Posted in fed-up, forgiveness, im so over it, life's a game, Tae' by Tanae' A. on April 10, 2008
after a while, when one person is hurt and walked over enough they close up. they shut down, put their heart on lock and vow to never ever trust again. after being lied to, cheated on, messed over, abandoned and left alone a person would understandably chose to give up. how much hurt does one person live thru before they become heartless?? ii never wanted to be that person. ii always said, every time ii got hurt, that ii would pick up the pieces and continue on. ii promised myself that ii would always have a heart and ii would always care but ii lied. ii took the heat, ii got thru it and the finished product was there but someone decided to put the icing on the damn cake a tad bit too soon. so guess what:: im over it. tae’ no longer has a heart. tae’ no longer has feelings. tae’ is a closed book. ii forgave everyone that has ever done me wrong, ever lied, cheated, stole, used, or manipulated…i forgave. but im angry, pissed and just plain enraged…forget about the hurt, hurt went out the door along with my heart…im just plain mad. ii was once the nice lil good girl that was there no matter what, and ii was always the one you called, or the one that gave and broke my damn back for you but no more…im thru loving, im thru helping, im thru being there for anyone so here is my apology. ii say sorry to the ones to come that are true because ii will never open my heart again. in 20 [[and a half]] years ii have seen more hurt than anyone should ever see so the shop is shut down…say what you will, think what you want…but until you walk in my shoes and live thru the hurt i lived thru and do what i have done only to have every good deed unappreciated dont judge me. im a heartless chick and i HATE every cunt that wronged me.

but i already knew that

chaos:: that is the one word that describes my entire existence. ii know that every single aspect of my life is pure chaos but somehow ii have managed to find peace in the midst of it. this perhaps, is the reason why ii continue to try to make plans that will never go thru. there’s always something that ii want to do and yet there is always something [[or someone]] that stands in the way of that. so why do ii continue on this useless cycle of making plans and having them shot down?? i dont really know. but ii know everytime ii make the plans that they will never come out the way ii want them to. so this comes as no surprise… ill be home this weekend all by myself. ii misses my shink already. ::tear:: it just sucks to know that she wont be home when ii get there and she wont be there when ii wake up in the morning. she wont be there to tell me which outfit looks better for church or to make me late for dance practice on monday. im PLANNING to buy a car tomorrow and she wont be here for that either. funny thing is, ii know that for some reason ii wont get a car tomorrow and yet ill still insist on waking up way too early in the morning to go look at what they have. then ill be mad and ill write another post about how nothing goes my way. so in order to avoid all of that ill let you all know now that my PLAN is to get a car but we all know that wont happen so ill grab hold of my attitude now and ill let my frustrations out while i have the time. nothing goes my way, but, we all know that right?? lol

some things have to change…

Posted in life's a game by Tanae' A. on December 20, 2007

this may be a bit angry but its okay cause right now im mad as hell but this is how i feel so…

I am really to the point now where I’m bout to say eff it all. Seems to me like shiesty chicks is always the ones to get to the top so I’m bout to roll with the best of em. Sure, I have always been a manipulator ~no lie~ I have used plenty of people to get what I want but the people that I have used dont feel an ounce of pain so it doesn’t matter. And besides that was the old Tanae’… now things have changed for the better. I guess thats a good thing but not in my book. Seems like once I start really changing for the better I get walked over like a damn boardwalk so I’m to take these suckers 4 a lil trip. The game has just changed… im on some new shyt. Every single dude and chick that trying to play me is going to get played. I’m gonna get what I want from them and then they can stand on the side looking in cause I’m tired of being the damn bench warmer…I got my head in the game. I know how to be shiesty and its really sad that I have to go to this extreme but I’m tired of being a pawn in their game. I’m gonna get them back ten times worst than they came at me and then we’ll see who really gets played. I wont play the dummy anymore so somethings just gosta change.