a change of plans

my thoughts and prayers are with the students, faculty and staff of Randallstown High School and well as the parents, family and friends of Steve Parrish. He was a graduating senior and scheduled to walk across the stage on Sunday. Unfortunately, his life was taken from him on yesterday May 29, 2008. I can not imagine what his family and friends are going thru. To the graduating seniors of Randallstown High, especially my lil cousin Sedria, keep yall heads up. Walk across that stage proud on Sunday. I pray that he is in a much better place and that you all hold onto his memory knowing that he was supposed to be celebrating the beginning of a new chapter with you all. Dria, babes, he might have been supposed to sit on your right side on graduation day but hopefully he’s on God’s right side right now.
Congratulations to all 2008 grads!! including Shany, TJ and my bestie JazzieGurl
ii cant really say what ii am going to do or what ii am not going to do because ii dont want to be a hypocrite…but, ii am changing a lot of things in my life as of right now. im just trying to better me fa’real because ii dont want a scare like that one ii had yesterday ever again. a new month is coming and im not pledging to change over night or to completely step into this ‘holier than tho’ attitude but ii do want to be better and do better. so therefore, ii solicit your prayers yet again. and, if you will please pray that ii am able to go back to school in the fall. ii have one REALLY BIG hurdle to jump over before ii can register but ii really really want to go. and pray for my sister, Jesus knows that cheesecake every other day would be nothing short of a blessing lmao.

seperation and change

Posted in change, family, people I love by Tanae' A. on May 1, 2008
yesterday i was trying to kill some time before picking up the bestie from work and so i decided to see a friend from a while back. me and this chick been cool since before we were even in school, so at the end of the day there’s a lot that keeps us kinda tied. the past three years she has been in the army and i haven’t really had too much time to spend with her unless its in passing. but yesterday we sat and talked for a good half hour. i actually went to see her daughter for a few minutes but the convo was getting kinda good so i lost track of time. it was good to see her. i was happy to see her daughter and sister as well. but i left there knowing in the back of my mind that some people change. the conversation was good, we shared some laughs but at the end of the day our minds are in two different places. she is doing good for herself. remaining positive in everything. moving soon, closer to home. still keeping God first but one thing that i noticed is that sometimes you have to keep some people at a distance. not because there is anything about them but simply because there’s not too much of anything there to fall back on. i love this chick like a sister, thats real. since day one we been down for one another. her family is like my family and at the end of the day cant nothing make us any closer. my love for her hasn’t changed, the respect i have for her has not faded but the space between us has grown and i think that’s okay with both of us. it’s funny how you can tell from a simple conversation how much times have changed… but i guess thats life. its funny how day to day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different.

the way things are…

Posted in change, decisions, family, money, moving on, Shink by Tanae' A. on February 20, 2008
Let me get this out the way first::
I was reading my posts from yesterday and I realized that there are like fifteen people with all the same names so I need distinguish that millions lol
Kev*Out~ K.James
Kevin~ K.Powe
Ashley J~ Ashley from Syc
LeyLey or Ashley~ A. Stokes
Anthony~ lil drummer boy
AJB~ Anthony Brown
Jessa~ J.Howell
Jess~ J.Powe
Shink~ Shay P.
Shay~ Nashe B.
Yesterday I was thinking about a lot of things and started making plans to actually take a huge step towards I dont know what. I think that t he past week has been so frustrating to me because I feel as tho there are people who dont take time to appreciate now acknowledge the fact that I do more than required. The people that are standing in this circle would look at what is going on and think nothing of it. It doesn’t matter to them and therefore no one is really standing up in my defense or understanding why I’m so effin pissed about it all. At first I thought I was over reacting but every single person that I mentioned it to outside of my family circle has been blown away. Do I think that I am giving or doing too much?? Not at all but I dont want to feel like Im obligated to do anything. There are, however, too many people telling me that I am giving out too much and its not really worth it. Now, I’m stuck right here trying to figure out what decision is best. And of course, I am thinking about everyone’s feelings besides my own. I promised my ShinkButt that I wouldn’t do anything without her. Now, I’m trying to make that move based on my own selfishness and I know that she would be pissed and I would feel so bad. I dont know. I dont think I really have a choice tho, either I keep things how they are and deal with it or I demand a change and deal with the consequences and accept the responsibility.

Our Kids, Our Future By Barack Obama

Posted in Barack Obama, change, school by Tanae' A. on February 12, 2008

I’ve visited many schools and spoken to many teachers and students throughout my two decades of public service, but one I’ll always remember is my visit to Dodge Elementary School in Chicago just a few years ago.

I was talking with a young teacher there, and I asked her what she saw as the biggest challenge facing her students. She gave me an answer that I had never heard before. She spoke about what she called “These Kids Syndrome” – the tendency to explain away the shortcomings and failures of our education system by saying that “these kids can’t learn” or “these kids don’t want to learn” or “these kids are just too far behind.” And after awhile, “these kids” become somebody else’s problem.

And this teacher looked at me and said, “When I hear that term it drives me nuts. They’re not ‘these kids.’ They’re our kids. All of them.”

She’s absolutely right. The small child in Manchester or Nashua whose parents can’t find or afford a quality pre-school that we know would make him more likely to stay in school, and read better, and succeed later in life – he is our child.

The little girl in rural South Carolina or the South Side of Chicago whose school is literally falling down around her, and can’t afford new textbooks, and can’t attract new teachers because it can’t afford to pay them a decent salary – she is our child.

The teenager in suburban Boston who needs more skills and better schooling to compete for the same jobs as the teenager in Bangalore or Beijing – he is our child.

These children are our children. Their future is our future. And it’s time we understood that their education is our responsibility. All of us.

This is a defining moment for our generation. Revolutions in communications and technology have created a global economy of high-tech, high-wage jobs that can be located anywhere there’s an internet connection – an economy where the most valuable skill you can sell is your knowledge.

Education is now the currency of the Information Age. It’s no longer just a pathway to opportunity and success – it’s a pre-requisite. There simply aren’t as many jobs today that can support a family where only a high school degree is required. And if you don’t have that degree, there are even fewer jobs available that can keep you out of poverty.

In this kind of economy, countries who out-educate us today will out-compete us tomorrow. Already, China is graduating eight times as many engineers as we are. By twelfth grade, our children score lower on math and science tests than most other kids in the world. And we now have one of the highest high school dropout rates of any industrialized nation in the world.

Well I do not accept this future for America. I do not accept an America where we do nothing about six million students who are reading below their grade level – an America where sixty percent of African-American fourth graders aren’t even reading at the basic level.

I do not accept an America where only twenty percent of our students are prepared to take college-level classes in English, math, and science – where barely one in ten low-income students will ever graduate from college.

I do not accept an America where we do nothing about the fact that half of all teenagers are unable to understand basic fractions – where nearly nine in ten African-American and Latino eighth graders are not proficient in math. I do not accept an America where elementary school kids are only getting an average of twenty-five minutes of science each day when we know that over 80% of the fastest-growing jobs require a knowledge base in math and science.

This kind of America is morally unacceptable for our children. It’s economically untenable for our future. And it’s not who we are as a country.

We are not a ‘these kids’ nation. We are the nation that has always understood that our future is inextricably linked to the education of our children – all of them. We are the country that has always believed in Thomas Jefferson’s declaration that “…talent and virtue, needed in a free society, should be educated regardless of wealth or birth.”

It’s this belief that led America to set up the first free public schools in small New England towns. It’s a promise we kept as we moved from a nation of farms to factories and created a system of public high schools so that everyone had the chance to succeed in a new economy. It’s a promise we expanded after World War II, when America gave my grandfather and over two million returning heroes the chance to go to college on the GI Bill.

And when America has fallen short of this promise – when we forced Linda Brown to walk miles to a dilapidated Topeka school because of the color of her skin; it was ordinary Americans who marched and bled; who took to the streets and fought in the courts until the arrival of nine little children at a Little Rock school made real the decision that in America, separate can never be equal.

That’s who we are. That’s why I can stand here today. Because somebody stood up when it was hard; stood up when it was risky. Because even though my mother didn’t have a lot of money, scholarships gave me the chance to go to some of the best schools in the country. And I am running for President of the United States because I want to give every American child the same chances that I had.

In this election – at this defining moment – we can decide that this century will be another American century by making an historic commitment to education. We can make a commitment that’s more than just the rhetoric of a campaign – one that’s more than another empty promise made by a politician looking for your vote.

I often say that the problem with No Child Left Behind is that George Bush left the money behind. And it wasn’t just him, either. It’s pretty popular to bash No Child Left Behind out on the campaign trail, but when it was being debated in Congress four years ago, my colleague Dick Durbin offered everyone a chance to vote so that the law couldn’t be enforced unless it was fully funded. Senator Edwards and Senator Clinton passed on that chance, and I believe that was a serious mistake.

Because I think we’d all agree that the goals of this law were the right ones. Making a promise to educate every child with an excellent teacher is right. Closing the achievement gap that exists in too many cities and rural areas is right. Making sure that necessary resources and qualified teachers are distributed equitably among every city and small town is right. More accountability is right. Higher standards are right.

But I’ll tell you what’s wrong with No Child Left Behind. Forcing our teachers, our principals, and our schools to accomplish all of this without the resources they need is wrong. Promising high-quality teachers in every classroom and then leaving the support and the pay for those teachers behind is wrong. Labeling a school and its students as failures one day and then throwing your hands up and walking away from them the next is wrong.

And by the way – don’t tell us that the only way to teach a child is to spend most of the year preparing him to fill in a few bubbles on a standardized test. Don’t tell us that these tests have to come at the expense of music, or art, or phys. ed., or science. These tests shouldn’t come at the expense of a well-rounded education – they should help complete that well-rounded education. The teachers I’ve met didn’t devote their lives to testing, they devoted them to teaching, and teaching our children is what they should be allowed to do.

The fact is, No Child Left Behind has done more to stigmatize and demoralize our students and teachers in struggling schools than it has to marshal the talent and the determination and the resources to turn them around. That’s what’s wrong with No Child Left Behind, and that’s what we must change in a fundamental way.

I want to lead a new era of mutual responsibility in education – one where we all come together for the sake of our children’s success; an era where each of us does our part to make that success a reality – parents and teachers; leaders in Washington and citizens all across America.

I won’t pretend that this will be easy. We must fix the failures of No Child Left Behind. We must provide the funding we were promised, and give our states the resources they need, and finally meet our commitment to special education. But that alone is not an education policy. It’s just a starting point.

A truly historic commitment to education – a real commitment – will require new resources and new reforms. It will require a willingness to break free from the same debates that Washington has been engaged in for decades – Democrat versus Republican; vouchers versus the status quo; more money versus more accountability. And most of all, it will take a President who is honest about the challenges we face – who doesn’t just tell everyone what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.

I am running to be that President. And that’s why I’m proposing a comprehensive plan to give every American child the chance to receive the best education America has to offer – from the moment they’re born to the day they graduate college. As President, I will put the full resources of the federal government behind this plan. But to make it a reality, I will also ask more of teachers and principals; parents and students; schools and communities.

A few weeks ago, I introduced my plan to make college affordable by creating a $4,000 per year refundable tax credit that will cover two-thirds of the tuition at the average public college or university. And yesterday, I unveiled my proposal to strengthen our community colleges by offering new degrees for emerging fields and rewarding schools that graduate more students.

Today, I want to talk about what we can do to prepare every student to succeed in college – preparation that begins at birth and continues with world-class schools, outstanding teachers, and transformative principals.

The first part of my plan focuses on providing quality, affordable early childhood education to every American child.

We know what a difference early childhood programs make in the lives of our kids. Study after study proves that children in these programs – especially low-income children – are more likely to score higher in reading and math, more likely to graduate high school and attend college, more likely to hold a job and more likely to earn more on that job. And for every $1 we invest in these programs, we get $10 back in reduced welfare rolls, fewer health care costs, and less crime.

In recent years, states have been able to enroll nearly one million four year olds in pre-Kindergarten programs. That’s a great success, but I believe we can do better. We need to enroll more children and we need to start at an even earlier age. Because the fact is, studies show that from the time of conception to the first day of kindergarten, children’s development progresses faster than at any other stage of life. By the age of three, 85% of the brain’s core structure is already formed. Eighty-five percent.

So here’s what we did in Illinois. As a state Senator, I helped create the Illinois Early Learning Council, which launched a program called Preschool for All. This has made us one of the first states to commit to a high quality early learning program that starts helping children from the day they’re born. It provides early care and education for new families as well as at-risk infants and toddlers, and offer at-risk three-year olds and all four-year-olds the chance to enroll in pre-Kindergarten programs.

There is no reason we can’t and shouldn’t replicate this all across America. As President, I will launch a Children’s First Agenda that provides care, learning and support to families with children ages zero to five. We’ll create Early Learning Grants to help states create a system of high-quality early care and education for all young children and their families. We’ll increase Head Start funding and quadruple Early Start to include a quarter of a million at-risk children. I will create a Presidential Early Learning Council to coordinate this effort across all levels of government and ensure that we’re providing these children and families with the highest quality programs. And we’ll help more working parents find a safe, affordable place to leave their children during the day by improving the educational quality of our child care programs and increasing the child care tax credit. That’s how we’ll give our kids the best possible start in life, and that’s the commitment America will make when I am President.

The second part of my education plan is to recruit, support, and reward teachers and principals to ensure that every school in America is filled with outstanding educators.

We know that from the moment our children step into a classroom, the single most important factor in determining their achievement is not the color of their skin or where they come from; it’s not who their parents are or how much money they have.

It’s who their teacher is. It’s the man or woman who stays past the last bell and spends their own money on books and supplies. It’s people like my sister who go beyond the call of duty because she believes that’s what makes the extra difference. And it does.

Well if we know how much teaching matters, it’s time America started acting like it. It’s time we treated teaching like the profession it is. I don’t want to just talk about how great teachers are – I want to be a President who rewards them for their greatness.

That starts with recruiting a new generation of teachers and principals to replace the generation that’s retiring and to keep up with the record number of students entering our schools. We’ll create a new Service Scholarship program to recruit top talent into the profession, and begin by placing these new teachers in areas like the overcrowded districts of Nevada, or struggling rural towns here in New Hampshire, or hard-to-staff subjects like math and science in schools all across the nation. And I will make this pledge as President – if you commit your life to teaching, America will commit to paying for your college education.

To prepare our new teachers, we’ll require that all schools of education are accredited, and we’ll evaluate their outcomes so that we know which ones are doing the best job at preparing the best teachers. We’ll also create a voluntary national performance assessment that actually looks at how prospective teachers can plan, teach, and support student learning, so we can be sure that every new educator is trained and ready to walk into the classroom and start teaching effectively. New Hampshire is already leading the way here by having designed a performance-based educator preparation system, and the national assessment I’m proposing would help states like this one achieve their goals for state-of-the-art preparation of all teachers .

To support our teachers, we will expand mentoring programs that pair experienced, successful teachers with new recruits. We know that mentoring is one of the most effective ways to retain the one-third of new teachers who leave the profession in the first five years. In states that have tried this, like California, only five percent of new teachers have quit. As President, I will expand these mentoring programs nationwide to give all our teachers the chance to succeed. And I will also make sure that teachers have the conditions in which they can succeed – including excellent principals who support their work, the materials they need to teach effectively, and time to plan and collaborate with one another on improving instruction.

And where they do succeed – where our teachers and principals go above and beyond the call to make a real difference in our children’s lives – I think it’s time we rewarded them for it.

Cities like Denver have already proven that by working with teachers, this can work – that we can find new ways to increase pay that are developed with teachers, not imposed on them and not just based on an arbitrary test score.

My plan would provide resources to try these innovative programs in school districts all across America. Under my Career Ladder Initiative, these districts will be able to design programs that reward accomplished educators who serve as mentors to new teachers with the salary increase they deserve. They can reward those who teach in underserved places like rural New Hampshire and across urban America. And if teachers acquire additional knowledge and skills to serve students better – if they consistently excel in the classroom – that work can be valued and rewarded as well.

Now, if we do all this and find that there are teachers who are still struggling and underperforming, we should provide them with individual help and support. And if they’re still underperforming after that, we should find a quick and fair way to put another teacher in that classroom. Teacher associations and school boards in a number of cities have led the way by developing peer assistance and review plans that do exactly this – setting professional standards that put children first. We owe our teachers that, and we owe our children that.

And while we’re at it, let’s finally help our teachers and principals develop assessments that teach our kids to become more than just good test-takers. That’s why the third part of my plan is to work with our nation’s governors and educators to create and use assessments that can improve achievement all across America by including the kinds of research, scientific investigation, and problem-solving that our children will need to compete in a 21st century knowledge economy.

New Hampshire has been a leader on this. You’ve developed innovative assessments, including digital portfolios, to develop and demonstrate student proficiency in technology, science, and other core content areas, and there’s no reason we can’t start replicating this all across the country.

The goal of educational testing should be the same as medical testing – to diagnose a student’s needs so you can help address them. Tests should not be designed as punishment for teachers and students, they should be used as tools to help our children grow and compete. Tests should support learning, not just accounting. Because if we really want our children to become the great inventors and problem-solvers of tomorrow, our schools shouldn’t stifle innovation, they should let it thrive.

One of the subject areas where this is especially important is science. No Child Left Behind’s intense emphasis on teaching to the test has been shown to reduce the amount of time spent on teaching and assessing science – a subject area that is absolutely critical to our competitiveness as a nation. When I’m President, we will make science instruction a national priority, and we’ll develop assessments that don’t just test isolated bits of information, but advanced skills like logic, data analysis, and interpretation. New Hampshire has already begun to do this, and there’s no reason the rest of the country can’t do the same thing.

Finally, as you and I stand here today, know that there is a generation of children growing up on the mean streets and forgotten corners of this country who are slipping away from us as we speak. They walk down Corridors of Shame in rural South Carolina and sit in battered classrooms somewhere in East L.A. They are overwhelmingly black and Latino and poor. And when they look around and see that no one has lifted a finger to fix their school since the 19th century; when they are pushed out the door at the sound of the last bell – some into a virtual war zone – is it any wonder they don’t think their education is important? Is it any wonder that they are dropping out in rates we’ve never seen before?

I know these children. I know their sense of hopelessness. I began my career over two decades ago as a community organizer on the streets of Chicago’s South Side. And I worked with parents and teachers and local leaders to fight for their future. We set up after school programs and we even protested outside government offices so that we could get those who had dropped out into alternative schools. And in time, we changed futures.

And so while I know hopelessness, I also know hope. I know that if we bring early education programs to these communities; if we stop waiting until high-school to address the drop-out rate and start in earlier grades; if we bring in new, qualified teachers; if we expand college outreach programs like GEAR UP and TRIO and fight to expand summer learning opportunities like I’ve done in the Senate; if we do all this, we can make a difference in the lives of our children and the life of this country – not just in East L.A. or the south side of Chicago, but here in Manchester, and suburban Boston, and rural Mississippi. I know we can. I’ve seen it happen. And I will work every day to do it again as your President.

But I cannot do it alone. Government cannot do it alone. We can spend billion after billion on education in this country. We can develop a program for every problem imaginable, and we can fund those programs with every last dime we have.

But there is no program and no policy that can substitute for a parent who is involved in their child’s education from day one. There is no substitute for a parent who will attend those parent/teacher conferences, make sure their children are in school on time, and help them with their homework after dinner. And I have no doubt that we will still be talking about these problems in the next century if we do not have parents who are willing to turn off the TV once in awhile, and put away the video games, and read to their child. Responsibility for our children’s education has to start at home. We have to set high standards for them, and spend time with them, and love them. We have to hold ourselves accountable.

You know a few years ago, a little girl at Earhart Elementary in Chicago was asked the secret to her academic success. She said, “I just study hard every night because I like learning. My teacher wants me to be a good student, and so does my mother. I don’t want to let them down.”

The challenge we face at this moment is great, but we have met great challenges before. Over the course of two centuries, we have fought and struggled and overcome to expand the promise of a good education ever further – a promise that has allowed millions to transcend the barriers of race and class and background to achieve their God-given potential.

It is now our moment to keep that promise – the promise of America – alive in the 21st century. It’s our generation’s turn to stand up and say to the little girl in Chicago, or the little boy in Manchester, or the millions like them all across the country that they are not ‘these kids’ – they are our kids. They do not want to let us down, and we cannot let them down either. That’s what I’ll be fighting for in this election, and that’s what I’ll do as President of the United States. I hope you’ll join me in that journey. Thank you.

[[He]] got me right where I {need} to be…

Posted in change, church, G-D, heat, life, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on January 22, 2008
I know that a lot of times in life we kinda go thru things that seem like total hell and most times we do anything to get out of the hell that we find ourselves in. One thing that I have learned from being in {hell} so much is that hell aint as hott as it seems. We pray and pray and pray for God to get us out of the hell but sometimes our purpose is to get burned.  Too many of us [[myself included]] automatically stop drop and roll as soon as we feel a lil heat but there is no lesson in leaving and no gain in giving up. Sometimes its the same heat that burns you that teaches you something and it took me a long time to learn that. This past weekend {after i broke my brand new phone} I kinda had this rude awakening. Usually if things aint going right wit me I’m cutting off everyone and everything [[God included]] and I had been doing that for a few days. I had completely cut off God and then I’m sitting back wondering why the hell He aint speaking to me…lolzz how dumb. So the other day I decided to have some really serious one on one time with God and He told me {yes He does speak to me…} that someone I least expected would give me the strength I needed to go on. So I’m thinking that this is crazy… but whatever God is God. Sunday was really not a good day cause I was walking around with a broke phone and I was just upset about a lot of other things. I ended up being at church a lil lonely for a lot of reasons and I kinda knew that altho I wanted to go home I was where I needed to be. While I’m standing around waiting on second service to start a lady just walks up to me. I’ve seen this lady before but not too much and I really do not know her name but she just walks up to me and starts talking to me like some long lost friend. I was truely not in the mood to be friendly so I politely excused myself and headed straight to the bathroom. But as I was walking away she said “you know, God has you right where you need to be”… I asked her what she was talking about…”what do you mean?? in church??” she says “No… In life” okay. um… you know what Lord, next time warn me before you start sending messages my way. But really tho, that was what I needed to hear in order for me to get thru that day. Its one thing to be where you are and not know which way to go but its another thing to know that you are where you need to be. That just lets me know that even in all the mess and all the crap and even all the good stuff…God is working on me. I’m excited because I know that I’m coming out of this {hell} and I may have a few burns and I may even be covered in soot but I know that I’m coming out a better person and God is truely working on me.
This past weekend I traded in my liquor for a wine cooler!! I was excited about that… maybe im the only one lolzz

false hope

Posted in change, child, decisions, growth, moving on, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on January 10, 2008

one thing that i learned growing up is to let go of false hope. as children we tend to hope for things that will never ever come to be and in the end it leaves us disappointed. but i guess somewhere along the line i kinda wised up and let that go. I no longer wish for things that are out of my reach and i especially dont hope for things that i know i’ll never have. If I dont take time out to actually try to get those things that are unattainable i wont be disappointed when i cant get them. somewhere between then and now I grew up a lil bit. While I have grabbed a small piece of that false hope back I really still remain at a reasonable distance. I find myself today hoping and wishing that i could somehow grab hold of the things that are slightly [not completely] out of my reach. needless to say, today i will go back into my childish state. I recently kinda took a big leap and attempted to go after something that i knew i couldn’t have. Maybe I was tripin when I decided to set the bar a bit too high and now I am disappointed. But for once, even tho I am somewhat disappointed in myself, I am moreso disappointed in the other ppl involved. Sometimes in this life we lower our standards and accept what we can get rather than what we deserve and when that happens we change as people. Im usually not one to criticize other people’s actions but stupid is stupid. I realized just now that I am better than the ppl involved simply because i refuse to meet them at the level that they are at. In order to get what I want I would have to lower my standards and i’ll be damned if i compromise my growth just for something that aint even a necessity. i have worked too hard to get to where i am and i aint even bout to trip up over something that just look good from the outside in. I’ll take my loses and let some people go but i’ll remember that im the winner because i walked away. Maybe i’ll give up on the false hope for a while but one thing that i wont give up on is ME

[[im oh so 08]]

my poo butt shay…

In the 6th grade I met a lot of crazy girls!! LoL!! They were my chicks all thru middle school…we got in trouble together, we fought with each other, we beefed over dumb stuff, we supported each other and we tried our best to give each other advice about issues that none of us knew about. I remember all the fights and good times and memories back at DMS… those were the good days. After middle school most of us went our seperate ways. About 4 of us went to the same high school and the rest of them were history. One of them girls that tagged along to high school was Shay, we were closest to her out of all them crazies. But anyways, since the first day of middle school til like 11th grade it was us three: Shanae’, Tanae’ and Nashay [yes all three of our names rhyme!!] Eventually Shay moved and she was no longer there everyday but we still kept in touch. She was still there for all the occasions and two years later she was still calling us her ‘best friends’ LoL!! I love my chick…she has been thru a lot in the past two years and yesterday we sat down and had a super long talk about so much stuff that she has been dealing with. So, I’ll make it my business to be there for her and I’ll make sure that she is in church bright and early sunday morning and i’ll do what I can to help her to rebuild that relationship with God. She just needs to know that no matter how many times you turn away from Him, He’ll always be there waiting for you to turn back to Him. Bottom line, I love my poo butt Shay and for the longest time, she has been there for me holding me down so now its time to be there for her. She is my longest friend and there are not too many people that I can truely call a friend but she is one of them.

i need a bigger word than blessed

I think I just had the most powerful thought provoking conversation that I have ever had with anyone in a very very long time, if ever. I was sitting here and I always seem to get a lil figgety on Fridays so I decided to see who was on aim. And what do ya know.. Meeka hits me up. So at first we are just talking casually about life and everything that we are doing and have done. Mind you, I have not talked to her in forever and 3 years. But we sitting here just talking and then the conversation takes a turn. She tells me that God is really blessing her and I agree. She tells me all these things that he has been revealing to her and it blows my mind because I never in a million years thought that I would be having this conversation with her. God is just awesome. It amazes me how much he is doing in all of our lives really. I mean, we have all grown up so much and we used every single obstacle to make us stronger and here we are blessed beyond abundance and none of us can complain. I look at her and see what God has brought her from and I just get excited because if you knew Meek back then you would know how much work he had to do on her. I look at Nish and I am so proud of my sister. She is happily married and she has e beautiful baby gurl and she is living everyday trusting that God will guide her thru. Everybody judged her. Everybody said that things wouldn’t work but she had a faith big enough to get her to where she is now and there’s nothing I can do but be happy for her because she is living the way that she is supposed to be living. I look around at everyone and see the lil crazy gurls that we used to be and I cant complain because every day aint great and every moment aint all smiles but I am so happy that I am not the same person that I used to be. I am happy to know that I can call up my sisters and talk to them about the goodness of God and that right there to me signifies growth.

I’m proud of us… I think we did alright.

Music is Everything…

Posted in be the change, change, friends, good times, growth, Jasmine, Luvli Ladiez, people I love, right vs. wrong, Shink by Tanae' A. on September 18, 2007

I know that too many people went out to see the very talked about movie Dream Girls. It turned out to be better than I ever thought it would be and I even got the dvd and soundtrack. My favorite best song on the soundtrack besides Jimmy’s Jam [LoL] is a song called “I Am Changing” by Jennifer Hudson or Effie… here are the words:

 Look at me, Look at me
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I’ll be better than I am
I’m trying to find a way to understand
But I need you, I need you
I need a hand
I am changing
Seeing everything so clear
I am changing
I’m gonna start right now, right here
I’m hoping to work it out
And I know that I can
But I need you, I need a hand

All of my life I’ve been a fool
Who said I can do it on my own
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dog nights have I known?
Walking down that wrong road
There was nothing I could find
All those years of darkness
Looking for some light
But now I can see

I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I’ll be better than I am
But I need a friend
To help me start all over again
That would be just fine
I know it’s gonna work out this time
‘Cause this time I am
This time I am
I am changing
I’ll get my life together now
I am changing
Yes I know how
I’m gonna start again
I’m gonna leave my past behind
I’ll change my life
I’ll make a vow and nothings gonna stop me now

I love this song so much because, 1, she sings it with so much power as she does every other song, but mainly because of the words. We all get to a point in our lives where its time to make a change for the better. I think that everyday I change a lil. Everyday I grow a lil and everyday I’m closer to being such a better person.

The other night I sat at my best friends house til atleast 12:30. We played cards, made spaghetti, and even recorded ourselves singing a bunch of dumb songs. We just sat there, the four of us and Chelley and when I got home I was proud of the change that we all have made. I remember a day in time where Chelley could never just sit up with us because we were always doing something we shouldn’t be doing. We would have to send her to her room or something and watched as she peaked around corners or thru windows. But the other day, we sat there with her acting dumb and stupid and there was nothing wrong with it. We sat up with Big Mama for at least 3 hours and laughed and laughed and sang a bunch of songs off key because we could. Because there was nothing there to hide besides the fact that none of us can sing a lick. But it was fun. And thats where changing has got us. To some people it may be just something minor or stupid but to me that means a whole lot to be able to sit here with my bestie’s sister and grandmother and just have fun and be myself and act stupid and know that I didn’t even have the desire to go out and get into trouble. Nothing compares to that.

Things are not what they appear to be…

Posted in back track, celebrations, change, death, events, life && death, lost one by Tanae' A. on September 6, 2007

Right now I am super excited and super thankful to God because the story was all wrong. It turns out that the accident was not at all the fault of the young lady that was driving the car that Brielle was in. Here is what happened. Apparently, there was a collision between two cars and the young lady tried to avoid hitting them and she drove into the other lane. When she did that she was hit by two cars. There was a couple there that saw the entire incident go down and the story has been backed up. Soon it will be revised for the news and I am happy to know that the driver of the car, who is still in a coma, will not have to wake up and think that she was responsible for Brielle’s death. This is good news guys. Does it make losing her any easier?? Not at all. But at least we know that it was not this girls fault.

To everyone that is grieving right now just know that she is in such a better place. Right now she is living a better life than all of us because she is walking around in heaven with God. They say we should rejoice when people die and when babies are born we should cry. I just know that Brielle has been joined with more angels up in heaven and she’s looking down on all of us including the driver of that vehicle.

R.I.P. Brielle, you are free to fly up in the skies and be the angel that you were truely meant to be… you are loved.