slowly dying

ii think everyday that ii go thru this shit hurts worse. how can he chose her over me?? what is so special about her?? nothing. there cant be anything so wonderful about her. she cant be right for him so why is he with her?? it didn’t bother me when ii first found out, ii was okay. but now, ii dont know what the problem is. ii guess everyday that he spends with her is another step he’s taking away from me. ii no longer have his heart. im no longer the one that he wants and as much as it kills me to admit that to myself i have to do it. ii dont know where to go from here, there is no one else in this entire world that ii would rather be with so what else is there to do??

 

and to add insult to injury my frickin head will not stop hurting. there’s this pressure in the back of my head that wont go away. at first it just appeared after some type of exercise or activity but its been there now for two days and will not budge. it doesn’t really hurt and if ii dont pay any attention to it ii even forget its there but its annoying. whatever it is thats wrong is making me tired, ii feel sluggish and dont feel like doing anything. ii was going to call my doctor today but ii decided not to. ii hate going to doctors. if it gets any worse i’ll make an appointment but if not ii suppose ill be okay.

 

ii just dont feel like dealing with whatever is not right. when it’s my time to go, there aint no stopping it so all the extra is so unnecessary. we’ll see what happens in the very near future and take it from there. in the meantime, keep me [[and my health]] in your prayers.

a place princesses go

ii am so happy to announce that Talia is going to Disney World…ii dont know when, ii dont know howbbut ii know Who. God is making a way and ii know that she just cant wait to go to Disney World.

 

He really does answer prayers

:yang::yang:

monday morning blues have been dragged in along with the rain but it was a good weekend overall so im not even going to trip on todays raunchy weather. the show thursday was awesome, we had so much fun. we left there and went to chill with Nico and Black for a minute then headed home around two. the next morning we woke up to take care of some stuff, me and mommy had a lot of running around to do. by the time 7:30 hit i was knocked out and didnt want to wake up til the next morning. unfortunately, around midnight i woke up unable to get back to sleep at all. i sat up for five hours doing NOTHING AT ALL but trying to get back to sleep. eventually it was time to get up and dressed for the outting that i was NOT happy about. i dressed, put on my smile and headed out the door at FIVE FORTY FIVE A.M. around 6:30 we all boarded the bus and got ready for the drive. of course, everyone slept the entire way and i was forever grateful for the three hour nap cause it was oh so necessary. we actually enjoyed ourselves. who woulda thought. once we got there we walked around a lil, we were able to make fishing hats and then we did a wall climbing thing that was loads of fun. once we got to the fishing part of it me and the besties decided to head back to the bus, the whole fishing scene just wasnt our thing but the youngins loved it. we found some food that was DELICIOUS!! after about an hour pow chow with Peggy we decided to do a lil more walking around before it was time to go. there were lots of stations that we stopped at. we did a lil bit of side walk painting. talked to a few people about different organic things and headed back to the bus. by the end of the day we were beat but i was happy because the trip turned out way better than i thought it would. everyone slept on the way back as well. we didnt get back in til almost 8 and after getting everything together for morning worship i was out like a light. i slept awesome that night. of course, 6 am came way too early but i got up anyway and got dressed. service was ok, choir was on point as usual these days and the dance was HILARIOUS!!! best part of the entire day:: the backyardigans lmao. i wont go into full detail but i will say this… put AJB, lil drummer boy, Kev, Jess, Peggy, Nik, Jon, Jay and DonDon in the same room around a piano and you will have yourself a few laughs. it was so funny i had to capture some video footage…i would put it up but it does the day no justice, you had to be there. by the time church was over i just wanted to eat and get some sleep. we took the baby home and then we went in the house. i had a headache to die for so i chilled out on the couch while shink took out her hair. by 8 i was in the bed and around 10:30 i was sleep. i actually sat up talking to the L for a good two hours about our trip to ohio and of course we got nothing accomplished. but at the end of the day it was cool cause he cause me to laugh despite the headache that was killing me slowly…thats my :yang::yang: lolzz

Today begins a new work week and another five days to be in the office. Pray real hard that I can go pick the car up by saturday, he told me friday that it was almost done and ready to be inspected so hopefully mommy can take my tags up there today or tomorrow so we can get these wheels a rolling. oh, and the official name of my vehicle is Bobby Jack…it was decided on Saturday in Richmond no thanks to Shink. Bobby Jack:: that sounds pimp-a-licious doesnt it lmao…