[{GRaViTY}]

early weekend

so, how did my weekend begin on wednesday?? glad you asked. monday flew by so fast all ii could feel was a gust of wind in the back drop. tuesday d r a g g e d. it was so terrible ii wont even talk about it. so after that horrendous day ii decided ii was going to begin my weekend as of wednesday morning. well. the PLAN was to stay home in the morning and be to work by lunch. sounds good, right?? yeah…sounded okay to me too. but, around 9:30 ii woke up and felt like serious crap. felt so bad ii was forced to get up outta my bed an hour before ii was supposed to. ii ate a lil something took some meds and an hour later ended up calling out for the whole day. well that sucks. around one the medicine was in full effect and ii was feeling a lot better….thats when my weekend began.
ii showered and threw on some clothes. cleaned up my room, threw some meds in my purse for the road and went out the door. we were headed to the mall. it was such a beautiful [[hott]] day out so it was fun just to drive around. we ended up going everywhere the road could take us. us, Bobby and that good ol Tracker [[Jessa’s truck]]. by the time five rolled around we were back on the block and kinda chilled for a min. seemed like we were going all day but did a bunch of nothing. by the time we six o clock hit ii was in need of more meds and a meal. eventually we went home and watched tv, Jessa scooped the bestie after work. of course, ii am at work now but ii am truely in the weekend. TOMORROW IS PAYDAY!!! YaY!! ii am going to get my hair did today after work and then starting tomorrow there are no breaks. after work we must head to help Jazzie get ready for prom, after she leaves we have to help Choc set up for the party. then its on and poppin…PARTY!!! saturday morning we’ll prob go out for breakfast then ii have to head home to get dressed. go pick In and the baby up so we can head to baby DaDa’s birthday party. once we leave there ii have to take In home and head down T.S. to see RahRah and the rest of the seniors go off to their prom. THEN, ii have to take care of Chelley’s hair and go over this dance so she wont embarrass herself on sunday morning. after that its straight to the bed. [[ii wont you all to know that im telling you all this so ii wont have to do it on monday morning]] sunday we have to dance EARLY IN THE MORNING!! so ii have to get up extra early so the baby can be ready to go too. after services we are all going to Longhorn to eat for mother’s day. [[breathe]] then after that ii can chill. ii can prop my feet up and relax, finally. but, there’s always more to do because we have to be at dance practice again on monday and dance EARLY IN THE MORNING for communion….huh…the stresses. im tired just thinking about it but it should be a wonderful great glorious [[summer]] weekend. and you know ill have pics up lol.

shawty pimpin with 2 fish && 5 loaves of bread

Breaking News::

JHW II has a girlfriend!! Yes people, it is official there is no more ‘us’ so as of today Tanae’ is thru with that story and now a new book begins. Wish him and the new beau well. She must be some kinda special if he is into making public announcements and what not. Welp, sucks for me right?? ok. now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Today is the day people… it’s pimpin, pimpin!! Yessir, you guessed it correct…ii am going to see my future baby daddy and ii cannot wait. and for all of you that are interested in the rest of my weekend….it goes as follows::
Right after ii leave the office ii will be going to the shop to check on my baby [[car]] and pick up some paper work so that ii can get my insurance tomorrow. after that ii will be meeting the besties at the crib to change clothes and head out for the night. tomorrow, there is a bunch of stuff on my list of things to do but most of it includes spending money for car stuff and uummm, thats about it lol. Of course, going to the bestie’s house Friday night…DuH. EARLY EARLY EARLY EARLY EARLY EARLY EARLY EARLY EARLY EARLY EARLY saturday morning ii will be getting up to go on a rinky dink fishing trip with the youth. ii emphasize early because we have to be there at 6:30 and last time ii checked 6:30 dont have an a.m. so not only do ii have to go fishing which is so not normal in my world…but ii also have to wake up before the damn birds and get to the church. so not excited about that. maybe ii would be a lil enthused if they was frying the fish that ii caught…now that is spoken by a true black person lolzz. THEN ii have to turn around EARLY sunday morning to dance to this ol stupid dance that will have me out of breathe by the time we get down the daggone aisle. good thing there is no evening service…i meant to thank the Bishop personally for putting a stop to that lolzz… monday, its back to the drawing board. back here at work and back here on the blog. you might hear from me before monday morning but ii doubt it very seriously.
and please please pray for my brother/cousin…he is in another state making a fool of himself…Jesus please give that boy a brain asap. ii gosta go yall…muh baby daddy is calling me lmao

well…ii wanna make a wish too!!

if ii could make a wish, ii would wish that the stupid Make A Wish Foundation would not be taking away my sister and bestie for a whole FIVE DAYS!! if ii could make a wish, ii would wish that somehow they could have a different wish so ii could somehow be near them during this exciting time. if ii could make a wish, ii would not be staying in BALTIMORE while they go all the way across seven seas and twenty four rivers to the BAHAMAS!! maybe they should be staying IN THE COUNTRY so that ii can feel a little bit connected. but tomorrow morning EARLY AS CRAP they will be going BY LIMO to the airport to venture off to foreign lands for a very long time. actually, ii am a lil happy cause ii get some time without them and PEACE && QUIET is greatly appreciated but ii dont think ii need five days away from them. nope, five days is way too long. but, Jazzzie deserves this. she’s been thru hell and she survived so im glad that her wish came true. Big Mama and Daddy Dearest deserve this because they have been thru this with her the entire time and this is a great way to reward them for staying strong thru everything. now, shink, ii dont really know if she deserves this lol… i mean, she might deserve a great best friend award. maybe even a trip to the ocean or something like that. BUT A TRIP TO THE BAHAMAS FOR FIVE DAYS AND FOUR NIGHTS…um ii dont know if that is sufficient lmao. ii am hoping and praying that they enjoy every single second of their trip and that they return safely home with lots of gifts for me!!! lol. but um, anyways…im going on my own private trip on saturday. where to?? THE AQUARIUM!!! and of course its better than the bahamas…ii get to look at the fish, no one wants to swim with them.DuH!! lol. and ii get to sleep in my own lil bed because that is so much better than a five star hotel suite. and, my mother makes the best pancakes and id take that over free room service anyday!!! hahaha… ok. ii wont have as much fun as them but perhaps a few days with just me and the wifee is exactly what ii need so altho ii am missing them terribly already, ii know that ii am going to have fun this weekend as well. and ii get to do the honors of making the next scrap book!!
so be in prayer for them that they have loads of fun and that they remain safe this whole trip. and pray for me because ii have to drag myself out of bed at 4 am tomorrow morning just to see them off and take pix in the limo….they are lucky ii love them cause at 4 in the morning ii be just rolling over!! ii heart my besties.

im excited about this crap…

today my big sis In and my nephew will be moving out. a town home not far from my house is calling their name and i secretly want them to stay…but this means good shit for me lol.
i can finally move out of my hole in the wall and into a SPACIOUS area. and i am syked because i bought a BIG bed today and a dresser that is soo nice. im getting the other dresser, night stand and wardrobe soon as i get some more money but i see change and i am excited about it.
and, hold up, biggest hype of all….I GET TO PAINT!!! YaY for me lol. I actually decide that I am going to paint two of my walls a pale green which is so hott. the gay dude on flip that house told me that when you do that it makes the room look more spacious. awesome right!! lol.  i know.
and easter is right around the corner and i am excited about the next three weekends. this weekend im moving so thats the plus about today. next weekend is easter, im going to see Meet The Browns on friday [still skeptical about the same ol same ol good friday service] saturday we are going out for mommy’s birthday and sunday is easter and dinner at the crib. the weekend after that shay and jazzy are going to the bahamas..ooohhh. and my LeyLey is coming to stay with me. we are going to the aquarium on saturday and im sending my mommy to see the Marriage Counselor on sunday. the first weekend in april we are having a girls night just like the old days. all the chicks are gonna be in bmore so we back like the 80’s, dont get it twisted. lmao.
oh and im gettin my hair and nails did tomorrow… no, there’s not a dude, im doing it for me. cause sometimes a chick needs to spoil herself.

the waiting process

“if its meant to be it will happen…” I hate cannot stand stuff like that. Why cant someone just tell me straight off top if stuff is “meant to be”…  well as you can tell, im a bit irritated right now but its only a lil bit. For the most part im in a really really good mood today so I guess we can start with whats got me irritated. The unknown. Plain and simple right?? Not right. The unknown is the most complicated thing in this world to deal with because its just not known…duh lolzz. But I guess theres always something that we dont know and i have learned to deal with it regardless how annoying it may be…
The past two days have been super good for me and I am literally smiling ear to ear because everything has been going soo good. On Christmas day I got into a really big altercation with my honey and I kinda brushed him off very rudely just because I was frustrated with the situation yet again. But on tuesday he actually reached out to me and since then we have been in constant communication which is absolutely amazing for us. Two days withough fighting ar arguing but actually talking about very real issues and helping one another out. It has been lovely and wonderful and great. And, I got to spend a very nice day with the besties yesterday and that only added to my excitement because there hasn’t really been any good quality time in a minute. I am also excited because I am getting to know people. I know that most times that is not always a good thing cause reality is that the people i have gotten to know are not good people but I feel good because now I know who they are and what I want to stay away from.And I feel really good because the past few days I have been taking time out to actually READ the Word of God which is really really amazing because I have been learning new things and I can feel myself getting closer to Him which is exciting. In addition to all these good things that have been happening I am also super overly happy because there is a four day weekend coming up and its a pay week so you know what that means. I get to spend time with all the people who mean something to me!!! YaY!! Tomorrow will be spent with Meek, Saturday is reserved for a ‘friend’, Sunday will be spent in church and with my fam, and Sunday night and monday will be time for the besties to spend some qt!! Isn’t that just exciting.. and I get to go to the movies… Praise Jesus!!!
Even when things aren’t how I want them to be I realize that I have so much to look forward to. Tomorrow, next week and even next year will present so many great things and now is the time to prepare for all that God has in store… im getting there guys, im growing up slowly but surely…

the best birthday ever…

Around 11:30 pm on Friday night we were in the house with a bunch of people. Playing monopoly and card games and dancing to some music just having a blast. So, me and the besties decide to crowd in the bathroom and sit on the floor and just talk. We talked for about 20 minutes and by the time we got up my booty was hurting like you would not believe but that didn’t even matter. We just sat there [emotional of course LoL] and talked about all the tests that our friendship has overcome. We talked about how we were there for each other from day one. Thru everything that life thru at us we had each other and without each other we wouldn’t be here today. Jazzy talked and talked and talked!! LoL!! She sat there and told Ashley so many wonderful things bout me that I have never even heard her say and at that moment I felt like I was the luckiest person in the whole world. There I was, sharing my birthdy with the three most important girls in my life and it was so worth it. I no longer wanted to go out anywhere and I didn’t have to do anything special because I wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone else doing anything else. I had so much fun just sitting in the living room dancing with scarves and walking down by the pier and looking at the stars on the water… its getting up at 8am to go to breakfast and 5 people sitting in one of those photo things in the mall that cost $3 too much money. Its the people that make this life easy that made this birthday the best that it could ever be. I thank God for each of them..Shink Jazzy and my LeyLey…they are my world.

thru all the b.s…

Posted in besties, birthdays, blessings, friends by Tanae' A. on November 18, 2007

On Friday I was pissed… like really mad. Only because Ashley decided to tell me she was going to go out with some friends for the whole weekend. And the thing that really pissed me off is that she was talking to me all day long telling me all this stuff bout being over somebody else house, laying in their beds and all this other boody mess. So of course, I was pissed. But, when I got off the bus, walked the long three blocks to my front door and went inside… guess who was sitting on my couch?? My LeyLey!! I was sooo happy. And at that point, all the things that pissed me off didn’t even matter anymore because I got a chance to be with her the whole weekend and I was so happy bout it. And I just want to state that no matter how much we argue and fight and disagree about the simple things… she’s still me baby and I just feel some sorta way when I’m with her [[LoL!! insider]] She made my weekend complete and I am so thankful for her. Now, she is slightly upset because things today seemed to work against her but its okay… they’ll work themselves out. The best gift that I got for my birthday this year was my baby and my besties… thats really all that matters in this world right now cause without them… im nothing.

get wit it or get lost

Posted in acceptance, besties, decisions, family, friends, people I love by Tanae' A. on November 16, 2007

Yesterday morning on the way to work I had a long over due conversation with my older sister India. I was hesitant about having this conversation because there are times when she can be very judgemental and that was something that I had to prepare myself for. But, to my surprise, she didn’t react how I thought she would. She, asked me questions about it and that was it. She said nothing else about the subject and she wasn’t mad at all. So I was happy. Me and Ashley are growing on one another and I dont know where this thing is going to lead but I think that the hardest thing that I would ever have to do is talk to the people that are closest to me and tell them about whats going on. My cousins know, they were out with us over the weekend so they kinda let 3 and 4 equal 10. None of them asked me any questions but they asked my brother like 500 of them which was cool. I didn’t really mind. My besties knew first. They are excited about it…  but I guess that they’re just happy cause I’m happy. And besides.. they think Ashley is a cool chick. My sisters know and eventually my older cousin will find out. Or my younger cousins will find out. And when either of them find out then my aunt is going to know. And as soon as my aunt hears something she’s going straight to my mom. So what happens then?? She asks me questions, I answer them honestly and the rest is up to her. What will she say?? Will she be angry?? Will she be accepting?? Will she love me any different or just tell me that Ashley cant stay over anymore?? I wonder those things. The people that mean the most have the most impact on me and so its those people that I want to be okay with the decision that I have decided to make. I like what Jay-Z said “this is the life I chose or rather the life that chose me.” But the important people dont just stop within my family and my friends… there are a few other people that have known me since I was 2 feet tall. People that have helped to grow me up and teach me some things and continue to be there today if only just to encourage me from time to time. Those people are important to me as well so I care about what they think. They’ll find out, one by one. They’ll put 8 and 3 together to make 15 and then they’ll start looking at me strange. Or they’ll beat around the bush with irrelevant questions when I show up in church with her sitting beside me…or maybe they’ll do nothing at all. Maybe they’ll keep their thoughts and questions to their selves because they dont know what else to say. Some of these people already know… or they think that they know but they are hoping that they are wrong. Some of the people that mean the world to me are reading this right now. But it’s okay… its okay to think what you think and to believe what you believe. Its okay to look at me funny or not know what to say. But it’s not okay to judge. It’s not okay to act as if what I chose to do is wrong. It’s not okay to say that its not okay. Either way, I’m happy and living my life and I hope that the important people can accept that for what it is and if not then oh well for you. GET WIT IT OR GET LOST!!!

&& i could not ask for more

I am tired this morning because the crazy people that i call my friends insist on calling me at 12:30 in the morning to say happy birthday way too loudly. And from then on my phone has not stopped ringing but its okay…i am grateful to have people that care enough to remember my birthday. I woke up this morning way too late and took an extra long shower and got dressed. Then i sat around talking to my mommy about NOTHING so she decided to take me to work. And I was so excited because the crazy people that I work with sang and danced like there was no tomorrow and I even got BALLOONS!!! Now how cool is that. So I am having a good day so far. I am going to spend my night with my besties and we are going to hang out and laugh and take pictures and wake up in the morning to pancakes and bacon!! Ow.. thats hott.

But, even under all this excitement and happiness, I am still a lil sad. My Ley Ley is not coming down to spend my birthday with me and I am really upset about it. We got into a really bad argument on wednesday so she decided to make other plans for her weekend and then calls me yesterday  to make up and tell me that she wont be coming down. So I was upset but I didn’t really mind cause she sais she would still come down on Saturday but what do ya know?? Today, in the midst of all my excitement she hits my phone telling me that she’s not coming at all because she wont have a way. [[well, um if you weren’t going to some stupid party you would have a way from your house but whatever]] So, yeah, um im a lil pissed right now but I cant be mad on my birthday so I’m not tripin over it. I’m going to have fun regardless whether she’s there or not. And lets see if I call her phone all weekend since she wants to be a lil party girl.

Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! I AM NO LONGER A TEENAGER NOW!! I’LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WONDERFUL WEEKEND ON MONDAY MORNING… YALL KNOW HOW I DO!! LoL!!

A Happy Tanae’

So… it is now 12:30am Monday morning but my mind is still in Sunday because I have not been to sleep yet. Let me just state for the record…[[i am so frickin happy right now, i mean, i dont think i can remember the last time I have been this happy]] Of course you want to know what is making me so happy…well, let me replay the weekend for you.

FRIDAY::

By the time I got off work, I wasn’t too happy. I was tired, frustrated and upset but thats not relevant right now. I ended up going home and sitting in my room for forever with my brother. I was waiting patiently for my booboo Ashley to come over so that we could go over to my besties house for a girls night. After a few hours her bus rolled around the corner and we were ready to go. We had a ball yall…we danced and laughed and watched some old-as-dirt episodes of comic view from like ’99 and then we went to sleep. I was excited tho because usually when it comes to new people in my life I am so quick to push them away but I felt comfortable with Ashley, I just wanted to be around her and she didn’t get on my nerves at all that night so I kinda felt good about that.

SATURDAY::

We didn’t get in the bed on Friday night til about 5 in the morning and we woke up at 7:30 to get dressed. Mommy was taking us to breakfast!! YaY!! So we go to eat and then we run to the bank to cash my check. Soon we were right back at Jazzy’s house attempting to take a nap. But of course, Jasmine is never ever sleepy so she sat up messing around making sure that we didn’t go to sleep. 11:30 hit and Big Mama was calling me && Ashley to get up so she could take us back to my house. We sat around doing nothing for about an hour and then we left out so she could get on the bus and go home. But, what do ya know?? She misses the effin bus. Now, we’re talking about the 4…you know, the one that comes every hour. It’s now 12:45 and I have to go driving at 1 and I really dont know what you are going to do baby. So she’s sitting in the house by herself [because everyone else was gone] mad as I dont know what cause she’s bored and lonely. Eventually she went home and around 3:15 I was back in the house and Phil was on his way. We all hopped on the bus to go to the mall and meet Ashley then we walked around for a lil bit before heading back out to familiar territory!! LoL!! How bout:: we was seven deep [Me, Shink, Jazzy, Jessa, Phil, Shay, and Ash] so anyways, we all went out to eat and then we parted ways around 11. For some reason around 12 midnight Ashley decides that she doesn’t want to go to sleep, she wants to sit up talking and acting like a retard for like 5 hours. Mind you, the night before we only got 2 and a half hours of sleep with no nap to carry us over. I have no clue what time we fell asleep but in the morning I was tired and mad cause Shay woke us up at like 8:30…like what really was she thinking??

SUNDAY::

I woke up ready for church. I knew what I was wearing and all I had to do was iron my clothes. Thankfully my outfit looked right, all I had to do was switch around the pants cause the ones I had on first wasn’t flowing with the shoes. So, we eat, get dressed and head out the door. Suprisingly we walk into the sanctuary at 10:56 and I was absolutely shocked. Service was great. It was funny cause the whole time we sitting there we trying to figure out who is going to preach so we thinking Bishop is just running late or something…of course he’ll show up. Nope, we was all surprised to see Pastor Ben Long walk up on the pulpit. Slam soon as I saw him I turned and looked at mommy like we bout to get a good word. And what do ya know?? God was in that place so heavy… I promise, I dont even remember the benediction. It was awesome… like, I have seen God move. I have seen things in church that will have me just like “Wow, look at God” but today… I cant even explain it. The word was good but there was something about God’s presence in that place that just made me feel tingly inside… it was like nothing I have ever felt before. I’m talking a good 20 minutes after everybody was gone out the sanctuary I’m still trying to get it together so that we could go… but I couldn’t. Everytime I tried to make it out of there the spirit of God was just holding on to me with like incredible force. All I can say is, you had to be there to see it or know what i felt fa’real. I have never ever had an experience like that or seen anything like that ever before in my life and it just blew my mind completely. I just wish that I could have stayed right there forever.

But eventually we had to leave so… we went home, changed clothes, ate and headed to Jazzy’s. We were watching some Lifetime movies and I was trying desperately to go to sleep but Ashley lil stpuid self kept tickling me and them other two bamas was so loud it was ridiculous. We played a game of monopoly and around 8:45 we left to go to my house. We stood with Ashley at the bus stop and went back in, talked with Indi for a while and watched a movie while I took out my hair. I just now hopped in the shower and now I am about to go to sleep cause I am exhausted but I just had to tell everyone how happy I am right now.

FINALLY::

I finally feel like everything in my life is falling into place. I have the best friends in the world that help me grow in so many ways. They are there thru good times and bad times… to make me laugh when I want to cry. I have the best girl in the world by my side letting me know that its just life… hopefully I can help her grow. [she told me today that she never felt anything like what she felt in church today and she wishes that she could join… I told her she could with out a problem] hopefully, we’ll help each other in the long run. I have the most wonderful support in the entire world, a wonderful church family that is there no matter what. They are there to give me hug, pray a prayer, offer a word of encouragement or simply life me up off the floor when I find myself half way under the sixth pew..LoL!! Really, I cant complain. And a lot of times I look around at all that I have and I feel unworthy, I feel like I dont deserve it but not right now. I know for a fact that I am truly undeserving of every blessing that I get and I am completely aware of the fact that I dont even deserve the air in my lungs but its different right now. I dont deserve it, I know I dont but God has so much love in Him to allow me to be here today. He is allowing me to be who I am today and I am truly grateful for that. I serve a God that accepts me just the way I am… even after every wrong thing that I have done he still looks at me and loves me and continuously blesses me. He dont look at me and see everything that I have been thru and done and I shouldn’t look at me like that either. My slate is clean my sins are forgiven and I am here today if for no other reason but to give Him praise for bringing me thru everything that I have been thru and to be a witness to those that are going thru. When I look in the mirror, I no longer see the person that I used to be.. but I see all that God has in store for me and it gives me joy just to know that I dont look like what I been thru… now, thats a word..

Guys…I’M HAPPY!!!