i need to get this out…

Everyone knows that I hate drama. I cant stand it, dont want to be around, dont want to hear about it at all. But for some reason I have found myself right in the middle of it and I dont know how to get myself out without reverting to old ways. Point is, I need some help.

There’s a chick. We been cool for a good while now. Are we friends?? No, I wouldn’t say so… but we were really cool at one point in time. I would have to say that my problem with her began one day when she really just turned me off. She did something and it caused me to see a side of her that I really didn’t like. Did that change my perception of her?? No. We were still cool, I just know now what to expect in certain situations.

Sooner rather than later I started to see other things that I just didnt like about her. I no longer wanted to be around her as much or talk to her unless I had to. But, I still had respect for her. Then one day I got fed-up. I told someone how I felt about her. I asked them if I was wrong and if it was just me and they told me no. Then I decided that I needed to talk to her about how I felt and let it ride. In between my realizing my feelings toward her and actually talking to her a lot of stuff went down. I got caught up in a discussion about her and didn’t think twice about the people in the room. Somebody there went back and told her everything that was said about her including the fact that a rumor [that i didnt make up] was spread.

Was I upset that she found out what had been said?? No, if anything it bothered me because she found in a way I didnt want her to. I wanted to sit down and let her know on my own in a very respectful way but that didnt happen. Now, of course, she has an attitude which is understandable but I feel as tho this talking is going no where. I try to say things in a nice way but it seems as tho no matter how nice I am she comes back at me with attitude. Attidude is one thing that i do not know how to deal with. So when homegirl is sitting here trying to pop up real big.. I wanna smack her back down to miniature and cuss her out fa’real but I aint trying to go there this time around. I’m trying to be somebody better than that and although it would work wonders and get her to fall back, I would not feel too good about myself in the end. I want to walk away knowing that I still have my dignity and at least a little bit of respect. I dont know what can be done, I could apologize [which I really do not want to do] I can continue to go on with my life and let her believe what she wants about it all but I really dont want to let it end ugly because it all comes down to the big M word… Ministry.

I’m going to apologize but is that really all that I can do in this situation??


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