tired of giving

Posted in giving back, help me!!, life, people I love, tired by Tanae' A. on February 5, 2008
Every week, I reach out to at least ten people in some kinda way. Every week I talk to people about their issues and problems. Every week I call someone just to see how they are doing. Every week I shoot someone an email or text message just to let them know that I was thinking about them. Every week.
Every day I reach out to family and friends to make sure they are doing okay. Every day I text, call or hit them up on the space to see how they are. Every day, one of those persons that I reach out to need an encouraging word and everyday I give it. Every day.
Every so often, I go thru stuff. Every once in a while I have a bad day and need someone to talk to. Sometimes, I need to know that someone some where is thinking about me, praying for me, and are there if I need them. Every once in a while my faith is tested. Every month, every week, every single day.
Do you wanna know who calls me… no one. Do you wanna know who texts me… no one. Do you wanna know who emails me…no one. Do you wanna know who stops for more than two seconds to ask how im doing and really expect to hear something other than the simple “im okay”…no one. Do you wanna know who hits up myspace or facebook…no one.
Today I did a test. I did not pick up my phone not one time to call, text or send anyone an email. I let it sit here on my desk. You know how many txt messages are in my inbox?? Zero. You know how many incoming calls I got today?? Zero. You know how many emails I got?? Zero. You know how many people reached out?? Zero. One person txted me to ask me if I did what she asked me to do and I deleted her txt before I even thought about responding. And for the rest of the week, for the rest of the month, for the rest of the year… I will not pick my phone to dial anyone’s number. I aint texting no one that aint texting me and I def aint offering no words of encouragement. Truth be told, I’m tired… I feel like I give and give and give, not just my time but my money and my energy and my resources so that everyone that I care about can be okay. But who stops for two seconds to make sure that Tanae’ is good?? No hard feelings, I’m not mad. Just a lil fed up with the same stuff. When I get to a point where I feel like someone actually cares enough to give back to me then I’ll revert back to old ways. A simple thankyou that is truely sincere would do the trick but I dont get that either. So all the people that got used to Tanae’ being there when there was trouble… sorry for ya. For all you that grew accustomed to my phone calls every other week just to let you know I was thinking about you… sorry. For all you that looked forward to my text messages and emails… sorry. You can only drink from a well for too long before it becomes empty… im runnin on E so I’ll see yall on the flip side. Does this mean that I dont care?? Not by a long shot, it just means that I have to stop giving of myself in order to help others when I need that strength to pull my own self thru.
Peace:: Tanae’ A.
And for those of you wondering, I’m not looking for handouts. I dont want anyone to read this and then just pop up sending me txts and phone calls and junk. Thats not the purpose. My point is to stop giving of myself to a point where I run out of fuel. I have done perfectly fine getting thru life on my own for twenty years and ill do just fine the rest of the way so dont get that part twisted. I have never expected anyone to be there for more than a short period of time and so I wont start now. I just have to create a balance but right now im stepping back completely. Just dont think I need you or anyone else to cater to me like some child because that is not the case at all…
Tanae’ A.

giving back to the one that gave to me

Posted in decisions, family, giving back, healing, hospitals, people I love, prayer, thoughts by Tanae' A. on November 7, 2007

I have some good news and some bad news… well good news comes first and the bad news is not really that bad.

Good news is… my Nana will be getting out of the hospital on the 27th. Yes, that is a long way away but at least she is making enough daily progress to know when she can be released. And there is a possibility that she would be able to get out for a day so that she can come and have thansgiving dinner with the family. I am excited about that.

Bad news:: Most likely she wont be able to live by herself. Everything really depends on how much progress she makes in the next few weeks. There are not too many options as far as living arrangements are concerned but I have decided that if things dont work out the way we hope they do I’ll step up to the plate. Someone made a suggestion that we put her in a nursing home but I know my Nana && there aint no way in hell she going for that. She likes her independence and even if she aint fully independent she want to act like she independent. So in the past hour I have completely made up my mind that I would graciously move into her house and stay there with her. I was thinking after I said it out loud that I just put my foot in my mouth but then I started really thinking about it. After everything that my Nana has done for me I think that I owe her to do something like this. It would be a big move and a huge adjustment but I would be able to do it if I had to.

I just feel like that’s the least I can do ya know… just pray bout it fa’real.