i dont want to be this way anymore

Posted in frustrations, Jasmine, people I love by Tanae' A. on July 16, 2007

My sister tells me at least everyday just how rude I really am. Do I try to be?? Not at all. Wel… sometimes I am rude on purpose but only when I feel the need to be. [I wont really get into the right now] I think everyone knows by now that I suffer with my own little people issue. I think I should really explain what this means.

There are now four people in my life that I could deal with everyday outside of family.. [and two of those people I hardly see so I wont even count them in right now] Those people are Jaz and Bry. I could literally be with these two every day all day and not get tired of them at all. I have a theory, if I cant deal with you everyday, I cant deal with you at all. I have associates who come around every once in a while and I chill with them and enjoy my time with them but they dont call me or text me everyday all day. They wont even call me period unless they need to ask or tell me something. That’s the way that I like things.

I dont want to talk to anybody everyday except for my besties and maybe Bry but thats it fa’real. I think a lot of people dont like that about me. I met a dude not to long ago named Smurph. He is really cool and once I hung out with him I realized that he was only going to be a distant friend. But I told him in the beginning that I only have two types of people in my life, the type that I see and talk to almost everyday and the people I see but never talk to. I didn’t necessarily mean to push him away but I needed my space. I had to do that so that he would stop calling and texting me.

For some reason it aggravated the hell out of me when people that aint in my top try to communicate with me. I dont know why I am like this but I really get an instant attitude when people like him call me or text me because I know that they are striving for a friendship that I dont want nor have time for. Now there’s something different when someone that I see every once in while texts me or calls just to say hey and see how I’m doing. Me and that person both know that we are associates… we say hi and bye… we dont hang out on a regular basis.. i’ll see you in school or at work or at church or around the way… but dont call me asking if we can hang out or go here there and everywhere… I DONT WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH YOU!! Maybe it’s rude but thats just how I am and this dude just keeps texting me and will not stop and I dont want to come off like im being rude but there is no nice way to say “leave me alone”

But I am kinda tired of being the type to have to brush people off rudely… why cant I be cordial with people?? I dont want to be this way anymore but I dont know why I just feel the need to not have anyone extra in my circle… I feel cluttered when there are too many people around me at one time… Is that normal??

I feel good about myself

Posted in church, commitment, decisions, determination, mommy, money, Shiloh, tithes by Tanae' A. on July 16, 2007

Before I begin braggin… I must send out like major kudos to my mommy. She recently started working with this new company with Mortgage Protection. She struggled at first. Had to pass a test that required her to study harder that hard. She failed it the first time and still went back to pass it the second time. She put out money just to get started. She ended up having to not only buy a laptop but to also learn how to do something as simple as send an email or download an attachment. She bothered be days on end and begged me to show her how to do this and save that or print this out. She didn’t receive the proper training and she was ready to quit but she stuck with it and gave it all she could. Last week she got a call from her manager saying that she would go through another training process and now she would become a manager making more money than she could even imagine. There are probably tons other people in the B altimore area that are making tons more money than my mom. They probably have more clients and know more about what they are doing than her. But somebody saw something in her that allowed them to take a risk and give her a chance. When she was going to give up she stuck in there and in the end she has benefited and that just shows me how strong she really is. She has set a wonderful example and maybe that’s why I feel so good about myself now.

I hardly ever claim to broke because these days I am never broke. It seems like it doesn’t matter how much money I spend, I always end up having just enough money to last me until pay day. One thing that I learned from my mom is even if i cant afford to do an entire 10% in tithes I should set a price that I am going to give each month. So I decided on a price that at first I struggled with every month… it wasn’t 10% but it was close. Then I signed up to pay on the Capital Campaign and there were a few weeks when I didn’t have the money to pay on it so I know I’m at least 3 or 4 weeks behind but I still sacrifice to pay on it… the amount that I said at first.

Yesterday I was in church and the darling Sis. Goode came up to me and informed me that I was the youngest member of Shiloh to be apart of the Capital Campaign. I just felt really good about myself for some reason.

I have to really prepare myself tho for the beginning to 2008. By the end of this year the Capital Campaign will be done with and I made a commitment to myself that I would begin to pay my full tithes. That is over double what I am paying every pay for my tithes and commitment put together but I really think that I can do it. The only that kinda set me back is the fact that I am not supposed to base my 10% on my net and thats what I was doing. So now I have to re-calculate everything and pay from my gross which ups my tithe by a whole lot. Am I really ready for this?? I’ll just say that I am in no hurry to get into 2008.

another monday post

It’s Monday!!! and yet again I am telling you all about my weekend. Three days spent doing nothing too important. Time spent with my besties. Hours that went by way to fast. So what did I do this weekend??

Well Friday was a very interesting day. Me, Jaz, Shay, Bry, and Smurph all got together to eat some crabs on Jaz’s back porch and Jess even came down for a while. We laughed and geeked and played cards and monopoly and did absolutely nothing til about 4:30 in the morning. I think we had about 40 conversations about nothing in particular and had about 75 debates that got no where but it was fun. By 5:00 Jess and Smurph were gone and everybody else turned over to go to sleep.

We all woke up around 9:30 and went to McDonalds to get some food. We spent about 6 hours taking out Chelly’s hair and listening to music and then we finally decided to get some more crabs around 5:oo. We played more monopoly [i won!!] and around 10 we all went to our homes to prepare for church on Sunday morning.

Church was good. India and the baby came along. Brandy and Karen even showed up which was good. After service Jaz went to work and we went to Olive Garden with Mommy, India and Lil Eric. The food was good but none of could eat it all. We went  home and took naps then me and Shay got up to watch my new favorite tv show… Side Order of Life..on Lifetime.

I woke up late and extremely tired this morning. I rushed out of the house and enjoyed a very long ride to work. I got to work on time and right now I am freezing cold cause this air is blazing. I will save tons of money today because I didn’t eat breakfast and I brought my own lunch from home…

Next Saturday is the Church Wide Picnic and I am so excited so I hope and pray that this week goes very smoothly. And I am really praying that I dont get caught in any of this weeks rain. I hope you all are praying as well. I just put color in my hair and I will be highly upset if it starts running!! LoL!! Please pray!!