatever is not right. when it’s my time to go, there aint no stopping it so all the extra is so unnecessary. we’ll see what happens in the very near future and take it from there. in the meantime, keep me [[and my health]] in your prayers.

a place princesses go

Posted in cancer sucks, events, G-D, prayer by Tanae' A. on April 21, 2008
ii am so happy to announce that Talia is going to Disney World…ii dont know when, ii dont know howbbut ii know Who. God is making a way and ii know that she just cant wait to go to Disney World.

 

He really does answer prayers

:yang::yang:

Posted in Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on April 21, 2008
monday morning blues have been dragged in along with the rain but it was a good weekend overall so im not even going to trip on todays raunchy weather. the show thursday was awesome, we had so much fun. we left there and went to chill with Nico and Black for a minute then headed home around two. the next morning we woke up to take care of some stuff, me and mommy had a lot of running around to do. by the time 7:30 hit i was knocked out and didnt want to wake up til the next morning. unfortunately, around midnight i woke up unable to get back to sleep at all. i sat up for five hours doing NOTHING AT ALL but trying to get back to sleep. eventually it was time to get up and dressed for the outting that i was NOT happy about. i dressed, put on my smile and headed out the door at FIVE FORTY FIVE A.M. around 6:30 we all boarded the bus and got ready for the drive. of course, everyone slept the entire way and i was forever grateful for the three hour nap cause it was oh so necessary. we actually enjoyed ourselves. who woulda thought. once we got there we walked around a lil, we were able to make fishing hats and then we did a wall climbing thing that was loads of fun. once we got to the fishing part of it me and the besties decided to head back to the bus, the whole fishing scene just wasnt our thing but the youngins loved it. we found some food that was DELICIOUS!! after about an hour pow chow with Peggy we decided to do a lil more walking around before it was time to go. there were lots of stations that we stopped at. we did a lil bit of side walk painting. talked to a few people about different organic things and headed back to the bus. by the end of the day we were beat but i was happy because the trip turned out way better than i thought it would. everyone slept on the way back as well. we didnt get back in til almost 8 and after getting everything together for morning worship i was out like a light. i slept awesome that night. of course, 6 am came way too early but i got up anyway and got dressed. service was ok, choir was on point as usual these days and the dance was HILARIOUS!!! best part of the entire day:: the backyardigans lmao. i wont go into full detail but i will say this… put AJB, lil drummer boy, Kev, Jess, Peggy, Nik, Jon, Jay and DonDon in the same room around a piano and you will have yourself a few laughs. it was so funny i had to capture some video footage…i would put it up but it does the day no justice, you had to be there. by the time church was over i just wanted to eat and get some sleep. we took the baby home and then we went in the house. i had a headache to die for so i chilled out on the couch while shink took out her hair. by 8 i was in the bed and around 10:30 i was sleep. i actually sat up talking to the L for a good two hours about our trip to ohio and of course we got nothing accomplished. but at the end of the day it was cool cause he cause me to laugh despite the headache that was killing me slowly…thats my :yang::yang: lolzz
Today begins a new work week and another five days to be in the office. Pray real hard that I can go pick the car up by saturday, he told me friday that it was almost done and ready to be inspected so hopefully mommy can take my tags up there today or tomorrow so we can get these wheels a rolling. oh, and the official name of my vehicle is Bobby Jack…it was decided on Saturday in Richmond no thanks to Shink. Bobby Jack:: that sounds pimp-a-licious doesnt it lmao…