[{GRaViTY}]

if ii could send a letter to heaven…

Cornell and MY Bishop,
ii know you two are watching over us so you know everything that is going on. well, it’s that time of the year again and last year you guys pulled us thru in one piece. yeah, youth day o7 was a good day. sometimes, ii tend to forget that you guys are always there is spirit, ii know you will be with us on sunday. every once in a while ii feel like giving up, ya know, feel like walking away but then ii remember that you used to always tell me to keep on coming so thats what im doing. ii just wish that one day ii would walk into that sanctuary and see your smiling faces. but ii carry you in my heart forever. Cornell, ii listen to your solo every once in a while, it makes me smile. it kinda makes me feel close to you in a way. this year, youth day aint as big as it was last year. maybe it wont even be as exciting…but we gonna get up there and do our thang. ii was hoping to make you guys proud but ii know that just my showing up is causing you two to smile. ii miss y’all. so much. thank you for being there always, not just during your vacation on Earth but also for looking out from up there in heaven. aint no way ii would’ve stayed this long if it wasn’t for the influence that you guys have and the promise that ii made.
ii love you ssooo much, continue to be with me, with us, always especially next sunday. ii love you…
Tanae’

i am such a rebel lol

Posted in be the change, commitment, decisions, determination, faith, Tae', [Y.R.P] by Tanae' A. on February 6, 2008
I have always been told that if you want something done you gotta do it yourself. So I am taking the initiative and im doing things on my own, with the help of someone else. Why sit around wait for someone else to do what I should be doing anyway. Im going straight rebel and im getting things done and im not taking no for an answer. There comes a time when we have to stop riding the bench and actually get in the game… well im in the starting line-up and ready to go. There are going to be a few people who will turn up their noses at what we are doing but I am believing by faith that there more that will stand behind us and support us…
Y.R.P all day long ya digg
Tanae’ A.
status update:
# of txts as of 020508: zero
# of incoming calls as of 020508: zero
# of emails as of 020508: zero
# OF PPL I REACHED OUT TO: ZERO

A Happy Tanae’

So… it is now 12:30am Monday morning but my mind is still in Sunday because I have not been to sleep yet. Let me just state for the record…[[i am so frickin happy right now, i mean, i dont think i can remember the last time I have been this happy]] Of course you want to know what is making me so happy…well, let me replay the weekend for you.

FRIDAY::

By the time I got off work, I wasn’t too happy. I was tired, frustrated and upset but thats not relevant right now. I ended up going home and sitting in my room for forever with my brother. I was waiting patiently for my booboo Ashley to come over so that we could go over to my besties house for a girls night. After a few hours her bus rolled around the corner and we were ready to go. We had a ball yall…we danced and laughed and watched some old-as-dirt episodes of comic view from like ’99 and then we went to sleep. I was excited tho because usually when it comes to new people in my life I am so quick to push them away but I felt comfortable with Ashley, I just wanted to be around her and she didn’t get on my nerves at all that night so I kinda felt good about that.

SATURDAY::

We didn’t get in the bed on Friday night til about 5 in the morning and we woke up at 7:30 to get dressed. Mommy was taking us to breakfast!! YaY!! So we go to eat and then we run to the bank to cash my check. Soon we were right back at Jazzy’s house attempting to take a nap. But of course, Jasmine is never ever sleepy so she sat up messing around making sure that we didn’t go to sleep. 11:30 hit and Big Mama was calling me && Ashley to get up so she could take us back to my house. We sat around doing nothing for about an hour and then we left out so she could get on the bus and go home. But, what do ya know?? She misses the effin bus. Now, we’re talking about the 4…you know, the one that comes every hour. It’s now 12:45 and I have to go driving at 1 and I really dont know what you are going to do baby. So she’s sitting in the house by herself [because everyone else was gone] mad as I dont know what cause she’s bored and lonely. Eventually she went home and around 3:15 I was back in the house and Phil was on his way. We all hopped on the bus to go to the mall and meet Ashley then we walked around for a lil bit before heading back out to familiar territory!! LoL!! How bout:: we was seven deep [Me, Shink, Jazzy, Jessa, Phil, Shay, and Ash] so anyways, we all went out to eat and then we parted ways around 11. For some reason around 12 midnight Ashley decides that she doesn’t want to go to sleep, she wants to sit up talking and acting like a retard for like 5 hours. Mind you, the night before we only got 2 and a half hours of sleep with no nap to carry us over. I have no clue what time we fell asleep but in the morning I was tired and mad cause Shay woke us up at like 8:30…like what really was she thinking??

SUNDAY::

I woke up ready for church. I knew what I was wearing and all I had to do was iron my clothes. Thankfully my outfit looked right, all I had to do was switch around the pants cause the ones I had on first wasn’t flowing with the shoes. So, we eat, get dressed and head out the door. Suprisingly we walk into the sanctuary at 10:56 and I was absolutely shocked. Service was great. It was funny cause the whole time we sitting there we trying to figure out who is going to preach so we thinking Bishop is just running late or something…of course he’ll show up. Nope, we was all surprised to see Pastor Ben Long walk up on the pulpit. Slam soon as I saw him I turned and looked at mommy like we bout to get a good word. And what do ya know?? God was in that place so heavy… I promise, I dont even remember the benediction. It was awesome… like, I have seen God move. I have seen things in church that will have me just like “Wow, look at God” but today… I cant even explain it. The word was good but there was something about God’s presence in that place that just made me feel tingly inside… it was like nothing I have ever felt before. I’m talking a good 20 minutes after everybody was gone out the sanctuary I’m still trying to get it together so that we could go… but I couldn’t. Everytime I tried to make it out of there the spirit of God was just holding on to me with like incredible force. All I can say is, you had to be there to see it or know what i felt fa’real. I have never ever had an experience like that or seen anything like that ever before in my life and it just blew my mind completely. I just wish that I could have stayed right there forever.

But eventually we had to leave so… we went home, changed clothes, ate and headed to Jazzy’s. We were watching some Lifetime movies and I was trying desperately to go to sleep but Ashley lil stpuid self kept tickling me and them other two bamas was so loud it was ridiculous. We played a game of monopoly and around 8:45 we left to go to my house. We stood with Ashley at the bus stop and went back in, talked with Indi for a while and watched a movie while I took out my hair. I just now hopped in the shower and now I am about to go to sleep cause I am exhausted but I just had to tell everyone how happy I am right now.

FINALLY::

I finally feel like everything in my life is falling into place. I have the best friends in the world that help me grow in so many ways. They are there thru good times and bad times… to make me laugh when I want to cry. I have the best girl in the world by my side letting me know that its just life… hopefully I can help her grow. [she told me today that she never felt anything like what she felt in church today and she wishes that she could join… I told her she could with out a problem] hopefully, we’ll help each other in the long run. I have the most wonderful support in the entire world, a wonderful church family that is there no matter what. They are there to give me hug, pray a prayer, offer a word of encouragement or simply life me up off the floor when I find myself half way under the sixth pew..LoL!! Really, I cant complain. And a lot of times I look around at all that I have and I feel unworthy, I feel like I dont deserve it but not right now. I know for a fact that I am truly undeserving of every blessing that I get and I am completely aware of the fact that I dont even deserve the air in my lungs but its different right now. I dont deserve it, I know I dont but God has so much love in Him to allow me to be here today. He is allowing me to be who I am today and I am truly grateful for that. I serve a God that accepts me just the way I am… even after every wrong thing that I have done he still looks at me and loves me and continuously blesses me. He dont look at me and see everything that I have been thru and done and I shouldn’t look at me like that either. My slate is clean my sins are forgiven and I am here today if for no other reason but to give Him praise for bringing me thru everything that I have been thru and to be a witness to those that are going thru. When I look in the mirror, I no longer see the person that I used to be.. but I see all that God has in store for me and it gives me joy just to know that I dont look like what I been thru… now, thats a word..

Guys…I’M HAPPY!!!

if I had things my way

So, a lot of times I seem to get lost in my own thoughts. Well today I was just thinking, if I had everything in my life the way I wanted it to be how would it go?? Well, this is what I came up with.

 

For starters, I would not change anything that happened before Dec 2005. And really I wouldn’t change to much that happened after Dec. 2005 either, so here’s what I would change. I would change the fact that I ever became friends with, dated, or fell in love with James. Thats it. How lovely. Now let me explain before someone gets the wrong idea. If I had my way, I would take all of those happenings out of Dec 2005 and graciously move them to Dec. 2009. And you all are wondering why… the reason is quite simple really, in 2009 there will be no school. He would be completely through with school. So it would save me a lot of heartache and headache and I would be actually happy with him. And simply because James would not be in the picture I would have the opportunity to take things a lil further with this other dude without feeling completely bad about it. But since I cant change the past… this is what I would have happen in the future.

 

I think, well I know, that the first three things that I would have happen if I had my way is… 1. I would get a big fat check somewhere in the mail and I would use that to pay off the one bill that I have left, register for college and purchase the car that I have to wait until february to get. 2. I would have all of my poems somewhat close to being published and 3. I would give the youth ministry cpr and miraculously bring it back to life so that I can deal with all the stresses of keeping it well and kicking.

 

After that, I would go back to school, get a promotion [maybe that is asking a bit to much but that is what i would have happen], make enough money to make sure that my mother wasn’t struggling, fix up the big house from top to bottom and move out of my mom’s house… all in a year. And in 2009 I would be ready to transfer to a university [because i would have worked just that hard to get a two year program completed in one], I would have ridded my life of all the people that were nothing but distractions [all of whom are of the male sex for some reason, but that is neither here nor there], I would have started from scratch a healthy relationship with my honey, and I would be well on my way to success because by the middle of 2009 I would be expecting my 2nd promotion which includes a darn good raise and some major benefits, and I would be able to take a vacation to wherever I want and not have to worry about money, and I would be able to send my mother on a vacation to anywhere that she wanted to go for however long she wanted to go and there would be nothing she had to worry about except what she’s going to pack.

 

By the time 2013 hit I would plan to be married with two kids with a good paying job that allows me to spend time with my children and still be able to live comfortably. I want a nice house with a big back yard and front yard. I want two dogs, one for me and one for him. I want a playground in the back. I want one of those couch looking things that swing on my front porch and I want my own private bathroom in my room. I want a family day once a month to talk and eat and laugh and play with my kids and my husband. I want my mom to be happy and financially stable. By then I would have moved my NaNa somewhere, anywhere and I would be taking care of all her expenses. I would be making sure that my lil cousins are in college and doing their best and I will have coffee and bagels every saturday morning with my besties. And a girls night once a month and we’ll stay in and have drinks and lay around with our phones turned off and we’ll talk like we were back in high school, about boys and issues and there would be no thoughts of family or money or men or house cleaning or washing clothes or none of the other grown up stuff that we have to do every other day of our lives. I would go on a vacation once every three months, just me and my honey, and we would enjoy each others company and just have fun like back when we were dating. And last but not least… I would be happy. I would have a family and an education and a job and some damn good friends and I would be happy. I would want to wake up every morning and I would have a smile on my face every night and I would be happy.

 

If I could plan my life, thats what I would do. All those simple things is what I would expect. And sure, there would be some issues in between but I would be content with the smile that I had shining every single day. I would be blessed beyond abundance and joyful just because I am alive and surrounded by all the people I love the most.

 

Thats how my life would go if I had things my way…

praize while i pray

Posted in celebrations, G-D, issues, life && death, prayer, [Y.R.P] by Tanae' A. on October 12, 2007

In the email that Tyler sent he said that you have to speak things as tho they already are. You have to speak life to a dead situation, you have to speak victory in everything that you do in order to be victorious. I say all the time that I am more than a conqueror but conquerors dont have a defeatus attitude. A conqueror knows that they going to come out on top before they even go into it. Thats what I have to do. I have to speak life in every situation. Things aint going right at home but I encourage myself and I continue to pray my way thru and as I pray a few more will start to pray. And then as you pray you praise. You see what happens when you praise is, you fight off the demons, you fight off everything that’s coming at you. When you praise, satan has no choice but to back up, so with every hallelujah that comes out of your mouth the devil is taking a step back and he has no say so in your situation. You praise not because everything is peachy cream but you worship God  because you know that when you come out of whatever it is that you in you are going to come out better than you were when you went in. You know already that no matter how hard things get you gonna come out on top because you serve a God thats high up. So I’m praising while I’m praying. Praying for God to work thru the hearts of my loved ones, praying that God strengthen and build up a few lovely ladies that find themselves in sadness over an angel taken from this earth, praying for a mother that feels like nothing she does is good enough, praying for a mother who gets tired but still presses her way thru, praying for a man that is on a plane as we speak to venture off to a better life, praying for a brother who is one day closer to his death because of a disease that has taken complete control of his entire body, praying for a friend that doesn’t even realize that a bottle of alcohol is taking over her life, praying for a daughter who feels like her own mother doesn’t love her and only wants to be embraced by the woman that gave her life, praying for a scared young man that is too afraid to grow up and be something, praying for a dude that is away from family and friends and doesn’t know how to apologize for hurting the ones he loves the most, praying for a guy who put his heart on the same line over and over again only to have it stomped on and played with by some girl who is too scared to give into love, praying for people that go out and do all that they can to better themselves and their communities not because they get a pat on the back but because no one else will take the stand, praying for a young girl stuck between what her heart says is right and what her mind says is wrong, praying for a young man who has hurt so many people because he has been hurt so much by life and its circumstances… im praying. I’m praying. Even while I am praying I’m believing that God is going to do great things. Everything that is working against me right now is going to turn around and bless me real good. Everything that they say is impossible I know will come to pass because I have that much trust in God to know that a promise is a promise and he aint a man so he cant lie. I know that when God says he’s going to do something he’s going to do it and it may not happen on my time but its going to happen at the right time. I know that I am destined for greatness and not a devil in hell can stand in the way of what God is going to do… so yeah, I’m praying and even while I’m praying I’m giving Him the praise that he is due, not just for what he has already done but for what hasn’t even come to pass yet. Praising him for what he bout to do, what he bout to bring me to, what he bout to bring me thru, and what he bout to do in me!!

getting to know people

Posted in check ya flesh, church, decisions, determination, events, ministry, Shiloh, [Y.R.P] by Tanae' A. on August 27, 2007

Yesterday was our last summer service at church so, like always, we enjoyed a very hott outside service. I woke up a little early because I decided that I wanted to go to Sunday School and I was a bit discouraged to hear that it was cancelled because of a New Members Breakfast. I ended up just sitting around chatting with a few good folks as I waited very patiently for service to start but in the meantime I noticed a girl walking into the church. I had seen this girl before a few times but I didn’t really know who she was so I decided to introduce myself… I was not pleased with the way the conversation went down…

“Hello!” I said with a very bright smile… she didn’t respond she just looked at me like I was crazy and gave me one of those four finger waves.

“Um, I been seeing you around a lot lately so I just decided to introduce myself. I’m Tanae’, this is Shanaira, and the one in the blue shirt is Kayla.”

“Okaay…”

“So, whats your name?”

“Deanna…” with sarcasm drippin from every other syllable

“Oh Ok, and the boy that you be with is your brother??”

“Who? John?”

“Is that his name??”

“uuuhhh huh..”

“Ok, well I just wanted to introduce myself. I’ll be seeing you around.”

And yet again a rude reply… “Oook…”

Now, at first, I was completely turned off by this chicks attitude. I was being really nice to homegirl trying to introduce myself and some of the other youth and she just straight up threw sarcasm all in my face. But, despite my feelings about her, she is a new youth at my church I feel as tho it is my responsibility to get her and her brother affiliated with some other people their age. So, I am going to continue to speak to her and greet her with million dollar smiles. I am going to give her chance to get to know some people and get used to the atmosphere that is probably not accustomed to. Maybe in a few weeks she’ll have a change of attitude and actually get to know some of us and she may even want to become active in ministry.

Usually, I would never talk to this chick again after the conversation that we first had but I had to really think about it. I know back in the day, my first impression on a lot of people was probably horrific but most of those people continued to deal with my lil attitude and eventually realized that i’m not a bad chick. Actually, I can be nice, quirky and retarded most times. But, some people just take a lil longer to come around then others so maybe if she sees somebody thats continuously trying to make her feel apart of she’ll warm up a lil. I’m hoping and praying she does…

youth leaders are not really leading

How would you feel if you knew that a LEADER in your church was sending your youth emails about the size of people’s (rappers, singer etc.) private areas and how well they are in bed??

There are a lot of people in the world that are familiar with the infamous “Superhead” otherwise known as Karrine Steffans… the Video Vixen. She has a book out titled ‘Confessions of a Video Vixen’ and she now has a second book on shelves, I am unfamiliar with the name. But for those of you that dont know, she has made a not-so-positive name for herself by sleeping with numerous people in the music industry. The purpose of the book was to tell a side of her story that no one had heard. I think that purpose was looked over entirely. Everyone that read the book was in it to hear about who she had slept with and what type of relationship she had with these men. I think that by the time the book became popular, she had also forgotten about her original reason for writing it. But that is not the reason for this post.

About two days ago, I recieved an email that totally blew me away. It was a list of about 40-50 music icons, past & present. Next to each of their names was a rating of big, small, thick, thin, short or fat. Add fuel to the fire… this ‘Superhead’ also remembered to add a detailed description of exactly how they were in bed. Although the email was very graphic, even for me, what pissed me off the most is that a leader of my church sent it to me. Not just any leader… a leader who works directly with YOUTH!! Is there any way to justify that??

I didn’t know what to do really. I was going to address her about the situation simply because I dont prefer to recieve things like that from anybody be it a leader of the church or a friend from school. But in a situation like this I really dont know how I am supposed to react. I am not surprised that this person would send something like that… I can easily tell a hypocrite when I see one. But what I dont understand is how you can even look at yourself after you have sent something like this to a youth in your church that you are supposed to be leading. Am I wrong for being upset about this and should something be said in order to get this type of behavior under control??

Tae’

i need to get this out…

Everyone knows that I hate drama. I cant stand it, dont want to be around, dont want to hear about it at all. But for some reason I have found myself right in the middle of it and I dont know how to get myself out without reverting to old ways. Point is, I need some help.

There’s a chick. We been cool for a good while now. Are we friends?? No, I wouldn’t say so… but we were really cool at one point in time. I would have to say that my problem with her began one day when she really just turned me off. She did something and it caused me to see a side of her that I really didn’t like. Did that change my perception of her?? No. We were still cool, I just know now what to expect in certain situations.

Sooner rather than later I started to see other things that I just didnt like about her. I no longer wanted to be around her as much or talk to her unless I had to. But, I still had respect for her. Then one day I got fed-up. I told someone how I felt about her. I asked them if I was wrong and if it was just me and they told me no. Then I decided that I needed to talk to her about how I felt and let it ride. In between my realizing my feelings toward her and actually talking to her a lot of stuff went down. I got caught up in a discussion about her and didn’t think twice about the people in the room. Somebody there went back and told her everything that was said about her including the fact that a rumor [that i didnt make up] was spread.

Was I upset that she found out what had been said?? No, if anything it bothered me because she found in a way I didnt want her to. I wanted to sit down and let her know on my own in a very respectful way but that didnt happen. Now, of course, she has an attitude which is understandable but I feel as tho this talking is going no where. I try to say things in a nice way but it seems as tho no matter how nice I am she comes back at me with attitude. Attidude is one thing that i do not know how to deal with. So when homegirl is sitting here trying to pop up real big.. I wanna smack her back down to miniature and cuss her out fa’real but I aint trying to go there this time around. I’m trying to be somebody better than that and although it would work wonders and get her to fall back, I would not feel too good about myself in the end. I want to walk away knowing that I still have my dignity and at least a little bit of respect. I dont know what can be done, I could apologize [which I really do not want to do] I can continue to go on with my life and let her believe what she wants about it all but I really dont want to let it end ugly because it all comes down to the big M word… Ministry.

I’m going to apologize but is that really all that I can do in this situation??

((it’s not about me…or you))

I realized in the past month that there a lot of people that I dont like [in my church]. Now, let me break it down for you all. It pretty much falls into two categories… 1st there are the people that I just dont like && then there are the people that I dont like IN MINISTRY.

I have noticed however, that the persons who I just dont like are far better off in my book than those that I dont like in ministry… here’s why. In ministry, to me, nothing else matters. When we all are working together with one particular thing in mind all personal issues go out the door. I can put aside any personal feelings for an individual and do whatever it is that I need to do. I am also a talker. Before I flat out say that I dont like a person I will go to them and just say straight up… look I dont like this, this and this about you. In return they will point out what they dont like about me… and we ACCEPT it. There have been times when I have told people that they dont have to like this about me I aint changing but there also times when I look at myself and  I will work towards changing for the better. But my main purpose is to come to some sort of middle ground where we know.. I dont like this about you, you dont like this about me, ok… I respect your opinion and you respect mines.. lets hug move on and do what we came here to do.

If I have a problem with someone I WILL NOT SIT BACK && DOGG THEM OUT JUST BECAUSE. AND I DEF WONT HAVE THEM WALKING AROUND NOT KNOWING WHAT THE PROBLEM IS BECAUSE SILENCE KILLS.

Now, the persons that I dont like IN MINISTRY have it bad as far as I am concerned. I can talk to you all day long and you can be the coolest person in the world but if I feel as tho you are doing nothing to build up ministry but instead you are using titles for your own selfish gain… Oh buddy, you cut. In the past month or so ministry has become such a priority that personal things really dont matter. I dont care how cool you are, when it comes time to do the work of the Lord and you sitting around faking the funk… trust. I will call you out. Not because I dont like you as a person but because I have no respect for you period.

There are plenty people in my church that I dont really bump wit like that. There are alot of people that I have come to an understanding with. But even those persons that I’m not really cool with… keep my respect because when it comes down to ministry we put our whole selves into it. I used to be the type, if I dont like you, I wont sing with you, dance with you, sit with you, speak to you, nothing. But there cant be division in ministry. When there are so many people with so many agendas God cannot be pleased. I’m striving to please God and no I am not perfect but in Ministry, I am striving for perfection. When persons in leadership are not on one accord there is division. When persons in ministry cant put personal issues to the side there is a hex in the plan.

Yes, there are quit a few people that I cannot stand but no one would ever know it except for me and that person because when it comes time to do something in the house of GOD it aint about me or them but its about HIM!!

Tae’

What a Weekend

It took me a while to figure out if I really wanted to blog about the weekend that I just experienced. There was a lot of things that transpired that I’m still trying to come to grips with but I decided that maybe this will help me to kinda figure this whole thing out.

I must say for starters that this was a good weekend. I enjoyed myself and although there was a lot that could have caused these past few days to be terrible, I decided to ignore the distractions and deal with all the issues later.

As you all know, this weekend was the PCIF Conference that I was very skeptical about going to on Thursday. Of course, I went. Well, what happened at this conference? Glad you care enough to ask. On friday night, I went to a lovely banquet and enjoyed fellowship and conversation with my peers. After that, all the youth from all the churches got together for Midnight Madness which was totally fun. Around 2:15 we left and hung for a while and by 4:30 I was knocked out.

Saturday morning we slept in and got up around 9 to go to the youth session. At 11:30 we all got together for worship service that was way better than I ever expected it to be. And then we hung out around the pool. Played pingpong and even got a 15 min nap in. Worship service started at 7 and then it was on the road back home.

Sunday services were cool. We had to dance and by the time 3:00 came I was too sleepy to stand up straight. Well, whats the problem?? It seems like it was a fairly good weekend. I got a lot out of it. I found out a lot about myself and a lot about the people around me. I met some new people from different churches and was even able to sit and really fellowship with the youth from my church that I dont really have time to associate with. Here’s my problem…

When people that are only worried about themselves are placed in leadership positions, it causes confusion and headaches. When the people that have a heart of gold and will put other people before them are kicked to the back burner, things need to be changed. When people who will do whatever it takes to make sure that they get there’s are calling themselves leaders and are so caught up in the title, there will only be chaos and I saw the worst of it this weekend.

I have a heart for youth ministry. I think a lot of people know that by now. I try to keep communication going between myself and those younger than me and I try to give them some kind of direction. My main reason for doing this is the simple fact that I see such a big gap between the youth and members of the youth council. One day I hope to be apart of the youth council and I want to be one to bridge that growing gap.

The only reason why I am staying where I am staying is because I see a faithful few grit their teeth after getting the short end of the stick. They sacrifice and remain humble after being kicked to the curb. They work behind the scenes because they dont need to have their name in lights. They hold in their tears and do what they have to do respectfully. While others who need the validation of a title just sit around and do nothing for ministry as a whole. When you use a title for your own gain… Some thing is wrong.

I think it should be stated for the record that I do not have a problem with people in authority, I have a problem with people who abuse their authority. I get frustrated because I cant do anything about it. I cant down someone that is supposed to be a leader and I’m not even the type to down someone when I know I cant be in the position tha they are in. I think I know things that I probably shouldn’t know and that doesn’t do anything but add tomy frustrations.

I made up in my mind yesterday that after everything is said and done I’m distancing myself from everyone and everything. Is this the best thing to do?? Probably not, but I think that right now it’s the most respectful thing that I can do. And so the benefit everyone around me, I’ll just take a seat in Sunday morning worship and keep to myself. Not because of anything that anybody has done, but because I know how I can be. I can say some things that will do nothing but cause damage. I where my emotion on my face and I can come off as being very rude at times and the last thing I want to do is be named something that I’m not trying to be.

This weekend I learned that in due time, those that are only in it for themselves will get whats coming to them. They will be eventually forced to do one of two things… clean up their act and/or step down from their position. Will it happen in the near future?? Probably not. But I’m praying that it happens before things really crumble.

I dont know how I really should feel about this weekend. I dont know if this is the best decision yet. But I do know that I’m doing everything in my power to not get caught up in the confusion and chaos of it all. God will have his way, not only in youth ministry but in Shiloh as a whole and I’m praying that He does something wonderful beyond anything we could imagine. I think I’ll stick it out for the long haul. But in order to become the ministry that God wants us to become some people need to straighten up or roll out.

Thats just my opinion.

Tae’