im excited about this crap…

today my big sis In and my nephew will be moving out. a town home not far from my house is calling their name and i secretly want them to stay…but this means good shit for me lol.
i can finally move out of my hole in the wall and into a SPACIOUS area. and i am syked because i bought a BIG bed today and a dresser that is soo nice. im getting the other dresser, night stand and wardrobe soon as i get some more money but i see change and i am excited about it.
and, hold up, biggest hype of all….I GET TO PAINT!!! YaY for me lol. I actually decide that I am going to paint two of my walls a pale green which is so hott. the gay dude on flip that house told me that when you do that it makes the room look more spacious. awesome right!! lol.  i know.
and easter is right around the corner and i am excited about the next three weekends. this weekend im moving so thats the plus about today. next weekend is easter, im going to see Meet The Browns on friday [still skeptical about the same ol same ol good friday service] saturday we are going out for mommy’s birthday and sunday is easter and dinner at the crib. the weekend after that shay and jazzy are going to the bahamas..ooohhh. and my LeyLey is coming to stay with me. we are going to the aquarium on saturday and im sending my mommy to see the Marriage Counselor on sunday. the first weekend in april we are having a girls night just like the old days. all the chicks are gonna be in bmore so we back like the 80’s, dont get it twisted. lmao.
oh and im gettin my hair and nails did tomorrow… no, there’s not a dude, im doing it for me. cause sometimes a chick needs to spoil herself.

hurt by your actions

Posted in actions, frustrations, hurt, life, pain, people I love, sisters, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on January 9, 2008
life sometimes is complicated and that is something that i have learned to understand and accept. i know that every once in a while life throws us a curve ball and we just have to roll with the punches. but that doesn’t change the fact that even when life moves you, there are still the same people here where you came from. someone that i look to as a sister was going thru some stuff about 6 or 7 months ago but i didn’t know what was going on til about 3 months after the fact. one day we were hanging out together and then the next day she was gone. just like that. she didn’t say goodbye, didn’t say she was leaving, and she didn’t say that she would be back. but me being who i am i’m gonna do what it takes to make sure that you okay so about 3 weeks after not hearing from her at all i starts blowing up her phone. i mean, im callin everyday like 3 times a day leaving messages and all but she never answered. eventually i started shooting her emails and junk and still she never responded. soon her phone was disconnected and i was really worried then til i found out from one of her friends what was really going on. some things had happened that kinda threw her off track and so she went somewhere to get her self together. that was understandable. once i found out about what was going on i could actually breathe easy for a while. a lil while after i found out what had happened i decided to shoot her another email and since then we have been in some type of communication. it wasn’t until yesterday that i really talked to her for the first time since she left. she emailed me and told me that her cell was back on and that her number was the same so i decided i might as well give her a call. so we ended up talking for a while and she told me that she was in another state and doing well. she had a new job, got a new house and was kinda settled in about 2 months ago. while i was happy to hear that she was back on her feet and doing well I was a lil angry with her. for as far back as i can remember, me and her have been cool and since then there hasn’t been a week that we dont see each other or talk over the phone. thats why when she just disappeared i thought it was kinda freaky but i couldn’t be upset about life throwing a hex in her plan. i cant even be mad at the fact that she didn’t come back to these parts because i know how life can be. but what i am angry about, is the fact that even after everything is said and done she didn’t even have the audacity to call. she told me when i called her that her phone had been on for over a month but yet she never called or anything. thru all the emails that we have sent one another she never told me that she was okay and back on her feet. she never told me that she wasn’t coming back to baltimore at all and im upset about it. i would think that when someone is that close to you you would at least call and just to let them know that you are okay but i guess not. even tho i am a lil angry upset and hurt i am still happy that everything worked out for her and she is doing okay. regardless of where she is or where life takes us she will always be a sister to me and i will always have love for her. i just had to get that off my chest real quick lolzz…
[[im oh so 08]]

the best birthday ever…

Around 11:30 pm on Friday night we were in the house with a bunch of people. Playing monopoly and card games and dancing to some music just having a blast. So, me and the besties decide to crowd in the bathroom and sit on the floor and just talk. We talked for about 20 minutes and by the time we got up my booty was hurting like you would not believe but that didn’t even matter. We just sat there [emotional of course LoL] and talked about all the tests that our friendship has overcome. We talked about how we were there for each other from day one. Thru everything that life thru at us we had each other and without each other we wouldn’t be here today. Jazzy talked and talked and talked!! LoL!! She sat there and told Ashley so many wonderful things bout me that I have never even heard her say and at that moment I felt like I was the luckiest person in the whole world. There I was, sharing my birthdy with the three most important girls in my life and it was so worth it. I no longer wanted to go out anywhere and I didn’t have to do anything special because I wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone else doing anything else. I had so much fun just sitting in the living room dancing with scarves and walking down by the pier and looking at the stars on the water… its getting up at 8am to go to breakfast and 5 people sitting in one of those photo things in the mall that cost $3 too much money. Its the people that make this life easy that made this birthday the best that it could ever be. I thank God for each of them..Shink Jazzy and my LeyLey…they are my world.

my poo butt shay…

In the 6th grade I met a lot of crazy girls!! LoL!! They were my chicks all thru middle school…we got in trouble together, we fought with each other, we beefed over dumb stuff, we supported each other and we tried our best to give each other advice about issues that none of us knew about. I remember all the fights and good times and memories back at DMS… those were the good days. After middle school most of us went our seperate ways. About 4 of us went to the same high school and the rest of them were history. One of them girls that tagged along to high school was Shay, we were closest to her out of all them crazies. But anyways, since the first day of middle school til like 11th grade it was us three: Shanae’, Tanae’ and Nashay [yes all three of our names rhyme!!] Eventually Shay moved and she was no longer there everyday but we still kept in touch. She was still there for all the occasions and two years later she was still calling us her ‘best friends’ LoL!! I love my chick…she has been thru a lot in the past two years and yesterday we sat down and had a super long talk about so much stuff that she has been dealing with. So, I’ll make it my business to be there for her and I’ll make sure that she is in church bright and early sunday morning and i’ll do what I can to help her to rebuild that relationship with God. She just needs to know that no matter how many times you turn away from Him, He’ll always be there waiting for you to turn back to Him. Bottom line, I love my poo butt Shay and for the longest time, she has been there for me holding me down so now its time to be there for her. She is my longest friend and there are not too many people that I can truely call a friend but she is one of them.

i need a bigger word than blessed

I think I just had the most powerful thought provoking conversation that I have ever had with anyone in a very very long time, if ever. I was sitting here and I always seem to get a lil figgety on Fridays so I decided to see who was on aim. And what do ya know.. Meeka hits me up. So at first we are just talking casually about life and everything that we are doing and have done. Mind you, I have not talked to her in forever and 3 years. But we sitting here just talking and then the conversation takes a turn. She tells me that God is really blessing her and I agree. She tells me all these things that he has been revealing to her and it blows my mind because I never in a million years thought that I would be having this conversation with her. God is just awesome. It amazes me how much he is doing in all of our lives really. I mean, we have all grown up so much and we used every single obstacle to make us stronger and here we are blessed beyond abundance and none of us can complain. I look at her and see what God has brought her from and I just get excited because if you knew Meek back then you would know how much work he had to do on her. I look at Nish and I am so proud of my sister. She is happily married and she has e beautiful baby gurl and she is living everyday trusting that God will guide her thru. Everybody judged her. Everybody said that things wouldn’t work but she had a faith big enough to get her to where she is now and there’s nothing I can do but be happy for her because she is living the way that she is supposed to be living. I look around at everyone and see the lil crazy gurls that we used to be and I cant complain because every day aint great and every moment aint all smiles but I am so happy that I am not the same person that I used to be. I am happy to know that I can call up my sisters and talk to them about the goodness of God and that right there to me signifies growth.

I’m proud of us… I think we did alright.

The Half That Makes Me Whole

Posted in blessings, family, friends, love, Luvli Ladiez, people I love, Shink, sisters by Tanae' A. on October 18, 2007


I absolutely love my Shink!! She is the bestest thing in my life and I know that no matter what happens or where life takes us she will always be there. In case you dont know Shink is my twin sister. She is everything that I am not and everything that I am… I know thats weird but she is. She understands me and puts up with me every single day and I could not picture life without her. She is my absolute best friend in the entire world and I just adore her so effin much. She’s funny and silly and she makes my bad days good. She also makes my good days bad but thats part of the reason why I love her so dag-on much. She keeps me in check and she’s always got my back. She’s crazy in her own little way and I really cant say that I love her enough. I really cant describe what she is to me because she is everything. She is my heart, she is me. I am her. We are conjoined at the hip and nothing or no one could seperate us. I will love her forever until the day I leave this Earth and if I die before she does I’ll be the guardian angel that helps her thru every day. She is the blessing that I dont deserve. She is the strength that I so graciously need sometimes. She is my shoulder to cry on and the force that keeps me grounded. She is my hug when I am lonely and my smile when I am pissed. She is my everything. I dont know what God was thinking when he sent me her but he must’ve known that I would be incomplete without her. He must’ve known that I would be a half of a person if she weren’t there. I thank God for her life every single day and if she were ever taken from me I really just dont know what I would do. There would be no reason for living without her because she is my air… she’s my reason to go on. She is my smile when I am forced to wake up every morning. She is my late night conversation when I cant get to sleep. She is my sanity when I seem to have lost my mind. She is the half that makes me whole and no words in the dictionary could ever say how much she means to me… she is the most important person in my life, she is my life. I love her more than life and without her there is no life.

This is my ShinkyShay!!

[everyday i am going to write about a certain someone who is something like a necessity in my life… today is Shink tomorrow will be my brother Phil]


Posted in blessings, church, life, love, ministry, people I love, seperation, Shiloh, sisters by Tanae' A. on September 19, 2007

A few years ago, some sistahs got together at my church to start a ministry called Sister2Sister. It was cool at first but over time things died down and eventually no one heard anything else about it. A few people would say that this was a failure but I would beg to differ. Although there were no meetings and no more sitting together on the third pew on third Sunday’s… we were still a ministry in my eyes. We ministered to one another. We was there for each other, the big sisters as well as the lil sisters. At the end of the day I walked away from that with five great and wonderful big sisters… Tam, Rease, Ness, ShanShan, and Esther. Within the past year or so I think that everyone has pretty much gone their seperate ways. People have gone to different churches, life has taken their toll on some lives, and others are still around but just not as close.

I just wanted to take time out to recognize and appreciate five special ladies that have impacted my life in such a great way over the past few years. There’s no telling where this life will take them or me so I just wanted to take time out to acknowledge them individually and collectively…

Shan: You have such a beautiful spirit and you are such a beautiful woman. I remember them days I used to call you just cause I hadn’t seen you in church in a minute. You have always been there on the sidelines doing something to help out… I love you for that.

Rease: You already know I got the worlds most love for you!! [and your glow in the dark toe polish!!! LoL!!] You are always there putting up with my craziness and laughing at my retardness. You are so real and down to earth and you just all around cool peoples… Luv Yah Chick!

Esther: You are my smiling sister. You are always there to give that big old beautiful smile and even when you dont know you have a way of flashing those pearlie whites and making my day so much better. You have a beautiful spirit and a warm heart. You did great!! Love you always.

Ness: Life has taught us some lessons. You’ve been there since day one with me. You never judged me and therefore, I’ll never judge you. You are wonderful. You are a leader and you have told me thru example how to remain humble in the face of controversy. I will forever cherish our saturdays out and our long rides to New York. And even those phone calls that I’d get every other day… I love you Boo!!

Tam: You were my original Big Sis and you will always be just that in my mind. You have taught some wonderful lessons and you were always there to reprimand me when I got in trouble even tho I never knew how you found out about stuff LoL!! You are such a beautiful person and you have impacted so many lives so I am more than blessed to have had you in my life. Through everything… you were there && I will love you forever because of that… Thank You!

Life takes everyone in different directions and some things we never ever see coming but sometimes we have to take life for what it is and appreciate the downs just as much as we enjoy the ups. I love you all dearly.


Butterfly:: you were given wings to fly… even thru all your troubles and everything else just trust God and continue to do what it is that you were meant to do. You are in my prayers… I miss you