[{GRaViTY}]

alone in this world

Posted in decisions, friends, frustrations, lonliness by Tanae' A. on January 7, 2008

A lot of times, for some reason, people tend to come to me with their problems. I dont really mind tho, I’m always down for giving an encouraging word or two when someone needs it. I just feel that when someone comes at me with a problem its my job to do whatever it takes to help them out even if it is just to offer a listening ear or two. But sometimes, my helping people can cause problems for me. Most times I have my own problems and struggles that I deal with and so I put all my stuff on the back burner to tend to someone elses needs and I know that its not good but thats just who I am. Yesterday I was having a really crappy day, I was sad about Cornell, a lot of stuff had went down and I was drained because my lil cousin was relying on me so much to be there for her and really by the end of the day all that I really wanted is for someone to take time out to listen to me. I wanted someone to sit down and hear everything that was wrong. I ended up txting a friend and telling her that I was having an issue that I needed to talk about and she txted me back to tell me that she felt the same way as me. She didn’t ask what was wrong nor did she offer an encouraging word but instead she told me that she too was having a bad day and she too needed someone to talk to. And without second thought I called her and I asked her what was wrong and she talked and talked about everything. By the time she finished talking I had already forgotten about my problems [[and so had she]] and I told her what the best thing was to do in her situation. Then I called my lil cousin and talked to her for a while about her issue and I prayed with her. And after everything was said and done with I realized that I was still there with my issues and I still had no one to listen to me because I was too busy listening to everyone else. No one was there to help me because I was always helping someone else and that ultimately leaves me alone by myself to deal with this crap on my own.

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It really is my fault that things happen the way that they do and I accept full responsibility but I cant help the way that I am. At the end of the day I am more concerned about making everyone else happy that I never stop to do what makes me happy. The people in my life ARE my life. They are the people that I need and if they are happy and content then somewhere in my heart I can find a lil bit of happiness that will get me thru. If dealing with my own problems and frustrations means neglecting them and not being there when they need me than there is no point in dealing with my own issues. No matter what I have to deal with, no matter who I have to help or who I have to be there for… when the shit hits the fan I have no one to turn to. My besties are there for me always and I can always depend on them to help me forget about my problems but who am I to crowd their lives with my issues when their problems are so much bigger than mine.

I could complain about not having money after I pay tithes and bills and help out my grandmother… but my friend just lost her job and has an apartment and a car to pay for. I could complain about having to walk the two blocks to my job everyday in the cold…but my friend cant even walk right now. I could complain cause my mother is getting on my nerves…but my friend’s mother is not even there. I could complain about not feeling well and barely being able to breathe some days…but my friend is showing symptoms of MS. I could complain about the stress at work…but my friend doesn’t even have a job to go to. I could complain about some dude getting on my nerves…but my friend is dealing with a dude that wont take care of his child. I could complain about the death of a great man…but some girl will go to the funeral of her father today. I could complain because I have no medicine for this headache… but my friend has to take so many pills everyday that make her feel crazy and weird. I could complain about having to wake up early this morning…but my friends uncle cant even get out the bed let alone sit up. I could complain about the people around me needing so much from me…but i have a friend who is taking every second of everyday to help her friend get thru a tough time and it has taken her time her money and part of her sanity just to see this person make it to tomorrow morning on the right track. I could complain about so much stuff…but the people that i love the most go thru so much more than me everyday so who I am to complain. Who am I to sit around and sulk in my problems and issues.Who am I to be so selfish to think for two seconds that I should take time out for me instead of being there for them. I would rather be alone in this world rather than have any of them feel like they have to get thru everyday on their own. And if helping them all day means crying myself to sleep some nights then I guess I’ll have to deal with that the best way I know how…

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One Response

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  1. peacefulone said, on January 8, 2008 at 12:59 am

    Blessings to you! I don’t know your name., but I love your thoughts and your Christ like thoughts. One of the surely most genuine Blogs I’ve come across. You turned up on my Tag Surfer on wordpress! I’m over at Cafe Sozo, so please drop in. God loves you so much, but you know? He never intended for you to carry these loads. Just ask Him to take the load to pur His super on your natural. You’d be surprised without your hearing a word, someone will show up to help. When my friends have problems, I march them through the Word of God. The devil loves it when people have pity parties I tell them, but the bible says we are to give him no place. None! As you take them to the Word…you build yourself up too and God takes the load! Wow, I wish there were more compassionate people like you…it’s refreshing. I’m going to keep coming back to check on you. Stay encouraged!

    Remember tithers have certain rights! One of them is you are in Covenant! Don’t forget it…please. It’s hard to read the black baclground..but it’s okay. Be Blessed


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