[{GRaViTY}]

afraid of heights…

Posted in back to the past, check ya flesh, forgiveness, growth, ministry by Tanae' A. on February 4, 2008
I remember back when I was really little [[before life happened]] I was a really tiny thin girl. Back then, it only took a small breath to knock me over lolzz. But, I have this very vivid memory of my step dad. He wasn’t a big guy but to my lil self he was huge and he had muscles sooo big. He used to flex and me and my sisters would literally swing from his arms. One day, he lifted me up and he sat he on top of his arm. At first I was scared, terrified that I would fall but even more scared that if I fell, he wouldnt be there to catch me. It wasn’t until I stopped looking down that I really gave into that moment. Once I let go of that fear I felt like I was on top of the world and I wanted to stay there forever. My little small self on his big arms, him lifting me up beyond any height that my eyes could think of seeing. I thought about that today. Sometimes, God will lift us up and most times we are so scared of falling that we never take time to indulge in the moment. Im to a point now where Im going higher in him. Someone once said that the higher up you go the lonlier you get and that must be true cause im pretty lonely up here by myself. But I was so scared of falling and even more scared that if I fell He would refuse to catch me out of disappointment and so the only thing on my mind was getting down. Here I am, on the arms of God, my feet are dangling and im holding on for dear life. But once I let go of that fear of falling, I can really appreciate the height in which I have reached. Sometimes I just wanna get back to the comfortableness of the ground tho. One thing that I am realizing more and more each day is that God is going to be there at my highs and my lows. So when He has me up high He’s there to carry me and when I fall back down to my lowest, He’s there to lift me back up. Its just that I fear failing Him so much. Not just Him but myself and the people that are expecting so much from me. If I fail, how can I minister to someone else who is trying to do the right things?? Today Ms. Naomi looked me in my face and she said this “You are harder on yourself than God is, just let Him forgive you…” How right was she. I beat myself over the head for months on end about something petty that I did wrong when God has already forgotten about it and is telling me to move on with my ministry. This past weekend, I was going to stay in the house all weekend long. I was gonna sit on my couch watch some movies and get some rest because I didnt want to be in an atmosphere that would allow me to compromise my growth. Friday night, I was bored out of my mind. I ended up going to eat with a friend and her mom but I was back in the house by ten thirty and knocked out. Friday night, ten o clock and I’m sleep. Not out partying or drinkin or having fun. I was sleep and bored and lonely in a house all by myself. By the time Saturday rolled around I was so bored I wanted to get out but I was standing my ground. Turns out, however,a  few friends around the corner were having a lil get together so round eight we walked around the block. At first it was cool, we was just sitting around chilling and then some things started happening. We didnt stay long, got in the house around eleven but I beat myself up the whole night and well into this morning because not only did I partake in certain activities but I set myself up for failure. I went into this environment against my own better judgement and I wasnt strong enough to resist the temptations of the night. No, I didnt get ridiculously drunk and I wasnt extremely high but I sat in a room with people who were participating in activities I used to participate in. I sat in a house with people who had bottles passing around faster than a ferris wheel. But why? Why would I be in that setting?? Why would I feel the need to put myself into that type of situation knowing good and well what the outcome is going to be. I am mad at myself because of it. Mad because I knew what I wanted to do and it sucks that I am not yet strong enough to stand on my own two feet and say NO!! Is it worth the try?? Is it worth it to try and do all these things right? Should I just give up on myself and allow God to use someone more qualified for the job?? You know what I think?? I think that God has me where I am, doing what I am doing because the people that I am ministering to are learning something from my downfalls. They are not just looking at my triumphs and seeing what they want to be but they are also looking at my mistakes knowing that even thru all of their mess they can do and be someone better for Him. I mess up, I fall short, I do things that I shouldnt do but Im growing and im getting thru the struggles of each day. And at the end of the day someone is going to look at me, see where I come from and know that the same God that saved me can save them. The same God that lifts me high up is the same God that can catch me when I fall off His shoulders from time to time. I dont think im too afraid of heights anymore yall!!!

the waiting process

“if its meant to be it will happen…” I hate cannot stand stuff like that. Why cant someone just tell me straight off top if stuff is “meant to be”…  well as you can tell, im a bit irritated right now but its only a lil bit. For the most part im in a really really good mood today so I guess we can start with whats got me irritated. The unknown. Plain and simple right?? Not right. The unknown is the most complicated thing in this world to deal with because its just not known…duh lolzz. But I guess theres always something that we dont know and i have learned to deal with it regardless how annoying it may be…
The past two days have been super good for me and I am literally smiling ear to ear because everything has been going soo good. On Christmas day I got into a really big altercation with my honey and I kinda brushed him off very rudely just because I was frustrated with the situation yet again. But on tuesday he actually reached out to me and since then we have been in constant communication which is absolutely amazing for us. Two days withough fighting ar arguing but actually talking about very real issues and helping one another out. It has been lovely and wonderful and great. And, I got to spend a very nice day with the besties yesterday and that only added to my excitement because there hasn’t really been any good quality time in a minute. I am also excited because I am getting to know people. I know that most times that is not always a good thing cause reality is that the people i have gotten to know are not good people but I feel good because now I know who they are and what I want to stay away from.And I feel really good because the past few days I have been taking time out to actually READ the Word of God which is really really amazing because I have been learning new things and I can feel myself getting closer to Him which is exciting. In addition to all these good things that have been happening I am also super overly happy because there is a four day weekend coming up and its a pay week so you know what that means. I get to spend time with all the people who mean something to me!!! YaY!! Tomorrow will be spent with Meek, Saturday is reserved for a ‘friend’, Sunday will be spent in church and with my fam, and Sunday night and monday will be time for the besties to spend some qt!! Isn’t that just exciting.. and I get to go to the movies… Praise Jesus!!!
Even when things aren’t how I want them to be I realize that I have so much to look forward to. Tomorrow, next week and even next year will present so many great things and now is the time to prepare for all that God has in store… im getting there guys, im growing up slowly but surely…

false hope

Posted in change, child, decisions, growth, moving on, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on January 10, 2008

one thing that i learned growing up is to let go of false hope. as children we tend to hope for things that will never ever come to be and in the end it leaves us disappointed. but i guess somewhere along the line i kinda wised up and let that go. I no longer wish for things that are out of my reach and i especially dont hope for things that i know i’ll never have. If I dont take time out to actually try to get those things that are unattainable i wont be disappointed when i cant get them. somewhere between then and now I grew up a lil bit. While I have grabbed a small piece of that false hope back I really still remain at a reasonable distance. I find myself today hoping and wishing that i could somehow grab hold of the things that are slightly [not completely] out of my reach. needless to say, today i will go back into my childish state. I recently kinda took a big leap and attempted to go after something that i knew i couldn’t have. Maybe I was tripin when I decided to set the bar a bit too high and now I am disappointed. But for once, even tho I am somewhat disappointed in myself, I am moreso disappointed in the other ppl involved. Sometimes in this life we lower our standards and accept what we can get rather than what we deserve and when that happens we change as people. Im usually not one to criticize other people’s actions but stupid is stupid. I realized just now that I am better than the ppl involved simply because i refuse to meet them at the level that they are at. In order to get what I want I would have to lower my standards and i’ll be damned if i compromise my growth just for something that aint even a necessity. i have worked too hard to get to where i am and i aint even bout to trip up over something that just look good from the outside in. I’ll take my loses and let some people go but i’ll remember that im the winner because i walked away. Maybe i’ll give up on the false hope for a while but one thing that i wont give up on is ME

[[im oh so 08]]

A Happy Tanae’

So… it is now 12:30am Monday morning but my mind is still in Sunday because I have not been to sleep yet. Let me just state for the record…[[i am so frickin happy right now, i mean, i dont think i can remember the last time I have been this happy]] Of course you want to know what is making me so happy…well, let me replay the weekend for you.

FRIDAY::

By the time I got off work, I wasn’t too happy. I was tired, frustrated and upset but thats not relevant right now. I ended up going home and sitting in my room for forever with my brother. I was waiting patiently for my booboo Ashley to come over so that we could go over to my besties house for a girls night. After a few hours her bus rolled around the corner and we were ready to go. We had a ball yall…we danced and laughed and watched some old-as-dirt episodes of comic view from like ’99 and then we went to sleep. I was excited tho because usually when it comes to new people in my life I am so quick to push them away but I felt comfortable with Ashley, I just wanted to be around her and she didn’t get on my nerves at all that night so I kinda felt good about that.

SATURDAY::

We didn’t get in the bed on Friday night til about 5 in the morning and we woke up at 7:30 to get dressed. Mommy was taking us to breakfast!! YaY!! So we go to eat and then we run to the bank to cash my check. Soon we were right back at Jazzy’s house attempting to take a nap. But of course, Jasmine is never ever sleepy so she sat up messing around making sure that we didn’t go to sleep. 11:30 hit and Big Mama was calling me && Ashley to get up so she could take us back to my house. We sat around doing nothing for about an hour and then we left out so she could get on the bus and go home. But, what do ya know?? She misses the effin bus. Now, we’re talking about the 4…you know, the one that comes every hour. It’s now 12:45 and I have to go driving at 1 and I really dont know what you are going to do baby. So she’s sitting in the house by herself [because everyone else was gone] mad as I dont know what cause she’s bored and lonely. Eventually she went home and around 3:15 I was back in the house and Phil was on his way. We all hopped on the bus to go to the mall and meet Ashley then we walked around for a lil bit before heading back out to familiar territory!! LoL!! How bout:: we was seven deep [Me, Shink, Jazzy, Jessa, Phil, Shay, and Ash] so anyways, we all went out to eat and then we parted ways around 11. For some reason around 12 midnight Ashley decides that she doesn’t want to go to sleep, she wants to sit up talking and acting like a retard for like 5 hours. Mind you, the night before we only got 2 and a half hours of sleep with no nap to carry us over. I have no clue what time we fell asleep but in the morning I was tired and mad cause Shay woke us up at like 8:30…like what really was she thinking??

SUNDAY::

I woke up ready for church. I knew what I was wearing and all I had to do was iron my clothes. Thankfully my outfit looked right, all I had to do was switch around the pants cause the ones I had on first wasn’t flowing with the shoes. So, we eat, get dressed and head out the door. Suprisingly we walk into the sanctuary at 10:56 and I was absolutely shocked. Service was great. It was funny cause the whole time we sitting there we trying to figure out who is going to preach so we thinking Bishop is just running late or something…of course he’ll show up. Nope, we was all surprised to see Pastor Ben Long walk up on the pulpit. Slam soon as I saw him I turned and looked at mommy like we bout to get a good word. And what do ya know?? God was in that place so heavy… I promise, I dont even remember the benediction. It was awesome… like, I have seen God move. I have seen things in church that will have me just like “Wow, look at God” but today… I cant even explain it. The word was good but there was something about God’s presence in that place that just made me feel tingly inside… it was like nothing I have ever felt before. I’m talking a good 20 minutes after everybody was gone out the sanctuary I’m still trying to get it together so that we could go… but I couldn’t. Everytime I tried to make it out of there the spirit of God was just holding on to me with like incredible force. All I can say is, you had to be there to see it or know what i felt fa’real. I have never ever had an experience like that or seen anything like that ever before in my life and it just blew my mind completely. I just wish that I could have stayed right there forever.

But eventually we had to leave so… we went home, changed clothes, ate and headed to Jazzy’s. We were watching some Lifetime movies and I was trying desperately to go to sleep but Ashley lil stpuid self kept tickling me and them other two bamas was so loud it was ridiculous. We played a game of monopoly and around 8:45 we left to go to my house. We stood with Ashley at the bus stop and went back in, talked with Indi for a while and watched a movie while I took out my hair. I just now hopped in the shower and now I am about to go to sleep cause I am exhausted but I just had to tell everyone how happy I am right now.

FINALLY::

I finally feel like everything in my life is falling into place. I have the best friends in the world that help me grow in so many ways. They are there thru good times and bad times… to make me laugh when I want to cry. I have the best girl in the world by my side letting me know that its just life… hopefully I can help her grow. [she told me today that she never felt anything like what she felt in church today and she wishes that she could join… I told her she could with out a problem] hopefully, we’ll help each other in the long run. I have the most wonderful support in the entire world, a wonderful church family that is there no matter what. They are there to give me hug, pray a prayer, offer a word of encouragement or simply life me up off the floor when I find myself half way under the sixth pew..LoL!! Really, I cant complain. And a lot of times I look around at all that I have and I feel unworthy, I feel like I dont deserve it but not right now. I know for a fact that I am truly undeserving of every blessing that I get and I am completely aware of the fact that I dont even deserve the air in my lungs but its different right now. I dont deserve it, I know I dont but God has so much love in Him to allow me to be here today. He is allowing me to be who I am today and I am truly grateful for that. I serve a God that accepts me just the way I am… even after every wrong thing that I have done he still looks at me and loves me and continuously blesses me. He dont look at me and see everything that I have been thru and done and I shouldn’t look at me like that either. My slate is clean my sins are forgiven and I am here today if for no other reason but to give Him praise for bringing me thru everything that I have been thru and to be a witness to those that are going thru. When I look in the mirror, I no longer see the person that I used to be.. but I see all that God has in store for me and it gives me joy just to know that I dont look like what I been thru… now, thats a word..

Guys…I’M HAPPY!!!

saying goodbye

Tomorrow morning sad and hurting hearts will gather to say goodbye to Ms. Sarah. They will come together to support one another and to pay their last respects to a lady that will not be forgotten. I wish I could go but unfortunately I have to work but my sister and bestie are all going to support the family, especially Victoria. I think goodbye is one of the hardest things that we can say to someone and this week I know that lots have struggled with having to say those two simple words. I am happy tho, and I feel very blessed to know that I am apart of a supporting church family that comes together no matter what happens to support one another. I am happy that so many of Shiloh’s members have gathered in that house that I have walked past so many times. They have gone to support a family that is pained by a loss. I know that tomorrow will be hard day for them and my prayers are def. wit them all day long. I just hope and pray that even after tomorrow, they remember that God is there to comfort them and that she is there watching over them all but more importantly she is in their hearts.

Good bye Ms. Sarah… watch over us all

R.I.P Brielle… && thank you for strengthening the gurls. They miss you terribly but they are doing so good and they are growing and realizing that life is worth living. Thank you especially for watching and keeping Lucy, you have somehow managed to give her some type of direction and I know that you are proud of her. She is a beautiful girl and she is learning to be as strong as you were. One Love.

my poo butt shay…

In the 6th grade I met a lot of crazy girls!! LoL!! They were my chicks all thru middle school…we got in trouble together, we fought with each other, we beefed over dumb stuff, we supported each other and we tried our best to give each other advice about issues that none of us knew about. I remember all the fights and good times and memories back at DMS… those were the good days. After middle school most of us went our seperate ways. About 4 of us went to the same high school and the rest of them were history. One of them girls that tagged along to high school was Shay, we were closest to her out of all them crazies. But anyways, since the first day of middle school til like 11th grade it was us three: Shanae’, Tanae’ and Nashay [yes all three of our names rhyme!!] Eventually Shay moved and she was no longer there everyday but we still kept in touch. She was still there for all the occasions and two years later she was still calling us her ‘best friends’ LoL!! I love my chick…she has been thru a lot in the past two years and yesterday we sat down and had a super long talk about so much stuff that she has been dealing with. So, I’ll make it my business to be there for her and I’ll make sure that she is in church bright and early sunday morning and i’ll do what I can to help her to rebuild that relationship with God. She just needs to know that no matter how many times you turn away from Him, He’ll always be there waiting for you to turn back to Him. Bottom line, I love my poo butt Shay and for the longest time, she has been there for me holding me down so now its time to be there for her. She is my longest friend and there are not too many people that I can truely call a friend but she is one of them.

she’s my bestie

Posted in cancer sucks, family, friends, growth, healing, Jasmine, Luvli Ladiez, people I love by Tanae' A. on October 24, 2007

okay.. so I’m way out of order but I decided I would wait til India’s birthday to write about her and her son… so tomorrow you will read about them.

My Jazzy Girl.. what can be said about her?? She is like my sister and we have been thru the worlds most stuff in the time that we have been friends. We have fought and laughed and cried and cursed each other out. We have gotten in tons of trouble together and we have grown together and there is nothing that she cannot do. She has fought thru every thing that life has thrown at her and she has come out more stronger and more beautiful then she has ever been. I love her to death because of the person that she is but most of all because of the strength that she has. When I am weak I can count on her to be there and she always pulls thru. She has one hell of a testimony and thru everything her faith in God has increased tremendously. Sure, she has her shortcomings and she faces her issues but she is such a better person because of everything that she has had to endure. We argue and we get on each others nerves but nothing or no one can break our bond. I love this chick more than words can say and I would graciously lay down my life for her. There are not too many people that I can honestly say are my friends but I can count her in. She has been there, thru the good the bad and the indifferent and she will always be there. Her family is my family and my family is hers… no one will ever take her place in my life and nothing can take her out of my heart. She can be bossy and sometimes she can even be a b**ch but she’s my bestie and I love her tremendously!!

Up next is Jessa… she’s my #1 Go0n13

a very emotional weekend

I dont really know how to explain this weekend. It was very emotional and very weird but we managed to get thru it. We actually had plans for friday. The dungeons was on our list of things to do but it was closed because of the rain so we ended up going to this other haunted house. After standing in that line for about 10 minutes we realized that it wasn’t worth it because it looked like it was for a bunch of little kids so we sold our tickets and left. So it turned out to be a girls night. We got a few drinks and sat around to play cards and that’s when it all started. We are sitting here talking about nothing in particular and then we just started talking about life. About everything that we had to get thru to get to where we are. Talking about all the poeple that weren’t there and how we were going to learn from their mistakes. We talked about everything that was hurting us and everything that we wished we could change. We talked about so much stuff and then we realized how absolutely blessed we were. We are here, all of us and we are doing damn good. We were sitting around all of us trying to be something better and this is what we have to be proud of. Sometimes we cant be proud of our parents or our family members but we are proud of ourselves because we were strong enough to make it thru every thing that the devil threw at us and we did it with the help of God. So this Friday night gurls night turned into a full blown praise party right there in the house. We sat there for at least an hour just praying and praising and thanking God because we made it to where we were and we are so blessed because we are here. It was a moment that I will continue to replay over and over again in my head for a long long time. It was just that special.

But anyways, we woke Saturday morning and we wanted to cook breakfast but everyone had something to do and in order to get to our various destinations we only had time to shower and get dressed before we were out the door fast. I went home, changed clothes and then got prepared to go driving. [my driving lessons are not up for discussion… LoL!! I’ll tell you about them when all my hours are complete and that will not be til Nov. 10th] I came home after two hours and sat around doing absolutely nothing. Finally my friend Smurph came over and we hung out all day not doing nothing until we decided to go see Jazzy. So me him and Shay hopped in the car and we were on our way. The visit started out a lil shakey cause everyone was getting on everybody’s nerves but after about 10 minutes we were all good. We played cards and ate a lil til about 1 in the morning and then we went home. I hopped right in the bed and was out like a light.

I did not want to wake up at 6:30 the next morning but I dragged myself out of the bed anyway. I put on anything and was ready to go by the time 7:45 hit. We hopped in the car and road up the peninsula at top speed and by the time we got to the church I was ready to go back to sleep!! LoL!! We went inside and the guest person who came, no I do not know his name, did really well. I really enjoyed their lil mini concert and sooner than I thought we were out the door. I talked for a bit then went up the street to grab a bite to eat. I recieved a phone call to let me know that there was no sunday school but I still came back down a lil early to talk to my peoples. I sat around for a while, laughed, joked, had another conversation about school and then we headed into service.

The service was good. The choir was great. The sermon was on point. But for some reason I felt disconnected… I wanted to be focused and I tried really hard but there were so many things on my mind that posed as minor distractions. When church was over we made a speedy exit so that we would be at NaNa’s house on time. On the way out I got a hug from someone and that was all the confirmation that I needed that a certain issue has been resolved. It felt good to finally have this woman acknowledge my presence and I walked away with a smile on my face. We went to NaNa’s house and waited because, of course after we rushed to get there, no one was ready. We went out in the tent to eat and have fun and eventually we went back home. While we were waiting for everyone to come and the food to get ready me and Jazzy had a really nice conversation… we just talked about things that we have never talked about before and I got a chance to actually tell her some things that she never asked and I never told. We got in the house and watched ‘Georgia Rule’ which was really good and then she left. I went upstairs to my room and I just thought about a lot of stuff. I finally went to sleep way after my bedtime and here I am on this monday evening ready to go home and watch Why Did I Get Married…

I purposely left all of the emotional things out. There are two reasons why I did that. 1. I have already talked about this with my second mother and it nearly brought me to tears at work so therefore I do not wish to discuss it anymore today… or until ultimately forced to deal with the situation at hand. 2. It is all kinda tied into one thing and the one thing that is at the root of all this craziness is not mine to discuss. Yes it involves me because it involves someone that I love very much but if that person just happened to browse by my blog I dont think they would too happy about their business being exposed.

I dont think it is going to be an easy week… it is still monday. I think I am anxious for the weekend to come because its my sisters 21st birthday and my TroyBoy is going to be at the party. This just gives me and excuse to see him without really letting him know that I want to see him. And I can flirt with him and make out with him all night which is always fun for a girl to do!! 🙂 This weekend is also my besties birthday so you know we bout to really have some fun.

i need a bigger word than blessed

I think I just had the most powerful thought provoking conversation that I have ever had with anyone in a very very long time, if ever. I was sitting here and I always seem to get a lil figgety on Fridays so I decided to see who was on aim. And what do ya know.. Meeka hits me up. So at first we are just talking casually about life and everything that we are doing and have done. Mind you, I have not talked to her in forever and 3 years. But we sitting here just talking and then the conversation takes a turn. She tells me that God is really blessing her and I agree. She tells me all these things that he has been revealing to her and it blows my mind because I never in a million years thought that I would be having this conversation with her. God is just awesome. It amazes me how much he is doing in all of our lives really. I mean, we have all grown up so much and we used every single obstacle to make us stronger and here we are blessed beyond abundance and none of us can complain. I look at her and see what God has brought her from and I just get excited because if you knew Meek back then you would know how much work he had to do on her. I look at Nish and I am so proud of my sister. She is happily married and she has e beautiful baby gurl and she is living everyday trusting that God will guide her thru. Everybody judged her. Everybody said that things wouldn’t work but she had a faith big enough to get her to where she is now and there’s nothing I can do but be happy for her because she is living the way that she is supposed to be living. I look around at everyone and see the lil crazy gurls that we used to be and I cant complain because every day aint great and every moment aint all smiles but I am so happy that I am not the same person that I used to be. I am happy to know that I can call up my sisters and talk to them about the goodness of God and that right there to me signifies growth.

I’m proud of us… I think we did alright.

Music is Everything…

Posted in be the change, change, friends, good times, growth, Jasmine, Luvli Ladiez, people I love, right vs. wrong, Shink by Tanae' A. on September 18, 2007

I know that too many people went out to see the very talked about movie Dream Girls. It turned out to be better than I ever thought it would be and I even got the dvd and soundtrack. My favorite best song on the soundtrack besides Jimmy’s Jam [LoL] is a song called “I Am Changing” by Jennifer Hudson or Effie… here are the words:

 Look at me, Look at me
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I’ll be better than I am
I’m trying to find a way to understand
But I need you, I need you
I need a hand
I am changing
Seeing everything so clear
I am changing
I’m gonna start right now, right here
I’m hoping to work it out
And I know that I can
But I need you, I need a hand

All of my life I’ve been a fool
Who said I can do it on my own
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dog nights have I known?
Walking down that wrong road
There was nothing I could find
All those years of darkness
Looking for some light
But now I can see

I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I’ll be better than I am
But I need a friend
To help me start all over again
That would be just fine
I know it’s gonna work out this time
‘Cause this time I am
This time I am
I am changing
I’ll get my life together now
I am changing
Yes I know how
I’m gonna start again
I’m gonna leave my past behind
I’ll change my life
I’ll make a vow and nothings gonna stop me now

I love this song so much because, 1, she sings it with so much power as she does every other song, but mainly because of the words. We all get to a point in our lives where its time to make a change for the better. I think that everyday I change a lil. Everyday I grow a lil and everyday I’m closer to being such a better person.

The other night I sat at my best friends house til atleast 12:30. We played cards, made spaghetti, and even recorded ourselves singing a bunch of dumb songs. We just sat there, the four of us and Chelley and when I got home I was proud of the change that we all have made. I remember a day in time where Chelley could never just sit up with us because we were always doing something we shouldn’t be doing. We would have to send her to her room or something and watched as she peaked around corners or thru windows. But the other day, we sat there with her acting dumb and stupid and there was nothing wrong with it. We sat up with Big Mama for at least 3 hours and laughed and laughed and sang a bunch of songs off key because we could. Because there was nothing there to hide besides the fact that none of us can sing a lick. But it was fun. And thats where changing has got us. To some people it may be just something minor or stupid but to me that means a whole lot to be able to sit here with my bestie’s sister and grandmother and just have fun and be myself and act stupid and know that I didn’t even have the desire to go out and get into trouble. Nothing compares to that.