[{GRaViTY}]

A Happy Tanae’

So… it is now 12:30am Monday morning but my mind is still in Sunday because I have not been to sleep yet. Let me just state for the record…[[i am so frickin happy right now, i mean, i dont think i can remember the last time I have been this happy]] Of course you want to know what is making me so happy…well, let me replay the weekend for you.

FRIDAY::

By the time I got off work, I wasn’t too happy. I was tired, frustrated and upset but thats not relevant right now. I ended up going home and sitting in my room for forever with my brother. I was waiting patiently for my booboo Ashley to come over so that we could go over to my besties house for a girls night. After a few hours her bus rolled around the corner and we were ready to go. We had a ball yall…we danced and laughed and watched some old-as-dirt episodes of comic view from like ’99 and then we went to sleep. I was excited tho because usually when it comes to new people in my life I am so quick to push them away but I felt comfortable with Ashley, I just wanted to be around her and she didn’t get on my nerves at all that night so I kinda felt good about that.

SATURDAY::

We didn’t get in the bed on Friday night til about 5 in the morning and we woke up at 7:30 to get dressed. Mommy was taking us to breakfast!! YaY!! So we go to eat and then we run to the bank to cash my check. Soon we were right back at Jazzy’s house attempting to take a nap. But of course, Jasmine is never ever sleepy so she sat up messing around making sure that we didn’t go to sleep. 11:30 hit and Big Mama was calling me && Ashley to get up so she could take us back to my house. We sat around doing nothing for about an hour and then we left out so she could get on the bus and go home. But, what do ya know?? She misses the effin bus. Now, we’re talking about the 4…you know, the one that comes every hour. It’s now 12:45 and I have to go driving at 1 and I really dont know what you are going to do baby. So she’s sitting in the house by herself [because everyone else was gone] mad as I dont know what cause she’s bored and lonely. Eventually she went home and around 3:15 I was back in the house and Phil was on his way. We all hopped on the bus to go to the mall and meet Ashley then we walked around for a lil bit before heading back out to familiar territory!! LoL!! How bout:: we was seven deep [Me, Shink, Jazzy, Jessa, Phil, Shay, and Ash] so anyways, we all went out to eat and then we parted ways around 11. For some reason around 12 midnight Ashley decides that she doesn’t want to go to sleep, she wants to sit up talking and acting like a retard for like 5 hours. Mind you, the night before we only got 2 and a half hours of sleep with no nap to carry us over. I have no clue what time we fell asleep but in the morning I was tired and mad cause Shay woke us up at like 8:30…like what really was she thinking??

SUNDAY::

I woke up ready for church. I knew what I was wearing and all I had to do was iron my clothes. Thankfully my outfit looked right, all I had to do was switch around the pants cause the ones I had on first wasn’t flowing with the shoes. So, we eat, get dressed and head out the door. Suprisingly we walk into the sanctuary at 10:56 and I was absolutely shocked. Service was great. It was funny cause the whole time we sitting there we trying to figure out who is going to preach so we thinking Bishop is just running late or something…of course he’ll show up. Nope, we was all surprised to see Pastor Ben Long walk up on the pulpit. Slam soon as I saw him I turned and looked at mommy like we bout to get a good word. And what do ya know?? God was in that place so heavy… I promise, I dont even remember the benediction. It was awesome… like, I have seen God move. I have seen things in church that will have me just like “Wow, look at God” but today… I cant even explain it. The word was good but there was something about God’s presence in that place that just made me feel tingly inside… it was like nothing I have ever felt before. I’m talking a good 20 minutes after everybody was gone out the sanctuary I’m still trying to get it together so that we could go… but I couldn’t. Everytime I tried to make it out of there the spirit of God was just holding on to me with like incredible force. All I can say is, you had to be there to see it or know what i felt fa’real. I have never ever had an experience like that or seen anything like that ever before in my life and it just blew my mind completely. I just wish that I could have stayed right there forever.

But eventually we had to leave so… we went home, changed clothes, ate and headed to Jazzy’s. We were watching some Lifetime movies and I was trying desperately to go to sleep but Ashley lil stpuid self kept tickling me and them other two bamas was so loud it was ridiculous. We played a game of monopoly and around 8:45 we left to go to my house. We stood with Ashley at the bus stop and went back in, talked with Indi for a while and watched a movie while I took out my hair. I just now hopped in the shower and now I am about to go to sleep cause I am exhausted but I just had to tell everyone how happy I am right now.

FINALLY::

I finally feel like everything in my life is falling into place. I have the best friends in the world that help me grow in so many ways. They are there thru good times and bad times… to make me laugh when I want to cry. I have the best girl in the world by my side letting me know that its just life… hopefully I can help her grow. [she told me today that she never felt anything like what she felt in church today and she wishes that she could join… I told her she could with out a problem] hopefully, we’ll help each other in the long run. I have the most wonderful support in the entire world, a wonderful church family that is there no matter what. They are there to give me hug, pray a prayer, offer a word of encouragement or simply life me up off the floor when I find myself half way under the sixth pew..LoL!! Really, I cant complain. And a lot of times I look around at all that I have and I feel unworthy, I feel like I dont deserve it but not right now. I know for a fact that I am truly undeserving of every blessing that I get and I am completely aware of the fact that I dont even deserve the air in my lungs but its different right now. I dont deserve it, I know I dont but God has so much love in Him to allow me to be here today. He is allowing me to be who I am today and I am truly grateful for that. I serve a God that accepts me just the way I am… even after every wrong thing that I have done he still looks at me and loves me and continuously blesses me. He dont look at me and see everything that I have been thru and done and I shouldn’t look at me like that either. My slate is clean my sins are forgiven and I am here today if for no other reason but to give Him praise for bringing me thru everything that I have been thru and to be a witness to those that are going thru. When I look in the mirror, I no longer see the person that I used to be.. but I see all that God has in store for me and it gives me joy just to know that I dont look like what I been thru… now, thats a word..

Guys…I’M HAPPY!!!

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