[{GRaViTY}]

a minute away from ministry

Posted in ministry by Tanae' A. on August 13, 2007

A week ago today my lil sis MoMo hit my phone up to ask me if I was going to dance rehearsal. I told her no. So of course, she wanted to know why and when I was going to start dancing again. At first, I was going to just ignore her question and keep on moving but for some reason I felt as tho I had to tell her. And so I explained to her why I am no longer active in ministry and why I chose to distance myself from quite a few people.

Here is my reason.

Ministry, to me, is a lifestyle. There would be no sense in getting up in front of people every sunday to dance or sing when I’m living something totally different. The last thing that I want to be is a hypocrite and so I decided that there’s a lot of things that I have to work on before I can get up to minister to anyone.

Why haveĀ I distanced my self from certain people?? There are two reasons…

1. There are a lot of people that will surround you and cause you to lose focus on what it is that you are trying to do and so to avoid getting side tracked I would rather much just push everyone away and do what I have to do. I’m not saying that everyone around me is negative but I only want to be around people that are going in the same direction as me. Therefore I had to distance myself before I found myself lost.

2. There are a lot of people that look up to me and I didn’t really realize it until recently. I dont want to be the one to hinder anyone’s growth so before I can try to set and example for someone I need to get myself together. I’m not saying that I live a life that is totally wrong because I honestly walk away from a lot of negative things but I need to change my way of thinking. I need to work on my mind. I need to change my outlook an a few things and I do see myself changing but I dont want to be a hinderance to anyone elses growth. So I’ll chill out for a lil bit and get myself together before I do anything.

I dont really know when I will be able to become active in ministry again. I really do miss being active but I know that now is not the time to take that step. This past Sunday, Bishop asked all the choir members to come up and I was OBEDIENT and did what I was asked and I must admit, I remembered how much I really do love it up there. I know its not the right time to get started again in ministry but soon and very soon I’ll be back up there ministering… doing what I do, ya know?? LoL!!

Pray for me guys.

money is funny & change is strange

Posted in bills, broke as a joke, debt, frustrations, money by Tanae' A. on August 13, 2007

I have a lot of things on my mind today. There is a lot going on in my life and it’s starting to really stress me out. I dont handle stress well. I’m praying that these issues disappear soon but I know that they wont. Maybe if I tell you all about them, I will feel a little better.

Money is my issue. I cannot stand money at all. I secretly wish everything in the world was five dollars or less. But unfortunately, I owe a lot of people. Well, let me take that back, I dont owe a lot of people, I owe a little bit of people. More like 3 0r 4 people but the point is…. I owe. This is stressing me out because I feel as tho I am working just to pay someone else who is already getting paid to harrass me about a payment. So what am I going to do?? I am going to grit my teeth and pay off all these stupid stupid bills and I will not eat carryout for the next month and that is a hard thing to come to grips with.

Carry out is not really a huge issue because next month I’ll be back up to par on the bill thing… everything will be taken care of but now I’m kinda messed up because all the money that was supposed to be going to the bank is now going to these stupid stupid bill collectors. So how do we solve that problem?? We get a second job. And what do we do with the money from the second job?? We put it in the bank. So where is the money that we get to spend?? THERE IS NONE!!! We dont get to spend any money. We save and we save and work as much as possible and we do what we have to do in order to get ahead.

So why am I so frustrated right now?? I now have to apply for a second job. A second job means that I wont have any time to do things that I want to do. And everything that I want to do consists of spending money because the world is just so daggon expensive. And since I cant do anything that I want to do, I’ll just be in a really crappy mood. But even more than that… I can do the one thing that I want to do which is go back to school… and can anyone guess why?? BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ANY MONEY!! Correct! I am broke, that means that I dont even have money to pay for classes!!! And I cant get financial aid from the school BECAUSE I OWE THEM MONEY…and I cant get aid from the gov’t BECAUSE I OWE THEM MONEY!! So I will have to wait… a whole semester before I can go back to school and do anything with myself.

So, if anybody is wondering what it is that I am doing with my life, please just know that I will be working non-stop just to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. And if anybody out there feels the need to just pray on my behalf it would be greatly appreciated!! LoL!! Really tho.

I want you all to know that it may seem as tho I am complaining… which I am. But I am better than blessed. I have enough money to pay off every single bill that is waiting for me and that may mean that I have to make some sacrifices but I am blessed enough to be able to laugh about something as simple as not having money. I can still afford the simple things that so many people in this world cant afford so trust me when I say that I am completely Thankful to God for even putting me in a position where I am able to pay off all these stupid bills without really having to struggle.

As always… keep praying and never ever stop.

For the 1st time in my life

Posted in check ya flesh by Tanae' A. on August 13, 2007

All my life, I have reacted to everything based on my feelings. My attitude towards one person could be totally different than how I act towards everyone else based on my feelings about that person. Sometimes this can be a good thing, but most of the time its not very good. Last week, I did something and my actions were not based on my feelings towards a certain person. I took time out to actually pray about what I should do and I did things the way that I felt was best and I can honestly say that no matter who the person was I would have dealt with the situation the exact same under those same circumstances. I look back on it, and part of me feels sorry for the other party involved because she could have prevented anything that is about to happen but now I have no control over the situation from here on out. All I can do is continue to pray about it and hope that things blow over rather smoothly. I think that once we stop acting based on our feelings a lot of things will go better than we would ever expect.

I just really want it to be known that I no longer have a say so in what happens because I chose not to. I dont know what the next best thing to do would be and so I handed the situation over to someone who could handle things better than I ever would be able to. Please just keep me in prayer plus all the people involved in this situation. Thanks a lot fam…