oh, i can do that too

Posted in fed-up, frustrations, issues, mommy, money by Tanae' A. on October 25, 2007

A lot of times I have the world’s most patience when it comes to issues within my household. I may get frustrated or whatever else but I’ll simply go to my room and blow off the steam before getting angry about anything. I usually try to see things from other peoples point of view but not anymore. I am frustrated and fed-up with trying to understand this crap when there is nothing to understand. Point is, I am sick of my mother. Now, this is a lady that I love more than life and I appreciate her and everything that she does but right now I am really not feeling her. I always said that if I could, I would take care of my mother for as long as she took care of me. When I get stable enough I wanna pay off my mother’s house, I wanna be the one to take her to a car dealership and tell her to pick out the truck that she want and then pay the bill on it myself, I wanna be the one that takes her to the grocery market on saturday mornings just to make sure she dont ever want for nothing… but right now I cant really do that. I dont ask my mother for much, well at least I try not to. I dont ask my mother for money and if I do it is because I really need it and I always make sure I pay her back with interest. The only thing that I ever really need from her is a ride somewhere that the bus wont take me. But God knows, I try not to ask her for too much. Especially when it comes to material things, I work everyday so that I can buy what I want to buy and if I cant afford it I’ll save up for it. I make sure that every pay I give my mother a good chunk out of my check plus I give her gas money on top of that. Just last week I called her to ask her if she wanted me to pay off one of her bills because I had a lil extra money and I knew things were a lil tight but she told me no. WHAT ELSE CAN I POSSIBLY DO TO SHOW YOU THAT I APPRECIATE YOU?? What do you want me to write in the sky?? I do my share around the house, I say thank you as much as I can, I follow directions fairly well. Two weeks ago I spent an entire 3 days rearranging furniture in my bedroom, buying new furniture, getting rid of some stuff and doing things so that I have more space to organize things. I didn’t do it for her, I did it for me. I was tired of being cramped in my lil hole in the wall and I was tired of hearing her fuss about my room being dirty. Now, I am still in the process of getting some things done in there but I have to wait til some extra money comes in but I never knew that making up a bed every morning shows how much I appreciate you. I really feel like my mom is like a walking time bomb. Anyday now she’ll snap and throw us all out so I wanna make sure I’m well prepared when that happens. So, I am really in my fed-up mode. She wants to be done with us so I’ll be done with her. I can keep my 400 a month and put it in the bank so that I can get a car faster. I can not put gas in your car since you refuse to take me anywhere I need to go. As a matter of fact, let me take the money that I was giving you and give it to the people that I have to beg and bride to take me to where I need to go because you know everything comes with a price. I’ll continue to do what I have to do in the house, I’ll continue to clean and take care of my responsibilities but everything else is cut. So when you dont have no extra cash in ya pocket cause you gotta pay 4 bills, please do not rely on my lil bit of money cause…HA HA!! YOU WONT BE GETTING IT!! Just like I cant rely on you for a ride when I have NO OTHER WAY you cant rely on me when you stuck between a rock in hard place. Because reality is, I never ever have to question whether or not you appreciate what I give you because I know that you do appreciate it when you say thankyou. And even if you dont appreciate it, it would never matter because I would rather be unappreciated than to see you want for anything and I would expect the same thing but I guess thats where we differ. Thank you aint enough for you, giving back my last just so that you can have some gas is not enough for you, trying my hardest to squeeze out an extra 50-100 after I have paid bills and bus passes and tithes and everything else… thats not good enough. Good enough to you is having a house that is super clean, good enough for you is making sure that my bed has not one wrinkle in it, good enough for you is making sure that there is not one fork in the sink when you wake up because you want it to be perfect. Well guess what mama, i am not perfect and I hate cleaning and I dont mind there being a bobby pin or a rubber band on the floor every once in a while so what are you going to do about it?? I think your actions have answered that question. Continue to act the way you do and I’ll continue to act just like you because after all, you are my example. You wanna hold back and not do anything for me… well guess what, I can do that too!

Maybe I am just mad right now so there is a great possibility that I am sayin all this out of frustrations but right now thats how I feel. And I still love my mommy just the same because of who she is and not what she does for me but right now I am just fed-up with her selfishness at this point and it has really gone a bit too far. 

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