[{GRaViTY}]

the things GOD does…

ii know ii dont even really have the time to blog but ii just had to get this out. it’ll come back to bite me on tomorrow but ii had to take a few minutes just to say that GOD is awesome.
i’ll say to all you B-more ppl…if you missed Kickin It With the King on this past Friday night you truely missed a treat. it was a complete blessing in so many ways. now, as you all know ii was super excited to be going because AJB and Ap were going to be in the house and ii knew that they were going to shut the place down. we were in there enjoying the occasion…having a good hallelujah time and in the back of my mind im wondering when are they gonna bring out the fam. well…second to last.here they come. their name was called and after that God took over. okay…ii know AJB. see him quite often…talk to him…interact with him. ii know AP…talk to them too. just regular ordinary people with some SERIOUS talent. like super ridiculous talent. that is known…nothing new about it. ii know AJB is anointed in so many ways…no doubt about that. BUT WHAT II SAW FRIDAY NOT WAS BEYOND THIS WORLD.
the word says that many are called but few are chosen. this dude is chosen… ii know the talent but WWAAYY beyond that aspect of it ii was blown. ii honestly left out of there and in the back of my mind im thinking “God, how did you do that??” like seriously. it is truely unbelievable the anointing that is on this group of people. the anointing that is on this dude… its ridiculous. the crowd was hype and the second they walked onto the stage you could just feel the entire atmosphere change. ii told Jay yesterday that with each one of them that walked onto that stage more Jesus filled the sanctuary. ii was blown. completely. im still blown. ii dont know  how God can work thru someone in that way but it is amazing to me. and finally ii see what Nik was saying a few weeks ago. you talk to this dude and he’s just another one of them crazy regular retarded Brown brothers lol. but something happens when GOD begins to work thru him. and its not just in the singing or in the music…there’s something so JESUS about him. i’ve seen this dude minister without hitting a note…i’ve seen him speak words that couldnt have come from no one but God. it just blows my mind.
So ii say to you all reading this…find AP..google them. hit them up on the space. figure out when they are going to be in your area…do whatever it takes to be impacted by their ministry. and even beyond all of that. dont be afraid to let GOD use you. dont run from whatever it is that HE has in store for your life. most times we run from God because we are so afraid of what He has in store but the Bible says “seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God” dont be afraid of whatever it is that he has for your life because you never know how you can minister to someone else. you never know how your ministry can save someone’s life. so when it comes to doing the will of God…please dont hesitate. ii dont care if its the craziest thing that you could ever think…if its in the will of God.do it. In order to live for God or to be used by God you have to be able to submit. give up who you are in order to become who He wants you to be. You will be surprised how God can use you. He will do some miraculous things in your life if you just allow Him to work thru you.

www.myspace.com/ajb1981

Advertisements

“ya gosta keep coming, baby girl”

the last conversations with Cornell and MY Bishop…
it was a second sunday and YYA were not in place. for some reason there had been a drought and everyone was on chills for the most part. after service ii decided to go speak to my two fav persons who were around the piano with K.Wellz. ii stood there for a minute waiting patiently for my opportunity to speak with them. by the time they had ended their conversation with Wellz, ii was talking to Big Brother Shawn so now they were waiting patiently to speak with me lol… ii turned around and bent down to give Cornell a hug then ii stepped around him laughing as Bishop said something so stupid lol. And there came the conversation that ii will forever remember

 

B: what happened to y’all today??
c: baby girl, what ii keep telling ya??
B. ya gosta keep coming baby girl [[while smackin that left hand on the piano lolzz]]…just keep coming
Me: but we aint having no practices, you know that. and when there are practices its only 4 of us up there
C: you gosta keep coming baby, you strut ya lil cute self in here and you sang!!
B: i dont care if its 2 of y’all up there. you keep coming!
Me: i know, yall keep telling me that
C: dont i keep coming?? huh??
Me: yeah you do ya thing Cornell
C: and dont he keep coming??
Me: yeah, my Bishop keep coming
B: alright then, you keep on coming…
Me: aight Bishop, ima come
C: [[giving me that eye]] now who you fooling?? you aint coming.
Me: ok, when they get it together ima come
B: now dont be talking just to be talking. you know im ya Bishop, i know that trick
Me: [[laughing]] when they get it together ima come
C: alright now, you done said it so it is
Me: promise. ima come
B: thats what i like to hear baby girl
C: ya gosta keep coming

~a few months later: January 11, 2007~

B: hey babygirl, you alright??
Me: yeah Bishop, im alright. you hanging in??
B: come on now baby girl you know im hanging!!
Me: yeah…i know you hanging. you gosta hang cause you my Bishop [[laughs]]… just cant believe this crap
B: yeah me either but we know he’s in glory… you just dont forget your promise baby girl
Me: when they get it straight Bishop, ima come. i promised i would. now its just you and us fa’real
B: you know he’s here…WE gonna get it straight. you got it in you baby girl. you and ms. diva over there.
Me: [[looking at Shay thru the doors]] she is kinda cute aint she… we gonna come Bishop, for Cornell, for you
B: for God baby girl…thats who its for
Me: and for God too…but really for Cornell
B: and ya Bishop?? [[huggin me]]
Me: and my Bishop!!

 

so, i made a promise and every time i get up on that choir stand im doing it for Cornell and MY Bishop. [[and for God of course]] but they are my motivation when i dont feel like it. when i wanna stay home on friday nights instead of going to rehearsal…i hear them in the back of my head saying “you gosta keep coming, baby girl” lolzz… I know they better be happy up there cause we doing pretty good for ourselves and i know that if it wasn’t for the promise that i made to them i wouldnt be up there every second sunday having a blast. so thank you Cornell and MY Bishop for pushing me and for them simple words of encouragement…and the big hugs didnt help none either lol. i miss yall like crazy but yall are forever in my heart.

a HOLY matrix, um matrimony…nope, just easter lol

it is only wednesday and ii am already crackin up over this weeks events. easter sunday is going to be hilarious. first off, ii know somebody is going to put their daughter in some white frilly dress with sling back white sandals and hair ribbons. and that same somebody is going to put that same daughter in some ugly thin shawl that is supposed to protect her from the tiny gusts of wind that come thru on easter morning. to that mother who is planning to torture that daughter, warning:: IT IS GOING TO BE FORTY SIX DEGREES ON EASTER!!! just thought she might want to know that before she sets herself up for failure. please put your children in COATS!!
and you would not believe that after two hours of sitting for two hours on monday trying to find a song to dance to, we picked some song that is ridic. seriously tho, this song got some wack beat in it so we was practicing and ii rocked off with this holy matrix move mixed with a tick and ii promised mo that i would do that on sunday morning. lmao. this is going to be funny but like India Arie said:: a promise is a promise haha.
ii am also deciding to renew my vows on easter sunday. somewhere along the line ii drew a line in the relationship that ii have created with Jesus. so that line will be erased somewhere around the spot where 5:45 slowly turns into 6am… translation, ii will be in church bright and early on sunday morning for sunrise service and ii know that there better be a mixed crowd on that parking lot when ii get there.
ii am showing up but ii will be dippin out to get a nap in before sunday school. ii am praying that someone brings in our early dismissal forms lmao. matter fact, im getting my own leave slips just in case she forgets. this should be funny, hey, we’re just being OBEDIENT…DuH.
and um, please Jesus allow a certain someone to get her hair did before she get up to dance on sunday morning because we all know that you dont want to rise and see that mess cause ii surely dont. we want to leave this Easter holy because we understand and appreciate the sacrifice that you made just you and I both know that someone should sacrifice a few dollars to get that weave done. Amen Jesus.

Y&YA

Posted in choir, healing, health, ministry, music, R.I.P Cornell, Shiloh, youth ministry by Tanae' A. on February 6, 2008
This coming friday the youth and young adult choir will come together to have a rehearsal. We now have a new musician and while I am excited about something new I am also a bit skeptical about this. The last time Y&YA sung we had Cornell there with us. I’m doing this for him. I remember so many days we would come out and it would only be four or five of us at best and he would always tell us to keep coming. He always said that it would get better. He was that drive we needed to keep going some days. Even tho he’s not here in person I feel like he is the drive that still keeps me going. I can picture him now with that grin as he raises that one eyebrow and says “baby girl, you gotta keep doin what you doing” and then that crazy Askew Williams would always co-sign with him “thats right keep on coming,  just keep on coming” lolzz… It wont be the same without Cornell but I know that his spirit lives on and because I know that he believed in us i’m going to go in there knowing that we can do and be something better than anyone ever imagined. It may start with a few but I’m believing that we will be fruitful and multiply.
Cornell~ I miss you so much and I love you. Things aint the same without you but I keep you in my heart and I thank you for everything that you  have done. I am a better person because I was impacted by you and I know that you are looking out for me, for us. Strengthen the Bishop so he can come back and play for us real soon. Rest In Peace.
Bishop, My Bishop~ You know I loves you and I hope that you get better real soon cause I miss seeing your smiling face.  Jus take your time and get well because we need you. See you soon and until then you are in my prayers.
Tanae’ A.

Faith In Action

Posted in actions, celebrations, community, events, faith, Faith In Action, men, ministry, prayer by Tanae' A. on February 6, 2008

A few years back one of my favorite people, HebHeb, became a radio personality lol. He was on 88.9fm every sunday morning from 5-9 and I would purpose to set my alarm to make sure that I didnt miss a second of the show. For while he was on the air with Phil Deal and then he partnered up with Joi Thomas. Sooner than later he was right on track with Myisha Cherry doing the very talked about talk show entitled Faith In Action. I loved it. Right when they almost hit a year the talk show was off the air. It’s been some time now since Faith In Action graced my Sunday mornings but HebHeb has not been quiet at all. The voice of Rev. Heber M. Brown III has been heard loud and clear and now the time has come again for him to be heard thru my radio. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, Faith In Action is back on the air!!! On Sunday February 10, 2008 my HebHeb will be doing his thang on spirit 1400. The time has not yet been confirmed but as soon as I get word I will put it out there for all to see!! Please, listen in, be a support and keep him in your prayers. If you wanna know more about Heb’s impact on the community you can check him out at faithinactiononline.com. I am so super excited about this and I am so proud of my HebHeb…he is a great man and I call him MINISTRY… 

afraid of heights…

Posted in back to the past, check ya flesh, forgiveness, growth, ministry by Tanae' A. on February 4, 2008
I remember back when I was really little [[before life happened]] I was a really tiny thin girl. Back then, it only took a small breath to knock me over lolzz. But, I have this very vivid memory of my step dad. He wasn’t a big guy but to my lil self he was huge and he had muscles sooo big. He used to flex and me and my sisters would literally swing from his arms. One day, he lifted me up and he sat he on top of his arm. At first I was scared, terrified that I would fall but even more scared that if I fell, he wouldnt be there to catch me. It wasn’t until I stopped looking down that I really gave into that moment. Once I let go of that fear I felt like I was on top of the world and I wanted to stay there forever. My little small self on his big arms, him lifting me up beyond any height that my eyes could think of seeing. I thought about that today. Sometimes, God will lift us up and most times we are so scared of falling that we never take time to indulge in the moment. Im to a point now where Im going higher in him. Someone once said that the higher up you go the lonlier you get and that must be true cause im pretty lonely up here by myself. But I was so scared of falling and even more scared that if I fell He would refuse to catch me out of disappointment and so the only thing on my mind was getting down. Here I am, on the arms of God, my feet are dangling and im holding on for dear life. But once I let go of that fear of falling, I can really appreciate the height in which I have reached. Sometimes I just wanna get back to the comfortableness of the ground tho. One thing that I am realizing more and more each day is that God is going to be there at my highs and my lows. So when He has me up high He’s there to carry me and when I fall back down to my lowest, He’s there to lift me back up. Its just that I fear failing Him so much. Not just Him but myself and the people that are expecting so much from me. If I fail, how can I minister to someone else who is trying to do the right things?? Today Ms. Naomi looked me in my face and she said this “You are harder on yourself than God is, just let Him forgive you…” How right was she. I beat myself over the head for months on end about something petty that I did wrong when God has already forgotten about it and is telling me to move on with my ministry. This past weekend, I was going to stay in the house all weekend long. I was gonna sit on my couch watch some movies and get some rest because I didnt want to be in an atmosphere that would allow me to compromise my growth. Friday night, I was bored out of my mind. I ended up going to eat with a friend and her mom but I was back in the house by ten thirty and knocked out. Friday night, ten o clock and I’m sleep. Not out partying or drinkin or having fun. I was sleep and bored and lonely in a house all by myself. By the time Saturday rolled around I was so bored I wanted to get out but I was standing my ground. Turns out, however,a  few friends around the corner were having a lil get together so round eight we walked around the block. At first it was cool, we was just sitting around chilling and then some things started happening. We didnt stay long, got in the house around eleven but I beat myself up the whole night and well into this morning because not only did I partake in certain activities but I set myself up for failure. I went into this environment against my own better judgement and I wasnt strong enough to resist the temptations of the night. No, I didnt get ridiculously drunk and I wasnt extremely high but I sat in a room with people who were participating in activities I used to participate in. I sat in a house with people who had bottles passing around faster than a ferris wheel. But why? Why would I be in that setting?? Why would I feel the need to put myself into that type of situation knowing good and well what the outcome is going to be. I am mad at myself because of it. Mad because I knew what I wanted to do and it sucks that I am not yet strong enough to stand on my own two feet and say NO!! Is it worth the try?? Is it worth it to try and do all these things right? Should I just give up on myself and allow God to use someone more qualified for the job?? You know what I think?? I think that God has me where I am, doing what I am doing because the people that I am ministering to are learning something from my downfalls. They are not just looking at my triumphs and seeing what they want to be but they are also looking at my mistakes knowing that even thru all of their mess they can do and be someone better for Him. I mess up, I fall short, I do things that I shouldnt do but Im growing and im getting thru the struggles of each day. And at the end of the day someone is going to look at me, see where I come from and know that the same God that saved me can save them. The same God that lifts me high up is the same God that can catch me when I fall off His shoulders from time to time. I dont think im too afraid of heights anymore yall!!!

if I had things my way

So, a lot of times I seem to get lost in my own thoughts. Well today I was just thinking, if I had everything in my life the way I wanted it to be how would it go?? Well, this is what I came up with.

 

For starters, I would not change anything that happened before Dec 2005. And really I wouldn’t change to much that happened after Dec. 2005 either, so here’s what I would change. I would change the fact that I ever became friends with, dated, or fell in love with James. Thats it. How lovely. Now let me explain before someone gets the wrong idea. If I had my way, I would take all of those happenings out of Dec 2005 and graciously move them to Dec. 2009. And you all are wondering why… the reason is quite simple really, in 2009 there will be no school. He would be completely through with school. So it would save me a lot of heartache and headache and I would be actually happy with him. And simply because James would not be in the picture I would have the opportunity to take things a lil further with this other dude without feeling completely bad about it. But since I cant change the past… this is what I would have happen in the future.

 

I think, well I know, that the first three things that I would have happen if I had my way is… 1. I would get a big fat check somewhere in the mail and I would use that to pay off the one bill that I have left, register for college and purchase the car that I have to wait until february to get. 2. I would have all of my poems somewhat close to being published and 3. I would give the youth ministry cpr and miraculously bring it back to life so that I can deal with all the stresses of keeping it well and kicking.

 

After that, I would go back to school, get a promotion [maybe that is asking a bit to much but that is what i would have happen], make enough money to make sure that my mother wasn’t struggling, fix up the big house from top to bottom and move out of my mom’s house… all in a year. And in 2009 I would be ready to transfer to a university [because i would have worked just that hard to get a two year program completed in one], I would have ridded my life of all the people that were nothing but distractions [all of whom are of the male sex for some reason, but that is neither here nor there], I would have started from scratch a healthy relationship with my honey, and I would be well on my way to success because by the middle of 2009 I would be expecting my 2nd promotion which includes a darn good raise and some major benefits, and I would be able to take a vacation to wherever I want and not have to worry about money, and I would be able to send my mother on a vacation to anywhere that she wanted to go for however long she wanted to go and there would be nothing she had to worry about except what she’s going to pack.

 

By the time 2013 hit I would plan to be married with two kids with a good paying job that allows me to spend time with my children and still be able to live comfortably. I want a nice house with a big back yard and front yard. I want two dogs, one for me and one for him. I want a playground in the back. I want one of those couch looking things that swing on my front porch and I want my own private bathroom in my room. I want a family day once a month to talk and eat and laugh and play with my kids and my husband. I want my mom to be happy and financially stable. By then I would have moved my NaNa somewhere, anywhere and I would be taking care of all her expenses. I would be making sure that my lil cousins are in college and doing their best and I will have coffee and bagels every saturday morning with my besties. And a girls night once a month and we’ll stay in and have drinks and lay around with our phones turned off and we’ll talk like we were back in high school, about boys and issues and there would be no thoughts of family or money or men or house cleaning or washing clothes or none of the other grown up stuff that we have to do every other day of our lives. I would go on a vacation once every three months, just me and my honey, and we would enjoy each others company and just have fun like back when we were dating. And last but not least… I would be happy. I would have a family and an education and a job and some damn good friends and I would be happy. I would want to wake up every morning and I would have a smile on my face every night and I would be happy.

 

If I could plan my life, thats what I would do. All those simple things is what I would expect. And sure, there would be some issues in between but I would be content with the smile that I had shining every single day. I would be blessed beyond abundance and joyful just because I am alive and surrounded by all the people I love the most.

 

Thats how my life would go if I had things my way…

Sister2Sister

Posted in blessings, church, life, love, ministry, people I love, seperation, Shiloh, sisters by Tanae' A. on September 19, 2007

A few years ago, some sistahs got together at my church to start a ministry called Sister2Sister. It was cool at first but over time things died down and eventually no one heard anything else about it. A few people would say that this was a failure but I would beg to differ. Although there were no meetings and no more sitting together on the third pew on third Sunday’s… we were still a ministry in my eyes. We ministered to one another. We was there for each other, the big sisters as well as the lil sisters. At the end of the day I walked away from that with five great and wonderful big sisters… Tam, Rease, Ness, ShanShan, and Esther. Within the past year or so I think that everyone has pretty much gone their seperate ways. People have gone to different churches, life has taken their toll on some lives, and others are still around but just not as close.

I just wanted to take time out to recognize and appreciate five special ladies that have impacted my life in such a great way over the past few years. There’s no telling where this life will take them or me so I just wanted to take time out to acknowledge them individually and collectively…

Shan: You have such a beautiful spirit and you are such a beautiful woman. I remember them days I used to call you just cause I hadn’t seen you in church in a minute. You have always been there on the sidelines doing something to help out… I love you for that.

Rease: You already know I got the worlds most love for you!! [and your glow in the dark toe polish!!! LoL!!] You are always there putting up with my craziness and laughing at my retardness. You are so real and down to earth and you just all around cool peoples… Luv Yah Chick!

Esther: You are my smiling sister. You are always there to give that big old beautiful smile and even when you dont know you have a way of flashing those pearlie whites and making my day so much better. You have a beautiful spirit and a warm heart. You did great!! Love you always.

Ness: Life has taught us some lessons. You’ve been there since day one with me. You never judged me and therefore, I’ll never judge you. You are wonderful. You are a leader and you have told me thru example how to remain humble in the face of controversy. I will forever cherish our saturdays out and our long rides to New York. And even those phone calls that I’d get every other day… I love you Boo!!

Tam: You were my original Big Sis and you will always be just that in my mind. You have taught some wonderful lessons and you were always there to reprimand me when I got in trouble even tho I never knew how you found out about stuff LoL!! You are such a beautiful person and you have impacted so many lives so I am more than blessed to have had you in my life. Through everything… you were there && I will love you forever because of that… Thank You!

Life takes everyone in different directions and some things we never ever see coming but sometimes we have to take life for what it is and appreciate the downs just as much as we enjoy the ups. I love you all dearly.

Tae’

Butterfly:: you were given wings to fly… even thru all your troubles and everything else just trust God and continue to do what it is that you were meant to do. You are in my prayers… I miss you

getting to know people

Posted in check ya flesh, church, decisions, determination, events, ministry, Shiloh, [Y.R.P] by Tanae' A. on August 27, 2007

Yesterday was our last summer service at church so, like always, we enjoyed a very hott outside service. I woke up a little early because I decided that I wanted to go to Sunday School and I was a bit discouraged to hear that it was cancelled because of a New Members Breakfast. I ended up just sitting around chatting with a few good folks as I waited very patiently for service to start but in the meantime I noticed a girl walking into the church. I had seen this girl before a few times but I didn’t really know who she was so I decided to introduce myself… I was not pleased with the way the conversation went down…

“Hello!” I said with a very bright smile… she didn’t respond she just looked at me like I was crazy and gave me one of those four finger waves.

“Um, I been seeing you around a lot lately so I just decided to introduce myself. I’m Tanae’, this is Shanaira, and the one in the blue shirt is Kayla.”

“Okaay…”

“So, whats your name?”

“Deanna…” with sarcasm drippin from every other syllable

“Oh Ok, and the boy that you be with is your brother??”

“Who? John?”

“Is that his name??”

“uuuhhh huh..”

“Ok, well I just wanted to introduce myself. I’ll be seeing you around.”

And yet again a rude reply… “Oook…”

Now, at first, I was completely turned off by this chicks attitude. I was being really nice to homegirl trying to introduce myself and some of the other youth and she just straight up threw sarcasm all in my face. But, despite my feelings about her, she is a new youth at my church I feel as tho it is my responsibility to get her and her brother affiliated with some other people their age. So, I am going to continue to speak to her and greet her with million dollar smiles. I am going to give her chance to get to know some people and get used to the atmosphere that is probably not accustomed to. Maybe in a few weeks she’ll have a change of attitude and actually get to know some of us and she may even want to become active in ministry.

Usually, I would never talk to this chick again after the conversation that we first had but I had to really think about it. I know back in the day, my first impression on a lot of people was probably horrific but most of those people continued to deal with my lil attitude and eventually realized that i’m not a bad chick. Actually, I can be nice, quirky and retarded most times. But, some people just take a lil longer to come around then others so maybe if she sees somebody thats continuously trying to make her feel apart of she’ll warm up a lil. I’m hoping and praying she does…

J.Bynum [why are people bashing her??]

Posted in check ya flesh, church, events, frustrations, marriage, ministry by Tanae' A. on August 24, 2007

I am really not understanding why there’s a story about Prophetess Juanita Bynum every where I turn. Most people are being sympathetic and prayerful but there are a few that are chosing to criticize and it’s really bothering me.

Marriage is supposed to be something sacred. Marriage is something ordained by God. Every one has problems, no doubt, but who in their right mind would want their marriage blasted all over the global world?? I dont care if everything is peachy cream or going terribly wrong, people need to mind their business!! Let’s pray for her and her husband rather than commenting negatively about what has happened.

Someone wrote on a blog that this was a setup used to cell more cd’s and Conference tickets… come one people!! I happen to like Junaita Bynum, I think she is a wonderful lady and more than that I think God has used her in a dynamic way to uplift women all over this country. She does not need to be beat down in a parking lot in order for people to buy her cd or go to hear her preach.

I guess this is what you get when you begin to make a name for yourself. I hope and pray that a few praying folk would go to God and just wish her well in everything that she does. But I also pray that the IGNORANT people in the world would take a look at what they are doing and who their words and actionas are affecting.

My prayers go out to Juanita… B.Blessed Sistah