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This Fire Down In My Soul

Posted in books, hurt, pain by Tanae' A. on September 21, 2007

Last night, I finally finished a book that my co-worker gave to me to read on Wednesday [This Fire Down In My Soul by J.D. Mason]. She talked for weeks about how good this book was and how I absolutely needed to read it. At first, when I started reading it I didn’t think it was all that good but the more I read, the more I liked it. I was so anxious to get to the end and see what was going to happen but when I finally got to the last page, I wished I would have never read it at all. It was said, it caused me to lose all hope and it really just put me in a bad mood. The book was very well written, the author took me on a trip that allowed me to walk in the shoes of every single woman characterized. One was desperate, on was greedy, and one was hopeful or hopeless [depends on how you look at it], and the last one was naive but they were all vulnerable. They all wanted so much but got nothing in the end. One lady put her everything into a relationship that she got nothing out of. She put her dreams, goals, and feelings on the back burner for her husbanad a sons and at the end of the day she had nothing. She didn’t have any work experience to go out and get a job. She didn’t have a husband to come home to because he was in love with another woman. She didn’t even have her kids because they had grown up, moved out, and moved on with their lives. She was lonely. Eventually she moved on as well, got a man who paid attention to her and in the process her husband divorced her and kids acted like she never existed. Another woman was so desperate to find love and eventually she did. She found the perfect man, someone who loved her and wanted to be with her but he was torn between his lover and his wife. When she found out she was pregnant she thought that they would finally be together but it made him realize that he had a great woman at home that he didn’t wanted to lose. She lost the love of her life and the baby that she would have brought into this world. This guys wife worked hard, took care of their kids, and made sure the the house was clean and dinner was cooked when he got into the house but somewhere along the line their sparks died out. He cheated and she never knew but at the end of the day he chose her over his pregnant lover and I guess they were happy. They did what they could to make their relationship work and they worked hard to stay together and they did. Then theres the interior decorator. She came into this couples house to decorate and she ended up listening to another womans story of how her life had been a mess since her husband was promoted and forced them to move. Instead of being a friend and being there for the woman she went out and had her own private affair with her husband. Eventually she lost a friend and a good man and she never heard from them again. The couple got a divorce and moved away from one another. Last, but not least, there’s the good ol preachers wife. She counseled all the women at her church. She listened to their problems and she judged them. She looked down on them but her husband, the pastor of their church, was having a affair with a member there. But still, she felt better than every single women that walked into her office. Her husband went to jail for the murder of his lover who threatened to leave him and his wide filed for a divorce. All these woman wanted nothing more than to be appreciated, loved, and cherished by the men that they had loved, cared for and supported for so long but they all got nothing. They all walked away empty handed and nothing to show for their time spent. The only one who may have had something to live for was Tess. She stuck by her husbands side but she was too blind to see that he was sleeping with another woman who came so close to having his baby. She walked away with her husband  and a marriage that had the potential to work but what does that amount to. She got what she wanted but that only left another sad lonely woman without.

I heard the author of this book has plenty of other books that are really good, but I will never pick up another book that she has written because this book really put me down in the dumps. I dont understand how someone can write something so sad. I really got the end thinking that things would work out for all these women, at lest most of them. But it didn’t. They all lost and reality is… I feel just like them… empty and lost with nothing show except for the work that i put in and the tears i’ve put out.

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