karma is my best friend and your worst enemy

Posted in actions, decisions, events, im so over it, karma, lies, right vs. wrong, thoughts, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on April 7, 2008
ok… never again will ii do this to a person but all ii did was tell someone the truth about what was going on. what happened from there was not my fault. its a domino effect. i pushed the first one over but ii didnt know the rest of them would fall. is that wrong?? no, its called karma and in the end she will get what she deserves. now the truth is being revealed so what else can be said?? there is no covering it up and pushing it aside. the cat is out the bag and now whatever happens is gonna happen and oh well to the one that gets hurt in the process… you hurt three people so bad so whatever you are feeling right now is what you need to feel and maybe real soon you will be begging for forgiveness but of course that will never happen because you are always the victim. someone has always wronged you. someone is always doing you dirty but yet you have been lying, cheating, deceiving, and using people for your own selfish gain. karma is what you get…

What a Weekend

It took me a while to figure out if I really wanted to blog about the weekend that I just experienced. There was a lot of things that transpired that I’m still trying to come to grips with but I decided that maybe this will help me to kinda figure this whole thing out.

I must say for starters that this was a good weekend. I enjoyed myself and although there was a lot that could have caused these past few days to be terrible, I decided to ignore the distractions and deal with all the issues later.

As you all know, this weekend was the PCIF Conference that I was very skeptical about going to on Thursday. Of course, I went. Well, what happened at this conference? Glad you care enough to ask. On friday night, I went to a lovely banquet and enjoyed fellowship and conversation with my peers. After that, all the youth from all the churches got together for Midnight Madness which was totally fun. Around 2:15 we left and hung for a while and by 4:30 I was knocked out.

Saturday morning we slept in and got up around 9 to go to the youth session. At 11:30 we all got together for worship service that was way better than I ever expected it to be. And then we hung out around the pool. Played pingpong and even got a 15 min nap in. Worship service started at 7 and then it was on the road back home.

Sunday services were cool. We had to dance and by the time 3:00 came I was too sleepy to stand up straight. Well, whats the problem?? It seems like it was a fairly good weekend. I got a lot out of it. I found out a lot about myself and a lot about the people around me. I met some new people from different churches and was even able to sit and really fellowship with the youth from my church that I dont really have time to associate with. Here’s my problem…

When people that are only worried about themselves are placed in leadership positions, it causes confusion and headaches. When the people that have a heart of gold and will put other people before them are kicked to the back burner, things need to be changed. When people who will do whatever it takes to make sure that they get there’s are calling themselves leaders and are so caught up in the title, there will only be chaos and I saw the worst of it this weekend.

I have a heart for youth ministry. I think a lot of people know that by now. I try to keep communication going between myself and those younger than me and I try to give them some kind of direction. My main reason for doing this is the simple fact that I see such a big gap between the youth and members of the youth council. One day I hope to be apart of the youth council and I want to be one to bridge that growing gap.

The only reason why I am staying where I am staying is because I see a faithful few grit their teeth after getting the short end of the stick. They sacrifice and remain humble after being kicked to the curb. They work behind the scenes because they dont need to have their name in lights. They hold in their tears and do what they have to do respectfully. While others who need the validation of a title just sit around and do nothing for ministry as a whole. When you use a title for your own gain… Some thing is wrong.

I think it should be stated for the record that I do not have a problem with people in authority, I have a problem with people who abuse their authority. I get frustrated because I cant do anything about it. I cant down someone that is supposed to be a leader and I’m not even the type to down someone when I know I cant be in the position tha they are in. I think I know things that I probably shouldn’t know and that doesn’t do anything but add tomy frustrations.

I made up in my mind yesterday that after everything is said and done I’m distancing myself from everyone and everything. Is this the best thing to do?? Probably not, but I think that right now it’s the most respectful thing that I can do. And so the benefit everyone around me, I’ll just take a seat in Sunday morning worship and keep to myself. Not because of anything that anybody has done, but because I know how I can be. I can say some things that will do nothing but cause damage. I where my emotion on my face and I can come off as being very rude at times and the last thing I want to do is be named something that I’m not trying to be.

This weekend I learned that in due time, those that are only in it for themselves will get whats coming to them. They will be eventually forced to do one of two things… clean up their act and/or step down from their position. Will it happen in the near future?? Probably not. But I’m praying that it happens before things really crumble.

I dont know how I really should feel about this weekend. I dont know if this is the best decision yet. But I do know that I’m doing everything in my power to not get caught up in the confusion and chaos of it all. God will have his way, not only in youth ministry but in Shiloh as a whole and I’m praying that He does something wonderful beyond anything we could imagine. I think I’ll stick it out for the long haul. But in order to become the ministry that God wants us to become some people need to straighten up or roll out.

Thats just my opinion.


when I slip up I dont slip down…

The past two days have been spent glued to Heb’s blog… there is a certain post written OVER A YEAR AGO that has been recieving a lot of attention. I wonder if anyone knew this post would be this popular. It amazes me that there are never more than 3 or 4 responses on posts with topics about community and upbuilding our black community. But, there are over 50 responses from people who want to waste their time bashing Jamal Bryant. I dont understand that world in which we live.

Yes, rumor has it that Jamal made a few mistakes. Yes, he has most likely lost the trust of plenty people. And yes, he will probably have people walk away from the church and his teachings. But is all this really necessary?? If Jamal has really made this terrible decision, I believe first he needs to take that to God and repent. Second, he needs to take that to his wife, children, and family. He not only needs to make amends but he also needs to get this together and find a solution to the problem. THEN he can, if he wishes to, bring it to the attention of his church family and request their forgiveness.

What I dont understand is how some people, AS CHURCH PEOPLE, can kick a brother while he’s already down. Whether this is true or not, which I do think it is, him and his family have to be going thru a tough time right now. I know good and well that when I mess up I dont need nobody downing me because of my actions. We all make decisions and we all decide to do something wrong every once in a while and sometimes our decisions come back to kick us in the butt. And when that happens we have to take out to rethink what just happens and then do what we can do to make our wrongs somewhat right or simply learn from it and keep moving. I dont know how Jamal is going to pick hisself up… I dont know how he can earn back the trust of him family and church but I know that this will be impossible with people stepping on him not allowing him to redeem hisself.

He may have slipped up but at the end of the day he needs to have some of his FAITHFUL members encouraging him and sticking by his side no matter what. Prayerfully, after all of this Jamal will change for the better and his church will grow… not in numbers. The quantity doesn’t matter. All we can do is keep him, his family, and Empowerment Temple in constant prayer.


whoa…back track homie

Posted in back track, check ya flesh, decisions, karma, life by Tanae' A. on May 23, 2007

There are a few times in life that we have to sit back and question why we are doing certain things and what the outcome will be. A lot of times, when my mind is made up about something than thats all she wrote… I’m going thru with it. But this one time I slowed down and really took time out to think about what would come out of the decision that I had made. Luckily I eased onto the brakes before I ran head first into something that I would regret. One thing that my mother has always told me no matter what, never do things out of spite or to get revenge. I usually listen to my mom when she says stuff like that because I have seen some people reap what they sow and it was nothing pretty. Karma really is a bummer. But this one time I didnt really wanna listen to mommy and I wanted to do this anyway… not just to get someone back but to also benefit me. In the end… It probably wouldn’t matter what I was doing it for… I knew it was wrong when I planned it down to the very last detail. So now I have to back track and dismiss any plans that I had and I’m just thankful that something woke me up before I jumped into this mess. God is always on time.


im giving up…finally

Posted in be the change, dey str8 fony, fed-up, him, issues, karma, life, move on by Tanae' A. on May 3, 2007

I have made up my mind that I am officially giving up on people. There are too many people in my life who totally walk over me like I’m not even there and I’m soo tired if it. I’m tired of being the nice gurl and taking things for what it is. I’m tired of making excuses for people and all they do is let me down. So I’m no longer gonna be the one to bite my tongue and let stuff ride…im through. So every person that is trying to cross me or dogg me… you are def. bout to feel the wrath!! LoL!! And when I start acting just how you act dont attempt to make it seem like im the bad one here. You have made the rules for too long and I was being a dumby and following them but not anymore… I’m playing by my own rules now. And lets see who really wins this game. I’m giving you fair warning… letting you know that as of right now… im through. So prepare yourself and let the games begin… and just for the record… I always win!! LoL!!

the past 6 months [not a poem]

Posted in back to the past, celebrations, clothes, events, family, issues, karma, life, love, move on, school by Tanae' A. on April 13, 2007

they always say

life is what you make it

and so i try to make it

the best that i possibly can

i’m blessed

no doubt about it

i try not to complain

cause everyday i see people

sleeping on sidewalks

i’ve met a lot of wonderful people

in the past 6 months

some i will remember

but most i’ll probably forget

but i think more than anything

i got something from them

that i wouldn’t trade for anything

i have talked to people

who love life so much

and just live so freely

i’ve talked to people

that value life too much

i’ve been around people

who give with all they’ve got

and never expect anything in return

i learned over the past 6 months

that one day can change your entire life

on person can change your mood

and a simple thought

can make a bad day great

i’ve learned that people value sex

and money

and clothes

and cars

and any other material thing

that really amounts to nothing

i’ve learned that true love never dies

and that love comes in many forms

i’ve learned that the people that really love you

will always be there for you


i’ve given of myself

to a lot of people

i’ve said yes without complaining

and sometimes i have complained

but said yes anyway

i’ve given more than i have recieved

i’ve spent more than i’ve saved

i’ve realized that life is to short

and altho money may not have any value to me

it means a lot in the world that we live in

i’ve taken risks

and made choices

that i’m very proud of

i’ve challenged myself

and pushed myself

and no matter what people think

or dont think

i am proud of myself

and the accomplishments

that i have made

because a year ago today

i didnt think i would be here

i’ve had some fun moments

with some good friends

i’ve laughed my way thru

when i wanted to cry

i’ve cried from laughing so hard

i’ve played enough pool

to last me a lifetime

i’ve eaten out so much

and tried so many different types of smoothies

and i liked none of them

i’ve reconciled relationships

and gained friendships

that i wouldnt trade in for the world

i’ve smiled more than ever before

and in the past 6 months

i think the greatest thing

that i’ve done

was fall in love

with a Man that loved me inspite of

He makes everyday a little easier

and every smile a little brighter

and every dance a lil funner

And the only question is

what will I do in the next 6 months

well i’ll go bungee jumping

and sky diving

and rope climbing

i might even go skiing

or sledding… who knows

but i do know

that ill prolly meet

some more people

and i’ll learn a lil more

and i’ll laugh a lil more

and everyday i’ll grow to love life a lil more!!



Posted in back to the past, be the change, events, family, him, issues, karma, life, lost one, love, move on by Tanae' A. on April 10, 2007

>This is beautiful. Read it to the end…the message is awesome!!!
>Let it go for 2007..
>By T. D. Jakes
>There are people who can walk away from you.
>And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from
>you: let them walk.
>I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with
>you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
>staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
>When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is
>never tied to anybody that left.
>The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
>manifest that they were not for
>us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with
>us. [1 John 2:19]
>People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are
>not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
>Let them go.
>And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that
>their part in the story is over. And you’ve got
>to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t
>keep trying to raise the dead.
>You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
>You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve
>got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe
>in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and
>I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if
>it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to
>Let them go!!
>If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and
>was never intended for your life,
>then you need to……
>If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ……
>If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and
>see your worth…..
>If someone has angered you .
>If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge……
>If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction……
>If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
>If you! u have a bad attitude…….
>If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……
>If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
>level in Him……
>If you are struggling with the healing of a broken
>If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help
>If you’re feeling depressed and stressed ………
>If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
>yourself and God is saying “take your hands off of it,” then you
>need to……
>Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a
>new thing for 2007!!!
>Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then .
>”The Battle is the Lord’s!”
>During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take
>this opportunity.
>(Literally it is only ONE minute!)
>All you have to do is the following:
>You simply say “The Lords Prayer” for the person that sent you this
>The Lords Prayer
>Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom
>Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this
>day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive
>those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but
>deliver us from evil.
>For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.
>Next, send this message to everyone you know. In a while, more
>people will have prayed for you and you would have obtained a lot of
>people praying for others!
>Next, stop and think and appreciate God’s power in your life, for
>doing what you know is pleasing to Him.
>If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the instructions!
>Jesus said, If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you
>before My Father”
>If you are not ashamed, send this message… only if you believe.
>”Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior.
>He Keeps me going day and night. Without Him, I am no one. But
>with Him, I can do everything,
>Christ is my strength.” This is a simple test.
>If you love God and you are not ashamed of all the great things that
>He has done for you, send this to everyone you know, and the person
>that sent it to you!
>God loves you and watches over you everyday.

it’s called karma, baby

Posted in check ya flesh, events, issues, karma, life, lost one, right vs. wrong by Tanae' A. on March 30, 2007

Somethings I just dont wish on anybody… whether we cool or not. Thats why this morning I ended up having to say a short little prayer of forgiveness because for two seconds i laughed when I shouldn’t have. Everyone always tells me that whats meant to be will be.. but I guess this [for her] wasn’t meant to be. And I kinda knew that it wasn’t. But reality of it is… when you dish something out… you have to know how to take it in. My prayers go out to her, mainly because I kinda know what she’s going thru, but at the same time I cant even sympathize with her because this whole time she been flat out wrong. Hopefully she has learned a leasson… and my prayer is that he has learned a lesson as well. Like they say… what goes around comes back around… so watch what you do.