i dont want to be this way anymore

Posted in frustrations, Jasmine, people I love by Tanae' A. on July 16, 2007

My sister tells me at least everyday just how rude I really am. Do I try to be?? Not at all. Wel… sometimes I am rude on purpose but only when I feel the need to be. [I wont really get into the right now] I think everyone knows by now that I suffer with my own little people issue. I think I should really explain what this means.

There are now four people in my life that I could deal with everyday outside of family.. [and two of those people I hardly see so I wont even count them in right now] Those people are Jaz and Bry. I could literally be with these two every day all day and not get tired of them at all. I have a theory, if I cant deal with you everyday, I cant deal with you at all. I have associates who come around every once in a while and I chill with them and enjoy my time with them but they dont call me or text me everyday all day. They wont even call me period unless they need to ask or tell me something. That’s the way that I like things.

I dont want to talk to anybody everyday except for my besties and maybe Bry but thats it fa’real. I think a lot of people dont like that about me. I met a dude not to long ago named Smurph. He is really cool and once I hung out with him I realized that he was only going to be a distant friend. But I told him in the beginning that I only have two types of people in my life, the type that I see and talk to almost everyday and the people I see but never talk to. I didn’t necessarily mean to push him away but I needed my space. I had to do that so that he would stop calling and texting me.

For some reason it aggravated the hell out of me when people that aint in my top try to communicate with me. I dont know why I am like this but I really get an instant attitude when people like him call me or text me because I know that they are striving for a friendship that I dont want nor have time for. Now there’s something different when someone that I see every once in while texts me or calls just to say hey and see how I’m doing. Me and that person both know that we are associates… we say hi and bye… we dont hang out on a regular basis.. i’ll see you in school or at work or at church or around the way… but dont call me asking if we can hang out or go here there and everywhere… I DONT WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH YOU!! Maybe it’s rude but thats just how I am and this dude just keeps texting me and will not stop and I dont want to come off like im being rude but there is no nice way to say “leave me alone”

But I am kinda tired of being the type to have to brush people off rudely… why cant I be cordial with people?? I dont want to be this way anymore but I dont know why I just feel the need to not have anyone extra in my circle… I feel cluttered when there are too many people around me at one time… Is that normal??


One Response

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  1. Addie said, on July 17, 2007 at 8:18 am

    Seems like you have a real biggie on your hands here! Have you ever tried another way of letting people know how you feel about them and has it worked. If not then continue on the best way you know how … always best to be yourself 🙂

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