Posted in men, phunni moments, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on March 13, 2008
so… ii got on the bus this morning tired and a bit aggravated because ii couldn’t find my black coat. ii think my shink took it with her last night but ii needed my wallet so that ii could get some starbucks before work…blah. anyways, ii was chillin in the back as always, on my phone minding my business. right before we hit the left off dundalk ave this old crub bag of a man decides to come sit next to me. ii wish ii coulda smacked him because he smelled like he just took a bath in colt 45. and yet again, there were only four people on the bus and he could’ve sat anywhere besides up in my box. after while he scooched over a bit and ii could finally breath a lil bit, until he started talked. “hey sweet thang, where you headed??” of course, ii ignore him but he doesnt get the hint. “you looking mighty fine this morning” since he didnt understand that ii was ignoring him ii quickly called my homegirl so he would get the message to leave me alone. but he didnt stop. after two minutes of me being on the phone he starts up again “a pretty young thang like you dont need to be on the bus by yourself, you need a good man like me to protect you.” ok, wtf is wrong with people today?? are you really serious?? so some other dude got on the bus and sat in front of me, he had to be no younger than 35 but he was very well put together. after about ten minutes of listening to this old sack of oatmeal holla at me he finally said something. “ay yo pops, how old are you man??” “old enough to be yo great grandaddy chump.” “alright then, leave this girl alone, cant you see she is ignoring you. damn, a sistah cant even get to work in peace.” “what you talking bout son, this here is my eye candy. my sweet brown sugar.” “you know what, you nasty. get up outta her face.” at this point, ii am relieved that someone got this man to move and ii was even more gracious to God that he sent a nice piece of speciman to do that for me lol. ii said thank you to the dude and a few minutes later he got off. and even after his stop came and went the old fart still did not come close to me, he did glance back with the four tooth smile every once in a while tho lol. the whole time, im thinking in the back of my mind… dag nabbit, why couldnt my knight in avirex jeans be ten years younger  lolzz.

a breath of fresh air

Posted in G-D, men, poetry by Tanae' A. on March 4, 2008
It was December of 05 when me and my honey first got together. At the time, I was this lil bad girl doing everything that I shouldnt be doing and he was this sheltered good boy. We came from two different backgrounds and because of that I thought that he was somehow better than me. I felt as tho I didnt deserve him and for a long time I wouldn’t get with him because of that. Needless to say, over the past three years our roles have switched. Im the good girl now and he’s the bad boy. Now, I’m like what the hell was I thinking lolzz.
A lil while ago I met my bae. He came out of the blue and just completely swept me off my feet. For a split second tho, I thought who am I to deserve him. The thought only lasted a second and then I came back to earth and realized that I do deserve someone that good because I am that good. He’s a good guy, really. Not perfect, but good. Keeps God first in everything. Writes poetry that is out of this world and is just genuine and real. Sometimes I do think about what I did to deserve something this good but then I remember that I’m something good too. He’s my breath of fresh air and for once I have noo expectations… I just wanna inhale lol.

Faith In Action

Posted in actions, celebrations, community, events, faith, Faith In Action, men, ministry, prayer by Tanae' A. on February 6, 2008

A few years back one of my favorite people, HebHeb, became a radio personality lol. He was on 88.9fm every sunday morning from 5-9 and I would purpose to set my alarm to make sure that I didnt miss a second of the show. For while he was on the air with Phil Deal and then he partnered up with Joi Thomas. Sooner than later he was right on track with Myisha Cherry doing the very talked about talk show entitled Faith In Action. I loved it. Right when they almost hit a year the talk show was off the air. It’s been some time now since Faith In Action graced my Sunday mornings but HebHeb has not been quiet at all. The voice of Rev. Heber M. Brown III has been heard loud and clear and now the time has come again for him to be heard thru my radio. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, Faith In Action is back on the air!!! On Sunday February 10, 2008 my HebHeb will be doing his thang on spirit 1400. The time has not yet been confirmed but as soon as I get word I will put it out there for all to see!! Please, listen in, be a support and keep him in your prayers. If you wanna know more about Heb’s impact on the community you can check him out at faithinactiononline.com. I am so super excited about this and I am so proud of my HebHeb…he is a great man and I call him MINISTRY… 

fatal attraction

Posted in him, life, men by Tanae' A. on February 4, 2008
Has there ever been that one person that you just want. You walk into a room and they’re the only person you see. Being around them is like so chill and you dont even care what else is going on. They can be across the room and you two look at each other and bust out laughing for no reason. There’s like this unspoken secret that no one else knows about except you two. We like each other but we must stand at this distance knowing that we are both wrong for feeling what we do but also knowing that in our minds it doesnt matter. Its nothing more than a fatal attraction. Something deadly and not to be messed with because in the end someone will be hurt. And besides, once we give in it wont be anything there. So we just keep this secret alive and between ourselves. He’s my fatal attraction…
The sad thing is that there’s not just one. There’s two fatal attractions. I think its just something about them. They are so much alike. Everyone thinks they’re quiet but they are really nothing but big clowns. They talk about their friends and do stupid things. They are always doing something stupid but they are the realest ever. They say some dumb stuff but when it comes down to it they can carry an intellectual conversation. And they have these smiles that light up a whole room and big ol noses perfect to talk about. Their laughs are almost identical and its crazy cause its nothing loud but more like this lil chuckle that comes from somewhere down in the bottom of their throat. They dress nothing alike but neither of them ever steps out without looking right. And the thing that kills me, the big shabang… when they put their hands in their pockets and lean against a wall ~ OMG!!! One of them does this thing where he’ll be talking and then he’ll stop and look at me and turn real quick so no one notices. Then he’ll bust out laughing cause we both know how ridiculous he looked. The other one will look at me out the corner of his eye, or he’ll sit behind someone and look at me from over their shoulder at me then make some funny face to have me laughing. Its crazy tho. Two good guys, one scarred by life and the other scarred by a chick. But, oh well. Such is life.
drowning in my fatal attraction

if I had things my way

So, a lot of times I seem to get lost in my own thoughts. Well today I was just thinking, if I had everything in my life the way I wanted it to be how would it go?? Well, this is what I came up with.


For starters, I would not change anything that happened before Dec 2005. And really I wouldn’t change to much that happened after Dec. 2005 either, so here’s what I would change. I would change the fact that I ever became friends with, dated, or fell in love with James. Thats it. How lovely. Now let me explain before someone gets the wrong idea. If I had my way, I would take all of those happenings out of Dec 2005 and graciously move them to Dec. 2009. And you all are wondering why… the reason is quite simple really, in 2009 there will be no school. He would be completely through with school. So it would save me a lot of heartache and headache and I would be actually happy with him. And simply because James would not be in the picture I would have the opportunity to take things a lil further with this other dude without feeling completely bad about it. But since I cant change the past… this is what I would have happen in the future.


I think, well I know, that the first three things that I would have happen if I had my way is… 1. I would get a big fat check somewhere in the mail and I would use that to pay off the one bill that I have left, register for college and purchase the car that I have to wait until february to get. 2. I would have all of my poems somewhat close to being published and 3. I would give the youth ministry cpr and miraculously bring it back to life so that I can deal with all the stresses of keeping it well and kicking.


After that, I would go back to school, get a promotion [maybe that is asking a bit to much but that is what i would have happen], make enough money to make sure that my mother wasn’t struggling, fix up the big house from top to bottom and move out of my mom’s house… all in a year. And in 2009 I would be ready to transfer to a university [because i would have worked just that hard to get a two year program completed in one], I would have ridded my life of all the people that were nothing but distractions [all of whom are of the male sex for some reason, but that is neither here nor there], I would have started from scratch a healthy relationship with my honey, and I would be well on my way to success because by the middle of 2009 I would be expecting my 2nd promotion which includes a darn good raise and some major benefits, and I would be able to take a vacation to wherever I want and not have to worry about money, and I would be able to send my mother on a vacation to anywhere that she wanted to go for however long she wanted to go and there would be nothing she had to worry about except what she’s going to pack.


By the time 2013 hit I would plan to be married with two kids with a good paying job that allows me to spend time with my children and still be able to live comfortably. I want a nice house with a big back yard and front yard. I want two dogs, one for me and one for him. I want a playground in the back. I want one of those couch looking things that swing on my front porch and I want my own private bathroom in my room. I want a family day once a month to talk and eat and laugh and play with my kids and my husband. I want my mom to be happy and financially stable. By then I would have moved my NaNa somewhere, anywhere and I would be taking care of all her expenses. I would be making sure that my lil cousins are in college and doing their best and I will have coffee and bagels every saturday morning with my besties. And a girls night once a month and we’ll stay in and have drinks and lay around with our phones turned off and we’ll talk like we were back in high school, about boys and issues and there would be no thoughts of family or money or men or house cleaning or washing clothes or none of the other grown up stuff that we have to do every other day of our lives. I would go on a vacation once every three months, just me and my honey, and we would enjoy each others company and just have fun like back when we were dating. And last but not least… I would be happy. I would have a family and an education and a job and some damn good friends and I would be happy. I would want to wake up every morning and I would have a smile on my face every night and I would be happy.


If I could plan my life, thats what I would do. All those simple things is what I would expect. And sure, there would be some issues in between but I would be content with the smile that I had shining every single day. I would be blessed beyond abundance and joyful just because I am alive and surrounded by all the people I love the most.


Thats how my life would go if I had things my way…

material things dont matter [this 1 is a lil angry, some1 pissed me off]

Posted in him, men, money, moving on, shopping by Tanae' A. on October 17, 2007

I dont want much out of life. I’m not a hard person to please and I’m def. not greedy when it comes to material things… now when it comes to food, give me all ya got!! LoL!! I appreciate the small things in life. I am fine with the little bit that I have and I dont want for nothing unless its something that I really need or something that I really really want, which is not too much. Maybe this is why I am so baffled by the comment that was made about me by a friend. We were sitting on the phone yesterday and he said that I dont want to be with him because I want too much out of life and he cant give me the material things. I was really wowed by that statement. I am not, nor do I act like, nor do I look like any type of gold digging hoe. As a matter of fact, I aint never asked him for nothing as far as money and materials are concerned. To be really real about it, I was the one that was kickin out some bucks cause as I recall I had to pay for his work boots and I had to put gas in his car and I had to get him something to eat when he sat at my house for hours on end… so who the heck is he to make a comment like that?? Sorry, but I’m pissed. I dont want no broke dude cause I feel like a man should be able to take care of his self but MONEY HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE!! All that I have ever asked of him as that he treat me with some respect, take care of his responsibilities, go to church every once in a while and not do anything to get on my bad side… last time I looked, money was not something that I needed. I have my own and if my money cant buy the things that I need then I obviously dont need it that bad. I dont want your gifts or your jewelry or your new outfit. You can forget about the coach bag and the Dolche and Gabanna shades, I’ll take the knockoff and still look flyy. Keep the lil flowers you bought me… I dont even like the smell of flowers. You what, to solve the whole issue, why dont you just take the boot thats kicking you out the door. I dont know what type of chicks he is used to dealing with but I aint the one. I dont need you to do nothing for me that I cant do for myself and your material things can be thrown away and destroyed so go somewhere with that idea… Maybe you’re better off with a label chick.

awkward emotions

Posted in crying, friends, frustrations, issues, life, lonliness, love, men, money, people I love, relationships, seperation by Tanae' A. on September 26, 2007

I am a very very ridiculously emotional person… such a darn scorpio. One would think that by now I would be used to this emotional rollercoaster that I seem to always find myself on… but that is so not the case. Right now, my problems mostly revolve around men and money. How sucky is that?? But anyways… the money thing is cool its just that everytime I get ready to save some money something comes along that takes the few dollars that I have left over. I’m not really upset about it because I know that the money that I am spending is being put to good use but I secretly wanna be able to do both at the same time, i know thats kinda greedy but oh well.

My men issue is not eventhat serious but I seem to blow things way out of proportion. I am sad about my honey and I dont want to be but I secretly am. I’m not in love with him anymore. I’m not sad because we’re not together, I’m sad because we were supposed to last. I’m lonely because I was so used to him, I dont want to be with him but now I have to learn to live without him and thats something that I dont really want to do. We have to somehow start over from the beginning as friends. We have to learn to not be a couple and try being acquaintences. It’s going to be hard but I know that its something that has to be done. I am glad that I am at this point but I kinda wish that this was not an issue right now. But things seem to be coming along great. We talk more when we are just friends, I guess because we no longer have these failed expectations. In due time, things will work themselves out for the better. But in the meantime… I’m still praying.

And I need a huge box of tissues because I am overly emotional and for some reason I just keep crying… Hopefully this will be over soon.

another monday post

It’s Monday!!! and yet again I am telling you all about my weekend. Three days spent doing nothing too important. Time spent with my besties. Hours that went by way to fast. So what did I do this weekend??

Well Friday was a very interesting day. Me, Jaz, Shay, Bry, and Smurph all got together to eat some crabs on Jaz’s back porch and Jess even came down for a while. We laughed and geeked and played cards and monopoly and did absolutely nothing til about 4:30 in the morning. I think we had about 40 conversations about nothing in particular and had about 75 debates that got no where but it was fun. By 5:00 Jess and Smurph were gone and everybody else turned over to go to sleep.

We all woke up around 9:30 and went to McDonalds to get some food. We spent about 6 hours taking out Chelly’s hair and listening to music and then we finally decided to get some more crabs around 5:oo. We played more monopoly [i won!!] and around 10 we all went to our homes to prepare for church on Sunday morning.

Church was good. India and the baby came along. Brandy and Karen even showed up which was good. After service Jaz went to work and we went to Olive Garden with Mommy, India and Lil Eric. The food was good but none of could eat it all. We went  home and took naps then me and Shay got up to watch my new favorite tv show… Side Order of Life..on Lifetime.

I woke up late and extremely tired this morning. I rushed out of the house and enjoyed a very long ride to work. I got to work on time and right now I am freezing cold cause this air is blazing. I will save tons of money today because I didn’t eat breakfast and I brought my own lunch from home…

Next Saturday is the Church Wide Picnic and I am so excited so I hope and pray that this week goes very smoothly. And I am really praying that I dont get caught in any of this weeks rain. I hope you all are praying as well. I just put color in my hair and I will be highly upset if it starts running!! LoL!! Please pray!!