I guess after a long time of stubborness and being…

Posted in Uncategorized by Tanae' A. on June 14, 2006

I guess after a long time of stubborness and being my natural hardheaded self I’ve learned to back down a little bit. I’m slowly learning that this life that I live is not about me. I guess that if I really be honest with myself I’ve kinda always knew that and even tho it’s a little (no a lot) hard to to come to grips with that i know for myself that it’s the truth. Everyday that I wake up I should not be asking myself what I want to do istead i should be asking the giver of that day what He wants me to do. I admit, everything in my life I would love to benefit me. I would love for everything to work the way that Tanae’ wants it to work. But in the end God has the final say so and I think that everyday I can accept that a little more because the final product will work for my good and He’ll still get the glory out of me.

Everyday I find that i’m slowly learning to be more submissive. To submit is to yield to authority. To give up who I am to someone of a higher power. That is defenitely not the easiest thing to do. I’m realizing more and more that this path that I’ve chosen to follow is all about letting go. And the crazy thing is that i know that this is the right path and yet I still question every single thing that I must do in order to keep moving. What if I dont want to let go of some stuff? Refusing to let go is keeping me in the same place and remaining here for more than the necessary time is not an option. Theres so much more. There are so many things to accomplish, to learn, to complete. But in order for me to even take the first step towards where God wants me to be I must let go of a whole lot of the stuff thats keeping me paralyzed spiritually. To not be able to move is the worst thing in the world. To want so bad to get out the same spot and not be able to will drive one person crazy. But to be paralyzed because of your own stubborness and refusal to move or get up and do something leaves you responsible for your own failure. Failure to move is failure to live and he does not live will surely die. A man who sits in a small empty room for too long will defenitely become claustrophobic unless he has the sense to open the door and let himself out.

Too many times i’ve been the idiot to sit in the room and go crazy instead of just opening up the door. God promised us an open door. Romans 3:8 says “I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.” I guess even knowing that there was a door there I would get mad at God because He never opened the door for me…. but like the song says God helps those who helps themselves. WHY SIT AND PRAY FOR GOD TO OPEN THE DOOR WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET UP OFF YOUR LAZY BUTT AND OPEN IT YOURSELF. When God provides a way out (which I believe he always will, in due time) it’s our responsibility, my responsibilty, to use that which He gives. But when and how do you open a door that you can’t clearly see?

I guess when you finally come out of the small empty room that you were dying to get out of a small part of you wants to go back to that place. When you finally get the strength to walk out of the place that was slowly making you crazy you realize that you leave a part of you there, a part of you that you didnt need. When you carry around baggage for so long you eventually get used to that weight. So when you finally lose the weight you feel empty when you probably should ultimately feel refreshed. When you hold onto stuff for so long it becomes a part of you and you dont know how to let it go. BAGGAGE SLOWS YOU DOWN!

If it were up to me I probably would hold onto the stuff that I’ve been holding on to forever just because I’ve gotten so used to it. But, It’s not up to me and it’s not about me. It’s about God. So… I’m TRYING to let go of my stubborness just for a while and submit. I’m trying to give Him a yes. I’m trying to do all the He wants me to do because I know that at the end of the day His plan will succeed and I will come out on top!!! Remeber… it’s not about you!



3 Responses

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  1. anil said, on September 12, 2007 at 1:11 am

    it is my story.. stubborness has already caused me the withdrawal of the grace of my guru on path to realization..

  2. angela said, on March 30, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    im going through the worst time of my life, im wrecking myself because of fear, fear of letting go. i enjoyed reading your story, i feel i want to reach out and grab what youve got that your doing it your trying to submit. im scared of loosing my family and everything because of what ive done, i was backslidden and in sin, alot of sin. but trying to get back is harder than it was at the beginning as i was willing then, scared so scared.

  3. Vince Delmonte said, on April 14, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    I can tell that this is not the first time at all that you mention this topic. Why have you chosen it again?

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