get wit it or get lost

Posted in acceptance, besties, decisions, family, friends, people I love by Tanae' A. on November 16, 2007

Yesterday morning on the way to work I had a long over due conversation with my older sister India. I was hesitant about having this conversation because there are times when she can be very judgemental and that was something that I had to prepare myself for. But, to my surprise, she didn’t react how I thought she would. She, asked me questions about it and that was it. She said nothing else about the subject and she wasn’t mad at all. So I was happy. Me and Ashley are growing on one another and I dont know where this thing is going to lead but I think that the hardest thing that I would ever have to do is talk to the people that are closest to me and tell them about whats going on. My cousins know, they were out with us over the weekend so they kinda let 3 and 4 equal 10. None of them asked me any questions but they asked my brother like 500 of them which was cool. I didn’t really mind. My besties knew first. They are excited about it…  but I guess that they’re just happy cause I’m happy. And besides.. they think Ashley is a cool chick. My sisters know and eventually my older cousin will find out. Or my younger cousins will find out. And when either of them find out then my aunt is going to know. And as soon as my aunt hears something she’s going straight to my mom. So what happens then?? She asks me questions, I answer them honestly and the rest is up to her. What will she say?? Will she be angry?? Will she be accepting?? Will she love me any different or just tell me that Ashley cant stay over anymore?? I wonder those things. The people that mean the most have the most impact on me and so its those people that I want to be okay with the decision that I have decided to make. I like what Jay-Z said “this is the life I chose or rather the life that chose me.” But the important people dont just stop within my family and my friends… there are a few other people that have known me since I was 2 feet tall. People that have helped to grow me up and teach me some things and continue to be there today if only just to encourage me from time to time. Those people are important to me as well so I care about what they think. They’ll find out, one by one. They’ll put 8 and 3 together to make 15 and then they’ll start looking at me strange. Or they’ll beat around the bush with irrelevant questions when I show up in church with her sitting beside me…or maybe they’ll do nothing at all. Maybe they’ll keep their thoughts and questions to their selves because they dont know what else to say. Some of these people already know… or they think that they know but they are hoping that they are wrong. Some of the people that mean the world to me are reading this right now. But it’s okay… its okay to think what you think and to believe what you believe. Its okay to look at me funny or not know what to say. But it’s not okay to judge. It’s not okay to act as if what I chose to do is wrong. It’s not okay to say that its not okay. Either way, I’m happy and living my life and I hope that the important people can accept that for what it is and if not then oh well for you. GET WIT IT OR GET LOST!!!

&& i could not ask for more

I am tired this morning because the crazy people that i call my friends insist on calling me at 12:30 in the morning to say happy birthday way too loudly. And from then on my phone has not stopped ringing but its okay…i am grateful to have people that care enough to remember my birthday. I woke up this morning way too late and took an extra long shower and got dressed. Then i sat around talking to my mommy about NOTHING so she decided to take me to work. And I was so excited because the crazy people that I work with sang and danced like there was no tomorrow and I even got BALLOONS!!! Now how cool is that. So I am having a good day so far. I am going to spend my night with my besties and we are going to hang out and laugh and take pictures and wake up in the morning to pancakes and bacon!! Ow.. thats hott.

But, even under all this excitement and happiness, I am still a lil sad. My Ley Ley is not coming down to spend my birthday with me and I am really upset about it. We got into a really bad argument on wednesday so she decided to make other plans for her weekend and then calls me yesterday  to make up and tell me that she wont be coming down. So I was upset but I didn’t really mind cause she sais she would still come down on Saturday but what do ya know?? Today, in the midst of all my excitement she hits my phone telling me that she’s not coming at all because she wont have a way. [[well, um if you weren’t going to some stupid party you would have a way from your house but whatever]] So, yeah, um im a lil pissed right now but I cant be mad on my birthday so I’m not tripin over it. I’m going to have fun regardless whether she’s there or not. And lets see if I call her phone all weekend since she wants to be a lil party girl.