just another thing to add to my frustrations…

Posted in books, frustrations, school by Tanae' A. on February 4, 2008
as most of you know, I was supposed to be reading The Mis-Education of the Negro a very long time ago. Needless to say, I stopped at page sixty and haven’t picked it up since. But today I was sitting at my desk and I just so happened to pick it up to figure out if I was really going to take time out to finish and what do ya know. My big headed cousin decides to walk up and completely crush my plans of throwing it to the side for someone else to read. “You know thats a requirement so you might as well finish it now since its taking you so long…” Who asked her opinion anyway?? So, turns out that this book is a reading requirement for every student at Sojourner-Douglas. Do you know what that means?? Whether I want to or not, I HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK… so i’ll put it back to the side until I am absolutely forced to glue my face to the pages. uurrgghh

He’s still God

Posted in blessings, books, when everything goes wrong, [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on January 16, 2008
I am so so so so grateful right now just for God showing up in more ways than one. The past two weeks have been so mind-blowing its ridiculous. Last Wednesday I ended up having to go to the library with my mom so that she could get the very well talked about book by T.D. Jakes. After she had heard so much about it she decided that she needed to read it…or maybe she is just trying to reposition herself… i dont know. But anyway, when we went they didnt have the book that she wanted but we picked up two of his books anyway. One I had never heard of and the other I heard little about but I chose the one that was more familiar. “The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord” was up next for the tackle. I read the first chapter the night that I got it and then I put it on hold. Something told me not to read it at that moment and so I put it to the side. Two days later I found myself opening this book up again and to my surprise it spoke to the very thing that I was going thru at the time. Needless to say, the past week my face has been glued to the pages of this book and its amazing because I picked it up thinking that it would speak to my relationship and not necessarily to my situation. I am almost done now and I have been trying to prolong the ending because I am sad to be finished lol. I think this is a book that I must buy because I am def going to read it again.
One thing that I want people/anybody to know is that God has a way of speaking to your situation when you least expect. I mean, everything that I struggled with over the past week has been spoken of in this book. Its so much more than a relationship. This book speaks about work~place issues, being motivated to do more in life, money and the role it plays in our lives, communication and the effect that the tongue has on people and so much more. Just when I was to the point where I’m like eff it all, God comes along and reminds me that He is still God and I am so thankful for that.

the mis-education of the negro

Posted in books by Tanae' A. on December 16, 2007

okay so I went into the bookstore yesterday to get ONE book… The Autobiography of Malcolm X…and of course they were sold out. So instead of jus leaving out of the store I see this book by Carter G. Woodson and remembered that it was on Heber’s list so I decided to pick it up. But then they trapped me… in the store with Chunichi the author of A Gangsta Girl Saga and of course the book was on sale. Needless to say I walked out of there with 3 books that I didn’t plan to get that cost 26.15 that I didn’t plan to spend. But who isn’t giving in to a great sale?? lol!! but anyways…

I got this book and I started reading it and I got finished the first chapter and I am not really sure of how I should feel about it. The first thing that I noticed was the year the book was first written and then I was amazed that this black man could write with so much intelligence in such a time. And then I questioned how he knew so much about what it is that he speaks so profoundly about. He is obviously an educated man, and in the first chapter he talks about education so I wonder how he managed to get around or completely walk thru the barriers in which he speaks of. So I decided that before I read any further I would need to go online to read this mans biography. I’ll get back up with yall on Monday to let you know what I find out. This is pretty interesting so far.

Lets just hope I can get thru all 45 books… thats the goal I am setting for myself in 09

This Fire Down In My Soul

Posted in books, hurt, pain by Tanae' A. on September 21, 2007

Last night, I finally finished a book that my co-worker gave to me to read on Wednesday [This Fire Down In My Soul by J.D. Mason]. She talked for weeks about how good this book was and how I absolutely needed to read it. At first, when I started reading it I didn’t think it was all that good but the more I read, the more I liked it. I was so anxious to get to the end and see what was going to happen but when I finally got to the last page, I wished I would have never read it at all. It was said, it caused me to lose all hope and it really just put me in a bad mood. The book was very well written, the author took me on a trip that allowed me to walk in the shoes of every single woman characterized. One was desperate, on was greedy, and one was hopeful or hopeless [depends on how you look at it], and the last one was naive but they were all vulnerable. They all wanted so much but got nothing in the end. One lady put her everything into a relationship that she got nothing out of. She put her dreams, goals, and feelings on the back burner for her husbanad a sons and at the end of the day she had nothing. She didn’t have any work experience to go out and get a job. She didn’t have a husband to come home to because he was in love with another woman. She didn’t even have her kids because they had grown up, moved out, and moved on with their lives. She was lonely. Eventually she moved on as well, got a man who paid attention to her and in the process her husband divorced her and kids acted like she never existed. Another woman was so desperate to find love and eventually she did. She found the perfect man, someone who loved her and wanted to be with her but he was torn between his lover and his wife. When she found out she was pregnant she thought that they would finally be together but it made him realize that he had a great woman at home that he didn’t wanted to lose. She lost the love of her life and the baby that she would have brought into this world. This guys wife worked hard, took care of their kids, and made sure the the house was clean and dinner was cooked when he got into the house but somewhere along the line their sparks died out. He cheated and she never knew but at the end of the day he chose her over his pregnant lover and I guess they were happy. They did what they could to make their relationship work and they worked hard to stay together and they did. Then theres the interior decorator. She came into this couples house to decorate and she ended up listening to another womans story of how her life had been a mess since her husband was promoted and forced them to move. Instead of being a friend and being there for the woman she went out and had her own private affair with her husband. Eventually she lost a friend and a good man and she never heard from them again. The couple got a divorce and moved away from one another. Last, but not least, there’s the good ol preachers wife. She counseled all the women at her church. She listened to their problems and she judged them. She looked down on them but her husband, the pastor of their church, was having a affair with a member there. But still, she felt better than every single women that walked into her office. Her husband went to jail for the murder of his lover who threatened to leave him and his wide filed for a divorce. All these woman wanted nothing more than to be appreciated, loved, and cherished by the men that they had loved, cared for and supported for so long but they all got nothing. They all walked away empty handed and nothing to show for their time spent. The only one who may have had something to live for was Tess. She stuck by her husbands side but she was too blind to see that he was sleeping with another woman who came so close to having his baby. She walked away with her husband  and a marriage that had the potential to work but what does that amount to. She got what she wanted but that only left another sad lonely woman without.

I heard the author of this book has plenty of other books that are really good, but I will never pick up another book that she has written because this book really put me down in the dumps. I dont understand how someone can write something so sad. I really got the end thinking that things would work out for all these women, at lest most of them. But it didn’t. They all lost and reality is… I feel just like them… empty and lost with nothing show except for the work that i put in and the tears i’ve put out.

youth leaders are not really leading

How would you feel if you knew that a LEADER in your church was sending your youth emails about the size of people’s (rappers, singer etc.) private areas and how well they are in bed??

There are a lot of people in the world that are familiar with the infamous “Superhead” otherwise known as Karrine Steffans… the Video Vixen. She has a book out titled ‘Confessions of a Video Vixen’ and she now has a second book on shelves, I am unfamiliar with the name. But for those of you that dont know, she has made a not-so-positive name for herself by sleeping with numerous people in the music industry. The purpose of the book was to tell a side of her story that no one had heard. I think that purpose was looked over entirely. Everyone that read the book was in it to hear about who she had slept with and what type of relationship she had with these men. I think that by the time the book became popular, she had also forgotten about her original reason for writing it. But that is not the reason for this post.

About two days ago, I recieved an email that totally blew me away. It was a list of about 40-50 music icons, past & present. Next to each of their names was a rating of big, small, thick, thin, short or fat. Add fuel to the fire… this ‘Superhead’ also remembered to add a detailed description of exactly how they were in bed. Although the email was very graphic, even for me, what pissed me off the most is that a leader of my church sent it to me. Not just any leader… a leader who works directly with YOUTH!! Is there any way to justify that??

I didn’t know what to do really. I was going to address her about the situation simply because I dont prefer to recieve things like that from anybody be it a leader of the church or a friend from school. But in a situation like this I really dont know how I am supposed to react. I am not surprised that this person would send something like that… I can easily tell a hypocrite when I see one. But what I dont understand is how you can even look at yourself after you have sent something like this to a youth in your church that you are supposed to be leading. Am I wrong for being upset about this and should something be said in order to get this type of behavior under control??


Book I’m reading

Posted in books by Tanae' A. on June 21, 2007

I am currently reading a book entitled “A Woman’s Wrath” and just like all the other books that I find myself reading… it is nothing like what I thought it would be. I dont really know what I thought it would be about but this is certainly not what I had in mind. Although the book is a little disturbing I must give the author her props only because her wording is out of this world. She makes everything that these characters do, think, say, or wear just seem so wonderful. It’s not to often that I can get a book with so much delightful metaphores and so I continue reading because I secretly envy her style of writing. I also secretly wanna know how this story is going to end but I do think that maybe she needs to write about more pleansant things. If I ever have the opportunity to meet her I am going to really ask if she has ever done some of the crazy things in this book. I honestly think that in order to write over 300 pages about something you have to kinda know what you talking about.. I’m just gon pray for her.