a hard decision

Have you ever been forced to chose between to extremes? When forced to make a decision have you hesitated because no matter what you decided… you would ultimately get hurt? Have you ever known what was best for you but you didn’t wanna go with what you knew because you didn’t wanna admit the truth to yourself?

Last week, I sorta forced myself to make a choice that I didnt want to make. After much thought and “weighing of the options” I realized to I was still in the same place that I started because I didn’t want to admit the truth to myself. I didn’t wanna move past that place that I had become content.

And so I put the decision in someone elses hands and told them to make the choice. After all they were just as much apart of the solution as they were the problem. So today is the day that the truth shall reveal itself. I know that if he says what I know is right I’ll be hurt but at the same time… it will be a relief. I know the answer to the simple yes or no question that I proposed. I know also know that feelings and emotions may very well cause us to answer that question wrongly. But I’ll take my chances. I think that at this point in time… he’ll think a bit more rational than I will. Maybe he’s smart enough to respond with an answer that will ultimately give me what I need to walk away from the one thing that I’ve run back to so many times.

Sometimes when we cant make decisions for ourselves we have to depend on others to make the decision for us. I think, this time around, I’ll be lucky. He’ll make a choice that will benefit us both in the long run. And although it may hurt… I know it’s the simple truth that I’ve been trying not to face. But in making the decision that I made to allow him to chose… I also realized that he wont be there always to make these type of decisions. There will come a time where I’ll have to look at truth in it’s face and really deal with the hurt that comes along with the healing. Keep praying for me…please…. just dont stop praying.



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