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Father’s Day

Posted in family, father, hurt, issues, life, lost one, love, people I love by Tanae' A. on June 15, 2007

Well, Father’s Day is coming again. This Sunday…all day long. Am I excited?? No way! I have asked a lot of people in the past week what they were doing or buying for their dads, and to my surprise, I got a lot of rolled eyes, sucked teeth, and ‘tsst nothing’. I guess that lets me know how many people in my generation have grown up without a dad. Ok… how sad is that. Although I was forced to grow up without a father in my life, if given the opportunity, I would proudly begin a relationship with my dad. I often ask myself why but I think it’s only because I dont hate him. My father has five other kids whome he takes very good care of. He didn’t know I existed until about 3 years ago and even then, I never took the time out to reach out to him. But, I would pay to have my father in my life for the rest of my life and not just a simple phone call every other week but I want a real relationship with my dad. I want him to know my future husband and kids. I want him to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. I want him to take me out to breakfast on saturday mornings or beg me to watch the game with him on Sunday afternoons. I want to tell him about my long days at work and get advise from him that my mother can’t give. I want to look at him and know that he’s where I got this funny shaped nose from. It’s not something that I wish for every night before I go to sleep. But how wonderful would it be to go through life with a father by my side?? He’s out there somewhere and to him I say Happy Father’s Day… and I love you for every birthday that you missed. I love you for missing my graduation and my prom. I love you for not being there when I skinned my knee. I love you for not reprimanding me when I got bad grades. I love you for not being the father that I needed you to be and I hope that you love me or at least think about me every once in a while. Hope to see you when the sky turns green.

Do You Know How to Love??

Posted in friends, him, hurt, issues, life, love, people I love by Tanae' A. on June 14, 2007

I think everyone kinda knows what love is. Everyone loves and is loved by someone somewhere. Even tho we know what love is, do we know how to love?? For some people the answer is no. We love our parents and we love our siblings and children but do we know how to really show that love to one another. I dont think a day goes by that I dont tell my mother or sisters that I love them. I even tell my best friends that I love them at least every other day. And even on days when I forget, I think my actions speak ten times louder than my words ever will. It really amazes me that there are people in the world who cant find it in them to say the three simple words that can mean so much to someone. I realized last night that everyone doesn’t even know what real true love is. Of course, there’s the love that you get everyday from the people that are supposed to love you but some people dont know what true love is. Maybe they know what it is but they are afraid to embrace it. Maybe they are just scared to give themselves to someone else. I dont understand how someone could be scared to love someone but maybe it’s not for me to understand. Maybe I’m only here to support. Dont be afraid to love, no matter how many times you’ve been hurt, dont be afraid to love and be loved.

Tae’ is showin him how to love…

Aloneness

Posted in life, lonliness by Tanae' A. on June 13, 2007

One thing that I have always liked is being alone. Notice I did not say the feeling of aloneness which I absolutely hate. Even when I am alone I dont always feel alone and at the same time when I am in a room full of people I can feel like I am all by myself. I always look to time by myself as a good time to think about life and reflect on a lot of things that I otherwise would not have time to think about. But for some reason, lately, I feel like I’ve been walking through life by myself. There are people all around me but I still feel lonely and I dont know why. I know I have family and friends that are around but I still feel like I’m going through every day solo. I dont know yet if I like this feeling or not. Of course, we all want someone to be in our corner at some point in time but once the weirdness of this leaves I wonder if I’ll actually like being by myself. There’s nothing wrong with it. I think I need a lot of time to really focus on my life and the direction that it’s going in but I dont like, and never have liked, the feeling of being completely by myself. I dont know, maybe I should pray about it… and maybe I should embrace it. All I know is that right now I feel soo alone and it’s weirding me out.

Opinions Needed…

Posted in differences, freedom, life by Tanae' A. on June 12, 2007

I have a friend that I used to go to school with a while ago. This guy has been in church all his life. He is a faithful Christian, lives a godly life, sets a great example for his little brothers and sisters as well as his peers. He doesn’t drink, smoke, engage in premarital sex or curse. He will be graduating from college in two years and has maintained a steady 3.8 g.p.a. He is very active in his church, sings on the choir, directs the childrens choir, has completed discipleship and attends bible study regularly. He respects his elders and even does community service at an outreach center. But there’s one problem… He’s gay.

Does his sexual preference automatically erase everything that I have said about him?? Is he going to hell because of who he has fallen in love with?? Is it okay for him to be in an open relationship with his dude and not be ashamed even in the church?? I want to know what everyone thinks about this… so comment.

Hateration

Posted in clothes, dey str8 fony, drama, fed-up, friends, frustrations, issues, life, move on by Tanae' A. on June 11, 2007

This weekend was not good. It was not bad either… It just was. I enjoyed myself as best as I could and I had fun during a few moments of a few days but I am honestly glad it is over with. One thing that I realized over the past three days is that some people will hate on you for no apparent reason at all. I mean the people that have no reason at all to hate will make it known that you have something that they want and will never have. No one hates on me… as far as I know, but I just sat back and watched the events of this weekend unfold and laughed to myself. I just dont understand. I mean, everyones hates on someone but theres a difference between hating and HATING. These females be hating like there’s no tomorrow. Like really, I hate, I’ve been jealous before, not necessarily of people but I have been jealous when someone had what I wanted. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But I’m not even the type to down someone, especially a friend, when they got something or someone that I want. I just simply congratulate and get over it. It aint even that deep fa’real. But when females hate that you have something that they want and they really start to hate you, despise you, talk about you, and down you… then there is a problem. And males do it to. I just laugh at people like that because they are too dumb to see that they got something worth having right by their side. You worried about some other chicks dude and you got a good dude at home. You worried about her outfit and you got on a banging outfit ya self. You worried about what she got so much that what you had done been there and walked away 4 times before you even notice. Please just stop the hateration… it’s getting really old.

Compromise

Posted in back track, be the change, check ya flesh, church, decisions, family, issues, seperation, [Y.R.P] by Tanae' A. on June 11, 2007

A lil whie back I asked a friend of mine who was recently married what it was like to live with someone. She broke it down to washing dishes. She said his mother had shown him how to do dishes one way and her mother showed her a completely different way so they had to come to a point where they just said ok… this is how we are going to wash our dishes. My first thought after hearing that was well… how many ways are there to really wash dishes?? LoL!! I guess I recently realized that it wasn’t about the dishes, it was about the compromise. A lot of problems start when someone says “Well, I want to wash my dishes my way and forget about your way” That “I” mentality needs to be shut down real fast. There has to be some sort of middle ground and the sad thing about it is that… a lot of people refuse to move out of their selfishness. But in pointing the finger at other people I had to really think about my own self in a certain situation. I’m happy to say that in the past week I have compromised and honestly, it feels good. Maybe we need to have a lesson on washing dishes… cause a few people still stuck on what Mama done taught them. Maybe we should get the entire youth council and some of the youth to take a private dish washing class… oops… didnt mean to say that out loud!! LoL!!

L-O-V-E

Posted in love by Tanae' A. on June 7, 2007

The best thing in the world is to love and be loved… notice I did not say to be in love. There is nothing like genuinly whole heartedly loving someone and knowing that they have that same love for you. No matter who they are… male, female, lover, friend, parent or sibling. Everyone everywhere searches for love somewhere and there’s nothing like finding it so real. Of course, everyone dreams of falling in love but actually falling in love aint as blissful as people make it seem. Actually I think simply genuine pure love is worth more than simply fallin head over heels in love with someone. Love is all about giving of yourself and not wanting anything in return and when you can master the art of really loving someone you will find that life is so much better because love is the one thing that makes the world go round. So love like you’ve never been hurt, love like you have nothing to lose, or just simply love because you want someone to love you back. Maybe if we spend more times genuinely loving one another and stop trying to fall in love… love will seem so much easier. It’s not as complicated as it seems… Its four simple letters L-O-V-E…

i love you guys

Tae’

Simply Wonderful

Posted in decisions, family, friends, life by Tanae' A. on June 5, 2007

Sometimes life just trips me up fa’real. I am often reminded several times a day how lovely each minute really is and all in all I can’t complain. When I really think about it, I have everything that I could possibly ever want or need. Of course there are some material things that I would die to have but I have never been too materialistic anyways. I live for the smiles, the laughs, the cries, the arguments, the tears, and the memories. I love the good and the bad moments… and nothing that I would ever have to pay for can amount to moments that make each day worth it. I wake up each morning, not because I have to so much to do or a great job to go to, but because I have great people to love and great moments to look forward to. Over the past three weeks my lil sister Jazzy has kinda brought back to my rememberance what living was all about. We found ourselves putting together a book that kinda journeyed through her battle with cancer and as I was typing up all the information I thought about life and how great it is. Life to me is not about the glitz and glam or the money or the next big thing but to me it’s the small things that make the big things worth while. Whats the point in having money if I cant spend it with/on my best friends, why have tons of food with no one to eat it all, why have a ton of laughs and no memories?? The small things in my life are the most important. God, family, school… the people and things that put smile on my face no matter what. I’m living in today for today. I’m enjoying the present but I’m also starting to look into the future. I want to accomplish big things and the only person that can stop me is me. It’s time to make a major move right now… “Poop, or get off the toilet”…[thanks Heb, that was so necessary] Today is here and I’m living it up to the fullest but not a day will go by that I wont do something to prepare for the future… and that’s my word to myself.

¬†Oh and I kinda made a commitment to myself to step foot onto a stage at least once before the summer is out. So help me out…

Tae’