[{GRaViTY}]

because there’s always tomorrow…

so, of course, my weekends never turn out how ii want them to but ii must say that saturday was awesome!! ii didnt even bother waking up to go look for a car cause ii didnt feel like being disappointed. so, everything was cool with that one. we left the house around 12:30 after the very very GREAT news!! we had so much fun!! we ate, went to the aquarium, and even climbed all the steps to get to federal hill lolzz. by the end of the day, my feet were hurting, ii was tired and ready to go to sleep. needless to say, after the great day the drama began and the night was terrible. we got back around 9:30 and from midnight to around 5:30 am ii was up mad upset frustrated and sleepy as hell. after all the drama was over, ii felt like crap, my head was hurting from crying so darn much and ii still hadn’t been to sleep but there was no point cause ii would be forced to wake up anyway. ii got up feeling so bad, got dressed and was out the door by 9am. we were on our way to church and that was the LAST place ii wanted to be. the drive was super long but ii felt like the further we went, the further away from my problems ii was going. the more we drove, the better ii felt and by the time we got there ii was okay. the service was great, ii got the word that ii needed to hear and ii left out of there ok. we went to go eat and the food was sooo on point. by the time we got back in the car ii was knocked out for life lmao. went home, took a nap, got up, ate and watched some tv before bed. this morning ii woke up so not ready for work but ii came in here anyway. funny thing is, saturday night ii cried because ii was so pissed, hurt and just fed up but yesterday ii cried because ii knew that something better was coming and ii had something to look forward to. its not about whats going on right now, its not about the shit that is literally trying to break me down but ii know that tomorrow will be better than today and so ii always have something to look forward to…
it takes [[FAITH]] to stand but it only takes ~feet~ to walk away…
aquarium pix on flickr
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faith vs. feet

Posted in Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on March 30, 2008

you need faith in order to stand but all you need is feet to walk away…if thats the case, maybe my faith is pointless. ill do wat everyone else did and grow some feet.

can i get a size eleven to go please, and some white air forces on the side. matter fact, super size me, id like a thirteen… (bigger steps lolzz)

but i already knew that

chaos:: that is the one word that describes my entire existence. ii know that every single aspect of my life is pure chaos but somehow ii have managed to find peace in the midst of it. this perhaps, is the reason why ii continue to try to make plans that will never go thru. there’s always something that ii want to do and yet there is always something [[or someone]] that stands in the way of that. so why do ii continue on this useless cycle of making plans and having them shot down?? i dont really know. but ii know everytime ii make the plans that they will never come out the way ii want them to. so this comes as no surprise… ill be home this weekend all by myself. ii misses my shink already. ::tear:: it just sucks to know that she wont be home when ii get there and she wont be there when ii wake up in the morning. she wont be there to tell me which outfit looks better for church or to make me late for dance practice on monday. im PLANNING to buy a car tomorrow and she wont be here for that either. funny thing is, ii know that for some reason ii wont get a car tomorrow and yet ill still insist on waking up way too early in the morning to go look at what they have. then ill be mad and ill write another post about how nothing goes my way. so in order to avoid all of that ill let you all know now that my PLAN is to get a car but we all know that wont happen so ill grab hold of my attitude now and ill let my frustrations out while i have the time. nothing goes my way, but, we all know that right?? lol

a feeling i’ve felt

Posted in acceptance, blessings, him, life, lost one, love, memories, relationships, Tae', thoughts, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on March 27, 2008
yesterday ii was thinking about my life and future and all the things that ii want to happen in my life. ii took time to think about the things that ii have had the opportunity to experience, live thru and struggle with. when ii thought about it ii realized that ii am blessed. not because ii made it to where ii am or because ii have so many great things to look forward to but ii am blessed simply because ii have had the opportunity to experience what some people never have the chance to live thru. one of my really good friends said to me yesterday that most of the people in the world are on a search for REAL LOVE… almost everyone is either on a quest to find love or looking for the love they let go. when she said that, ii couldnt help but wonder which one was better?? looking for a love that you’ve never had or looking for a love that you let go. well, ii fit into one of those categories and perhaps my opinion is slightly biased but ii would have to say it is much better to look for a love you lost.
let me explain::
ii know what it is to experience true love. ii know what that feels like. ii know what its like to have someone take complete control of your heart and soul. the love that ii had was real and no one can tell me any different. when he touched me, held me, talked to me, let me lay on his shoulder, played in my hair, laughed at my jokes, sung with me, wrote me love letters, looked in my eyes…it was real. when he said he loved me, it was real and ii never ever questioned that. ii had the chance to feel that feeling that most people search a lifetime for. so, yeah, ii would much rather live trying to get that feeling back than to live without knowing what that feels like. and even if ii never feel that love again ii know in my heart that God found enough favor in me to allow me to know what its like to love and be loved. and because of that, ii have no problems if ii never feel that feeling again.

well…ii wanna make a wish too!!

if ii could make a wish, ii would wish that the stupid Make A Wish Foundation would not be taking away my sister and bestie for a whole FIVE DAYS!! if ii could make a wish, ii would wish that somehow they could have a different wish so ii could somehow be near them during this exciting time. if ii could make a wish, ii would not be staying in BALTIMORE while they go all the way across seven seas and twenty four rivers to the BAHAMAS!! maybe they should be staying IN THE COUNTRY so that ii can feel a little bit connected. but tomorrow morning EARLY AS CRAP they will be going BY LIMO to the airport to venture off to foreign lands for a very long time. actually, ii am a lil happy cause ii get some time without them and PEACE && QUIET is greatly appreciated but ii dont think ii need five days away from them. nope, five days is way too long. but, Jazzzie deserves this. she’s been thru hell and she survived so im glad that her wish came true. Big Mama and Daddy Dearest deserve this because they have been thru this with her the entire time and this is a great way to reward them for staying strong thru everything. now, shink, ii dont really know if she deserves this lol… i mean, she might deserve a great best friend award. maybe even a trip to the ocean or something like that. BUT A TRIP TO THE BAHAMAS FOR FIVE DAYS AND FOUR NIGHTS…um ii dont know if that is sufficient lmao. ii am hoping and praying that they enjoy every single second of their trip and that they return safely home with lots of gifts for me!!! lol. but um, anyways…im going on my own private trip on saturday. where to?? THE AQUARIUM!!! and of course its better than the bahamas…ii get to look at the fish, no one wants to swim with them.DuH!! lol. and ii get to sleep in my own lil bed because that is so much better than a five star hotel suite. and, my mother makes the best pancakes and id take that over free room service anyday!!! hahaha… ok. ii wont have as much fun as them but perhaps a few days with just me and the wifee is exactly what ii need so altho ii am missing them terribly already, ii know that ii am going to have fun this weekend as well. and ii get to do the honors of making the next scrap book!!
so be in prayer for them that they have loads of fun and that they remain safe this whole trip. and pray for me because ii have to drag myself out of bed at 4 am tomorrow morning just to see them off and take pix in the limo….they are lucky ii love them cause at 4 in the morning ii be just rolling over!! ii heart my besties.

dont we just love the J word…and the B word

Posted in phunni moments, words, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on March 26, 2008
J word = JHW II
ii guess he has been banned from our vocab as well
dont worry honey… ii still love you!! lolzz

 

quote of the day::
[[yes its the J word you B word]]

“its never enough”

Posted in thoughts, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on March 25, 2008
im too the point now where ii feel like no matter what ii do, its never good enough. the things that ii do for people is not enough to get them to appreciate. the things that ii say are not enough to get people to listen. the life that ii live is not good enough for the person that is so much “better” than me. well guess what… ii dont care anymore. yesterday lil drummer boy said something to me that ii been thinking about for a while… “ii just said something bout it but your own guilty conscience made you change it” was he right?? yeah, in more ways than one. well, what was so right about it?? he reminded me that ii cant change people no matter how hard ii try. ii can say something about it as much as ii want to. ii can talk and talk until im blue in the face but if your own conscienceness doesnt kick in, you are not going to change. ii just thought about that today because someone that ii have tried to help for so long is not changing. she is stuck in the same shit, going in the same circle and ii am wondering why they wont change. plain and simple:: because they dont want to. so, im not stressing any more. not about her or anybody else in my life that refuses to change. people wanna be stuck in the same crap that they in so im to the point now where it doesnt even matter anymore. do you and ignore everything that ii say cause im thru talking. im tired of doing for people and im tired of giving my all for people that throw it all away. this is where we draw the line…since nothing that ii ever do or say is ever good enough ii guess no one will care when ii stop doing and ii stop talking and ii stop caring….

well aint that a word…and that too…and.. thats pretty good too.

all day saturday ii was out with my mom and sisters. woke up at 7:30 to be at mva by 9. left there around 10:30 and went to the mall. seems like we were there for forever but we finally dropped Indi and the baby off at home and went to the grocery market to shop for easter dinner. after we put all the food in the house we went to the movies and didnt get back until about 10 that night. by the time we got back ii was beat. i had to get my stuff together for dance, help my sis do some stuff and then hopped face first in the bed by 11. the plan was to wake up at quater to 5 to wake up for sunrise service but a phone call around 12:30 threw a hex in that plan. line of the night…”SHE LIED!!” ok, ii think ii got that message loud and clear.
ii truely missed the sunrise service…maybe because ii didnt get back to sleep til after two…thanks so much alicia for waking me up in a panic… ii appreciate you. ii got there just in time for sunday school and we were on call to dance… message:: “you dont have to know what song is being played…just dance.” uumm, it took me a minute to get that word because it caused our dance to bomb completely, ii did get a good laugh in tho. but ii got it yesterday, just dance.
second service was cool. we knew the song we were dancing to and altho ii cant stand the song, the dance went smoothly besides the fact that they said Jesus five hundred and twenty seven times…what is up with that?? lol. but the word of that service… “ressurected” bishop was on point and ii promise that was the word ii needed to hear so ii went home pretty content.
we went home, ate dinner with the fam, laughed and enjoyed ourselves altogether. after everyone left my cousins whome ii havent seen in centuries came over. ii made them some plates and they sat and talked to us for a while. word…”ten hundred..” lol…it has no real meaning but now ii know not to say it lol. thanks Theodore, you’re brilliant!!
ii woke up yesterday morning to my nephew making noise in my living room. mommy cooked breakfast and ii was forever grateful lmao. we went to the mall so mommy could do some walking and let the baby run around like he owned the place and around 10:30 we were back in the house and ready for a nap. we all just sat around watching tv and ii just happened to check my myspace page…wowzers… two ppl sent me messages regarding language and ii think that ii got the word “dont allow what you say to contradict who you are..” ii guess sometimes we forget…
the next word came from my own lips… ii dont think ii thought about it before ii said it but after it came out ii gave it a lot of thought… this is what ii said to a really good friend “its not about that, its about being real, being true. not just to everyone else but to yourself. so yeah, ii am a liar cause ii was never true to me.” dont think ii have to really explain that.
ii got to my besties house and saw squirt and scooda and the awesome phrase of the hour was…”no more tisses!! please. ii love you but no more tisses!” lolzz… ii think ii got a lil too happy when ii saw them cause that really was a lot of kisses for both of them haha.
last and final word that ii received came around 8pm after a really funny dance practice… “sometimes you gotta deal with in the moment, talk it out, say how you feel and dont go to bed mad” and that, for some reason, was exactly what ii needed to hear. 

where do i go from here??

Posted in Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on March 23, 2008

im sitting in this sunday school program and ii cant even focus cause my mind is so bombed. ii keep thinkin about last nights events and tryna figure out what im to do next….where do we go from here?? scratch that, where do I go??

quote of the century…

Posted in movies, phunni moments, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on March 21, 2008
“who needs you?? im meeting some better BROWNS tomorrow!!”
Tyler Perry should be proud of me…lolzz