youth leaders are not really leading

How would you feel if you knew that a LEADER in your church was sending your youth emails about the size of people’s (rappers, singer etc.) private areas and how well they are in bed??

There are a lot of people in the world that are familiar with the infamous “Superhead” otherwise known as Karrine Steffans… the Video Vixen. She has a book out titled ‘Confessions of a Video Vixen’ and she now has a second book on shelves, I am unfamiliar with the name. But for those of you that dont know, she has made a not-so-positive name for herself by sleeping with numerous people in the music industry. The purpose of the book was to tell a side of her story that no one had heard. I think that purpose was looked over entirely. Everyone that read the book was in it to hear about who she had slept with and what type of relationship she had with these men. I think that by the time the book became popular, she had also forgotten about her original reason for writing it. But that is not the reason for this post.

About two days ago, I recieved an email that totally blew me away. It was a list of about 40-50 music icons, past & present. Next to each of their names was a rating of big, small, thick, thin, short or fat. Add fuel to the fire… this ‘Superhead’ also remembered to add a detailed description of exactly how they were in bed. Although the email was very graphic, even for me, what pissed me off the most is that a leader of my church sent it to me. Not just any leader… a leader who works directly with YOUTH!! Is there any way to justify that??

I didn’t know what to do really. I was going to address her about the situation simply because I dont prefer to recieve things like that from anybody be it a leader of the church or a friend from school. But in a situation like this I really dont know how I am supposed to react. I am not surprised that this person would send something like that… I can easily tell a hypocrite when I see one. But what I dont understand is how you can even look at yourself after you have sent something like this to a youth in your church that you are supposed to be leading. Am I wrong for being upset about this and should something be said in order to get this type of behavior under control??


((it’s not about me…or you))

I realized in the past month that there a lot of people that I dont like [in my church]. Now, let me break it down for you all. It pretty much falls into two categories… 1st there are the people that I just dont like && then there are the people that I dont like IN MINISTRY.

I have noticed however, that the persons who I just dont like are far better off in my book than those that I dont like in ministry… here’s why. In ministry, to me, nothing else matters. When we all are working together with one particular thing in mind all personal issues go out the door. I can put aside any personal feelings for an individual and do whatever it is that I need to do. I am also a talker. Before I flat out say that I dont like a personĀ I will go to them and just say straight up… look I dont like this, this and this about you. In return they will point out what they dont like about me… and we ACCEPT it. There have been times when I have told people that they dont have to like this about me I aint changing but there also times when I look at myself andĀ  I will work towards changing for the better. But my main purpose is to come to some sort of middle ground where we know.. I dont like this about you, you dont like this about me, ok… I respect your opinion and you respect mines.. lets hug move on and do what we came here to do.


Now, the persons that I dont like IN MINISTRY have it bad as far as I am concerned. I can talk to you all day long and you can be the coolest person in the world but if I feel as tho you are doing nothing to build up ministry but instead you are using titles for your own selfish gain… Oh buddy, you cut. In the past month or so ministry has become such a priority that personal things really dont matter. I dont care how cool you are, when it comes time to do the work of the Lord and you sitting around faking the funk… trust. I will call you out. Not because I dont like you as a person but because I have no respect for you period.

There are plenty people in my church that I dont really bump wit like that. There are alot of people that I have come to an understanding with. But even those persons that I’m not really cool with… keep my respect because when it comes down to ministry we put our whole selves into it. I used to be the type, if I dont like you, I wont sing with you, dance with you, sit with you, speak to you, nothing. But there cant be division in ministry. When there are so many people with so many agendas God cannot be pleased. I’m striving to please God and no I am not perfect but in Ministry, I am striving for perfection. When persons in leadership are not on one accord there is division. When persons in ministry cant put personal issues to the side there is a hex in the plan.

Yes, there are quit a few people that I cannot stand but no one would ever know it except for me and that person because when it comes time to do something in the house of GOD it aint about me or them but its about HIM!!


What a Weekend

It took me a while to figure out if I really wanted to blog about the weekend that I just experienced. There was a lot of things that transpired that I’m still trying to come to grips with but I decided that maybe this will help me to kinda figure this whole thing out.

I must say for starters that this was a good weekend. I enjoyed myself and although there was a lot that could have caused these past few days to be terrible, I decided to ignore the distractions and deal with all the issues later.

As you all know, this weekend was the PCIF Conference that I was very skeptical about going to on Thursday. Of course, I went. Well, what happened at this conference? Glad you care enough to ask. On friday night, I went to a lovely banquet and enjoyed fellowship and conversation with my peers. After that, all the youth from all the churches got together for Midnight Madness which was totally fun. Around 2:15 we left and hung for a while and by 4:30 I was knocked out.

Saturday morning we slept in and got up around 9 to go to the youth session. At 11:30 we all got together for worship service that was way better than I ever expected it to be. And then we hung out around the pool. Played pingpong and even got a 15 min nap in. Worship service started at 7 and then it was on the road back home.

Sunday services were cool. We had to dance and by the time 3:00 came I was too sleepy to stand up straight. Well, whats the problem?? It seems like it was a fairly good weekend. I got a lot out of it. I found out a lot about myself and a lot about the people around me. I met some new people from different churches and was even able to sit and really fellowship with the youth from my church that I dont really have time to associate with. Here’s my problem…

When people that are only worried about themselves are placed in leadership positions, it causes confusion and headaches. When the people that have a heart of gold and will put other people before them are kicked to the back burner, things need to be changed. When people who will do whatever it takes to make sure that they get there’s are calling themselves leaders and are so caught up in the title, there will only be chaos and I saw the worst of it this weekend.

I have a heart for youth ministry. I think a lot of people know that by now. I try to keep communication going between myself and those younger than me and I try to give them some kind of direction. My main reason for doing this is the simple fact that I see such a big gap between the youth and members of the youth council. One day I hope to be apart of the youth council and I want to be one to bridge that growing gap.

The only reason why I am staying where I am staying is because I see a faithful few grit their teeth after getting the short end of the stick. They sacrifice and remain humble after being kicked to the curb. They work behind the scenes because they dont need to have their name in lights. They hold in their tears and do what they have to do respectfully. While others who need the validation of a title just sit around and do nothing for ministry as a whole. When you use a title for your own gain… Some thing is wrong.

I think it should be stated for the record that I do not have a problem with people in authority, I have a problem with people who abuse their authority. I get frustrated because I cant do anything about it. I cant down someone that is supposed to be a leader and I’m not even the type to down someone when I know I cant be in the position tha they are in. I think I know things that I probably shouldn’t know and that doesn’t do anything but add tomy frustrations.

I made up in my mind yesterday that after everything is said and done I’m distancing myself from everyone and everything. Is this the best thing to do?? Probably not, but I think that right now it’s the most respectful thing that I can do. And so the benefit everyone around me, I’ll just take a seat in Sunday morning worship and keep to myself. Not because of anything that anybody has done, but because I know how I can be. I can say some things that will do nothing but cause damage. I where my emotion on my face and I can come off as being very rude at times and the last thing I want to do is be named something that I’m not trying to be.

This weekend I learned that in due time, those that are only in it for themselves will get whats coming to them. They will be eventually forced to do one of two things… clean up their act and/or step down from their position. Will it happen in the near future?? Probably not. But I’m praying that it happens before things really crumble.

I dont know how I really should feel about this weekend. I dont know if this is the best decision yet. But I do know that I’m doing everything in my power to not get caught up in the confusion and chaos of it all. God will have his way, not only in youth ministry but in Shiloh as a whole and I’m praying that He does something wonderful beyond anything we could imagine. I think I’ll stick it out for the long haul. But in order to become the ministry that God wants us to become some people need to straighten up or roll out.

Thats just my opinion.



Posted in clothes, dey str8 fony, drama, fed-up, friends, frustrations, issues, life, move on by Tanae' A. on June 11, 2007

This weekend was not good. It was not bad either… It just was. I enjoyed myself as best as I could and I had fun during a few moments of a few days but I am honestly glad it is over with. One thing that I realized over the past three days is that some people will hate on you for no apparent reason at all. I mean the people that have no reason at all to hate will make it known that you have something that they want and will never have. No one hates on me… as far as I know, but I just sat back and watched the events of this weekend unfold and laughed to myself. I just dont understand. I mean, everyones hates on someone but theres a difference between hating and HATING. These females be hating like there’s no tomorrow. Like really, I hate, I’ve been jealous before, not necessarily of people but I have been jealous when someone had what I wanted. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But I’m not even the type to down someone, especially a friend, when they got something or someone that I want. I just simply congratulate and get over it. It aint even that deep fa’real. But when females hate that you have something that they want and they really start to hate you, despise you, talk about you, and down you… then there is a problem. And males do it to. I just laugh at people like that because they are too dumb to see that they got something worth having right by their side. You worried about some other chicks dude and you got a good dude at home. You worried about her outfit and you got on a banging outfit ya self. You worried about what she got so much that what you had done been there and walked away 4 times before you even notice. Please just stop the hateration… it’s getting really old.


Posted in dey str8 fony, fed-up, friends, issues, life, move on by Tanae' A. on May 8, 2007

im as very really frustrated right now. i cant stand people who think that immaturity is the next best thing. i mean, lets grow up honeys…if you have a problem, come to me. reality is, talking behind my back doesn’t change the fact that you’re mad! and i laugh because these people are really mad for no reason… i didnt do anything to them..i mean am i really that big of a threat?? just grow up!! gosh!

im giving up…finally

Posted in be the change, dey str8 fony, fed-up, him, issues, karma, life, move on by Tanae' A. on May 3, 2007

I have made up my mind that I am officially giving up on people. There are too many people in my life who totally walk over me like I’m not even there and I’m soo tired if it. I’m tired of being the nice gurl and taking things for what it is. I’m tired of making excuses for people and all they do is let me down. So I’m no longer gonna be the one to bite my tongue and let stuff ride…im through. So every person that is trying to cross me or dogg me… you are def. bout to feel the wrath!! LoL!! And when I start acting just how you act dont attempt to make it seem like im the bad one here. You have made the rules for too long and I was being a dumby and following them but not anymore… I’m playing by my own rules now. And lets see who really wins this game. I’m giving you fair warning… letting you know that as of right now… im through. So prepare yourself and let the games begin… and just for the record… I always win!! LoL!!

Tired of Trying

I guess after a while people and their egotistical ways can really do some damage. And if I be really honest about it… there’s only so much that people can take before they get tired. I try a lot, now, to kinda bite my tongue when it comes to certain things because there’s a time and place for everything and a lot of times I feel like I’m in no position to even speak up about certain things, therefore I keep my mouth shut. But I am really silently praying that sooner rather than later a few people get together to take care of some business. I just think that at this point in my life I really am not in the mood to deal with people and their issues… maybe this is just a phase… but I’m really just kinda fed-up. Too many people are egotistical, young, petty, phony, and in it for all the wrong reasons. I watched Crash last weekend and I remember at the end when the rookie cop stopped being partners with the racist cop and the racist said something to him like: Wait til you’ve been in it a lil longer, you think you know who you are now, but wait til you been in it a lil longer, than you’ll see. [end quote LoL] Thats how I think some people are today… sad to say… even in the church. People get so caught up in the titles… they get wrapped around the position and they take their status to a whole other level. They show up for all the wrong reasons, they use their authority in all the wrong ways, and they think the show is all about them when reality is… it aint even got a thing to do with them. And the thing that pisses me off the most is the simple fact that no body who can really do something about it actually sees whats really going on and the people who are tired of it wont stand up to say anything. And God knows… me and my mouth wont even get in it cause that would be in violation of the 36th amendment…. you know, the one that says that under no circumstances what-so-ever should Shay or Tae’ stand up and say anything worth saying… especially when they have attitudes!! LoL!! But… I know how to work in the backgrounds and I know how to get what I want done without doing anything… so right now I’m really working on getting a certain someone to ride the bench for a whole and get their priorities in order. Cause quit frankly… I aint the only one thats tired of trying to deal with the stank attitudes and egotistical ways… I’ve been watching what I say for a long time… and “check ya flesh” done wore out in this situation… so like they say “pray bout it”


sundai mo’ning

Posted in dey str8 fony, events, family, issues by Tanae' A. on March 19, 2007

Yesterday was a happy sad kinda day. I had to make my way to 7:30 service cause we had to dance and I guess I realized how much I really love being up there with them… cause ultimately it doesn’t matter how many times we mess up, we laugh the whole way thru and have fun. Half way thru service my smile was stolen from me as soon as my idiot of an ex walked thru the door. It took me about ten minutes to regroup and eventually I kinda convinced myself that he wasnt worth it. The guest preacher did a good job… I still dont know that lady’s name… (how said is that??) But anyways… The good ppl of the church decided to feed us ‘sanmiches’ between services and although I didnt eat any I put my good ol $3 in the little basket just cause I was so excited to see ‘sanmiches’ ‘tatters’ and some warm apple sauce! Then it was off to sunday school. It was a good lesson and it felt good to sit in there cause its been a minute since I been in that setting. 10:45 service was GREAT!!! I was syked cause HebHeb preached bout disengaged youth but I was a lil bummed cause we had to leave early so i missed the end of a good sermon… i just might have to get the tape! LoL… seriously. We met my nephews god parents at Cactus Willies and ate some great food… LoL (I’m so fat!) Ate some great cake and then went to church LATE so the baby can get Christianed. So over all one would suspect that it was a good day… SO TOTALLY WRONG. People are so phony it’s ridiculous. It’s not like I didnt know but gosh… So I’m pretty much to the point that if people is tellin me one thing and doind the complete opposite then they completely written off. I dont have time for phony people and I def dont have time for nobody to be stabbin me in the back. So everybody that I even suspect is being phony is totally cut off. But I’m happy today cause it’s monday and a good monday…. and a new day!!