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What a blur…

Posted in thoughts by Tanae' A. on September 11, 2007

The past week has really been such a blur. It seems like so many things are happening and my mind hasn’t even processed it yet. Maybe its the pounding headache that will not go away that seems to be blocking out reality right now. Yesterday, I walked thru the mall and the t-shirt stand still has Brielle’s picture on display. I looked at it at least 3 times but for some reason I still can’t believe this is real. I think a small piece of the truth hit me while I was sitting in church on Sunday evening, I was sitting there trying to pay attention to this service and all of a sudden I heard Bishop talking about a car accident. I tried my best to focus on what he was saying and I wanted so bad to just be happy because my sunday school teacher walked away from something that could have taken his life or severly hurt him. But, instead of being happy, I was sad. I was sad because Brielle wouldn’t be there to talk about how she made it through something so similar. She didn’t even have a chance. And just to sit there and think that she was no longer here just brought me to tears. Just to know that everyone else walked away from the same thing but she didn’t brings sorrow to my heart. Although there were over 500 people in attendance at her funeral, I know so many that couldn’t even show up because they just dont want to believe that this is so true. And even after seeing her lying there in that casket, as beautiful as she was, I still cannot believe that she is gone. But I guess that is the reality that none of us can escape no matter how hard we try… good to know that she is in a much better place. And I know that if Ms. Keisha can get thru this, we all can do the same thing. I know that if she can stand up in front of a casket and release her oldest daughter to God, then we can somehow find the strength to do the same thing. And such is life.

I’ve been calling Mama nonstop this weekend to check on Larry but I have not been getting any answers. I want to know that my big cuzzo is okay. I want to hear that he is getting better and making progress and not that he is in the same state that he was in a week ago when I talked to them.

I guess now I am kinda on edge because you never know. You never know when someone will be taken from you. You never know when someone can leave this world behind. Anybody can die, young or old. Anybody can get into a car never come back to see their family again. Anybody can walkup the street and never make it back home. Anybody can go to sleep and never wake up to see the morning. It’s scary ya know. I just dont know what I would do or where I would be if I lost one of the people that mean the world to me. I dont know what would become of me if someone that meant so much to me was taken from my life one day. I think, I know, I would not under any circumstances what so ever be able to deal with something like that.

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