[{GRaViTY}]

doing what you think you cant

Posted in love, Tae', [[im oh so o8]] by Tanae' A. on April 3, 2008
a lot of places that ii go, ii hear people talk about love. a simple four letter word that has so much meaning. love can work wonders but people never tell you that love can be aboused, misused or unappreciated. ii think, thats a lesson to be learned the hard way. ii learned my lesson on more than one occasion but ii always went back for more. unfortunately, love aint as powerful as some people would like to believe. anything that can be walked over, taken advantage of or pushed aside is not as great as we make it seem. but the great thing about love is that it cant be defeated. someone should’ve told me that the people who trust in it can be. on yesterday ii did something that ii am extremely proud of. for the past eight years my mom has been on a journey to kinda find herself, heal herself, forgive herself, make amends with the people that love her but most importantly she has been on a journey to loving herself. ii have watched her grow into this great person and not only has she grown but everyone around her has been impacted by the positivity that this journey has brought to her. on yesterday evening she spoke about forgiving self and loving self and putting self before other people. one thing that i know about my mom is that we are very alike in so many ways. we are both selfless and we both would do anything for the people that we care about. sometimes i am not grateful at all to have this trait of hers. but ii think ii learned a valuable lesson. so many times ii place people in front of me and a lot of times ii tell myself that im no longer doing that but ii end up in the same place that ii started at. ms. dee told me yesterday that when you get to a certain point you learn that ‘no’ is okay. [[well she wasnt really talking to just me but it felt like it]] but she said that ‘no’ is a statement and there is no shame in saying it. right after she said that ii ended a very tiring argument  with someone that ii love dearly and ii said my goodbyes. ii told this person that ii was thru, ii was thru giving my time and energy to someone who didnt appreciate nor deserve. a few hours later, ii told my honey that ii was thru. ii was thru being there for someone who doesnt even take the time to pick up a phone and make sure im okay. im done helping people that take me for granted whether they are friends or something more. im done doing nice things for people that are only out to get what they can from me. “no one wastes my time and/or energy without my permission” [[thanks Heb]] so yesterday, ii started loving me. to be honest, it hurt. it hurt like hell. people never think that its hard to love yourself but for me it was hard. im still learning how to do that. im still learning how to put me first. ii guess ii love me more and more each day but the problem was that for so long ii thought that if ii put so many people first. ii thought that if ii did all this stuff for other people and cared about all these people than at least one of them would do the same for me. ii learned the hard way that it doesnt work that way. right now im okay, im hurt and scared and afraid of whats to come but im still okay. id rather struggle trying to love myself than love someone who cant love me enough. ii think it would be different if they would’ve tried. maybe if they would’ve tried giving almost half of what they took then maybe ii would feel better. but they didnt, none of them cared enough to love me almost as much as ii loved them and so ii had to walk away.
can you imagine loving someone who cant even pick up a phone to call you?? can you imagine loving someone who only talks to you when its convenient for them?? can you imagine loving someone who is only interested in what you can give them?? can you imagine loving someone who, for some reason, decides to walk away right after you do something for them?? can you imagine loving someone who is so quick to ask you for something but never ever mentions paying you back, returning the favor, or even says a thankyou?? can you imagine loving someone who has a bitch fit when they dont get their way?? can you imagine loving someone who claims they love you but their actions dont even resemble love in the slightest bit??
so, Tanae’ is loving Tanae’ and everyone that doesnt love Tanae’ the way she deserves to be loved is on standby. and ii refuse to feel bad about that because for once im putting my own needs FIRST!!! and no matter how hard it is im gonna love me.
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3 Responses

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  1. Khushboo said, on April 4, 2008 at 4:02 am

    you are right. I feel same thing as you feel. When i was reading your blog, I feel that i am reading my story partially. Because as i also have wasted much my time on the people who even dont care for me. So i am also going to do the same thing as you do.

  2. tanae a. brown said, on July 6, 2008 at 6:42 am

    i would just like to say dat this helped me out alot….im goin through a real tough time right now and this liked put the cherry on top of the ice cream…..WOW….thank u soOo much…now i think ima start lovin myself…..cause i think i am the only one dat can love me the way i want to be loved…and really mean it

  3. Eddie said, on August 11, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    Your comments are so true.

    I went through experience with girl,but she was taking me for granted. She was fine if I did what she said and wanted all the time.But as soon as I went my own way. POW, she went into a fit


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