[[i am who i am]]

Posted in acceptance, decisions, differences, family, friends, frustrations, help me!!, life by Tanae' A. on November 2, 2007


what the h is ACCEPTANCE and why is it so important to people?? See the five letters above?? Well, thats me. I’m TANAE’ the one and only. But who really am I?? And if you really knew who I was, would you accept me?? A lot of times we go thru everyday making it seem like we really dont care about what people think of us but I know for a fact that is not true. We care what people think of us, we may not care what the whole word thinks but there is still that need to have someone accept you for who you are. I am not the type to need the approval of outside people, I could care less what they think but I need the approval of my family and friends. Thats what I strive for and a lot of times I do it without even realizing it. In the back of my mind I’m always thinkin about what my mother or grandmother or sisters will think about this decision or that one. I always wanna make sure that my besties accept and get along with every new person that I meet and I do it without even thinkin about it. There has not been one person that I have talked to that has not met my bestie.. they may never meet my mother or Indi or anyone else but they will meet Jazzy and Shink. Reality is, I want them to accept me… for me. Last night my bestie said something to me that let me know that no matter what she still got my back. No matter what decision I make or how things turn out she still loves me just the same. Now, only if I can know that I can get that same courtesy out of my mom and the rest of my family… well really just my mom and NaNa cause they are the only two I really care about like that. I wonder. I dont know. Right now I am just confused and I am dealing with a lot right now and I am trying to figure everything out but I dont know how this will end. I dont know what is going on in my heart and in my head… I just dont know.

Ya gurl is confused.

More than just friends

Posted in differences, friends, frustrations by Tanae' A. on September 5, 2007

There’s this dude that I have been friends with for a few years now. I met him thru my big sister and eventually we just became really cool. About a year ago, we started really talking on a serious level and we actually dated for a few months. Eventually, I broke it off because I felt like I was draggin him along due to the simple fact that I still wanted to be with my honey. Even after we broke up, we still remained really good friends, I talked to him all the time and he texted me all day long and at the end of the day we had so much that we depended on one another for. Truth is tho, for the nine months that we have been seperated we have been trying so hard to hide our feelings from one another. We’ll go weeks without talking and then he’ll call me or i’ll text him and this cycle just keeps on going over and over again. In my heart I know that I will have feelings for him for a long time. I really care about him and have love for him but there are just some things in life that you leave alone and he’s one of them. He’s a bad boy, I’m a good girl. We both have two completely different lifestyles and we just dont mix.. he brings me down and reality of it is… he’s not what I need. But I dont think I can really do without his friendship. I need that phone call every other week asking me how im doing. I need someone to ask me about me and my honey because no one else will. I need that person to talk to about all the things that goes on in life that we dont want to share with even our closest friends and he is that person. He knows more about me than Jazzy will ever know. He knows more about me than my honey will ever know and thats just the type of relationship that we have but deep down inside I regret it because I know that I want to be more than just friends… and that is so unloyal to my love who is stuck in another state for school.

But for a lifetime and a half me and Troy will be friends…

i think i can make it through this week

Posted in check ya flesh, differences, humility, issues, moving on by Tanae' A. on July 19, 2007

This morning I woke up and for some reason I had the strong urge to check my email before I got to work [which i never ever do] I opened up the email that I had been patiently waiting for and when I got finished reading it, I smiled. Not because I was happy, or excited, but because I was content. This issue that I have been struggling with is officially over. I got through this without cursing anyone out or going off and I am proud of myself. I know that a big part of me wanted to really go off on this chick but I didnt do that and because I thought about what I said before I said it this issue was resolved in a very respectful way on my part. I feel really good and I honestly didnt think that today would be a good day when I woke up this morning but it’s turning out to be a very thought provoking thursday and I know for sure that I will get through this day in one piece… and I’m waiting for tomorrow to knock on my front door.


Frustrated beyond belief

Last night, when I wwas supposed to be in the bed catching up on some much needed sleep, I was up chatting with someone that I haven’t spoken to in a very long time. Back in the day she was like a lil cousin to me and we was bout thick as thieves. She stayed over my house too many times and me and my sister would try to make sure she was doing the right thing. Eventually she moved and since then I have seen her at most about 4 times in the past 2 1/2 years. Everytime I see her I get this happysad type feeling. She was no longer surrounded by people who wanted to see the best for her. She had moved away from her support system and I blamed her mother and I still do. I just wish that there was more that I could’ve done while she was around. Around 1am this morning she sent me a message letting me know so matter of factly that she now has a baby girl who is one month old. This little girl is 15. Her baby father is 20. I want to know whats wrong?? I think part of me knew that this would happen but I never thought so soon. All three of her older sisters had babies out of wedlock. Two of them were still in high school. Her mother had a baby almost 3 years ago out of wedlock. I want to know what is wrong?? Is this what we must deal with?? Our babies are following in the footsteps of those who have set a negative example and now they are having babies that they’re not even old enough to puch out. I’m frustrated… hurt.. and disappointed. I feel compelled to do something but what can I do?? How can I save a dying generation. The homicide rate is sky high and we look around and dont even see that we pulling the trigger on ourselves. When is enough going to be enough?? When are we going to do something to save our kids?? Help.

Opinions Needed…

Posted in differences, freedom, life by Tanae' A. on June 12, 2007

I have a friend that I used to go to school with a while ago. This guy has been in church all his life. He is a faithful Christian, lives a godly life, sets a great example for his little brothers and sisters as well as his peers. He doesn’t drink, smoke, engage in premarital sex or curse. He will be graduating from college in two years and has maintained a steady 3.8 g.p.a. He is very active in his church, sings on the choir, directs the childrens choir, has completed discipleship and attends bible study regularly. He respects his elders and even does community service at an outreach center. But there’s one problem… He’s gay.

Does his sexual preference automatically erase everything that I have said about him?? Is he going to hell because of who he has fallen in love with?? Is it okay for him to be in an open relationship with his dude and not be ashamed even in the church?? I want to know what everyone thinks about this… so comment.