[{GRaViTY}]

next time…READ

Posted in bills, debt, mommy, thoughts by Tanae' A. on March 3, 2008
about three months ago I received a court summons because I didnt pay this stupid stupid credit card bill. so me and mommy read over it and everything and new that I was scheduled to be in court this morning at 9am sharp. so this morning I gets dressed and gets ready to go. I got my story straight and im ready to make up all these excuses as to why I didnt pay the bill [[it was good too yall, real good]] so we get there go thru these metal detectors and look for my name. what do you know?? my name is not on the board so i have to stand in this line. then the really nice lady behind the glass tells me that I dont have to be there. Well, duh mommy. I chose to blame it all on her because she is the one that told me that I had to go. so we rode all the way to the courthouse for nothing but lucky for me I got a free ride to work out the deal. I just think that next time I get a court summons I should actually READ it rather than throwing it in a box until the night before the court date… what do you think??

court-summons1i-look-cross-eyed-lol.jpg

—>friends<—

Posted in bills, friends, help me!!, hurt, issues, mommy, people I love, phone, when everything goes wrong by Tanae' A. on January 23, 2008
Yesterday night I was really having a moment and it probably is not that serious to any of you but it is important to me so I’m sharing it…
As you all know I broke my phone on Saturday and the past three days have been spent filling out paper work and talking to people about getting a replacement. It was a stressful process but when I finally got to the end I was relieved. For some reason I thought that they were going to bill me for the replacement phone instead of requesting in on the spot so I was kinda upset when they asked for it last night. When I realized that I didn’t have it I got really upset because I didn’t have anyone that could spot me the money. It kinda pissed me off because when anyone needs money I’m the one that they come to. I give and give but it sucks that when I need something I have no one to turn to. I know that if I wouldn’t be there for so many people I would have had the money in my account when I needed it. But since I didn’t have it I attempted to call my “best friend” because I knew that she had money stashed away. Now, like I just said, I am always the one to give people money. If someone asks me for something and I have it I will not think twice about giving it to them expecially when I know that they are going to pay me back… check out how this conversation went…

Me –> “Hey, you got some money I can borrow til I get paid??”

Her –> “Not really but I can get it out the bank for you. How much you need??”

Me –> “a hundred…”

Her –> “for your phone?”

Me –> “yeah…”

Her –> “Oh hell no!!”

Me –> “~dial tone~”

Why did I hang up?? And why have I been ignoring her calls all morning long?? Because I’m pissed… If ever in ten million years she ever asked me for some money for ANYTHING regardless of what it is I would give it to her and wouldn’t even ask for it back but here I am askin her for some money to BORROW that I was going to pay back WITH INTEREST and she tells me know because she thinks its stupid. I never really thought that I would ever have her deny me something that I wanted that she had. So last night I was really mad. Not just at her but at the fact that when I need something no one is there to call on except my mother. One thing that I’m beginning to realize in this life is that my mother is my best friend. So, mommy gave me the money and I’ll have my phone by tomorrow but that doesn’t change how I feel. I dont need friends that are just there for certain things. I want a friend thats there for everything and my mom is the only one that is there on every level. I love my friends to death but I guess now I know that there are boundaries to everything but that sucks when I dont put restrictions in my friendship.
So today I am so thru with people who are so called friends… I just need a break from it all and I’m spending more time with mommy dearest whome I love so very very much.

if I had things my way

So, a lot of times I seem to get lost in my own thoughts. Well today I was just thinking, if I had everything in my life the way I wanted it to be how would it go?? Well, this is what I came up with.

 

For starters, I would not change anything that happened before Dec 2005. And really I wouldn’t change to much that happened after Dec. 2005 either, so here’s what I would change. I would change the fact that I ever became friends with, dated, or fell in love with James. Thats it. How lovely. Now let me explain before someone gets the wrong idea. If I had my way, I would take all of those happenings out of Dec 2005 and graciously move them to Dec. 2009. And you all are wondering why… the reason is quite simple really, in 2009 there will be no school. He would be completely through with school. So it would save me a lot of heartache and headache and I would be actually happy with him. And simply because James would not be in the picture I would have the opportunity to take things a lil further with this other dude without feeling completely bad about it. But since I cant change the past… this is what I would have happen in the future.

 

I think, well I know, that the first three things that I would have happen if I had my way is… 1. I would get a big fat check somewhere in the mail and I would use that to pay off the one bill that I have left, register for college and purchase the car that I have to wait until february to get. 2. I would have all of my poems somewhat close to being published and 3. I would give the youth ministry cpr and miraculously bring it back to life so that I can deal with all the stresses of keeping it well and kicking.

 

After that, I would go back to school, get a promotion [maybe that is asking a bit to much but that is what i would have happen], make enough money to make sure that my mother wasn’t struggling, fix up the big house from top to bottom and move out of my mom’s house… all in a year. And in 2009 I would be ready to transfer to a university [because i would have worked just that hard to get a two year program completed in one], I would have ridded my life of all the people that were nothing but distractions [all of whom are of the male sex for some reason, but that is neither here nor there], I would have started from scratch a healthy relationship with my honey, and I would be well on my way to success because by the middle of 2009 I would be expecting my 2nd promotion which includes a darn good raise and some major benefits, and I would be able to take a vacation to wherever I want and not have to worry about money, and I would be able to send my mother on a vacation to anywhere that she wanted to go for however long she wanted to go and there would be nothing she had to worry about except what she’s going to pack.

 

By the time 2013 hit I would plan to be married with two kids with a good paying job that allows me to spend time with my children and still be able to live comfortably. I want a nice house with a big back yard and front yard. I want two dogs, one for me and one for him. I want a playground in the back. I want one of those couch looking things that swing on my front porch and I want my own private bathroom in my room. I want a family day once a month to talk and eat and laugh and play with my kids and my husband. I want my mom to be happy and financially stable. By then I would have moved my NaNa somewhere, anywhere and I would be taking care of all her expenses. I would be making sure that my lil cousins are in college and doing their best and I will have coffee and bagels every saturday morning with my besties. And a girls night once a month and we’ll stay in and have drinks and lay around with our phones turned off and we’ll talk like we were back in high school, about boys and issues and there would be no thoughts of family or money or men or house cleaning or washing clothes or none of the other grown up stuff that we have to do every other day of our lives. I would go on a vacation once every three months, just me and my honey, and we would enjoy each others company and just have fun like back when we were dating. And last but not least… I would be happy. I would have a family and an education and a job and some damn good friends and I would be happy. I would want to wake up every morning and I would have a smile on my face every night and I would be happy.

 

If I could plan my life, thats what I would do. All those simple things is what I would expect. And sure, there would be some issues in between but I would be content with the smile that I had shining every single day. I would be blessed beyond abundance and joyful just because I am alive and surrounded by all the people I love the most.

 

Thats how my life would go if I had things my way…

ok, im complaining… AGAIN!!

I AM SO EFFIN FRUSTRATED!!

I KNOW THAT I CANT DO EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT IF SOMEONE JUST TRIED TO HELP ME I COULD DO THIS. IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE IS JUST LOOKING AT ME AND NOT DOING ANYTHING TO HELP ME OUT.

I’M STRESSING MYSELF OUT BECAUSE THERE’S SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO DO BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO WAIT AND PATIENCE IS NOT MY THING. I’M TRYING, GOD KNOWS I AM BUT IM REALLY GETTING TICKED OFF BECAUSE I WANT SO BADLY FOR THIS MONEY TO FAL INTO MY LAP.

IN THE MIDST OF ALL OF MY HYSTERIA, I DO HAVE A FEW THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I CANT REALLY DISCLOSE ANY INFO BECAUSE I DONT KNOW FOR SURE IF THESE THINGS ARE GOING TO WORK OUT. BUT JUST KEEP PRAYING THAT EVERYTHING WORKS IN MY FAVOR. HOPEFULLY BY THE END OF THIS MONTH, ALL OF MY MONEY ISSUES WILL BE STRAIGHTENED OUT AND I’LL BE ABLE TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO BESIDES JUST STAY IN CONSTANT PRAYER CAUSE GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW CRAZY THIS SITUATION IS MAKING ME. I KNOW THAT I WILL GET THRU THIS (on my own) AND I WILL THEN HAVE SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

money is funny & change is strange

Posted in bills, broke as a joke, debt, frustrations, money by Tanae' A. on August 13, 2007

I have a lot of things on my mind today. There is a lot going on in my life and it’s starting to really stress me out. I dont handle stress well. I’m praying that these issues disappear soon but I know that they wont. Maybe if I tell you all about them, I will feel a little better.

Money is my issue. I cannot stand money at all. I secretly wish everything in the world was five dollars or less. But unfortunately, I owe a lot of people. Well, let me take that back, I dont owe a lot of people, I owe a little bit of people. More like 3 0r 4 people but the point is…. I owe. This is stressing me out because I feel as tho I am working just to pay someone else who is already getting paid to harrass me about a payment. So what am I going to do?? I am going to grit my teeth and pay off all these stupid stupid bills and I will not eat carryout for the next month and that is a hard thing to come to grips with.

Carry out is not really a huge issue because next month I’ll be back up to par on the bill thing… everything will be taken care of but now I’m kinda messed up because all the money that was supposed to be going to the bank is now going to these stupid stupid bill collectors. So how do we solve that problem?? We get a second job. And what do we do with the money from the second job?? We put it in the bank. So where is the money that we get to spend?? THERE IS NONE!!! We dont get to spend any money. We save and we save and work as much as possible and we do what we have to do in order to get ahead.

So why am I so frustrated right now?? I now have to apply for a second job. A second job means that I wont have any time to do things that I want to do. And everything that I want to do consists of spending money because the world is just so daggon expensive. And since I cant do anything that I want to do, I’ll just be in a really crappy mood. But even more than that… I can do the one thing that I want to do which is go back to school… and can anyone guess why?? BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ANY MONEY!! Correct! I am broke, that means that I dont even have money to pay for classes!!! And I cant get financial aid from the school BECAUSE I OWE THEM MONEY…and I cant get aid from the gov’t BECAUSE I OWE THEM MONEY!! So I will have to wait… a whole semester before I can go back to school and do anything with myself.

So, if anybody is wondering what it is that I am doing with my life, please just know that I will be working non-stop just to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. And if anybody out there feels the need to just pray on my behalf it would be greatly appreciated!! LoL!! Really tho.

I want you all to know that it may seem as tho I am complaining… which I am. But I am better than blessed. I have enough money to pay off every single bill that is waiting for me and that may mean that I have to make some sacrifices but I am blessed enough to be able to laugh about something as simple as not having money. I can still afford the simple things that so many people in this world cant afford so trust me when I say that I am completely Thankful to God for even putting me in a position where I am able to pay off all these stupid bills without really having to struggle.

As always… keep praying and never ever stop.

nnnoooo, i dont wanna grow up!!!

Posted in bills, broke as a joke, debt, money by Tanae' A. on August 10, 2007

Yesterday, in my beautiful black mail box, was to envelopes with my name on them. I often get excited when I get mail… I never know who its from and most times its something interesting to look over. But, that was so not the case on last evening. I wanted to put both of those emails back in the mail and send them to whoever decided to hit me with them. What were they?? Bills.

I do not have a problem with bills. Well, I try not to have a problem with bills. Usually, I can just pay them off and keep on moving. But, there came a time when I sorta ignored my bills. I let them pile up and sooner rather than later these little bills became huge bills that I didn’t want to have to pay. But because I soon plan on getting my money right and moving out on my own, I decided that now is the time to get my credit back up to par before its too late.

So today, I called these great people who want to take all of money. They were very nice, but, then again, I dont think that there’s any nice way to say… “Give me what you owe me now!!…or else!” So, I did the next best thing and I set up payment plans.

The good thing… I will have all of my small bills paid off by the time September hits. Bad thing… I will be paying back school loans for the next year. I am grateful, however, because i know that there are some people who are left paying off school loans for up to five even ten years…and I would be severely depressed if I had to pay someone for that long. But anyway, I had a great plan going for myself. I was going to splurge this month and then get down on a tight budget and pay off these bills at my own leisure.

I think these people had another plan for me. For the rest of this month, I am broke. Like, broker than broke. I have enough money to live, I cant even get a snowball if I wanted to. I cant afford to hit up the dollar menu anymore because I am that broke. I can’t even afford to lose a dollar because I am just that broke… and I know that as soon as next pay comes I will be even more depressed over these stupid bills. At least right now I have 70 dollars to my name. If I was smart, I would save half of that so that next week, just in case I get hungry, I would have enough money to grab a bite to eat, even if it is a measly double cheesburger…

I wish, I wish, with all my might. To go back to the age of nine. And get away from all these bills, that rob my pockets and cause great shrills, I wish, I wish with this heart of mine, to go back when rich was a dime.

I WISH THAT FOR ONLY A MONTH AND A HALF…THE WORLD DID NOT REVOLVE AROUND MONEY!! I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE CHARGING TOO MUCH AND ME NOT HAVING ENOUGH.

can you believe, i went into 7-11 the other day and one donut was 1.09… when I first moved by that store they were .69 cents. I dont understand

I AM SO EFFIN EXCITED!!!

Posted in bills, broke as a joke, commitment, debt, money, pain, tithes, weekend by Tanae' A. on May 1, 2007

I always hear people say that when you tithe you get everything back in all these different ways and what not… but still.. I was never ever the one to even think about putting 10% in for offering. What can I say…. I’m broke and I’m cheap!! LoL!!

So, I went against myself and decided I was going to tithe. And you know that every two weeks when it came down to getting my money right, I gritted my teeth and almost went into seizures when sunday morning came… but I did it! YaY Me!! Until… Bishop mentions a commitment. Oh My God, are you really serious. So I’m looking at this paper with all the different lil levels on it and I’m silently praying that this is a joke. Um… it wasn’t. So I made a commitment.. and I was going to pick the lowest one but I didnt. And so every two weeks for the past 4 months I have been paying tithes… PLUS a commitment… can somebody say ‘sacrifice’…

Not to mention… My goal by the summer is to be completely out of debt. I hate puttin little small payments down only to pay on the same stupid bill for 110 months. I’d rather just put down one or two big payments and have it be over with. So Cingular hit me up and told me last month that I had to pay these two huge payments that are more than half of what I get paid. So friday I get my check and I run to the bank and I sit down to really get all my funds together. Tithes, commitment, mommy, NaNa’s phone bill, Cingular… done. But then, uumm okay where’s my money at? I HAVE NONE!! This is like detramental… seriously. I had enough money to get the bus back and forth for a week… and that was it. This is a major problem.

So… the entire weekend I was on this ‘no shoppin’ kick and I was so hurt because saturday I saw these green pumps that were ON SALE and sooo cute and I immediately thought of ten things I could wear them with… But my dream was killed by the huge reminder in my head that screamed too loudly… “Hello, you’re broke remember!!” So yesterday, I was starving after dance rehearsal and me and my mom decided to stop at the pantry to get something to drink. And I’m wondering if They will break my big bills cause if not… I really wont have any 1’s to get on the bus. So I’m going through my purse and I get my M&T envelope and I look in it and see a 20. Uuuumm okay… I know I didnt have any 20’s cause the bank gave me all big bills… so what is this? What is it?? OMG… is this really $90?? You should’ve seen me and my mom sitting in this car trying to figure out if this was extra money or just something I had sitting to the side. Turns out… this was money I had left over from last pay that I didnt use. And I didnt even know I had it until last night. Then to make something great even better, my mom gets home and tells me that she still has $60 of mine that I told her to hold on to last pay… [i thought I def spent that money]… so now I have $150 extra and thats more than what I need to last me the next two weeks and I can go get my green pumps… TODAY!! Now isn’t that just luvli!! LoL!!

I’m excited about that yall!! I dont know if all this money came cause of my tithing or not but I know for sure that from now on I’m tithing without complaining cause I like finding money in weird places… [shink, I got an Ivy testimony!!! LoL]