Posted in be the change, check ya flesh by Tanae' A. on July 9, 2007

You never really know a person until the s**t hits the fan. You think you know people and you really dont. You think you know yourself and you really dont. It’s cool to stay mellow when everything around you is on chills but the true test comes when something really goes down. Right now, I wouldn’t say that there is a lot of drama but there is a lot of things that need to be dealt with as soon as possible. One thing that I learned about myself this weekend is that I am def. changing for the better. Yesterday I was confronted about something and a lil bit ago I probably would’ve told homegurl about herself, hurt her feelins, and kept right on moving. But instead I took time out to listen to what she had to say. I responded respectfully and let her know that I also had a few issues with her that I would discuss at a later date when we had more time. I walked away content and she walked away with an attitude. I think I know why. Everyone got used to me reacting to certain things in a negative way. People prepare themselves before they come talk to me because they know that I’ll say something rude. Yesterday, I didnt do that and it shocked her. I dont know why I didnt go off on her, I dont even really like this chick that much to come at her correct after she came to me how she did. But something in me didn’t feel the need to get defensive. I just sat there, said what I had to say, and I even thanked her for coming at me with whatever issues she had. And from then on she mugged me like crazy but I didnt even get mad about that. I just laughed it off and let it be known that we would get everything out in the clear very soon. I thought it funny because someone that knows me very well even told homegurl not to step to me anyway because I really wouldnt care and her feelings would be hurt. Was he right?? Yeah he was. I didnt care, well I at least didn’t care about the situation at hand. I cared more about the simple fact that there was tension between us and until that gets settled there is no place for either one of us in ministry together. You cant have alto’s just singing off key cause the sopranos pissed you off… that aint right. Did I piss her off?? Yeah I did.. unintentionally. Did I hurt her feelings?? Yeah I did… it was funny but I didnt mean to. Quiet as its kept, I dont dislike this person, we have been cool for a minute now and I haven’t had any problems with her up until about a month ago. I just happen to dislike some of her ways and thats pretty much it. But overall she’s cool as long as we come to some sort of compromise. But I think more than anything, I shocked the hell outta myself on yesterday because I didn’t wild her out. Like 4 people came up to me and asked why I was so calm about it. Thats upset me more than anything. People know me [and my sister] as the twins who just pipe up real big soon as something go down. We’ll be the first ones to tell you about yourself and wont think twice about it. But I’m changing and I want people to see that. So instead of people having to prepare themselves before they say anything to me I want them to know that no matter what the situation I’m going to respond with respect. Am I perfect?? Far from it. Will every conversation from here on out go the way it did yesterday?? I doubt it very seriously. But I am trying to get better in that area. I’m sure that I’ll have my moments where I will revert back to the old ways and wild somebody out but I’m striving for excellence and excellent people dont just pipe up real big when someone tries to talk to them.

Keep Praying


when friday arrives

Posted in check ya flesh, community, decisions, friends, frustrations, life by Tanae' A. on July 9, 2007

I think I found out a lot about myself this weekend. I was so excited to see Friday and when it finally came it was like a breathe of fresh air. I’m not sure what I really had to look forward to because I didnt have any plans. I wasn’t anxious to hit the weekend because I actually had a very good relaxing week. I wasn’t particularly joyous to hit the weekend but for some reason Friday just seemed so wonderful. I spent the entire day with my besties doing absolutely nothing. We chilled at my house, cleaned up, watched tv, sat outside, ate some cheese fries and tried our hardest to find something anything to do. Eventually we agreed to have some friends over and just hang out in the night time air. So thats what we did. Until almost 3:30 we sat outside playing card games, laughing having fun, we danced a lil, ate a lil and just had a nice chill time. By the time Saturday morning rolled around I was good and ready for some pancakes. And all day long Saturday we did the same thing at my besties house. We chilled, watched tv, played monopoly, ordered subs, cleaned up, took showers, went to pick up my nephew… then we made the stupidest mistake of the entire weekend…


It was my mother’s idea really. She wanted to see her gurl Patty. We drove all the way there… found a parking spot…got lost…and walked a whole 5 miles before we even got into the park. Once we got in, I developed a severe case of people phobia and was ready to go home but mommy insisted that we get something to eat. It was 10pm and still humid as hell and I was standing in line to get some chicken and fries for a whole 45 min. And when I get up there this lil short wig wearing lady tells me that they dont have anymore chicken fries or funnel cakes. No more greens or sweet potatoes… all they had was the last of the fish that looked like it was the bottom of the barrel and I swear to goodness I wanted to throw something at her. “Why wouldn’t you put up a sign so that people can stop wasting their precious time in this long line??” “I’m sorry ma’am we just ran out about an hour ago…” All I could do was walk away because I was really like a half of milli-second from telling her where to put her shriveled up bottom of the barrell fish. I just wanted to go home. So we’re walkin out of the park and I thought back and figured that maybe I should’ve told the other people in line that they didn’t have food so they wouldn’t stand there for so long but I was already at the exit. And soon as we walk out of the gates… a man in a wheelchair hits the curb and flips out of the chair at like too many miles per hour and everyone stands around not helping him. Finally two men come and help him up and the onlookers are still standing around… At that moment I knew for sure that it was time for me to go in the house. On the way home I thanked God that I was not confined to a wheelchair because I would have been real mad if those ignent black people were staring at me that way.

Am I looking forward to the weekend ahead of me… not really. I have somethings that I and another person have to deal with and I am not looking forward to it because it may end ugly and I dont want that to happen. If I am looking forward to anything it would have to be sitting down friday night with a whole lot of crabs, a few beers, and some slow jams… just kicking it with my gurls fa’real.


((it’s not about me…or you))

I realized in the past month that there a lot of people that I dont like [in my church]. Now, let me break it down for you all. It pretty much falls into two categories… 1st there are the people that I just dont like && then there are the people that I dont like IN MINISTRY.

I have noticed however, that the persons who I just dont like are far better off in my book than those that I dont like in ministry… here’s why. In ministry, to me, nothing else matters. When we all are working together with one particular thing in mind all personal issues go out the door. I can put aside any personal feelings for an individual and do whatever it is that I need to do. I am also a talker. Before I flat out say that I dont like a person I will go to them and just say straight up… look I dont like this, this and this about you. In return they will point out what they dont like about me… and we ACCEPT it. There have been times when I have told people that they dont have to like this about me I aint changing but there also times when I look at myself and  I will work towards changing for the better. But my main purpose is to come to some sort of middle ground where we know.. I dont like this about you, you dont like this about me, ok… I respect your opinion and you respect mines.. lets hug move on and do what we came here to do.


Now, the persons that I dont like IN MINISTRY have it bad as far as I am concerned. I can talk to you all day long and you can be the coolest person in the world but if I feel as tho you are doing nothing to build up ministry but instead you are using titles for your own selfish gain… Oh buddy, you cut. In the past month or so ministry has become such a priority that personal things really dont matter. I dont care how cool you are, when it comes time to do the work of the Lord and you sitting around faking the funk… trust. I will call you out. Not because I dont like you as a person but because I have no respect for you period.

There are plenty people in my church that I dont really bump wit like that. There are alot of people that I have come to an understanding with. But even those persons that I’m not really cool with… keep my respect because when it comes down to ministry we put our whole selves into it. I used to be the type, if I dont like you, I wont sing with you, dance with you, sit with you, speak to you, nothing. But there cant be division in ministry. When there are so many people with so many agendas God cannot be pleased. I’m striving to please God and no I am not perfect but in Ministry, I am striving for perfection. When persons in leadership are not on one accord there is division. When persons in ministry cant put personal issues to the side there is a hex in the plan.

Yes, there are quit a few people that I cannot stand but no one would ever know it except for me and that person because when it comes time to do something in the house of GOD it aint about me or them but its about HIM!!