[{GRaViTY}]

my take on relationships and marriage

Posted in commitment, love, marriage, relationships, right vs. wrong by Tanae' A. on May 21, 2008
ii have never ever been the relationship type. it has just never been for me. my longest, most stable relationship started when ii was in 6th grade and we were only allowed to see each other monday thru friday for the fifteen minutes that were in between classes. such a wonderful relationship i tell ya. lolzz. anyways, we were pretty much together until the 11th grade and even then the time that we spent together was limited. ii guess ii just love my space. by the time ii got to college ii started dating that idiot and when he was home we spent EVERY SINGLE DAY together but that month or two of every single day was also interrupted by three months of never so ii didnt really mind the constant company. but, even before the idiot came along ii was never the type to want people all up my azz. give me space, let me breathe. we can be friends but ii hate being tied up to one person. perhaps that is why the thought of marriage just annoys me so bad. living with someone and having to see them every single day is not something that ii think ii would like UNLESS THERE WERE CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS. granted, ii do think that one day ii will be married and begin a family but ii want things to work under my conditions. ii want a happy family and ii dont think that people stay happy together after fifty years but ii want to change the game. ii guess we can focus on the relationship part of it first so that you have a greater understanding of the whole marriage thing. most people reading this def. wont agree but oh well, it is what it is.
let me state for the record, ii believe in complete honesty but not monogamy. out of the three relationships that ii have been in, all but one of those consisted of another female being brought into the equation. the first time ii was okay and the second time ii was devastated. the first was with my first ex whome ii loved with every little teenaged bone in my body. but, he told me while we were still together that he was talking to another chick and he wanted to get to know her better. what was my response?? well, there was only one question and one request. do you want to be with me?? yes. and if so dont allow her to take away from the time that ii get which is really not that much being as tho ii feel no need to be around you 24/7. and with that ii was okay. ii knew that there was another chick, ii didnt want to know who she was. ii didnt care that there was another chick because ii was still number one. and when ii felt like ii was no longer number one ii ended the relationship and he finally told me who she was. after that they eventually got together and ii was not upset in the least bit. it was okay. now, the second time that someone cheated ii was deeply hurt, not by the act of sex but by his betrayal. before anything, we were friends, we told each other everything so thats why ii had such a hard time figuring out why on earth he wouldnt tell me that he was involved with someone else. ii would not have cared. ii mean, he was in another state for forever without me so ii would have gladly accepted it for what it was. but, ii had to find out from someone else and therefore ii was hurt by the way he handled the situation. well, this raises a question…have ii ever cheated?? not really. now, in my eyes, ii have only been cheated on once. think of it like this:: its stealing if you dont ask, if you do ask its borrowing. its not cheating if you tell me but when you go behind my back its cheating. so with that said, no ii have never cheated on anyone. ii have, however, decided to pursue other persons while in relationship [[that sounds halfway decent lolzz]] but, he looks at it as cheating because he didnt agree. ii told him what it was, ii like him, ii wanna get to know him. of course, the first question asked is “when you say get to know him does that include sexually??” well, yeah. duh. anyways, ii let him know, either you gonna stay with me or you gonna walk away. he chose to stay. do ii blame him?? no. ii assured him that even after ii “get to know” this other person ii would still be with him in the end and ii kept my word. unfortunately, he stayed with me because he didnt want to lose me and he thought that if he stayed ii would change my mind about the other dude. eventually he walked away [[he came back tho]] because he couldnt deal with the thought of me being with any other dudes. well that sounds like a personal problem. ii am no hoe, no sex crazed fanatic and ii def dont go around just sharing my goods with everybody but ii have a lot of male friends that ii like to talk to and associate with. are all these dudes getting any?? hell no. but ii am still very honest with everyone that ii talk to and perhaps that is why no one stays. ii refuse to be tied down to one person. ii can do the relationship thing but ii want my space. ii want to be able to do what ii want to do, when ii want to do it, and with who ii want to do it with. if you are a good enough person to make it to my top spot then there is no other dude that is going to come before you so ii dont know why dudes be tripin. the question was raised the other day, how would ii feel if my “boyfriend” was messing with another chick. let me make it plain for you, ii dont care. if ii hold the top spot ii know that no chick is going to take my crown and if they do then obviously the crown was plastic from the start. no biggie, just be honest enough to let me know that there is another chick and be smart enough to keep your priorities in order.
now, the big m word. ii really dont want to get married. ii feel like, if im going to spend the rest of my life with you ii dont need to waste all that money doing it. and ii dont want a marriage because so many people have so many rules as to what marriage is supposed to be. marriage is supposed to last, no matter who you marry, it is supposed to last and so you do what it takes to make it last. the woman getting a divorce cant talk about me bringing someone else into my bedroom in order to keep my marriage alive…feel me?? prob not. but the point is… marriages fail today because everyone wants it to be this fairy tale. every one thinks that after fifty years of looking at the same person you wont want anything different. well hello, we are human. either yall gonna agree to step outside the box or yall gonna get a divorce because you catch him in bed with ya next door neighbor. and ill be damned if my marriage is going to be flushed down the toilet just because ii want to act honkey dorey and act like ii dont want something other than what my man has to offer. monogamy is so like…whatever. in my opinion, marriages last when two people love each other. thats it. and as far as im concerned ii can love you while you sleep in a guest room because some nights ii want to stretch out in my own damn bed BY MYSELF… im just saying, if im gonna be married or in a serious relationship then ii want it to be on my terms. commitment is about honesty and loyalty…ii want that. now, the problem would be finding someone who wants the same thing ii want. hhmmm, not too  many men like that in the world. they all wanna cheat and then have the woman all to themselves…lolzz
i’ll say now… sorry if ii offended anyone. if you are in a serious relationship or a marriage and you make it work then more power to you, way to go. but ii just think it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay with someone for the rest of your life and never be with another person. if you are able to do it, ii commend you but ii would suggest a week’s vacation every once in a while for your stuffy life. everyone wants to be single from time to time.
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i bet yall didn’t no i was married lolzz

Posted in freedom, marriage by Tanae' A. on January 9, 2008

hubby.jpg

i would like you all to meet my husband… Anthony. lolzz… okay okay, he’s not really my husband but there is actually a funny a story behind why i call him my hubby…

one day i was sitting at school and in walks him, his friends and my lil cousins. so we are sitting here in this lobby for like 2 hours and the whole time he is hitting me with these corny playa lines and i was cracking up. so in comes this dude that i was feeling at the time and he walks up to me to give me a hug and Anthony here grabs me and is like naw playa this here is my wifee lolzz. so ever since then we have been married and its really funny tho.

that was at least 2 years ago and now lil Anthony is all grown up and so that means that play hubby bout to get a upgrade lolzz… but just look at the pic one last time… we were truely meant to be [[and this is the closest that i will ever get to actually being married]] haha!!

dont mind me yall… im being retarded lolzz

signed:: his wifee

if I had things my way

So, a lot of times I seem to get lost in my own thoughts. Well today I was just thinking, if I had everything in my life the way I wanted it to be how would it go?? Well, this is what I came up with.

 

For starters, I would not change anything that happened before Dec 2005. And really I wouldn’t change to much that happened after Dec. 2005 either, so here’s what I would change. I would change the fact that I ever became friends with, dated, or fell in love with James. Thats it. How lovely. Now let me explain before someone gets the wrong idea. If I had my way, I would take all of those happenings out of Dec 2005 and graciously move them to Dec. 2009. And you all are wondering why… the reason is quite simple really, in 2009 there will be no school. He would be completely through with school. So it would save me a lot of heartache and headache and I would be actually happy with him. And simply because James would not be in the picture I would have the opportunity to take things a lil further with this other dude without feeling completely bad about it. But since I cant change the past… this is what I would have happen in the future.

 

I think, well I know, that the first three things that I would have happen if I had my way is… 1. I would get a big fat check somewhere in the mail and I would use that to pay off the one bill that I have left, register for college and purchase the car that I have to wait until february to get. 2. I would have all of my poems somewhat close to being published and 3. I would give the youth ministry cpr and miraculously bring it back to life so that I can deal with all the stresses of keeping it well and kicking.

 

After that, I would go back to school, get a promotion [maybe that is asking a bit to much but that is what i would have happen], make enough money to make sure that my mother wasn’t struggling, fix up the big house from top to bottom and move out of my mom’s house… all in a year. And in 2009 I would be ready to transfer to a university [because i would have worked just that hard to get a two year program completed in one], I would have ridded my life of all the people that were nothing but distractions [all of whom are of the male sex for some reason, but that is neither here nor there], I would have started from scratch a healthy relationship with my honey, and I would be well on my way to success because by the middle of 2009 I would be expecting my 2nd promotion which includes a darn good raise and some major benefits, and I would be able to take a vacation to wherever I want and not have to worry about money, and I would be able to send my mother on a vacation to anywhere that she wanted to go for however long she wanted to go and there would be nothing she had to worry about except what she’s going to pack.

 

By the time 2013 hit I would plan to be married with two kids with a good paying job that allows me to spend time with my children and still be able to live comfortably. I want a nice house with a big back yard and front yard. I want two dogs, one for me and one for him. I want a playground in the back. I want one of those couch looking things that swing on my front porch and I want my own private bathroom in my room. I want a family day once a month to talk and eat and laugh and play with my kids and my husband. I want my mom to be happy and financially stable. By then I would have moved my NaNa somewhere, anywhere and I would be taking care of all her expenses. I would be making sure that my lil cousins are in college and doing their best and I will have coffee and bagels every saturday morning with my besties. And a girls night once a month and we’ll stay in and have drinks and lay around with our phones turned off and we’ll talk like we were back in high school, about boys and issues and there would be no thoughts of family or money or men or house cleaning or washing clothes or none of the other grown up stuff that we have to do every other day of our lives. I would go on a vacation once every three months, just me and my honey, and we would enjoy each others company and just have fun like back when we were dating. And last but not least… I would be happy. I would have a family and an education and a job and some damn good friends and I would be happy. I would want to wake up every morning and I would have a smile on my face every night and I would be happy.

 

If I could plan my life, thats what I would do. All those simple things is what I would expect. And sure, there would be some issues in between but I would be content with the smile that I had shining every single day. I would be blessed beyond abundance and joyful just because I am alive and surrounded by all the people I love the most.

 

Thats how my life would go if I had things my way…

i need a bigger word than blessed

I think I just had the most powerful thought provoking conversation that I have ever had with anyone in a very very long time, if ever. I was sitting here and I always seem to get a lil figgety on Fridays so I decided to see who was on aim. And what do ya know.. Meeka hits me up. So at first we are just talking casually about life and everything that we are doing and have done. Mind you, I have not talked to her in forever and 3 years. But we sitting here just talking and then the conversation takes a turn. She tells me that God is really blessing her and I agree. She tells me all these things that he has been revealing to her and it blows my mind because I never in a million years thought that I would be having this conversation with her. God is just awesome. It amazes me how much he is doing in all of our lives really. I mean, we have all grown up so much and we used every single obstacle to make us stronger and here we are blessed beyond abundance and none of us can complain. I look at her and see what God has brought her from and I just get excited because if you knew Meek back then you would know how much work he had to do on her. I look at Nish and I am so proud of my sister. She is happily married and she has e beautiful baby gurl and she is living everyday trusting that God will guide her thru. Everybody judged her. Everybody said that things wouldn’t work but she had a faith big enough to get her to where she is now and there’s nothing I can do but be happy for her because she is living the way that she is supposed to be living. I look around at everyone and see the lil crazy gurls that we used to be and I cant complain because every day aint great and every moment aint all smiles but I am so happy that I am not the same person that I used to be. I am happy to know that I can call up my sisters and talk to them about the goodness of God and that right there to me signifies growth.

I’m proud of us… I think we did alright.

J.Bynum [why are people bashing her??]

Posted in check ya flesh, church, events, frustrations, marriage, ministry by Tanae' A. on August 24, 2007

I am really not understanding why there’s a story about Prophetess Juanita Bynum every where I turn. Most people are being sympathetic and prayerful but there are a few that are chosing to criticize and it’s really bothering me.

Marriage is supposed to be something sacred. Marriage is something ordained by God. Every one has problems, no doubt, but who in their right mind would want their marriage blasted all over the global world?? I dont care if everything is peachy cream or going terribly wrong, people need to mind their business!! Let’s pray for her and her husband rather than commenting negatively about what has happened.

Someone wrote on a blog that this was a setup used to cell more cd’s and Conference tickets… come one people!! I happen to like Junaita Bynum, I think she is a wonderful lady and more than that I think God has used her in a dynamic way to uplift women all over this country. She does not need to be beat down in a parking lot in order for people to buy her cd or go to hear her preach.

I guess this is what you get when you begin to make a name for yourself. I hope and pray that a few praying folk would go to God and just wish her well in everything that she does. But I also pray that the IGNORANT people in the world would take a look at what they are doing and who their words and actionas are affecting.

My prayers go out to Juanita… B.Blessed Sistah

So Through With It…

Posted in love, marriage by Tanae' A. on July 25, 2007

When I was younger, I never had huge dreams of getting married or falling in love or even being in a committed relationship. I knew that I wanted kids and a house some kind of companionship, even if it was only for a brief little while. Most of the women in my family have never been married and those that were married have lived to tell of their divorce(s). I have NEVER in my life seen a good marriage. Not even a good long term relationship. I guess now when I look at cute lil couples I know that there’s more than what meets the eye. My first thought when seeing a “happy” couple is… ‘I wonder whats wrong in their relationship’. I dont doubt that there are people that really have good relationships for a while but I dont think that I believe that love lasts forever no matter how good it is. Maybe thats why I’m giving up on thought that I will ever find real true love that will actually last. There’s no use in trying to find something that isn’t real so why do people waste their time. I try to think of relationships that I could really look up to as an example and I honestly know of four and none of these people are in my family. I wont put those people out there cause I dont know if they would appreciate it. But, I look at these couples and I see that they are people that have put God first in everything and have loved their way through each day. I know that nothing in the world will go without problems but somethings shouldn’t bring you down in life. Do I ever think I will get to see that type of happiness?? No way. I dont even know how to communicate effectively so how in the hell do I expect to survive a relationship and/or a marriage. One thing that does kinda have me stuck tho…. all the couples that I look up to are young except for one. I think its great that they have found something so wonderful at a young age but at the same time its like I’m sorta waiting on the sidelines knowing that sooner or later its going to fail. Of course, I dont wish that on anyone but thats the mentality that I have because thats all that I have seen all my life. Even what I thought to be the perfect marriages growing up were not so peachy cream in the end. I saw a marriage fall apart right before my eyes. I used to look up to one relationship only to find out a few years later that he cheated and they weren’t really happy together. I looked up to another marriage only to find out after he passed away that he verbally abused her all the years that they were marriaged. I dont know. Maybe people like me aren’t supposed to get married and grow old with someone and really be HAPPY with that one person. And maybe its the way I percieve things that will hold me back in that department. All I know is that for now,  I am completely through with love and the thought of it.

Tae.