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Running From Reality

Posted in family by Tanae' A. on November 15, 2007

My grandmother has been in the hospital for some time now. I haven’t been to see her in over a week. Of course, I have had time. I have had transportation. There are no excuses to justify why I haven’t been up there. I just dont want to deal with this right now. I keep telling myself that if I dont go I’ll forget that she’s sick. If I dont call her than I’ll forget that her speech is still slurred. If I dont ask questions than I wont know that she’s still trying to walk on her own but she just cant do it yet. Yes, I am running from reality. I am trying to ignore the fact that my grandmother had a stroke and is now in the hospital. I am trying to ignore the fact that she may not ever be the same person that she as before. I am trying to not have to deal with any of it and so to save myself a lot of hurt and pain I just have not gone to see her. But now I feel guilty. So, I am going up there today and I’ll smile like nothings wrong and I’ll hug her like she were in her living room in front of the tv. I’ll kiss her like its Sunday evening and I’ll call her sexy even tho she’s rockin some ugly hospital garments. Cause reality is that no matter what I do or how hard I try to ignore things the situation still remains the same. Whether I go up there or not she’s still going to be there in that room and she’ll stay there until they say she can leave so I might as well suck it up and go see my sexy shamoomoo!! LoL!! Besides… maybe if I can get her to crack a smile, I’ll feel better.

I trust that you guys are still praying for her…

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trying to figure things out

Posted in Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on November 15, 2007

So, today is a very emotional day… I dont really know why. It just seems like my feelings are completely out of control. Could it be this Alicia Keys cd that is slamin hott && deep as all hell?? Maybe so. I’ve listened to it 8 times since I bought it last night. But anyways, whatever the reason is for this emotional state that I am in is not really liked right now. Like, who the h cries in the middle of the day just because… and then cant figure out if they are happy tears or sad tears… OMG!! Maybe it is the lack of sleep that has been haunting me for the past week because for some reason every frickin night there is something [or someone] that insists on keeping me up. Last night I was ready to be in the bed by 9:30 but then my sister just had to remind me that Real World was coming on in an half hour so… there went my night. LoL!! But really, today I am def going to go home, put some clothes away and take a nap for two hours. Hopefully that will put me back on track cause I know that I am getting no sleep for the rest of the weekend. Oh, and I may be getting another tattoo on Saturday and I am so super excited about that. I told my mom that I was stopping at 7 and she rolled her eyes… but we all know that 7 is the number of completion!!! LoL!! Okay, well let me go and figure out whats for lunch today.

Happy 17th Birthday Shantell… you’re always there no matter what and even thru all the craziness you know I love you to pieces!!