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a very emotional weekend

I dont really know how to explain this weekend. It was very emotional and very weird but we managed to get thru it. We actually had plans for friday. The dungeons was on our list of things to do but it was closed because of the rain so we ended up going to this other haunted house. After standing in that line for about 10 minutes we realized that it wasn’t worth it because it looked like it was for a bunch of little kids so we sold our tickets and left. So it turned out to be a girls night. We got a few drinks and sat around to play cards and that’s when it all started. We are sitting here talking about nothing in particular and then we just started talking about life. About everything that we had to get thru to get to where we are. Talking about all the poeple that weren’t there and how we were going to learn from their mistakes. We talked about everything that was hurting us and everything that we wished we could change. We talked about so much stuff and then we realized how absolutely blessed we were. We are here, all of us and we are doing damn good. We were sitting around all of us trying to be something better and this is what we have to be proud of. Sometimes we cant be proud of our parents or our family members but we are proud of ourselves because we were strong enough to make it thru every thing that the devil threw at us and we did it with the help of God. So this Friday night gurls night turned into a full blown praise party right there in the house. We sat there for at least an hour just praying and praising and thanking God because we made it to where we were and we are so blessed because we are here. It was a moment that I will continue to replay over and over again in my head for a long long time. It was just that special.

But anyways, we woke Saturday morning and we wanted to cook breakfast but everyone had something to do and in order to get to our various destinations we only had time to shower and get dressed before we were out the door fast. I went home, changed clothes and then got prepared to go driving. [my driving lessons are not up for discussion… LoL!! I’ll tell you about them when all my hours are complete and that will not be til Nov. 10th] I came home after two hours and sat around doing absolutely nothing. Finally my friend Smurph came over and we hung out all day not doing nothing until we decided to go see Jazzy. So me him and Shay hopped in the car and we were on our way. The visit started out a lil shakey cause everyone was getting on everybody’s nerves but after about 10 minutes we were all good. We played cards and ate a lil til about 1 in the morning and then we went home. I hopped right in the bed and was out like a light.

I did not want to wake up at 6:30 the next morning but I dragged myself out of the bed anyway. I put on anything and was ready to go by the time 7:45 hit. We hopped in the car and road up the peninsula at top speed and by the time we got to the church I was ready to go back to sleep!! LoL!! We went inside and the guest person who came, no I do not know his name, did really well. I really enjoyed their lil mini concert and sooner than I thought we were out the door. I talked for a bit then went up the street to grab a bite to eat. I recieved a phone call to let me know that there was no sunday school but I still came back down a lil early to talk to my peoples. I sat around for a while, laughed, joked, had another conversation about school and then we headed into service.

The service was good. The choir was great. The sermon was on point. But for some reason I felt disconnected… I wanted to be focused and I tried really hard but there were so many things on my mind that posed as minor distractions. When church was over we made a speedy exit so that we would be at NaNa’s house on time. On the way out I got a hug from someone and that was all the confirmation that I needed that a certain issue has been resolved. It felt good to finally have this woman acknowledge my presence and I walked away with a smile on my face. We went to NaNa’s house and waited because, of course after we rushed to get there, no one was ready. We went out in the tent to eat and have fun and eventually we went back home. While we were waiting for everyone to come and the food to get ready me and Jazzy had a really nice conversation… we just talked about things that we have never talked about before and I got a chance to actually tell her some things that she never asked and I never told. We got in the house and watched ‘Georgia Rule’ which was really good and then she left. I went upstairs to my room and I just thought about a lot of stuff. I finally went to sleep way after my bedtime and here I am on this monday evening ready to go home and watch Why Did I Get Married…

I purposely left all of the emotional things out. There are two reasons why I did that. 1. I have already talked about this with my second mother and it nearly brought me to tears at work so therefore I do not wish to discuss it anymore today… or until ultimately forced to deal with the situation at hand. 2. It is all kinda tied into one thing and the one thing that is at the root of all this craziness is not mine to discuss. Yes it involves me because it involves someone that I love very much but if that person just happened to browse by my blog I dont think they would too happy about their business being exposed.

I dont think it is going to be an easy week… it is still monday. I think I am anxious for the weekend to come because its my sisters 21st birthday and my TroyBoy is going to be at the party. This just gives me and excuse to see him without really letting him know that I want to see him. And I can flirt with him and make out with him all night which is always fun for a girl to do!! 🙂 This weekend is also my besties birthday so you know we bout to really have some fun.

never find another quite like him

Posted in people I love, TKM Jr. by Tanae' A. on October 22, 2007

Every single time my phone rings and I see those 10 digits I know that this is either going to make me really happy or really mad. Of course, I never know until I actually pick up the phone. Thats how it is with Troy. I love him to death and I cant stand him. I get smart with him and tell him that I love him all in the same breath because its just that crazy between us. There are a thousand reasons why I love him and thousand and one reasons why I hate him. He is always there for me. He absolutely adores me. He plucks me nerves on purpose. He’s mushy and sensitive and has feelings deep enough to drown in. He is honest and to the point and he is also a headache waiting to happen. He knows the right buttons to piss me off and he knows what to say to put a smile on my face. He has managed to get in good with my mother and I hate it because now she actually takes up for him when we fight. He talks about me and my choice of music. He laughs at the way I talk. He gets mad when I dont tell him every little thing. He tries to keep tabs on me and I have no idea why. He is really a huge pain but for some reason with out him I wouldn’t really feel like myself. If my phone didn’t ring every couple days to his stupidity then I would really feel lost a lil bit. I guess over the years, I have gotten so used to him being around. He is like the only constant thing in my life and without him I would just be forced to find someone else to take his place. He means the world to me but please believe that he is replaceable. He holds no special place in my heart and sometimes I dont even care but for the most part he matters and I want him in my life. There’s nothing abaolutely special or amazing about him… he’s just here. Kinda taking up space and making my days either ten times better or ten times worse. But either way, he’s who he is and there is no changing him.

~I think my Bing will be next… or possibly his mother~

Complicated Simplicities

Posted in friends, frustrations, people I love, relationships, TKM Jr. by Tanae' A. on September 26, 2007

Right now, there are not too many things in my life that make sense. I have figured out a lot of things over the past few days. Taken time out to think and pray and get some things sorted out. Some stuff in my life I have completely dismissed but most things I am totally confused about. I am, however, a confused individual… so confusion is nothing new. In fact, if everything were all too simple I would probably go insane so I can’t complain about uncertainties. But one that I really cannot stand is a complicated simplicity. Something that seems so simple but is still so complicated. My relationship with Troy is just that… a complicated simplicity. He is the one person that can keep me leveled… he understands me. I want him, but yet I find myself running for cover. I keep him at a distance and when I get too close I completely dismiss him. I think maybe I should figure things out soon before I ruin the friendship that we have.

Perfectly Flawed

Just Tanae’