early weekend

so, how did my weekend begin on wednesday?? glad you asked. monday flew by so fast all ii could feel was a gust of wind in the back drop. tuesday d r a g g e d. it was so terrible ii wont even talk about it. so after that horrendous day ii decided ii was going to begin my weekend as of wednesday morning. well. the PLAN was to stay home in the morning and be to work by lunch. sounds good, right?? yeah…sounded okay to me too. but, around 9:30 ii woke up and felt like serious crap. felt so bad ii was forced to get up outta my bed an hour before ii was supposed to. ii ate a lil something took some meds and an hour later ended up calling out for the whole day. well that sucks. around one the medicine was in full effect and ii was feeling a lot better….thats when my weekend began.

ii showered and threw on some clothes. cleaned up my room, threw some meds in my purse for the road and went out the door. we were headed to the mall. it was such a beautiful [[hott]] day out so it was fun just to drive around. we ended up going everywhere the road could take us. us, Bobby and that good ol Tracker [[Jessa's truck]]. by the time five rolled around we were back on the block and kinda chilled for a min. seemed like we were going all day but did a bunch of nothing. by the time we six o clock hit ii was in need of more meds and a meal. eventually we went home and watched tv, Jessa scooped the bestie after work. of course, ii am at work now but ii am truely in the weekend. TOMORROW IS PAYDAY!!! YaY!! ii am going to get my hair did today after work and then starting tomorrow there are no breaks. after work we must head to help Jazzie get ready for prom, after she leaves we have to help Choc set up for the party. then its on and poppin…PARTY!!! saturday morning we’ll prob go out for breakfast then ii have to head home to get dressed. go pick In and the baby up so we can head to baby DaDa’s birthday party. once we leave there ii have to take In home and head down T.S. to see RahRah and the rest of the seniors go off to their prom. THEN, ii have to take care of Chelley’s hair and go over this dance so she wont embarrass herself on sunday morning. after that its straight to the bed. [[ii wont you all to know that im telling you all this so ii wont have to do it on monday morning]] sunday we have to dance EARLY IN THE MORNING!! so ii have to get up extra early so the baby can be ready to go too. after services we are all going to Longhorn to eat for mother’s day. [[breathe]] then after that ii can chill. ii can prop my feet up and relax, finally. but, there’s always more to do because we have to be at dance practice again on monday and dance EARLY IN THE MORNING for communion….huh…the stresses. im tired just thinking about it but it should be a wonderful great glorious [[summer]] weekend. and you know ill have pics up lol.

uurrgghh…the pressure

ok…i’m Tanae’. plain and simple. ii do what ii want, when ii want and if ii dont want to do something then ii wont do it. so why in the world are there people that continue to force me to do shit that ii dont want to do…YES II AM TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL. okay, okay…this is the point where you sigh and hang your head. ii know what the plan was, ii created it. ii know what the goal was, ii made it up. ii know what everyone was expecting….but oh.well. this is whats happening. first of all…gas is exactly three dollars and fifty seven cents as of 7:45 this morning. therefore driving to work everyday would force me to put gas in my tank at least three times a week. now lets average this out and weigh the options. as far as im concerned, a half tank in Bobby is like E so ii never let it get past that middle mark. if im exactly on a half tank it takes twenty to get me filled up. right now, i fill up ONCE A WEEK and that gets me every where ii need to go after work hours. ii also pay for a weekly bus pass which runs me 16.50…we can round that to twenty if you would like. so thats forty dollars of transportation in one week if i take the bus to work everyday. now, with the whole gas thing in mind, if ii fill up three times a week thats already sixty dollars in one week…plus parking. everyone knows that parking is not cheap in the city. so now, take that sixty and add a good ten to twenty dollars to it depending on where ii park at and that is 70 to 80 bucks out of my pocket every week…JUST TO DRIVE TO WORK!! i’ll take MTA. now, what does this have to do with school at all?? the original plan was to go to Sojourner Douglass College, of course that plan was put into motion before ii got my car and the plan was to drive. well, at that time ii wasn’t thinking of the financial aspect of it. anyways, if ii were to go to SDC which is two seconds from my job ii would have to drive to work everyday. so, ii started thinking a lil more reasonably. if ii go back to CCBC ii would only have to drive right up the street from my house to go to class…so after ii get off the bus ii can walk to my house, eat then get in my car and drive three minutes up the street. ok, so whats the problem. really there is none. ii want to go to CCBC and thats where ill go in the fall and everyone is okay with that except for the well-educated older cousin. sorry honey, im doing things my way. ii actually owe CCBC a couple [[hundred]] dollars but that should be in the clear by the time registration gets here. that just means that ii have to start saving up some money so that ii can have enough money to cover books if ii dont get the financial aid that ii am desperately praying for. ii just dont like feeling pressured to do something that ii dont want to do. ii want to go to CCBC and ii am well aware of the fact that it is not a four year college but its a start and if im going back then ii might as well start somewhere that im comfortable. it may not be what you prefer but im going the way ii want to go because thats the road im going to stay on. if ii try to do everyone elses way ii wont finish like ii should so everyone who dont like it can fall back…oh.boo.you this is MY life.

life is too short

tomorrow doesn’t have to come. we dont have to wake up in the morning or make it home from work today. so why the hell do we waste time doing things that are completely pointless. why hold grudges…why be mad…why miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity? today is a gift so why not cherish it and make the most of it. someone that ii love very much just lost his grandmother. he’s upset with me so when ii reached out to make sure he was okay, ii didnt get a response. how long is too long?? well, in my opinion, a minute is too long when tomorrow aint guaranteed. so why waste another minute being mad about something that you cant go back and change?? this morning ii was getting ready for work and ii saw a pic of LeyLey on my computer and for once ii didnt get an attitude. why?? because why waste precious time hating someone when ii cant go back and change a damn thing that happened. yesterday in church an old friend went out of their way to talk to me before ii left out after dancing…usually ii say hello and keep walking because ii was holding a grudge. but yesterday ii stopped and ii talked. because life is too damn short. ii dont know if im going to wake up tomorrow morning and ill be damned if my last day on this earth is going to be spent upset, mad, angry or hating someone for something stupid. ii want to make sure that my last 24 hours is awesome and memorable and fun…so to hell with the negative things…im all smiles and im gonna continue to keep a positive look on things because you just dont know when it’ll be time to say goodbye.

 

p.s. the backyardigans is the shiz-nit…and P.A. was hott ALL DAY LONG [[sachu]] lol

good, great…AWESOME!!!

ii called myself splurging on payday and so i did some online shopping. well, my clothes came in yesterday and the pants were TOO BIGG!!! ii am happy to know that ii can just take them to a local store and get a different size instead of sending them thru the mail again. and shink has to find something to wear for church so she’ll be tagging along. hopefully she’s in a better mood because she has to have her wisdom teeth pulled so she been acting kinda stank lately. oh well.

tomorrow is so not going to be the best of days. first off, i have to go an entire day away from Bobby Jack. gotta drop him off in the morning to get some reconstructive surgery. hopefully he only has to go back one more time but im not really worried about his bumper for now. after that is the anual turners station parade. ii am so NOT excited about this. every year its the same thing…chicks marching up the street in too short skirts and two dudes in the back tryna drop it like its hott. the same people walking around with 5 kids each trying to show off what they THINK they are doing with their lives….oh.boo.you and ya 4 baby daddies.

ii am, however, looking forward to sunday. PASTOR’S ANNOVERSARY!! ok. ii went to dance practice and choir rehearsal and ii want to do both. well really ii only want to sing one song with the choir but ii know that there is no way possible to do both and ii already have a part in the dance that ii cant turn down. so therefore, ii will be dancing and the choir will be on point and ii will be very very…not happy lol. FREE FOOD!!! that is the reason for my smile all day sunday because we all know that free food is the best food!! YaY!!

last week was some type of appreciation day…either assisstants or secretaries…something like that. whatever. anyways, we ended up having a luncheon. Pat Jessamy came by to drop off some pretty nice tokens of appreciation and someone even brought in some breakfast one morning. the best part of it all…we all have gotten two half days off work. of course, my first thought was…well two halves make a whole. but no. that thought was quickly shot down. we can only take TWO HALF DAYS and one of those will be used on Monday because ii know ii will be exhausted from sunday’s festivities.

great great great news… well the bad news is first. my bestest friend here in the office has just got another job in the division. she will be going to another district, another court house, another office. she is leaving me behind and my insides are crushed cause now ii have no one to eat lunch with every single day. but, good comes out of it. most of you know that for the past year and a half ii have been contractual. meaning, ii dont get benefits, no insurance, no pay on holidays…nothing. ii have been waiting patiently for a position to open up or for someone to move on and although she is the last person that ii want to leave ii am excited. because she is moving on ii automatically get her position and you know what that means?? BENEFITS!!! PAID HOLIDAYS!! INSURANCE!!! DID II MENTION THE PAID HOLIDAYS?? WELL, PAID HOLIDAYS!! AND VACATION TIME!!! PERSONAL DAYS!! SICK LEAVE!! BENEFITS!! you get it?? ok. good. but ii am happy. and altho ii am NOT excited about the work load, ii am excited about the PAID HOLIDAYS and the VACATION TIME [[just in time for summer]] and the SICK LEAVE… give me the docket if ii can get paid for Christmas lmao… but things do work themselves out ii suppose.

Happy Friday and have a great, wonderful and productive weekend!!

seperation and change

yesterday i was trying to kill some time before picking up the bestie from work and so i decided to see a friend from a while back. me and this chick been cool since before we were even in school, so at the end of the day there’s a lot that keeps us kinda tied. the past three years she has been in the army and i haven’t really had too much time to spend with her unless its in passing. but yesterday we sat and talked for a good half hour. i actually went to see her daughter for a few minutes but the convo was getting kinda good so i lost track of time. it was good to see her. i was happy to see her daughter and sister as well. but i left there knowing in the back of my mind that some people change. the conversation was good, we shared some laughs but at the end of the day our minds are in two different places. she is doing good for herself. remaining positive in everything. moving soon, closer to home. still keeping God first but one thing that i noticed is that sometimes you have to keep some people at a distance. not because there is anything about them but simply because there’s not too much of anything there to fall back on. i love this chick like a sister, thats real. since day one we been down for one another. her family is like my family and at the end of the day cant nothing make us any closer. my love for her hasn’t changed, the respect i have for her has not faded but the space between us has grown and i think that’s okay with both of us. it’s funny how you can tell from a simple conversation how much times have changed… but i guess thats life. its funny how day to day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different.

un~complicate my life

Since the beginning of time, TKM has been down for this chick. SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING!!! I met this dude three years ago and thru it all he has been there. But, you all know this already. So what’s so complicated now?? Well, last night he hit my phone up telling me how he is in love with me and all this other stuff…ok, slow ya role playa. what?? I didn’t know what to say cause everything I had to say would sound so rude to him so I didnt say anything. The goonie says that I should drop him now because he’s only going to be stuck to me like a leech. I dont know what to do, he is the only constant thing in my life and I am really happy to have him as a friend but as far as anything else is concerned, I cant go there.

I just dont know.

loving him more && more each day…

well…DuH…im referring to my lil hooptie Bobby Jack. we have done quite a bit of bonding over the past few days and right now ii just want to sit back and admire him in all of his excellence. ii do not wish to sit behind his wheel, ii have no desire to take him anywhere…he can sit in that parking lot and ii just want to look at him. seriously. you would think i’d be happy go lucky…wanting to drive every where the road can take me but nope. ii want to look at lil ol Bobby Jack and thats it. im tired of driving, tired of paying for gas and ii aint even been with him for a week yet. no, im not neglecting him at all, he’s there when ii need him but ii desperately want to hop in the back seat of my mom’s forenza and just ride. ii guess im gonna miss those days of being scauffered around lolzz. but, ii do lovezz my hoop…he is sexylicious. awesome and he’s MINE!! secret:: i think ii loved him more on saturday than ii do today but since its not raining ii love him more today than ii did yesterday!! lol… once we get him all pimped out ill have pic’s up but he is currently undergoing some reconstructive surgery

pay close attention…

this weekend ii learned three valuable lessons about dudes.

first, is that sometimes the good really does erase all the bad. there’s this guy that ii met a lil while ago and he is just the sweetest person ever. ii gues ii was being kinda shallow because ii was so wrapped up in something so small. now, im not too sure what exactly he has been thru, been too scared to ask but he has what looks like a burn on his face. its not grotesque, just a light spot. ii haven’t really seen too much of him because ii was focusing on that one minor thing but ii happened to run into him at the bank on saturday morning. ii saw him and at first ii wasnt going to speak but ii did and at the end of the day ii realized that if thats the only issue ii have im doing pretty good for myself. he’s a cool dude and ii could see me and him being friends.

second, the ones you think is cool are the ones you gotta watch. ok, there’s this guy ii talked to a lil while ago. his name is Avery. and when ii first met Avery ii thought he was nice. good church going boy, loved God, played drums there, good job, okay looking and pretty cool. we talked for a lil bit and then eventually ii stopped talking to him. dont ask me why, it was just something about him that ii didnt want to be associated with. although we didnt really talk or whatever ii would hit him up on aim every once in a while just to say hey and see how he was doing. friday night, it all fell to pieces. he was on aim and this time he sent me the message TELLING me that he was going to come to my house to see me. hold up. what?? uumm, first off, you dont TELL me that you are coming to see me, you ask. second, even if you did ask the answer would still be no. so he asked me why ii didnt want him to come see me and ii said very politely that we are friends…distant friends… and that means you will NOT be poppin up at my house under any circumstances. yall, when ii say this dude went off ii mean he went OFF. starts calling me every kinda hoe in america. cussing me out acting extra young and just flat out disrespecting me. off course ii was pissed but ii just politely signed out of mym s/n and said nothing else to him. he just happens to be the cousin of a chick ii went to school with and she hit my phone up saturday telling me that he was engaged to be married and all he was trying to do was hit… and im the hoe?? yeah ok. he was fake and that was another lesson learned. glad ii followed my instincts on that one and decided not to talk to him.

third, good friends are always good friends. everyone knows about TKM and ALL our drama lol. well, ii guess at the end of the day he is the only constant male in my life. yeah, we fight, we argue, half the time we cant stand one another but when push comes to shove we got a friendship that doesnt get a price tag. thats my dude and since day one, three years ago, he been down thru all the bullshit, sweat tears and everything else so at the end of the day ii got so much love and respect for that dude just because he is there thru all my craziness. and just like he said the other day, we gonna be friends for a long time to come…as long as he dont get on my nerves too bad lol.

 

in addition to those three valuable lessons ii also learned a whole lot on yesterday::

first lesson: poles run into cars named Bobby Jack!! lmao, ii refuse to go into detail but it has to be stated for the record that the one pole on the far side of the parking lot likes to abuse vehicles so stay far far away from that thing lol.

second lesson:: the ties that bind are stronger than those that can tear us apart. after the detrimental [[really not as serious as ii made it]] fight with the pole, ii went to the besties house. the plan was to go to breakfast before church and so Chelley got dressed to go. mind you, this entire time ii was talking to muh main goonie who was literally, right up the street 6 doors down. did ii ask her if she wanted to eat?? nope. why?? BECAUSE A FRICKIN POLE JUST HIT ME, IM PARANOID AND BOBBY JACK DOES NOT LIKE PEOPLE!!! but, of course Shay decides to text her AFTER WE GET TO THE DINER to tell her that we are eating and then she gets mad wondering why we didnt ask her to go. so of course, everyone blames me. so wrong. ii think she’s over it now cause ii told her we could cooko next saturday and ii would cut up her pancakes lol. that made her love me all over again… haha.

third lesson::  its never too late for change. of course we were late for church and we can blame it all on Laverne [[the besties mother]]. she decided to go to church with us [[praise Jesus]] but it took her eight years to put some clothes on. we sat there, as a family, me, Shay, mommy, Jazzie, Chelley, Brandy, Liz, Laverne, Dre, and Vicky. by the time we left Laverne already said she was coming back next sunday and she would be at the mother daughter tea. it made me think, all of us have been thru hell and high water but yet we were there all at once praising God just for what He is already doing… ii guess some people and things do change…one day at a time.

fourth and final lesson:: Laverne is the BIGGEST trash talker in the history of spades!! we sat down around 8:30 to play a hand of spades. ii promise we only lost because Laverne talked to much crap and it made Jazzie irritated. she couldn’t concentrate on her cards, couldnt think straight or nothing. ii thought it was funny but we are supposed to be having a rematch tonight. ii think ii need to take a rain check cause ii am taking my azz home after dance practice. sistah gurl is tired. we gonna get Jazzie some ear plugs so we can hurry up and womp on these chumps lmao.

up on cloud nine…

ii usually do what ii want when ii want to… ii usually get my way no matter what and usually ill do anything to get what ii want.  but for some reason the things that ii want are just falling on my lap so nicely. im on cloud nine and good thing is, im smiling ear to ear. ii guess my new motto is somewhat true:: expect nothing and you may walk away with everything. right ow, ii feel like ii have everything and ii aint taking nothing back lol. ii hope that everyone enjoys their weekend as much as ii plan to enjoy mine. hopefully i’ll still be on this high come monday morning but who knows. maybe ii can find something to get into tomorrow…who knows?? Happy Friday and have a safe, productive and blessed weekend.

 

oh, and im going to pick up Bobby Jack tomorrow!! YaY!!

things really do get better…i guess

yesterday I was talking to Silk Rayon and I told her that every day gets worse. for a while that was true. but, today its not. today is better. today I woke up at 6:30…just because I wanted to. I was at work on time which shocked EVERYBODY lol. the sun is shining bright… the bus was on time… it wasn’t too hot. it is just a better ok day. im smiling, laughing, talking to my friends, making jokes and loving it. yes, today is an okay today. secret:: I have a friend. like a friend friend. ok, dont shake your head just yet. we were friends before this entire fiasco even began but I brushed him off because of the idiot in ohio. he’s…nice. we are JUST FRIENDS for all of you concerned individuals. no dating, no late night rendezvous, no extreme crushing yet…just a nice guy to talk to a few days out of the week. and I’m not even totally comfy with that because I dont want to use him as a crutch or a rebound. but, I’m slowly moving FORWARD with my life and leaving JHW II in the past so once I get over that its nice to know that I’ll have someone there. tomorrow marks the weekend and I’m acting out for a while. not totally, completely acting out…im still holding on to my save I just need to let off some steam. so, me and the goone’s are hanging and I’m gonna let all my cares go for just one night. should be fun. I’m feeling good today, feeling better today. maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe not but for right now I’m ok. it’ll get better with time I suppose, my heart is slowly healing and I’m moving on…for good. no lie this time lolzz.